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PEOPLE IN MICHIGAN and NEW YORK NEED TO TAKE A LESSON FROM THE SPANIARDS!

In Sevilla Spain, local people found a way to stop the construction of another mosque in their town. They buried a pig on the site, and made sure this would be known by the local press.

The Islamic rules forbid the erecting of a Mosque on "pig soiled ground." The Muslims had to cancel the project. This land was sold to them by government officials.

No protests were needed by the local people...and it worked!

A fairy Tale...with a happy ending !!!

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess Will you marry
me? The Princess said NO And the Prince lived happily ever after and
rode motorcycles and fucked skinny big titted broads and hunted and
raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and
drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and
never paid child support or alimony and ate pussies and fucked
cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on
while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was
fuckin cool as hell and had tons of money in the bank, farted alot

and left the toilet seat up .....

The end

Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!'

Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a dead

Beatle for the last thirty years.

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful bleeders, all I said was,

'hurry up for f**ks sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching tv when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen,

'what you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?'
I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'
She replied, 'You're having soup you fat b@st@rd, I was talking to the cat!'

Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch,

so I've named him Birmingham .

In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and says,

'Curry OK?' I said, 'go on then, just one song then bugger off'

I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail.

I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'

Firemen have just rescued an Irish man with his penis stuck in a condom machine.

They asked him what happened and he said, 'the sign says, insert £2 and push knob in'.

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! Idiot!!!!

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him 'I wish I had your will power.'

I took my Biology exam last Friday.I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were not the correct answers.

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said 'don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually. '

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said 'Nope, you're still black'

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks What is wrong??
The boy says Me ma is dead. Oh bejaysus the man says Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you? The boy replies No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him 'I wish I had your will power.'

I took my Biology exam last Friday.I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were not the correct answers.

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said 'don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually. '

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said 'Nope, you're still black'

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks What is wrong??
The boy says Me ma is dead. Oh bejaysus the man says Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you? The boy replies No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away..But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself I'm going to take that.

AFTER SEX COMMENTS BY STAR SIGNS

Aries
Okay, let's do it again!

Taurus
I'm hungry--pass the pizza

Gemini
Have you seen the remote?

Cancer
When are we getting married?

Leo
Wasn't I fantastic?

Virgo
I need to wash the sheets.

Libra
I liked it if you liked it.

Scorpio
Perhaps I should untie you.

Sagittarius
Don't call me - I'll call you.

Capricorn
Do you have a business card?

Aquarius
Now let's try it with our clothes off!

Pisces
What did you say your name was again?

Just imagine...If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Air New Zealand one year ago, you would have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in the AA one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Canterbury Finance one year ago,you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

A recent study found that the average Kiwi walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Kiwi’s drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means that, on average, Kiwi’s get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you damned proud to be a Kiwi!!.

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