Dear John:
I see you quote David Icke a lot and wondered if this man was nuts - as some claim - or brilliant.
What do you think ?
JJ

Dear JJ: 

If I quote David Icke a lot,  it means I consider his input worthy and - obviously -  not nuts.  Some do fear his input and say he is crazy but then,  when you read his stuff is does come over as fat fatched, but when you live with it for a while and let it 'sink in' and you digest it into your consciousness,  it then begins to make a lot of sense and is not so far fetched as some say.

Always be sensible of what you believe and never just blindly believe or follow someone - always learn discernment and don't you be the fool, and always have an open mind to anything new.
Personally, I think he is a brave man, a brilliant man and a man who is willing to take risks for what he believes in - and to those who say he is nuts, maybe they would like to get up on a stage and have an opinion - an opinion on anything at all and voice it to thousands of people and see how it feels to have those who are less informed pull you are your opinions to pieces from a place of ignorance and see how it feels.  It is brave to keep going and I admire his input enormously and we must always remember not to get caught up in the conspiracy theory, true or not,  and always work from the light and the love that resides within.  Always be true to yourself and not from a place of blind ignorance or community controlled manipulation and bullshit.  Never stop asking questions and do not just blindly believe, especially the media, the politicians and those that govern us as well as the church - who have the biggest vested interests in keeping us all under control...
Think for yourself.
JB
 

John. I am a married man and gay and my wife found out recently and wants to meet someone who can help her understand.  Do you have any suggestions.  David.

Hi David. This is not the first time I have heard this and because so many men are in your position, and because so many gay men have absolutely no idea - or care - what their wives go through - we are hosting a weekend for wives of gay men to find some answers. No husbands - just wives, and the ability to share their stories,  hear some others points of view, and hopefully come to understand the fear and uncertainty that many men have gone through for decades and find some understanding.

I would also suggest you always keep the closeness and friendship alive. Keep talking and be honest - not brutal - but honest - and tell her of your fears and doubts, what it was like for you figuring it out and how hard and painful it was - as most wives have one main question - ' Why didn't he tell me' - and I always respond that all too often, they were still trying to figure it out for themselves and wouldn't  have known what to say - and many take it personally - and they need to know it has little to do with them. They didn't 'turn you gay' because they were boring in bed or not a good enough wife.  They have to know it was no-one's fault, certainly not hers, and that any children in the relationship are still yours and you are still Dad and always will be.
I would ALWAYS advise against going to your church, your vicar / priest etc. as they know bugger all about human relationships and especially about sexuality and they can too often confuse and agrovate the situation, so stay clear.
Do the decent thing. You have commitments - you married for a reason and if you have children,  it can be hard.

September 30th - October 2nd 2011
 

John. You won't remember me but I was one of your clients when you were an escort in London.  I recognised you from the Tv programme '3 IN A BED' and came and visited  you at Easter at Hamilton Hall.  I appreciated you did not recognise me as it was years ago and you must have had many guys through your doors. I heard you one evening talking to some of your other guests about how you very rarely have sex these days and that you had only had sex twice this year which was about what you had in the whole of last year.  I remember you as being an extremly hot and horny hung fucker and that amazing play dungeon of yours in Hammersmith.  How can you now not be horny and want as much sex as you can get, especially in a hotel full of naked men ?  You were visiting the sex bars and all sorts all those years ago and I was amazed to hear how content you are with so little sex.  How come ?   Robert.

Hi Robert.   I thought you looked familiar - you should have said something when you were here as I love talking about the 'good old days' - ha ha .   Good question Robert and one I have asked myself many times.

Sex is what you make it. Back then it was my business and my head was in gear for sex at a drop of a hat,  the play room was ready, I was always ready and a client could easily turn up without an appointment and within minutes I would be fucking his brains out... and I was willing and very able.  Running a hotel is very different. I work 15 hours a day - 7 days a week and am simply knackered at the end of the day. I do not have a sex room here and wouldn't have a clue where my condoms are - and I am useless fucking over the end of a bed... it just doesn't do it for me.  Plus - when I am teaching a workshop, it is unprofessional to chat-up the customers as I  am the teacher and I want to be known and respected for the work I now offer and not because I have a big dick and can fuck for hours.  My head is in a very different space and - to be honest - I am - kinda - bored with sex.  I suppose bored with Mr. Average and want something / someone to cater to MY fantasy for a change instead of me being someone elses fantasy.  Of course I get many want to have sex with me and if I go on Gaydar I can have sex easily, but very few - VERY FEW - turn me on as I have 'been there - done that' - literally - tens of thousands of times - and regardless of the fact I was being paid,  that was then and this is now, and it is so much easier - less complicated. 
I had a boyfriend for a year or so a few years ago and as soon as my emotions switched on and sex was not just 'casual' but was becoming more 'meaningful' - my dick went soft and it would not get hard... as I was not use to emotional sex, just anonymous sex.  Maybe that is a symptom of being a sex worker for so many years and maybe I am a casualty to the sex industry causing emotional / sexual  damage - who can say - but as much as I occasionally would love to find an ideal sex partner,  and as much as I see guys here that could easily fulfill my desires,  I would feel embarrased with a customer and while there are those who take advantage at a drop of a hat and use any opportunity to fuck with who ever is available, I am more responsible and more adult about who and how I have sex and do NOT take advantage just because I can. I never have and I never will.

And another thing. I practice Tantric Orgasms which can last anything up to 10 - 20 minutes a time, and even after clearing up,  I can activate the energy again and enjoy a further 10 - 20 minutes of orgasms - without even touching my dick and without 'cumming' - and this does look rather odd and boring for someone who is with me... so I would rather achieve this alone...

I have been told it is a waste, to have a dick like mine and not share it around... ha ha ... but then, I think the tens of thousands of clients from the old days were very pleased and helped me buy Ham Hall in order to satisy my spiritual desires more than my physical, and I now teach what and how to be good at sex, because not to sound to harsh,  but most guys are actually crap at sex and need to be shown and guided - and these days I want someone who is brave enough and good enough to 'take me on.'

Does that sound arrogant ? 
 

What does 'breeding ' mean ?

Hi John:  To the point of why I am e mailing. I had sex with a guy last night and he kept on and on about me barebacking him and 'breeding' with him and I had no idea what he meant and ignored him.  What does this mean as he kept on and on.  Ian.

Hi Ian:  Breeding is an expression when having sex and someone wants you to cum inside them while barebacking, and so if you are HIV+ - you will pass it on.  This is a death wish - or certainly someone who is in need of some serious therapy, as WANTING to catch HIV is the most dumb, ignorant and plainly stupid thing anyone could wish for. Fine - many on the meds appear fine and healthy - but most suffer - most have to have 3 or 6 monthly check ups at the hospital - most still get opportunistic infections and illnesses and most are not all AOK all the time and you live your life with a condition that could kill you and could kill others if you 'breed' and pass it on... and if that is the case - you can be prosecuted and sent to jail. 
All my friends who are HIV+ and on the meds - show a negative viral load - meaning the amount of the virus in their system is undetectable because of the meds,  and their T Cell count is almost back to normal - but they still get sick occasionally and still have sores, anal warts, sore feet, styes in their eyes, sore gums etc. and it simply is not as easy as some think. These are not life threatening things, but HIV related and can be fairly constant - and can drag you down ...  It simply is not worth the risk.

If you wish to breed and take a risk - and if you wish to bareback and maybe catch HIV - then be my guest - but do not then go straight to the clinics and take the meds and spend the rest of your time moaning about your health - as a couple of people I know have done  after DELIBERATELY setting out to become infected,   as I do not need to hear it ... I do not want to think of the tens of thousands of £ it is costing the NHS when you made a choice and I am simply not interested in your reasons.  If you want to die - then die and keep quiet about it - as I am really not interetsed when  you had a choice and you ignored 25 years of HIV awareness and education. 
Rant over.

Breath Control:

John: I stayed with you a few weeks ago and thought you were the perfect person to ask this question to but thought it easier to do so NOT face to face - e mail is easier. I know I am a coward... I met someone a few moinths ago who wanted me to do breath control with him - as in me pushing him under the bathwater and holding him there as long as possible - and it scared me and I aaid no.  He is such a cutie and seemed really 'together'  but this put me right off. 
I have read various things in magazines and heard of some famous people found dead in this manner and wondered what you thought.  Vincent. (Birmingham)

Dear Vincent:  When I was 17 - here in Bournemouth, a young guy was found hanging by a pair of womens stockings from the beams in his garage, dead.  Everyone assumed he had committed suicide until it came out that he would drag up, stand on a chair and tie the stockings around the beam and his neck, lift his legs up off the chair and while hanging there, would jack off, then put his feet back down on the chair and stand up and untie himself, except it seems this time the chair had fallen away and he must have been hours and hours struggling to get free, as without the hangmans knot which breaks your neck,  it can take a great deal of time to suffocate in this manner. In olden times, family members would come and pull you down during official executions to aid you a speedy death and save you the long and lingering sufferance of a slow death.
Accidents can happen and many have died doing this kind of sex act and while I teach breath control, it does not include putting yourself at risk and I would always advise caution.  When I was a sex worker, I did get asked if I offerd this kind of service and I must admit to having had several people hanging from the rafters - and the one time someone actually fainted was the scariest moment of my life,  and I swore then I would never do it again.    Undoing the neck collar he was hanging by seemed to take hours ( probably 30 seconds )  and he came to instantly - but never again.
I was a professional. I had decades of experience at hard and rough sex in dungeon like settings.  I had all the equipment in case of proplems, ie: scissors - step ladder etc.  and still i stopped offering that kind of service and played safe... which Iwould advise you to do as well. 

PINK RING AROUND HIS BUTT HOLE

John:  An embarrasing question but I know you'll be okay with this.  I was fucking a guy the other night and I noticed he had a big pink ring around the outside of his butt hole.  It was quite pronounced and I had to ask him about it. He became very defensive although did admit that it itched a lot.  I was wearing a condom and he made an excuse to  maybe being allergic to the condom.  Is that what this is ?  With all your experience as a sex worker, I thought you might know.  Rob.

Rob:  Many are allergic to Latex condoms on internal tissue and it burns and tears and is very painful and can completely ruin getting fucked for the passive partner.  Most sex toys are also Latex and these can also be extremly painful - not because of their size, but because internal tissue can be torn and burned by the Latex.
However - that is not the problem here.
A pink ring around his butt hole is a sure sign he has a yeast infection in his gut and it is leaking out and causing this sore ring.   It can also cause soreness in the mouth - with skin peeling off the gums etc.  Women get Candida  - and that's - more or less - what this is.  Too much yeast in our daily diet causes havoc with the stomach and antibiotics are also dreadful at killing the natural flow and workings of the stomach and replaces it with yeast,  and I suggest buying some CANESTAN cream from Boots and putting on the ring and it will be gone in a day or two.  It also comes with a tablet that can rid the stomach of the yeast, but if you are to take one of these, stay near a loo for the day.
This is not sexually transmitted, it is just diet.

ALONE AND I HATE IT.

John:  I have a great lover and loads of friends but feel isolated when I am alone and get all depressed. What should I do ? Mike.

Dear Mike: Don't spend time on your own - is the obvious answer. OR:  As you are going to find yourself spending time on your own at various points in your life, it would be good to get use to it , work on your self worth - like your own company, find hobies and things you like to do alone - reading - watching a movie - studying a foreign language - anything to distract the mind -  and then when you feel good about being alone, try spending time in isolation WITHOUT the book, the movie or anything to do, and maybe try meditating.  Write a long letter to yourself detailing why you are afraid to be alone - and answer it - truthfully - and be brutally truthful with yourself - no more bullshit and lies to yourself.
We are all alone Mike, some more than others, and as hard as it seems for you,  only you can sort that one out.
I am a twin. My brother was born 15 minutes after me and my whole life has been spent with people.  I also do not know solitude - maybe for an odd evening here and there, but never for more than that. I also have no idea what I would be like for long periods alone,  so don't let it worry you Mike,  we are all in the same boat.
John

SEX WORKER

John. Saw you on that 3 in a bed programme and wanted to ask you soemthing. I am on an escort agency in London and make some good money and am also working full time in my popper job.I want to quit and go full time on the anegcy. Is this an idea.
Marco.

Dear Marco. My advise - Keep your full time job and and keep the escort work for part time.
1)  Having a 'propper job' paying some tax - keeps you grounded.
2) Escort work is not guaranteed and agencies move onto the new guys once you have 'done the rounds' of the regular customer base and it will quieten down for you.
3) If you advertise privately, there are MANY lessons to learn and MANY clients who will try and screw you - and not in the sexual sense, and you need to be wise, astute, intuitive and aware,  otherwise the sex industry can suck you in, chew you up, and spit you out fucked... damaged... no money as you've spent it all on holidays, drugs, designer clothes and many do not plan well for the future.   It is NOT an easy career move and not one to go into full time lightly.
Keep your full time job. Stay legal and honest.  Earn your extra money through the sex industry with pleasure and even though there is a lot less attitude shoveled at sex workers in the gay scene than there use to be 20 odd years ago, where people in bars would be openly hostile to you if they knew you were an escort, even if you were NOT chatting them up as a client you were just saying what you did - and though attitudes have changed,  there is still a lot of resentment, jealousy, anger and openly vindictive people out there who hate the sex worker ( usually because you can and they cannot )  and that attitude fucks up more sex workers than the actual act of having sex with a client.
Watch out for our SEX WORKERS WORKSHOP WEEKEND  in the new year where you can learn much about being a sex worker.
 

SEX WORKER -A FURTHER E MAIL

Hi John:  Saw you on TV and then read the web site and wanted to ask something.  I have been selling sex for 5 years now and am bored to death with most guys I meet in bars - not as paying customers - just for  casual sex, and it's not because its for free and not because I only enjoy it when I am 'on show' and being paid for it, but because I have experienced a sex life that leaves many ignorant. I mean, they bore me sexually. Most guys I meet seem afraid to do the most ordinary things. Many have no idea at all while their arogant nature around sex is laughable. I am feeling isolated and at odds with many.  I enjoy my clients but know this will end when I finnish paying the Uni fees and look for a different career choice, and I wondered if this was common.  I am feeling a bit lost with my personal sex life and feel the need to push the boundaries further and further in order to have fun as I a bored with vanilla sex and bored with mst guys.  Can you help ?  Mark.
 

Hi Mark:  It is common that because you have so much sex as a sex worker - you will experience a level of sexuality that few will achieve and will endeavour to enjoy a varied sex life that many will envy, on a constant and regular basis.  It comes at a price though.  As you expect and offer in return, an experienced and well rounded sex life,  many are left behind and ignorant as to the hidden secrets of true sex that a good sex workers learns.    ( Having said that - many sex workers are - and remain - crap at sex and offer a dreadful service - and by the sounds of it , this is NOT you.) 
Teaching a client how to be good at sex is often horny and part of what we are being paid for, but in your own private sex life, we tend to want / expect good sex, otherwise we might as well be 'at work' - and when we meet casual sex partners and they are crap and we feel we are 'at work', this can be irritating and frustrating. 
There is no easy answer - except we just have to meet the right partner and praise God and say thankyou.
I experience multiple orgasms through Tantric Sex ( which I teach here ) and this can also be very isolating as many do not understand - so I would rather not bother having sex with others  and this leads to almost no sex life at all, and this is frustrating.  Giving half of yourself in sex is a waste on energy and if I cannot freely expect and enjoy someone sexually without him pulling back all the time, then I'd rather not bother.
Sorry Mark,  Sadly there is no easy answer except I truly understand where you are at and I hope you meet the right guys in your private life.
John

John. My boyfriend is crap at sex. I love him dearly and want to be happy with him. Can you help ?   I don't  mean you to have sex with us, but is there anything you - or I - can do. How do I approach this ?   Rob.

Dear Rob: Talk to your partner.  Gently.  Tenderly.  Tell him you want to teach him some new tricks and how it's fun. Watch some porn with the kind of things you enjoy and point out what you like or what you'd like to try.  Some people  are terribly passive and just lay there and this is a sign of a lazy sex partner or someone who is nervous and intimidated with sex. You need to find out which.  If you'd like to come and chat with me, the pair of you, I can certainly 'tune into' your partner and feel his inner self as to where he is at, and we can have a laugh ( most important ) and relax ( also very important ) while talking about sexuality.  He may need his self confidence building and nagging at him will not help.  He may  also be less sexually motivated than you are - there are a hundred reasons why someone is less sexual and only through keeping the dialogue going can any help be achieved.
John

I WANT TO BE AN ESCORT.

John:  I want to be an escort. I am 18. Can you help me.  I have a real cute arse and love getting fucked. Oliver

Oliver -  It takes a hell of a lot more than turning over and getting fucked and if you think it is, then there is too much to teach you here and I suggest you give me a call and I can talk directly to you. I NEVER promote going into the sex industry at such a young age as it will suck you in, chew you up, and spit you out in little pieces.  It is a nasty and dangerous business and some clients are real assholes and will abuse you all ways they can and you will end up broke, emotionally a cripple and ill with disease.  It is NOT the picture you see in your head and it is NOT an easy job to be in. Some glorify it as fun - enjoyable sex and highly paid, and at times it is - but there is always the flip side and I have seen hundreds of gay men become completely fucked up because of the sex industry... not from the sex... but from the head trip many fucked up men play on the sex worker as a way of passing the crap of their own lives onto someone else... the low down hooker / whore.  Good enough to fuck with but not good enough to like.
BE WARNED - YOU ARE VERY YOUNG - IT IS A DANGEROUS BUSINESS FOR ANYONE - ESPECIALLY SOMEONE AS YOUNG AS YOU.