Sunday October 26 , 2014

In His Own Words

 
I have a mad sense of humor - shout at the computer when it crashes
and kinda lose my rag if it doesn't do what it is supposed to do.
 
I am a 'work in progress' and I am a crazy thing - sometimes -
and I am sure there are times when I am not easy to be around.
 
I am my own worst enemy and my own biggest critic and there are times when I make major mistakes,
do things from the wrong angle and mess it up for myself.
 Not on purpose, obviously, but sometimes out of ignorance and sadly,
sometimes because I expect too much from myself and others. 
 
Then I feel let down.
 
But there are also times I pat myself on the back and tell myself,
lWell done!'   and I will always offer support to others.
 
And I love who I am and what I do.
I have a passion.
 
A passion for Life.
For Learning.
For Sexuality.
For Freedom.
For Individual Expression.
For Truth and for Love.
 
I have a passion to discover who it is that lives inside my skin and a passion to help - to guide
to be a part of this universal family. 
I have kept my head screwed on in a world that can do great damage
and I have witnessed many casualties and attended many funerals.
 
Many funerals
 
As a gay man, there are those who would damn me, or even deny me.
sadly often from within the very community that should know better
the gay community.
 
Some homophobics would kill me
and sometimes families would turn their backs on their sons and daughters like me,
and parents will disown. 
 
Out of fear and ignorance
 
The church says I am sinful and must be celibate - the law only recently has been changed
to allow me to marry my boyfriend and yet assumes I cannot be a good parent. 
 
Big business court my 'pink pound' while laughing all the way to the bank and advertisers
and programme makers have discovered the entertainment value  I and others like me, hold to the masses.
Lately, it seems, being gay is chic - it's in style - but only if a straight man plays the part on TV
and if nothing is too obviously sexual.
 
Camp is in.
 
But we are sexual and we are 'different' and that scares many.
 
Despite what some will claim, I personally found enlightenment through my sexuality
and this changed my life forever.  I believe sexuality is a powerful force within the body
and is one of the best ways to nourish the Lightbody,  which has gone ignored for centuries.
 
I also find enlightenment through Conscious Connected Breath Work,
Meditation and numerous other avenues and these are all part of the journey I now share.
Everyone's journey is different, and I celebrate and encourage the differences.
 
I have a background in psychology and bereavement / relationship and sexual counseling,
catering and hotel management, arts and people, writing and design work, massage and escort work.
I have read and studied, traveled and paid attention,
to a lot,
and it has made me a man I would like to meet at a party and have a giggle with.
 
I like me. 
I love to laugh and be a clown. 
My interests are huge. 
I believe everyone's journey to be valid. No matter where you live.  No matter what you do.
I believe that we are all worthy and that despite what some organized religions may say,
being a gay man is offering a God Given Gift to the planet at a time when mankind needs all the help it can get.
I believe in the innate ability in humankind to do what is right.
 
We may have been conditioned to think otherwise in a negative manner
and in a way that quite simply all too often does not work for us
and yet we will do little about changing our conditioning because most of society seems to work that way,
and that would mean being the odd one out.
 
But as a gay man, I am already seen as the odd one out.
So what is there to lose in being a little more odd?
 
And out ?
 
Spirituality is often seen as drug smoking hippies and self development is for the crazy people -
yet I believe it is the crazy people who are scared of themselves and so deny,
void and criticize those who seek to better themselves and their lives in whatever way suits
their personality and lifestyle.
 
If it means attending workshops, reading esoteric books, going to Mind, Body and Spirit festivals,
hanging crystals in my windows and/or - maybe - changing my lifestyle, then fine.
If it makes me a better person and assists in finding peace within my soul, then wonderful.
 
And it's all my own choice.

I can do, and say, and wear, and eat, and believe, and go to, and read, and have sex with, and attend, and hear,
and quote, and feel, and sense, and save, and touch, and be, and love, and smell, whatever I desire,
and no-one has the right to tell me otherwise.
No one.
 
I believe in me.
And I believe in you.
 
And I invite you to view things through different eyes.
Eyes that can see through the bullshit and see the reality and to listen to some alternative truths,
long hidden in the annals of time.
Forgotten about.
Denied us.
Forbidden.
 
I have been beaten up by a lover and left bleeding.
I have made love for hours.
I have shopped.
I have felt despair and emptiness.
I have shopped some more.
I have laughed and found such contentment in life.
I have felt my heart brimming over, and I have loved and been loved,
and from some angle,
from some viewpoint and from some vista,

somewhere;-
 
I am you.
 
I have good and dear friends who are important in my life and help keep me in one place with support and encouragement, something that is so important for us all. They are there for me, as I am for them, at any time, and there is nothing I wouldn't do - and there is nowhere I wouldn't go - for them. Unconditionally.  As I grow older, I see so much more. I realize new horizons are opening up for me and I am thrilled to be living this life - it's fun - it's exciting and it is also a bit scary as well, and that makes it all the more fun.
 
So - why not grasp life with both hands, take a chance and leap into the unknown?
 
Instead of falling, 
maybe you will fly. 
Maybe we can fly together ?
 
Always With Love and Respect
 
John Bellamy