Thursday July 02 , 2015

John's Blog

'What I say - is responsible, and I am responsible, for saying it.' All views shared here are just my own.


Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 









Airport queues waiting hours and hours for delayed flights.
Airport Security searching everything
Ferries stuck because of indiustrial action in France
Terrorism murdering innocent people on the beach
Dangerous bugs and mozzies bighting the hell out of you

Upset tummies from foreign water & food ( and men )

Travelling abroad seems like too much hassle and danger
and I do not mean to make light of recent atrocoties
but this can spoil what precious time you have saved up for a relaxing holiday
at a time when world politics and political matters want to be forgotten - just for a while
so you can chill out, relax, re charge and re enter this mad world with new eyes and a new vision
as we all need to 'step aside' global problems sometimes and just enjoy a few days


and while we may not have the sunshine or culture of Spain, Turkey, Florida or wherever
we do have Hamilton Hall, a spectacular seaside resort, a naturist beach, gay scene., huge shopping area,
friendly locals, our own symphony orchestra, the Jurassic Coast - New Forest
and the only thing visible from space - and NOT the Great Wall of China - but John's cock when erect
( that's a joke - ha ha )
and so much to entertain and help you relax and chill out this summer
and all with a simple train or car ride down to the coast.



Bournemouth is now the lead resort on the south coast and is accepted as a




Back to basics

Nearly threequarters of Britons want to ditch their Smartphones and return to the 'simple life' - a survey found.  The Kellogs  poll found we want to re-embrace reading and grow our own food.

So it seems the revolution of technology has been embraced and seen for what it is, just another tool that ultimately gets as boring as anything else - and in our quest for playing games,  the ultimate - ultimately - bores.  And lets face it guys, how many use their phones and computers to play games and how many for reading global news or for educating themselves...  as it seems Grindr / gaydar and the likes are the most viewed pages for many on their appliances and as for reading something of importance... very few.

It is summer here in Bournemouth with glorious days and warm nghts where I keep my bedroom windows open all night - and the sweet smelling fragrance on the air is wonderful. The other evening when walking the dog out last thing before bed,  the smell of the roses at the front of Hammy Hall, even at night, was wonderful.  We have also been eating our own home grpwn lettuce for some time and the tomatoes are a way off yet,  just starting to flower,  and it is great to grow something for yourself, and while I would love a bigger garden and grow a ton of my own veg.  I do what I can and enjoy the fuller flavours.

Busy at Ikea the last few days buying some new cabinets for the Community Room and then the joy of finding space for all the junk that was in the old cabinets, much of which went in the bin -  how we store crap is amazing.  I put a couple of cabinets outside on the pavement and within minutes a car drove up and a couple of Polish guys popped out and loaded them in.  I offered a helping hand and they were very greatful of the cabinets, and I am pleased they will be used and enjoyed and have gone to a new home.  I could have sold them through he internet and probably got £50 for them, but for the fuss and the time and having to find somewhere to keep them in the meantime, I am just glad someone else wanted them.
Great stuff and the Community Room is taking on a new look and a clean crips look which is pleasing to me.  new ceiling fan - new lights coming soon...  and even some new drawers for my own apartment so goody... maybe now I can put some of the stuff away - you know - hide the junk in drawers... ha ha




' If a man lays with another man, he should be stoned.'

So there you have it. The Bible is encouraging men to smoke marijuana.

Now, I wonder what the Born Agains and Jahova Witness's have to say about this.






A LETTER FROM GOD - by Scoobius Pip


please - read and listen to the words, they are beautiful and puts the responsibility firmy in our own hands.


This video is amazing - watch it and realise THIS IS REAL -
no computer graphics but tons of real people actually really doing what you see... 


If you want a tear in your eye, watch this very sweet short youtube link






A 9 year old boy at St. George's Bickley CE School was seen playing knights and dragons in the playground and was using a ruler as a make believe sword, and the head teacher called the police and the boy and his mother were interviewed concerning this.  What absolutely beggars belief, is that on the schools web site - the shield and picture below are detailed and is a sword wielding man fighting a dragon -  and yet when a young boy of 9 plays at precisely this,  the police get called  and if we are to find fault - change the schools shield for a posey of flowers or a sunset - as it completely beggars belief.


I read this report on the Metro newspapers website, which I read daily,  and was absolutely stunned that a 9 year old boy - when seen playing with a ruler as a fake sword,  is seen as a threat and the police have to be called - as if the police have nothing else better to do. ( Mind you, if this was the United States, they would have shot him dead on the spot in front of other children and then blamed the boy and his family and got off scott free  - so thank goodness we do not live in that kind of evil empire yet ... )

This disgraceful behaviour by the school and most of all by the Head teacher - Geraldine Shackelton,  sends a very loud message about how our children are not allowed an imagination;-  not allowed to play freely;-  not allowed to copy what we see - and children will be children, and they will play at war games, dragons and demons, rough stuff and tough stuff as that is what they see on the TV:-   that is what is popular culturally and that is exactly what adults are doing all the time - war war and more war - bitching and fighting - lying and cheating during a general election - soap operas with slanging matches between people and there are very few role models left for children to look up and aspire to  as everyone is afraid - afraid they will be cast as an evil doer - a peadophile - a pervert - just because they are good people with no hidden agendas and just want to help - and other than footballers who often do not set a good example,  children have no good role models left any more.

Even Spongebob Squarepants - a hugely popular and awarded childrens programme loved by millions of children around the world - and despite its widespread popularity, the series has been involved in several public controversies, including one centered on speculation over SpongeBob's intended sexual orientation;-  ( I despair - it's a cartoon for God's sake )   and the Telly Tubbies where an adult complained  because one had a handbag and therefore must have been gay - and we look at these occurances and the adults who complain and we must see clearly here folks - we must start seeing clearly and truthfully, that it is the adults that have the problems and by using the police and causing such trouble for a young boy who should be encouraged for using his imagination in play - are creating and harvesting nothing but trouble for the next generation who will grow up afraid to play in case they make the wrong move and someone reads it all wrong - afraid to speak up in case they say the wrong thing - afraid to be creative in case they are labeled gay or even a perv.  - and afraid to do and say anything in case the state comes down on them.  

I was stunned that this happened in the UK as it is the kind of thing we see happening in America all the time -  but remember a friend who was a Deputy Head of a failing school back in the mid 1990's - in London - and who was put into the school to help sort it out,  and he was reported for touching one of the girl students - ( he is an out gay man and everyone knew he was gay ) and within 30 minutes it as realized it was untrue as he was in a staff meeting with 30 other teachers at the time the girl said he was with her - so everyone knew it was a lie by the girl to gain attention,  but he was still investigated and laid off work for 18 months with full pay ( and full stress ) and the council spent over £250,000 investigating what was known within minutes to be a lie - and the abuse was compounded by the very institution aimed at protecting those it abuses.

If we are to follow this onwards, and if we allow this sort of abuse to  continue - abuse that comes from the state and mad people allowed to hold powerful positions of authority, then the next generation will be fucked up and we stand little chance of a stable, sensible, educated and nurtured generation to come, and will have a generation of scared, intimidated and underdeveloped people bringing up our next generation - and that spells even more problems ahead.

Let children play,   and monitor their play,  but for goodness sake,  the adults need to lighten up - grow up - and relax. Not every childrens game is one of a future terrorist - ( and besides,  it is our government that causes and creates terrorists by its very actions of being the bully around the world in order to gain access to the oil and gas etc. )  and we need to allow our children to use their imagination in fun and laughter - and foster happy children.  Not scared ones.

John Bellamy



After a week of lovely weather we had rain this morning and 

I am sitting here in the office listening to birds singing outside - and it is a joyous sound.




I often see these awards and think - well - who voted that the best pub / club / gay venue - as no one asked me and who voted it the best ???   ... and consider it all a load of bollocks to get you to spend more money in their bar.  Trip Advisor;-  while I say they are tossers and a waste of time - this certificate of excellence is an award because of the amount of positive feedback we have received from those who have stayed here and THAT is wonderful and I am proud and thrilled about that.  Compared to many other venues, we could easily be a 3 or 4 star B&B but I do not buy into the tourist board schemes which - again - are just money spinners for the council - and I do not waste my money with something that has such little meaning. 

66% of visitors attend alone.
22% attend  with a partner / friend
6% come on business


New Year Joke:

When I found out I was Bi Polar, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.




Written by Stephen Beresford and directed by Matthew Warchus

  I ordered this movie from Gays the Word Bookshop in London ( HERE ) after a customer suggested it and I have not cried as much while watching a movie as I did last night.  Filled with sweet tender moments that make you ' fill up'  and several times when the tears really flowed - as the story of a group of gay men and lesbians decide to collect money and support the coal miners during the Thatcher period of destroying the Miners Union back in the 1980's  and the ' coming together' of people from very different communities - 1) Coal Miners - 2) Gay Men and Lesbians - and the acceptance and rewards that these very different communities find through a battle with authorities for acceptance of a way of life and to keep their mines open.

With those from the gay community understanding persecution and bigotry only too well,  they appreciate and value what the miner
s are going through fighting the Thatcher government for the right to keep their livlihoods and their communities up and running.  Gay men have fought for decades for acceptance  in law  ( which we tend to take for granted now we have all we fought for ) but these were the days when GAY PRIDE MARCHES were political and had a powerful message about equality and not the Mardi Gras celebration of - er - what  exactly ???  - as it is these days up and down the country and the London  Gay Pride marches of the 1980's were London based - and tens of thousands would attend from all over the country.   We had a common goal we shared - about acceptance and a change in the law - and the way these gay men and lesbians took it upon themselves to raise funds and moral for the miners - is breath taking - and I did cry - several times.

I found this film to be very moving and as I am old enough to remember the onset of HIV and Aids and all that was ' going down'  in the mid '80's,  this film is well worth a visit and have a big box of Kleenex handy,  oh and you will laugh out loud as well - as there are many very funny scenes.
With some familiar faces - this well produced and executed story keeps its point and keeps you watching.  Not too ' over the top' and certainly not too preachy about gay rights - it hit the nail right on the head and combined the difficulties of being a member of the gay /. lesbian community and a member of a small mining community and a coming together of real opposites with a common goal,  and from this coming together,  acceptance and love prevaile. 
I shall certainly be watching this film a lot with customers here at Hammy Hall and shall certainly now be ordering at least another dozen copies from 
GAYS THE WORD BOOK SHOP - as they helped - back in the '80's - by offering the group of fund raisers to use their facilities in the shop and I would rather spend my money buying the DVD from them than Amazon.







Spirituality and Men (SAM)
is a self-development group run by men for men, aiming to explore the spirit of man through informative dialogue, honest interaction and the silence of meditation.

This group meets on the first Sunday of every month at Global Co-operation House.


For further information, please contact the SAM team:



Thought you might like to see these e mails to and from Hammy Hall.  

It did make me laugh.


To Hamilton Hall :-    ' If I come to see any of your clients in the hotel do I have to pay anything?'

My Answer: :- 'I have no idea what you are talking about … . in plain English please.'

His answer :- 'In plain English: Can I come to your Hotel and have sex with your clients (I expect your clients to pay me) You can not expect me to pay for anything as I am short of money.'

My answer :-  'In plain English - FUCK OFF'



This is so sweet, a dog who discovers he doesn't have to swim




Tony Bray died just before Christmas  2014, and I shall miss him.  He was a good and dear friend who visited and loved Hamilton Hall and would sit in the Conservatory meeting and greeting people as they came and went and everyone loved his peaceful and charming manner.  He was 79 years of age and a real sweetheart.    He will be missed, dearly missed.








Take a look HERE






Every penny raised goes to help the many people we help with food, company, a week or  weekend away, counseling, and even sometimes helping with clothes. In one case we bought a homeless student a bike to get to college on,  and in another , a guitar and lessons to play for a local lad whose life was aimless and he was stoned on drugs all day and all night and we are today, guiding him into making  a life for himself - get his act together - and have some order in his empty life.  We do what we do for absolutely no reason other than 

This web site makes some useful suggestions to HOW TO COPE WITH HOMOPHOBIC FAMILIES











Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 







Russel Brand on gay marriage:- ' Everyone should be allowed the misery of marriage.'


I get tons of phone calls from companies trying to change my electric / gas / phone suppliers to someone they are representing and today - as usual, I got a ' cold call' trying to sell em somethiong new.  This was something I have never had before and I was absolutely gob smacked...PRE PAID FUNERALS
I must admit I did shout at the woman on the phone as I found this absurd, and could cause extreme pain and anguish in some people and I fully intend to complain.
PRE PAID FUNERALS INDEED.  Maybe a good ida but NOT one you sell over the damned phone.



Britains fattest man died this week weighing in at 65 stone.  He was housebound and could not do anything for himself. So Social Services had to bath and feed him.  So - tell me - why were Social Services allowing this man to eat 10,000 calories A DAY - when a family of 5 would easily survive on that much food.  If this man was begging for help, as claimed, to loose weight, then it seems the NHS and Social Services has contin ued to feed this man with enormous high calory meals and he has gained weight and not lost it and now is dead.
Absolute madness.



I did the usual thing this morning.  Got up for breakfast at around 7.30am so it would be ready in case anyone was down for the 8am start - ( we serve between 8 - 10am - although if someone came down later it's not a problem ) and as I have done before,  I forgot it was Sunday and we do brekkie from 9 - 11am and I could have had an extra hour in bed...  groan.....   So I took the dogs up the park ( my neighbours dog was having a ' sleep over' with us as Dad was busy last night with his girlfriend and didn't need the distraction of his dog - and as Schnorbitz ( the dog )  lives here half the time anyway and Missy is quite use to him - we enjoyed a peaceful 20 minutes in the long grass under the mighty oaks listening to how quiet it is on a Sunday morning before the church bells wake some people up.  Now it's time for a cuppa green tea and some Marmite toast...    



The U.S. Supreme Court on Monday upheld the use of a key drug used in Oklahoma's lethal injection protocol.

The lawsuit that prompted the decision was brought on by lead plaintiffRichard Glossip, an Oklahoma inmate who has been on death row for 17 years. Lawyers for the plaintiffs argued that midazolam, the first drug used in Oklahoma's three-part lethal injection protocol, can't reliably render an inmate unconscious and free of pain while the second and third drugs paralyze him and stop his heart, thus making the execution cruel and unusual punishment. Midazolam was first used in Oklahoma's botched execution of Clayton Lockett in 2014, and since then has been used in putting to death more than a dozen inmates.

So there you have it folks. the USA deliberately allows the use of drugs that prolong and cause distress and pain to the people they are executing and the first person who claims they probably deserve it - will get a smack.  Two wrongs do not make a right and how many innocent people have been executed or impr
isoned over the years - and being deliberately cruel is just as bad as some of the people they are executing - and what does that say about the United States - really - when they deliberately allow cruelty by officialdome against anyone.


CUSTOMER FROM HELL - with a happy ending

( No this is not him...)

I have to start by saying this is very unusual - very rare - and how every year we get one or two customers who we know we will never forget. Some because they look like Hugh Jackman or Brad Pitt and others because they are the 'CUSTOMER FROM HELL' - and this weekend we had one of the latter and this particular CUSTOMER FROM HELL was handsome - mid 40's and 'off the wall' with bad behaviour, arriving late into the evening ( like midnight ) banged on everyone's bedroom door at 1am looking for sex ( which I was completely unaware of until the morning ) and while he was in and out during the day - meal times it was like sharing the table with a pig at the trough - the noise, the table manners and the entire concept of what was acceptable and what was not,  seemed not to exist in his minds eye and he seemed completely unaware of his behaviour and how the entire hotel was looking and sharing a mutual thought that something was very - VERY wrong with this man. 

Everyone was sympathetic but tended to keep some distance and not get too involved in conversation and when on several occasions guests came and watched a movie with me in my private apartment above Hammy Hall - which I do a lot - he was not invited or wanted because we all knew he would be too disruptive and we would not be able to enjoy the movie, a decent conversation and discussion afterwards or anything - so he was left on his own - which was not for long as he brought a friend in for some sex and as no one else wanted to ' go there'  and we left him to his own devices.
Most of us assumed it was booze as he did drink a lot - and other than drugs or some other substance abuse - if this was not the case, then it was mental health - the lack of some medication or therapy and it screamed out for all to see .

When he checked out and left his bags for later collection after going to the beach for the day,  I made an extra charge for another night as while he was in a twin bedded room on his own and was asked NOT to make a mess of the other bed or he would be charged... this is exactly what happened and it took Robert  3 TIMES LONGER than normal to ' turn the room around' and get it ready for the next guests coming in as it was in complete turmoil,  and as Robert said - ' It looked as if a student had lived in that room for 6 month, not an adult for 4 nights.' and this  REALLY is not acceptable.

You may get away with this in a Premier Inn and they may or may not make an extra charge for the extra work ( bedding had to be double washed because of 'stains' that would not come out - )  and I made a charge against his card ( as in accordance with the Terms and Conditions )  and when informed of this - when he collected his bags to go home,  he lost the plot completely as the monies charged against his card was all he had and now would not be able to get home.

After a heated exchange where he took absolutely no responsibility for anything and kept throwing it back in my face - which is avoidance and denial - and after a long and stressful evening with him  eventually staying another night - AS MY GUEST - as he had no way of getting home ( the last train had - by now - gone )   and he had no money etc. I put him on a  train the next morning after cancelling the extra charge of £85 owed us - and gave him £75 on top of this in cash to pay for the train and buy a sandwich - and one of the other guests who was staying and saw a lot of what ' went down' gave  £20 to help towards the guys fare - (  it just goes to show that there are still some truly wonderfully kind and thoughtful people about )  and he has now gone.

But not before I took him into the office for a quiet chat and where I told him that instaed of banning him from Hamilton Hall, I was offering FREE WEEKENDS if and when he feels the need and want for some support, friendship and people who will help - in whatever way they can - as after 2 years homeless and trying to struggle back into ' the real world' - which we learned afterwards - it would not help him to push him away;-  and so I offered support, understanding, friendship and a place to come and stay AS LONG AS HIS BEHAVIOUR IMPROVED and he learned how there are those of us who will put themselves out FOR HIM and how it costs us financially, emotionally and sometimes physically - and accepting his role in that -  and taking responsibility for his actions - and growing through that to become responsible -  and appreciating that what went down last weekend WAS COMPLETELY OF HIS OWN MAKING AND NO ONE ELSE - then he is welcome as my guest and I truly wish him well.

After the abuse he shoved at Hamilton Hall - and it was considerable - to claim the hotel had to ' write it off' and that no Holiday Inn  would charge extra for trashing the room - I find unenlightened and insulting towards my venue and my passion to offer something of great beauty that is hughly appreciated and valued by a lot of people. Assuming that like some giant corporate - cold and  cheerlessl hotel chain - we would do nothing to recoup our losses - and where I still occasionally prostitute myself to raise the funds to help keep this place afloat - and therefore DO NOT INTEND allowing the very few to take advantage and abuse my generosity, and I will then make a stand and not allow bad behaviour and abuse.  I simply will not allow it.

Some of us get in our own way   ( metaphorically speaking )  I am aware that some people cannot stand me - my personality, my vibrancy and bounce and how I chatter away and do not stand fools lightly. They see me as ' over the top ' - too much - - and I can live with that as we all have our good and bad points and it serves no one for any of us to hide our light  so that others can shine - and it does not benefit me to be less than I am because someone else feels intimidated by me...  as that really is up to them to sort out and not pull me apart because of their own lack in life.  I get hate male from strangers - I get bitched by people I have never met and I get all sorts of nasty comments said about me by those who have never visited or even spoken to me,  and it seems by being a 'force of nature' - scares some people and they hit out.  This says a great deal more about them and their lack than they care to realise.

This man also gets in his own way and throws his abuse at the very people - and in this instance - US - who can and will offer help and support and like any addict,  they will abuse those who help and support so when the helpers turn away and say they cannot continue - this is then seen as being abandoned - how you have turned your back and want nothing more to do with them - and thiS is often then taken as an excuse for another drink - another snort - and is all a cycle of continuation and blame and excuse in order to continue with the booze, the drugs or whatever it is that is fucking up their lives.

Excuses do not work with me. Reality does.

So I now feel good in how it transpired and ended with a shared hug and him knowing that we are here for him and that he really does need to look at his behaviour and ' go within' and see the abuse he has  aimed at strangers as counter productive to himself and his onward journey and how, while I was annoyed at his constand abuse, denial of responsibility or anything close to a decent and educated manner towards me and my hotel - I will put myself out for him and offer the hand of friendship and support whereas many - MANY - woule turn away and ban him - wanting nothing more to do with the CUSTOMER FROM HELL and will mark it down to another bad experience to be avoided in future - but I see it a different way.

I see a human being in need of help. Screaming for help. Ranting for help. Pushing anyone and anything even vaguely constructive in helping him - away as fast as possible and creating the very chaos that reigns supreme in his daily life, and I hope that by reaching out and making the offers I have - it might stop the screaming and the ranting and encourage him to see a little more clearly that we are not against him - we care - and will support - emotionally and in this instance financially as well - and while I cannot contiue to pay out in this fashion especially as we do struggle financially,  I do feel I did the right thing and offered the hand of friendship - to a man living ' on the edge' and who may not survive for very long if everyone just pulls away all the time.

Sad story. Sweet man - hidden deep inside - and I hope we shall be able to see some improvement and a happier man return in the future.

The moral: Never turn your back - it could be you.


Dear John:  Read your blog about the Customer From Hell and did feel for you.  I appreciate all that you offer the gay community and how hard you work at trying to put some soul into things, and when I read this report it did sadden me.  I was amazed when I saw how you had reached out and offered for him to return for free in the future and to get some help and assistance from you to help him,  as I cannot think of a single venue what would not ban the man - throw  him out and not want to see the sight of him again. Yet here you are offering help and assistance as well as your own money - in order to help a man in distress.  Whatever else anyone can say, it does sound as if this man is in some kind of mental health space and in need of help and well done to you for not turning your back on someone in need. It does make me ' well up' when I read of your kindness towards others and it saddens me that it costs you so much - not just financial - but how it tears at your heart and your soul,  for after so many times at Hammy Hall, I know how much this takes it out of you and how you despair sometimes.

You will remember I broke my neck 2 years ago and visited also as your guest one time and if and when I am able to get back to work and get my life back in order,  I shall MOST CERTAINLY send some money towards helping with this.  It may be a while.. a long while, as I was a PT instructor within the armed forces and to be honest, after the asccident, it has scared me against ever returning to that career again after what happened to me.

Well done to you John. You are a very special man and I shall always respect you massively. If only the gay scene had more like you.
Robert N. ( Salisbury )

Hi John.   As for your Customer from hell,  we get more than our fare share of them at our guest house and while we are not a gay place,  being open to everyone,  most the complaints come from the gay men as they seem more picky and demanding than the straight couples who book with us.  It seems the gay market it the most difficult to please.  Give them Buckingham Palace and ask the  Queen to serve dinner and STILL some of the damned gay guys would find fault.  Women are a bit picky and straight men just love it all,  and stand behind their wives pulling faces when they moan about something.  Feel for you and the manner you took in helping this idiot is awesome., Bugger if I'd have offered him anything and would even have thrown him out and tough if you cannot get home. These assholes do have a mighty cheek sometimes and would never get away with this at any commercial corporate hotel and would be arrested for fraud.
I respect your kindness with an otherwise akward situation. Not sure I would have been so kind hearted.   Ron and Steve.



Homophobic married reverend

has a profile on Grindr


People like this deserve to be exposed - as what a first class bloody idiot

what a hypocrit, what an absolute asshole.


Read more:

A pastor who regularly ranted against homosexuals and all things rainbow has been caught cruising for bottoms on Grindr.

Reverend Matthew Makela, who is married and has five children, was caught looking for some oral, massage, making out naked, cuddling fun on the gay dating app.

Rev Makela, from Midland, Michigan, has now quit his associate pastor job at the St John’s Lutheran Church.

Reverend Matthew Makela was recently listed on the St. John's Lutheran Church website as a devoted husband and father of five children. But, he was forced to resign this week after published pics of his Grinder profile:

Until 2 p.m. on Monday, the ‘Our Church Staff’ section of St. John’s Lutheran Church and School’s website described Reverend Matthew Makela as an associate pastor who enjoys, “family, music, home improvement, gardening and landscaping, and sports.”

Screenshots obtained by Queerty from a source who asked that his name be withheld shed light on some of the Reverend’s other favorite past times — namely nude make out sessions and sex with other men.

And  the folks at note, the good pastor has publicly backed an anti-gay agenda on many occasions:

It is unrighteous to give into sinful temptations. We are all tempted and it is not a sin to be tempted, but it is a sin to give into to temptation. A sexual attraction to the same sex is a sinful temptation to be resisted and overcome by God’s grace and power, just as a temptation to steal or lie or overeat must be resisted and overcome by replacement with working hard, telling the truth and moderation in appetite. We all face varying degrees of temptation in sometimes varying areas of life and we all are tempted to sin according to 1 Corinthians 10:13.

Jesus reaffirmed one man one woman marriage in Matthew 19:4-6 where he quotes from Genesis 1:27 and 2:24. In Old and New Testaments homosexual practice is clearly condemned (Leviticus 18:22; Romans 1:21-32; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11; 1 Timothy 1:9-10). There is no sinful practice God cannot forgive and overcome by his grace through faith in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Guess the temptation was just too much for Pastor Makela. Thanks to Queerty's exposure, the church has taken down their Facebook page to avoid comments from sinners.

Read more about the good Reverend's activities at


JB Says: It just goes to show that many of the loudest, most vocal and most adamantly against many things in life, are often those who secretly adore the very thing they scream against and the story above is proof of this.  This hypocrit, this so called ' man of the cloth' - it seems is not holy cloth but cloth that changes its colour as to the whim of the man wearing it - for this man changed direction in accordance to when his dick is hard or not, and damning gays while cruising the internet looking for men for sex shows a man whose opinions are unvalid and should not be allowed a voice, an opinion and certainly NOT a pulpit in a church - as this man preaches hate from one side of his face and damning gays - while betraying the very words spoken by sucking cock the other side of his face and this kind of hypocricy must always be exposed and revealed to the world,-  and then maybe the masses will think twice before following anyone who damns   another for whatever reason as - in this case, it seems the very thing he was screaming and ranting about was the very thing that he desired himself - SEX WITH MEN.

It also confirms exactly what I have always said - homophobics are usually always homosexual themselves but living in denial.

The church in its homophobic rants for centuries has always been - and always will be - full of faggots as it is gay men who are more in tune with their inner feelings and have more empathy for others - and yet women and gay men have been banished from the church and preaching by boring - out-of-touch straight men afraid to loose their job and so damn and destroy the very best people available for this caring role.  That being women and gay men.







the dumbing down of people

When injustice becomes law,   defiance becomes duty.


Eighty-eight thousand deaths a year?
One in 10 people in America die from alcohol abuse each year.





US Secretary of State, John Kerry representing a country which makes Genghis Khan look like a wimp when it comes to illegal invasions, still retains the prize for jaw dropper of the decade:

"You just don't, in the 21st century, behave in 19th century fashion by invading another country on completely trumped up pretext", he pontificated on CBS' "Face the Nation." 

It really is enough to take your breath away,- the gall of this idiot.  Does he assume we are all idiots ?



The following BOURNEBATERS poll is now closed. Here are the
final results:



- YES, 19 votes, 41.30%
- NO, 14 votes, 30.43%
- INDIFFERENCE TO SEX, 1 votes, 2.17%

For more information about this group, please visit




'We have all been in abusive relationships, and sometimes we were the one being abused.'

Marianne Williams











Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 





The Pleiadian Message - A Wake Up Call For the Family of Light


I found this old picture of Nikolai Alexandrovich Romanov - the last Tsar of Russia who was executed along with his whole family on July 17, 1918 aged just 50.  Of all the pictures I have seen of this man - as I read Russian History a lot in my teens -  I found this picture captivating in its look of today. The beard and style is very current and fashionable and - I found myself staring into his eyes wondering what was going through his mind - what he went through in his short life, the mistakes, the fears, the sumptious lifestyle compared to the vast majority of Russians at the time and the horrors surrounding his death. 

I have to admit that if I met him in a bar or here at the hotel I would think - -   ' CUTE ' and I do find his stare to be quite mesmerizing.


The next statement in true

The first statement is untrue



Gay priest takes

Church of England

to employment tribunal

Rev Pemberton refused a licence after marrying his male partner
Legal case opens today at Nottingham Employment Tribunal

London, UK - 15 June 2015
Canon Jeremy Pemberton today begins his historic employment discrimination case against the Church of England over its withdrawal of his right to officiate as a priest and its refusal to give him a licence to take up a chaplaincy post with Sherwood NHS.
The case takes place at Nottingham Employment Tribunal.
“There are two human rights principles at stake in this case. Is the Church of England exempt from the laws prohibiting workplace discrimination and is it entitled to discriminate against gay clergy who have been lawfully married in a civil ceremony?,” noted Peter Tatchell, human rights campaigner and Director of the Peter Tatchell Foundation.
Mr. Tatchell is supporting Rev Pemberton and last October confronted the Archbishop of York, accusing him of “victimising, intimidating and bullying” Pemberton.

“Rev Pemberton had his permission to officiate as a priest withdrawn after his lawful same-sex civil marriage to his partner, Laurence. He was also refused a licence to take up a chaplaincy post with Sherwood NHS.
“This strikes me as a clear case of employment discrimination. The Church of England has no right to seek exemption from the anti-discrimination laws that apply to everyone else.
“The disciplinary action was taken by the acting Bishop of Southwell and Nottingham, Richard Inwood, after seeking advice from the Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, who is thereby clearly implicated in the church’s discrimination against Rev Pemberton.
“It is disgraceful homophobia to deprive a priest of his right to work because he married the man he loves. Discrimination is not a Christian value.
“Jeremy Pemberton married his partner Laurence last year in a civil ceremony.
“Jeremy sought appointment to a job in the NHS. It is not reasonable for the Church of England to dictate to the NHS who it can employ.
“Just because the Church of England treats lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) clergy as second class Christians this is no excuse for it to impose its anti-gay discrimination on non-church institutions.
“In June 2014, Jeremy was offered the role of Chaplaincy Manager at Sherwood Forest Hospitals NHS Trust in Nottinghamshire. The job offer was withdrawn because the church refused to give Jeremy the required licence - solely because of his marriage to Laurence,” said Mr Tatchell.
Further information:
Peter Tatchell
Director, Peter Tatchell Foundation
0207 403 1790



Shameful behaviour by the church. Absolutely shameful. In its fear and paranoia of anything ' out of the ordinary' - or should it be ' out of their control'  the church sees fit to deny a sweet and loving man his career because of their own backward thinking and blatant lies about what biblical writings actually say.  If you have doubts about what the Bible does say on homosexuality - just ask - or search this web site - as what people assume it says are untrue and distorted and lied from pulots up and down the country and aroiund th world and a mass of population have the wrong facts - as the Bible DOES NOT DAMN GAY MEN AT ALL.
Cinsidering all the puffs, queens, hancy boys and queers who have worked and contiue to work in the church as page boys, chopir boys and right up to senior positions like Vicars, Priests and Bishops,  gay men are in all areas of the church while damning and destroying anyone who chooses to ' come out - and be proud.'

Shameful of the church. How UN CHRITIAN and how UNENLIGHTENED.






Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 



If you loose part of this page - CLICK HERE


Restaurants & Cafes and then Hotels & B&B's top review chart

I notice it does not count Sex Workers & Escort Agencies



This is the e mail address of a thief. A cheat. A liar. This is someone who e mails hotels and makes an expensive booking and then tries to pay by Bankers Draft - which we do not accept - and wants to pay double what you ask and for you to send him the difference in cash and then weeks later it turns out that the whole thing was a con and you are left to repay the funds taken in the first place PLUS you have already sent him 50% as well, so you are now 150% out of pocket for some thief from an address he claims is in America, but all his details are fake.
This is a common one and most hoteliers are aware of this but you do initially have your time wasted with an enquiry - and in this instant, when he e mails in return accepting the room price and making the offer of paying double through bankers draft etc. I had already realised this was a con because this time he mentioned it was for him and his wife and as a men only venue, it was obviously just a mass e mail sent to thousands of venues without checking us out, and he only sent a personal reply once you had answered, and I dare say even that was a cut-and-paste reply,  the same thing sent to whomever answered.

Then when you write back and tell them to fuck off - they then write a bad review on Trip Advisor when all along, they are the arsehole, the thief and the con man. They are the cunt who is trying to destroy your business and all aimed at those who are simply trying to offer an honest venue and arseholes like this cause trouble and negative vibes and has the potential to ruin a business.

I tell you, there are some horrible human beings out there and I do truly feel sorry for their victims, but also in a strange way, sorry for them as well,  as what kind of awful life have they had that makes them so nasty, so vile, so uncaring of others and so hard.  Did they even have parents to guide them or just the gang mentality.  Did they grow up - literally - on the streets - roughing it - and did they suffer terribly growing up and have no knowledge of love - at all.  Is that what makes them so hurtful and yet uncaring towards others ? 

Are they, like Daviod Icke states, reptilian,   and have no knowledge of love and affection, being cold blooded and emotionless.  

Are they suffering from mental health like Aspergers Syndrome, where emotions can be seen as unchartered territory for many and love is an anathema - a weakness to be despised and where some have no knowledge of what it actually is ?

Are they Capricorn - as many Capricorns can be emotionless and the passion of love passes them by completely and some seem unable to comprehend what love actually is ?   

Whatever - be on the wawtch out for con artists, they come in many shapes and sizes and we get them here , through e mail and phone calls, trying it on all the time... Just as well I am not a fool and am street wise...





I am putting together a weekend for those who like to constantly moan about absolutely everything.

It will be a free weekend for those who always find fault but who actually offer and do


Now we all know someone who should attend and it could well be you.  You know the type ' No one is ever doing anything.' - and when they attend an event or a function they complain about the entry fee - the queue - the coat check - the queue at the bar or self serve cafe - the music is too loud - or ' I can't hear.' : - They complain about the lights being too bright / dim and even the car parking, which although free, really should have been planned better.  The catering was useless and the tea / coffee like gnats piss.  If a hotel,  the bed was uncomfortable and the decor not to their taste.   The breakfast service was slow and the toast too brown and as for the hard butter, ' Why you'd think they would get up earlier and take the butter out of the fridge so it wasn't too hard... well wouldn't you .'
  The cooked breakfast was bad with overcooked eggs and mushy beans  and the marmalade was cheap.   As for the cold plate - unforgivable.

These are the people with some good ideas to share of which not one single word out of their mouth is in the slightest bit constructive or supportive and is really no help what-so-ever and yet they will insist on sharing this with you.
They will tell you how they can offer something similar at a fraction of the cost, without actually having the faintest clue what the costs are or even what is involved, legally,  at putting on such an event,    and when you state the legal requirements -  all they do is wish it away with a wave of their hands and say it's all rubbish and unnessessary. 

These are the people who - basically - haven't a clue what is involved;-   How much hard work is involved,-   how many hours a day is put in to offer such an event or how much staff costs are, let alone 25% tax added to electricity and gas bills by the state.  

For these people are blind, deaf and dumb when it comes to the realities of running a small business as they - quite simply - have never done so.   These are the people who have always worked for someone else;-   where it is someone else who has constantly taken responsibility - and when it comes time to go home, they have their hat and coat on 15 minutes early and they have gone without a single thought of what is involved in closing up, locking up,  maybe sorting the financial takings of the day - arranging the banking and all the security etc. and even the staff rotas etc. 

These are the people who don't actually give a shit - for anything - but they want attention while having absolutely nothing - nada - zero to warrant having attention paid to them, for these are the people who often have nothing to say that is worth listening to - no valid opinion - nothing of interest - nothing amusing and certainly nothing with any logic set in reality;-   but they want to be heard and this stops and deminishes those WHO DO have something interesting and worth listening to and it exasperates. 

These are the people who spoil it for others and who cannot appreciate the beauty of the sunset without finding fault in the chill of the evening.   These are the people who complain about the children on the beach and miss the beautiful summer day.  These are the people who attend a wonderful loving wedding and bitch about everyones outfit and ' Doesn't she look fat in that dress.'

Now - to those who will now moan they cannot find any date or details about this FREE WEEKEND can moan all they like about how stupid, how incompetant, how irresponsible to put all this on here without actually putting a date and details about making a reservation for this spectacular weekend for moaners, and they will moan some more.  The point is,  IF I was to host such an event you would still moan, even if it was free and even if I had Harrods do the catering - Harvey Nicks the room decor and Buckingham Palace the staff.  You see, some people are so unhappy in their lives that all they do is moan and complain and moan some more and believe me, I occasionally hear it here and am not afraid to read the riot act at them and / or speak to their partner about their manner and how moaney it is and how we - actually - ALL can do without it.  Unhappiness manifests itself in many aspects of our daily lives and those who moan and complain all the time - are really very unhappy people and make those around them unhappy and then they have won... They have won because when you are also unhappy and start to moan - they will see it as how they are right.

So.   If you fancy a free weekend and you know that what you have read here  applies to you - then do by all means try and make a booking.  You will have plenty of ammunition by the time you get off the phone with me and especially if you e mail and the answer will give plenty to moan about.   Believe me, when I do get through with you - BOY - will you be moaning.

Now - How's that...???  Here I am offering a free opportunity to find something to moan about and ALL FOR FREE...    Surely, you can't find anything to complain about in that - Can you ?

If you found this article offensive, then you are welcome to complain,  as much as you like - if you think it will do you any good.  If in your life it DOES do you some good to moan all the time, then I feel desperately sorry for those who are 'giving in to you' and think they need to get a bigger pair of balls and tell you exactly where you can shove your moaning all the time as it REALLY does offer a 'half empty' and not 'half full'  look on life and that - my moaning friend, is such a bummer.

John Bellamy

Dear John:  Is your Moaning piece an early April Fools joke, cos I did so enjoy your tongue in cheek ending to it. Very good. Gordon G.
John:  I did laugh when I read your piece about the weekend for moaners. I can think of a few people I want to show that to. Pip R.
John. I must complain about your article on moaners.  I found it hillarious and so clever and it really did make me laugh as I have experienced what you wrote and so much more from customers over the years and you are right, - dead right - and thank you for bringing a smile to my mush.  Gerry M. London
John.  My partner insisted I sell our guest hours and choose another career where we could at least escape the moaners in the evenings.  After just five years it did his head in and we did sell up and move.  The moaners got to him while I appreciated it as a sign of very unhappy people and not those who think they are impressing,  at all.  Loved your article and it is so good to see someone with a mouth that is not afraid of using it to speak some truths.  You are a brave man and I bet it gives ammo to those who love to bitch about you.  
Richard ( Kissimmee Florida )



I am not going to prostitute myself again so others who expect

a subsidised journey can enjoy it on the cheap at my expense





Marijuana frequently gets a bad rap. How much of it is deserved? After my earlier blog, “Should Marijuana Be Legalized?” I conducted research to find out the benefits and problems linked with marijuana use. While there are many, here are ten of the health benefits attributed to marijuana and, of course, some of the problems linked to its use:

Alzheimer’s—Marijuana may be able to slow the progression of Alzheimer’s disease, according to research by the Scripps Research Institute and published in Molecular Pharmaceutics.

AnxietyHarvard Medical School found that marijuana may have anti-anxiety effects. Of course, keep in mind that high doses may increase anxiety and paranoia.

Arthritis—Marijuana can alleviate pain and inflammation linked to arthritis.

Cancer—Research in the journal Molecular Cancer Therapeutics found that cannabidiol found in marijuana, turns off a gene called “Id-1,” which cancer cells use to spread.

Epilepsy—Marijuana has been shown in studies by Virginia Commonwealth University, to stop seizures in the school’s animal studies.

GlaucomaResearchers are working on developing new drugs based on cannabis to treat glaucoma pain after learning its effectiveness for treating the condition. Glaucoma is a condition that increases pressure inside the eyeball and can lead to vision loss.

Improves Lung Health—Research in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that marijuana can increase lung capacity, not decrease it as many people have long believed.

Multiple Sclerosis—A study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal found that cannabinoids found in marijuana significantly reduced multiple sclerosis pain.

Nausea—Marijuana contains a minimum of 60 chemicals known as cannabinoids, of which THC is the primary one associated with its mind-altering effects.  THC has been used in the treatment of nausea, including drug- or chemotherapy-induced nausea.

Parkinson’s Disease—Research published in MedPage Today found that marijuana use eased tremors and improved fine motor skills in patients with Parkinson’s disease.

Blood Sugar Problems.  Many suffer with ups and downs in energy levels caused by blood sugar problems and smoking or ingesting Marijuana helps dramatically in levelling this off and enabling a normal blood sugar level.  This allows the smoker to have a care free day without having to cinatsntly worry about eating food all the time in order to maintain a level blood sugar.  The effects are dramatic and almost instant.

Problems Linked with Marijuana Use:

Addiction—that’s a fairly obvious one. Also, it can cause uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms in people who discontinue use.

Comment from JB:  Marijuana is non addictive - the tobacco you mix it with is the danger,  not the dope.  If you have an addictive personality then do not blame the drugs or even the booze as it is the person and any substance can become addictive - chocolate - meat - and anything you put in your mouth to excess can become addictive.  How about sex and gambling... exercise - jogging - all can be addictive and eventually bad for you.

Anxiety and Paranoia—In high doses or in sensitive individuals, marijuana can cause anxiety and paranoia.

Comment from JB:  In tests - it was found that under 5% of people who smoke marijuana suffer from pananoia and this is usually because the person already had signs on mental health and the dope was the key. It is NOT common amongst regular smokers who have smoked for years.
  Do you ban something because a very small amount of people have a negative effect from something, because if that was the case almost everything would be banned - how about peanuts - 1 in 100 has an allergy and on a flight, if one person announces they are nut intollerant then the entire plane full of people are denied their peanuts... so why not ban peanuts...

Memory Impairment—As anyone who’s ever talked to someone who is high knows, memory impairment is common.

Comment by JB:  Sure , but this is short term and like getting drunk and not remembering much about the night before... what is the difference.

Mind-Altering Effects—This is particularly evident among people who haven’t used it before as well as many young people.

Comment from JB:  Just like booze or stress or prescription drugs - sometimes you can get an extra strong marijuana which can be a bit trippy,  just like some alcoholic substanbces which are quite legal.


Heart Attack—One study found an increase risk of heart attack within the first hour of smoking marijuana.

Comment by JB:  This is a first to me and sounds very suspicious that within the first hour this could lead to a heart attack - sounds like absolute rubbish to me as utter and complete nonesense.

If you think severe sentencing laws are doing more harm than good,

consider signing this


Read more:



ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits & troublemakers, all you free-spirits & pioneers...
Everything the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you...

A friend showed me this last night and I was awe struck by the power and the meaning in the words. 

Watch the video here - but most important -


It speaks to the heart of all those Light Workers
and those working for a higher cause -

Those who know there IS a Higher Cause
and those seekers of the TRUTH.

Go here:
Get it on iTunes:
Friend us at
Follow the creator on
Friend him on Facebook: HERE





I found this the most powerful piece I think I have ever heard and it moved me deeply.
I urge you to listen with your eyes shut - ignore the video for the first hearing, and just throw yourself into the message

Thanks to Chris who introduced me to this



Here are the words below :-
 By Garret John LoPorto on September 22, 2010



ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits and troublemakers -

all you free spirits and pioneers - all you visionaries and non-conformists

Everything that the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you.

You see things others don't. You are hardwired to change the world. Unlike 9 out of 10 people - your mind is irrepressible - and this threatens authority. You were born to be a revolutionary.

You can't stand rules because in your heart you know there's a better way.

You have strengths dangerous to the establishment - and it wants them eliminated, So your whole life you've been told your strengths were weaknesses - Now I'm telling you otherwise.

Your impulsivity is a gift - impulses are your key to the miraculous,

Your distractibility - is an artifact of your inspired creativity,

Your mood swings - reflect the natural pulse of life, they give you unstoppable energy when you're high and deep soulful insight when you're low,

Been diagnosed with a "disorder"? That's society's latest way to deny it's own illness by pointing the finger at you.


Your addictive personality is just a symptom of your vast underused capacity for heroic, creative expression and spiritual connection. your utter lack of repression, your wide eyed idealism, your unmitigated open mind - didn't anyone ever tell you?!

These are the traits shared by the greatest pioneers and visionaries and innovators, revolutionaries, procrastinators and drama queens, activists on the social scene, space cadets and mavericks, philosophers and derelicts, business suits flying fighter jets, football stars and sex addicts, celebrities with ADD, alcoholics who seek novelty, first responders - prophets and saints, mystics and change agents.

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all affected by the way -
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -
You know in your heart that there's a natural order to life,
something more sovereign than any man-made rules or laws could ever express

This natural order is called "the Way."


The Way is the eternal substrate of the cosmos. It guides the very current of time and space. The Way is known by some as the Will of God, Divine Providence, the Holy Spirit, the implicate order, the Tao, reverse-entropy, life-force, but for now we'll simply call it "the Way."

The Way is reflected in you as the source of your inspiration, the source of your passions, your wisdom, your enthusiasm, your intuition, your spiritual fire - love.

The Way takes the chaos out of the Universe and breathes life into it by reflecting divine order. The Way, when experienced by the mind, is genius, when perceived through the eyes is beauty, when felt with the senses is grace, when allowed into the heart ... is love.

Most people cannot sense the Way directly. ... But then there are the Wayseers. The keepers of the flame. Wayseers have an unexplainable knack for just knowing the Way.
They sense it in their very being. They can't tell you why or how they arrived at the right answer. They just know it in their core. They can't show their work. So don't ask. Their minds simply resonate with the Way. When the Way is present, so are they.

While others are blind to it, and society begs you to ignore it, "the Way" stirs you inside. Neurological repression blocks most people's awareness of the Way - censoring all thoughts and impulses from the unconscious is their prefrontal cortex - the gestapo of the brain -  nothing which violates its socialized programming even gets through; but your mind is different. your mind has been cracked wide open to the Way - by some miraculous genetic trait, some psychotropic chemical or maybe even by the will of your very soul, your brain's reward pathways have been hijacked - dopamine employed to overthrow the fascist dictatorship of your prefrontal cortex - now your brain is free of repression, your mind free of censorship, your awareness exposed to the turbulent seas of the unconscious - through this open doorway divine light shines into your consciousness showing you the Way. This is what makes you a Wayseer.

90% of human civilization is populated with those who's brains are blocked to the Way.  Their brains are hardwired to enforce the social programming indoctrinated since birth.
Unlike you they cannot break out of this programming, because they have not yet experienced the necessary revolution of mind. These programmed people take social institutions and rules very seriously. Society is full of games programmed to keep peoples' minds occupied so they will not revolt.

These games often cause sick fixations on peculiar protocols, power structures, taboos and domination - all subtle forms of human bondage - This distinct form of madness is not only tolerated by the masses but insisted upon. The programmed ones believe in rules so forcefully they become willing to destroy anyone who violates them.

Wayseers are the ones who call their bluff.  Since Wayseer minds are free to reject social programming, Wayseers readily see social institutions for what they are - imaginary games.  
Wayseers comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.
Helping those who are lost in these games and refuse to help themselves is a calling of many Wayseers.

Since Wayseers are the ones who keep contact with the original source of reality - they are able to disrupt societal conventions and even governments to realign humanity with the Way.

The Wayseers are an ancient lineage. A kind of priesthood - carriers of the flame - ones "in the know."  There must always be Wayseers to reform the dizzying psychotic spinning gears of society - giant mindless hamster wheels obscuring the pure blue sky, keeping humanity shackled in a darkened cage - so Wayseers are called - to shed light on the madness of society - to continually resurrect the timeless transcendent Spirit of Truth -

Wayseers reveal this divine truth by devoting themselves to the birth of some creative or disruptive act expressed through art or philosophy, innovations to shake up industry, revolutions for democracy, coups that topple hypocrisy, movements of solidarity, changes that leave a legacy, rebellions against policy, spirit infused technology, moments of clarity, things that challenge barbarity, watersheds of sincerity, momentous drives for charity

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all affected by the way -

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -

This is your calling, Wayseer

You've found your tribe.

Welcome home.





andy pryor

Died Sunday August 19th 2012 - aged, I think 43.

and you know what,  I don't think I have a picture of him - after a computer crash a few years ago where thousands of photos were lost, and now all I have is my memory - that picture in my head.

I first met Andy when he joined a group I was runnning called 'The Gay Spiritual Group' in London, and this would be around 1996-97. He was instantly a keen member  and quickly  joined the committee to help with the running of the group.  Once a month we hosted a Social  and would get anything up to 65 members in my London home and a really good spiritual evening would be had,  relaxed and informal,  with people just talking and laughing,   and at around 9pm I would introduce a speaker for 30 minutes or so, and one of these evenings,  Andy wanted to give a talk about an  experience he had recently had.
He was really nervous and with a little encouragement from me - he stood and introduced himself and gave a wonderful, lighthearted account of a recent trip to Egypt that had changed his life,  and it was a really lovely thing to be a part of and to hear this London cockney lad - offering such a  gentle story. 

For Andy was a little Tough Ted... an east end lad you might not - at one time - have trusted  with your wallet or car keys - as he had been a cheeky little rascall when he was a teenager and in private he would tell me some of the things he had got up to in the past which while illegal,   did make you smile broadly and laugh out loud... and while you felt for the victim who had had their car stolen - or whatever - it was never meant to be malicious or evil,  it was just lads messing about,  and we would laugh.  But all that was years behind him and he donated a great deal of his time to helping others, through voluntary charity work and in his private life as well,  and he was a very thoughtful and kind, considerate and loving man.

When I moved to Hamilton Hall he would come down and help us paint and decorate - or more often - he would actually bring a friend with him who he paid to do the work for him as his disabilities through various illnesses brought about through his HIV made it difficult for him to do some things physically,  and he was thrilled every time to be able to offer something and happy to be a part of Hamilton Hall, and I was very pleased to have him part of my life.

I remember one long hot summer, maybe around 2004 - he was down for a couple of weeks with his dog - a Doberman named Scooby ( naturally )  and we would sit in the garden until late at night with candles lit all over the place and just chill out and laugh and share stories from our past - as we actually had a lot in common - and these are happy memories.  His cheecky chappy grin and laugh won him many friends here and one elderly friend fell madly in love with him;- in a really nice and sweet way - and every time I mentioned Andy to him he would smile broadly and laugh...

I knew his health was up and down over the years and I would always be inviting him down for a free stay and more often than not, he would either come down or be too busy at home,  and all of a sudden he has having problems with his bowels and had already had an operation giving him a temporary colostomy and when he visited he was so up, so cheerful and so positive, he was such an inspiration even though I think he was going through a great deal. 

During a trip to Egypt where the pain became so great he increased his pain medication, he decided upon return to just tell the doctors to take his bowel right out and give him a full colostomy as he could not live with the pain and it was obviously not getting any better,  and this was done almost immediately.  He laughed about not needing to douch any more and was so positive all through it.  But it seems things went from bad to worst and although he was always up-beat when I phoned,  he eventually moved into a hospice - he said for pain management - but within a couple of weeks his phone was switched off and he had died.  A few days later his sister called and told me the news and as soon as she said she was Andy's sister, I knew - for I had had to go through my own sisters phone book years ago after her death - phoning people and telling them - and I just knew.  Instantly my tummy did a flip,  my heart missed a beat and a tear came to my eye.  Poor Andy, I wish he'd let me know how ill he was, I would have visited him in the hospice,  but I think he didn't want a fuss - didn't want people to see him in those last days and wanted us to remember him as he was,  and he left this world peacefully and as he had lived it , on his own terms.

He also chose not to have a funeral service of any kind,  and the family were to be told - after the fact - that he had been cremated by the funeral company after it was all over.  Some would have a hard time with this - as saying your final farewell in front of a coffin is traditional and what we all expect,  but not when it causes such grief for people.  Andy hated fuss,  and so chose to leave this life as quietly as he could and leave happy memories and not grief in his wake.  

No flowers.

No hymns. 
No getting to the place on time and having to wear something black - which he would have hated and no
eulogy describing his life in nine minutes.

I was upstairs late last night with a friend and Andy and I had always shared a cigarette or two together and evenings just talking and laughing,  so I did just that with Matt who works here and we shared a few smokes,  talked about loads of things including Andy - and just had one of those evenings where we were giggling like school girls...  and all the while aware of Andy and how he would have loved to be with us one last time,  and bless him. 

Getting older for me is fun,  I see so much of other older people in myself as I come closer to my 60's - people who are older than I am and now I am catching them up,  and the one sadness is remembering all the sweet people whose lives have come to an end so much younger and so much sooner,  and it makes me sad.  I know there are always new friends to meet,  new faces to  laugh with and new evenings to share a smoke and a giggle and I give thanks for the ever changing aspect of my daily life and the wonderous way it moves through the years,  and there are times I remember back and see a face in my minds eye - of Andy - or someone else I held dear but probably never got the chance to really tell them how important they were to me,  and I try harder with my 'today friends' to let them know how much I care and love them, and as fast and as busy as my days are,  I always remember and keep their memory alive within my mind, my body and my soul and in this,  they are still with me.  Still alive and still making me smile.   For I don't ever want to forget.

Bless you Andy.

This is a piece of music he enjoyed and is to be played in the chapel.  CLICK HERE




My Mother, Betty.

Posted by: John

Tagged in: personal



My Mother died 21st September 2011

by John Bellamy

Like a lot of you out there, I have a Mother  who moved from her warden assisted flat to a nursing care home as her mental and physical health meant she was no longer able to look after herself any longer, and there were many times when it made my heart weep. I was talked out of looking after her in my  home and while my heart desperately wanted to look after her,  my head told me I would not manage and it was not a good idea.

A while ago she had a bladder infection and she was in bed and  very distressed - staring out of unseeing eyes that did not seem to focus,  grabbing with her hands at anything and everything close - ie: the bars at the side of the hospital bed had been put up to keep her in bed as she kept sliding out and staggering up the ward - and it was quite a distressing site for many to witness - and she was chattering away - with words that did not follow any cohesive sense and while she knew my name and - kind of - that I was her son -  all sorts of other family members names came into it and I don't really think she knew me,   Her confused state was sad to witness. 

My Mother - a bright, intelligent fashion model who was one of London's top models in the 1940's  and 1950's and walked the catwalk,   also sang with many famous dance bands,  for she had a superb voice - and who raised 3 children,  was reduced to this. 

A tall proud women with a voice and an opinion of her own and no fear of speaking her mind,- a woman who was married 3 times during her life and who put up with a lot,-   A woman who had lived alone for over 20 years since her 3rd husband - my Step Father died and who lost her only daughter ( my sister ) and her baby ( my niece ) around 20 years ago when both died a few months apart ,-  A women who has always been accepting of my gay lifestyle and who loved my friends and boyfriends totally,   even if not being as accepting of my brothers wife - always being a dreadful mother-in-law and a women who all those 'mother-in-law jokes'  must have been written about,-  And a woman who was stubborn, difficult and sometimes a women who would make the angels cry because GOD she could NEVER admit fault and take responsibility and simply apologize,   and a woman who has caused much family turmoil because of her refusal - point blank refusal - to ever accept that she was ever wrong about anything - And a woman who admitted to me some years ago that she had never been in love - never really knew what love was and that - despite being married 3 times and raising a family,  had never really understood what that mysterious word 'love' - had meant - and while in her way she has loved and has been loved, she never really comprehended what it meant, and for that, I was always desperately sorry. 

Sorry that she never understood how we - her children - felt about her and sorry that she always felt the need to - somehow - try and manipulate the situation to suit herself all the time.  Sad that she  never realised we would do whatever she wanted because we loved her and not because she was being manipulative.  Sad that she always thought every situation was about her  and sad that she felt such jealously and resentment towards anyone who 'stole her limelight' - even her own grandchildren.  Sad that she resented her son being a sensational husband and father to his children and sad that she felt such resentment towards those who had something she felt she had lost out on, when the truth was - she hadn't - for she was loved - she was very cared for - and while she never understood this and while she felt alone and unloved,  other people were hurt and betrayed by her time and time again because she simply didn't get it.  She never really understood,-  and that saddens me. 

Poor Betty - my poor Mother,  and as much as we have told her over the years and as much as we have openly shown our affection and considered her in our lives - she still never got it - never realised and never allowed herself to be part of the family - preferring to isolate herself and say that she wasn't wanted all the time when the exact opposite was the truth, and we just got fed up with it. 

Towards the end, to see her bedridden and shouting for help all the time,  was not good.   I could have visited more often,  and she understood in her way.

Whatever it was she lost - and whatever it was she lacked - and for all her mistakes and all her selfish ways,  she was my Mother, I love her dearly, and no-one - NO -ONE - should be made to go through the kind of thing at the end of their lives,   and the cruelty metered out by a government and health authority  SO AGAINST EUTHANASIA beggars belief.  My Mother would not have wanted this,  and with a society where 80% of people asked agree that euthanasia is the best thing in some situations such as this,  I know she didn't suffer at the end, which came quite quickly,  and that  she can now be with my sister, her family and Jesus - in peace - which is what she spoke of.

I would tell her that it was okay - she didn't have to keep fighting and being scared - that she could go to Heaven and see Jesus and the family any time she wanted, and that she, and they, would all be young again, that she would be singing once more and surrounded by those who loved her,  and that her Father - who she never knew - would welcome her with open arms - along with Jesus.  She felt reassured with this and while her body outlived her mind -  I know she would not have wanted to live like this.  Some people need permission to 'let go' and find peace, and my Mother hung on in there and died 21st September 2011 aged 89.   She wasn't ill - she wasn't suffering anything more than being bed ridden and with dementia - her body was strong and she just seemed to 'give up' and slipped into unconsciousness and died within an hour, peacefully, and for that I thank God and the Universe.

So my Mother has now become a memory and one I shall treasure always. I shall tell stories, laugh and get angry, and always with love and affection, for while my Mother exasperated us dearly,  she was a character - and strong willed individual and she died how she lived, in her own time and in her own way.  I can hardly believe I will not see her next week or next month, when I visit and I comb her hair and paint her nails and we talk around in circles and --- but like so many people,  life goes on and we will have her cremated and sprinkle her ashes over Evening Hill - a delightful park with a stunning view over Poole and the harbour and at sunset it is simply delightful, and I often visit with friends to enjoy a fish and chip supper from a local takeaway,   and I shall remember her and be thankful that she was my Mother, who I loved dearly.

John Bellamy