Wednesday May 06 , 2015

John's Blog

A short description about your blog


Posted by: John

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A LETTER FROM GOD - by Scoobius Pip


please - read and listen to the words, they are beautiful and puts the responsibility firmy in our own hands.




10am - 1pm
Must be reliable and honest
Start immediately  for details


You are welcome to work naked as long as the work gets done and I am happy with your work.  This is not a play job,  it is job job.



Dear John:  I thought you might like this :-
Your car is German. Your vodka is Russian. Your pizza is Italian. Your kebab is Turkish. Your democracy is Greek. Your coffee is Brazilian. Your movies are American. Your tea is Tamil. Your shirt is Indian. Your oil is Saudi Arabian. Your electronics are Chinese. Your numbers are Arabic, your letters are Latin. English is largely French and Latib. And you complain that your neighbor is an immigrant ?
Personally, I do not understand the ' open door policy' that allows just about anyone and everyone into the UK and especially those who do not like what is offered in their own country and so wish to change our ways to make it suitable for them here  - usually politically or religously.  I do not appreciate those who come here just for economic reasons while those who are from war toen areas and where laws threaten their very lives,  must and should always be welcomed and nurtured.  If someone then wishes to change our way of life through violence and intimidation,  and where proof of this is evident,  this would then be the time to send them home - straight away - and not decades later after spending tens of millions fighting extradition orders, human rights and everything else.  A man with over 70 convictions was recently alLowed to stay in the UK because he was an alcaholic and back in his middle eastern country - booze was banned so he was allowed to stay here - which is ABSOLUTE MADNESS - and makes no sense.


Ricky Gervais


It was my

60th birthday celebration

18th April 2015


We had a great party here on 18th April to celebrate my 60th birthday and while I was crying and carrying on in the kitchen - being all depressed and miserable, everyone else was havign a great time with 'The Naked Singer' enjoying a superb cabaret and karaoke shared by all... and I was not really crying in the kitchen as I am not bothered about getting to 60 and consider it all great fun.  Even I murdered a couple of songs and tried to get everyone to sing along,  and with a few cocktails inside them,  they did... ha ha ... Mind I was singing ' Bachelor Boy' - the old Cliff Richard hit which everyone of a certain age knows..


Robers sang up a storm and it was thrilling to be a part of an evening where people I know, and would never have thought they woul, got up and sang a couple of songs and did a really good job, and even if not so 'on tune'- good luck to them and bless them for having the guts to make a fool of themselves in front of others, as that is the way the west was won ... er ... what ???    Well you know what I mean...  Some sit and watch and barely clap while others get off the ass and join in and it really was a great evening.

We are still learning what we need to do, where we need more lighgts etc. and how loud the music and how many jugs of cocktails we need,  and it really was a thrilling evening and even the dogs joined in... not with singing,  but Chris's dog was humping a few arms... ( he needs his balls cutting off )  and Missy just wandered around looking bored, but then, that is a Weimerana for you.

more soon>>>>





This group rented space at Hamilton Hall on the last Friday of every month and for the last year, it had grown in numbers and has proven to be a popular monthly meeting for many men.
Richard started the group and charged members just £5 admission for  between 2 - 5pm with all hot and cold refreshments - and anything up to a dozen guys attended each month.

Richard is unwell and unable to continue with the group so we have discussed this and it is now all arranged for Hamilton Hall to take over and run this monthly meeting, and as I was a CP Master for 15 years as a sex worker and have a host of experience with canes, straps, belts, paddles etc.  - I am thrilled.

The group will run as it has been doing - at £5 admission, for April and May 2015 and from June the price will be £10 - to include all hot and cold refreshments,  - and while I appreciate this is a masive increase,  it is also appreciated that at just £5 each, this barely covers the cost of refreshments let alone anything else,  and as I am going to be promoting ( which costs time and money )  and having cards printed ( more expense ) and buying some new canes etc. for your use - I am sure you also appreciate that at £10 - this is still massively cheap for what you get. 

If you still wish to attend but genuinely cannot afford the new price, please have a chat with me as I shall want a couple of slaves to help get the room ready, help with the drinks and food etc. and clearing up afterwards,  and to apply as a slave, send a photo and your details and reasons why you think you should be a slave - to |:-  and I shall take it from there.

We do not wish to leave anyone out of this wonderful journey called ' LIFE' and hope you all understand why we have to increase the price.

Hamilton Hall is a NOT FOR PROFIT VENUE 


Book in for the day and attend THE DORSET CANING CLUB and with a pre booked and pre paid reservation to stay overnight in a shared dorm or twin room -  with dinner that evening - bed and breakfast in this CLOTHING OPTIONAL HOTEL EXCLUSIVELY FOR MEN - we will charge the reduced price of just  £75.   ( SAVING - between £10 - £15 )  and alternative private accommodation is available - Please ask for details.




May 22nd - 25th 2015
Bank Holiday Weekend

Very excited about our Eurovision Cabaret weekend with a full weekend planned.  So if you click on the picture to the left it will take you to a page which gives you all the details, and we are going to have a fun weekend planned,  games and prizes, quiz, cabaret, karaoke - the works.

So if you thiunk you know a little about the Eurovision Contect, aome and pit your skills against others and see who gets to take home the prize.

This could be one of the campest evenings of the year.
I remember as far back as when Katie Boyle hosted and she spoke 5 or 6 languages, I think just enough to 'get by' and we were so impressed.....  and there was probably only a dozen countries taking part and as we now have Australia taking part, it does make me thing WTF is going on.  It has changed beyond all recognition and is very politically biased and not all about the song or the performer. 



SOME PEOPLE - Do irritate.  Had a lovely group of people in recently and at the end of their stay one of them pointed out to me that my new beds were not legally compatable with fire regs and a few other items he felt the need to point out and I - basically - told him to shove it.  I do not need some pretend Hotel Inspector coming round here trying to look clever and pull apart things he feels are  'not good enough' when all the beds - and bedding - are all brand new and all completely 'up to date' with fire regs as ALL beds have to be, just as ALL couches and chairs have to be - PERIOD -  be it in your home or in an hotel - he was just showing off and trying to make himself look clever when all he did was make himself look like a blithering fool.  Shame, as up until then,  I really thought he was a sweet man,  and suddenly he turned into a moron.



I often see these awards and think - well - who voted that the best pub / club / gay venue - as no one asked me and who voted it the best ???   ... and consider it all a load of bollocks to get you to spend more money in their bar.  Trip Advisor;-  while I say they are tossers and a waste of time - this certificate of excellence is an award because of the amount of positive feedback we have received from those who have stayed here and THAT is wonderful and I am proud and thrilled about that.  Compared to many other venues, we could easily be a 3 or 4 star B&B but I do not buy into the tourist board schemes which - again - are just money spinners for the council - and I do not waste my money with something that has such little meaning. 

66% of visitors attend alone.
22% attend  with a partner / friend
6% come on business


New Year Joke:

When I found out I was Bi Polar, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.




Written by Stephen Beresford and directed by Matthew Warchus

  I ordered this movie from Gays the Word Bookshop in London ( HERE ) after a customer suggested it and I have not cried as much while watching a movie as I did last night.  Filled with sweet tender moments that make you ' fill up'  and several times when the tears really flowed - as the story of a group of gay men and lesbians decide to collect money and support the coal miners during the Thatcher period of destroying the Miners Union back in the 1980's  and the ' coming together' of people from very different communities - 1) Coal Miners - 2) Gay Men and Lesbians - and the acceptance and rewards that these very different communities find through a battle with authorities for acceptance of a way of life and to keep their mines open.

With those from the gay community understanding persecution and bigotry only too well,  they appreciate and value what the miner
s are going through fighting the Thatcher government for the right to keep their livlihoods and their communities up and running.  Gay men have fought for decades for acceptance  in law  ( which we tend to take for granted now we have all we fought for ) but these were the days when GAY PRIDE MARCHES were political and had a powerful message about equality and not the Mardi Gras celebration of - er - what  exactly ???  - as it is these days up and down the country and the London  Gay Pride marches of the 1980's were London based - and tens of thousands would attend from all over the country.   We had a common goal we shared - about acceptance and a change in the law - and the way these gay men and lesbians took it upon themselves to raise funds and moral for the miners - is breath taking - and I did cry - several times.

I found this film to be very moving and as I am old enough to remember the onset of HIV and Aids and all that was ' going down'  in the mid '80's,  this film is well worth a visit and have a big box of Kleenex handy,  oh and you will laugh out loud as well - as there are many very funny scenes.
With some familiar faces - this well produced and executed story keeps its point and keeps you watching.  Not too ' over the top' and certainly not too preachy about gay rights - it hit the nail right on the head and combined the difficulties of being a member of the gay /. lesbian community and a member of a small mining community and a coming together of real opposites with a common goal,  and from this coming together,  acceptance and love prevaile. 
I shall certainly be watching this film a lot with customers here at Hammy Hall and shall certainly now be ordering at least another dozen copies from 
GAYS THE WORD BOOK SHOP - as they helped - back in the '80's - by offering the group of fund raisers to use their facilities in the shop and I would rather spend my money buying the DVD from them than Amazon.







Spirituality and Men (SAM)
is a self-development group run by men for men, aiming to explore the spirit of man through informative dialogue, honest interaction and the silence of meditation.

This group meets on the first Sunday of every month at Global Co-operation House.


For further information, please contact the SAM team:



Thought you might like to see these e mails to and from Hammy Hall.  

It did make me laugh.


To Hamilton Hall :-    ' If I come to see any of your clients in the hotel do I have to pay anything?'

My Answer: :- 'I have no idea what you are talking about … . in plain English please.'

His answer :- 'In plain English: Can I come to your Hotel and have sex with your clients (I expect your clients to pay me) You can not expect me to pay for anything as I am short of money.'

My answer :-  'In plain English - FUCK OFF'



This is so sweet, a dog who discovers he doesn't have to swim




Tony Bray died just before Christmas  2014, and I shall miss him.  He was a good and dear friend who visited and loved Hamilton Hall and would sit in the Conservatory meeting and greeting people as they came and went and everyone loved his peaceful and charming manner.  He was 79 years of age and a real sweetheart.    He will be missed, dearly missed.








Take a look HERE






Every penny raised goes to help the many people we help with food, company, a week or  weekend away, counseling, and even sometimes helping with clothes. In one case we bought a homeless student a bike to get to college on,  and in another , a guitar and lessons to play for a local lad whose life was aimless and he was stoned on drugs all day and all night and we are today, guiding him into making  a life for himself - get his act together - and have some order in his empty life.  We do what we do for absolutely no reason other than 

This web site makes some useful suggestions to HOW TO COPE WITH HOMOPHOBIC FAMILIES










Be warned / Absolute stupidity

Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 










Women are not allowed abortion rights and many LGBT cannot adopt children or have their relationship blessed in many states that make up  the United States of America - but this doesn't stop them demanding Freedom of Speech which means they can put on an open display - an exhibition with prizes, for the artist that comes up with the best cartoon of the Prophet Mohammed.  Then they wonder when ISIS shoots at them and causes many lives to be in danger.


For those unfamiliar with Pamela Geller, she was in the news a few weeks ago for sponsoring an ad campaign across major U.S. cities with anti-Muslim posters saying, among other things, “Killing Jews is Worship that draws us close to Allah.”

On Sunday, she was in the news again for sponsoring a “Jihad Watch Muhammad Art Exhibit and Cartoon Contest” in Garland, Tex., some 20 miles from Dallas, after which two suspects opened fire on a security guard before being shot and killed by police. Authorities did not immediately link the exhibit and the shootings, but Geller did, with vehemence, and I am somewhat amazed that the authorities did not link the exhibit to the shootings,   for as soon as I heard it on the news I cringed at WTF the Americans were stupidly up to now.

But Geller drew national attention long before now. In 2009, she became a leader of the movement against 
a mosque in Manhattan. She told the New York Times she believed the only “moderate Muslim is a secular Muslim” and that when Muslims “pray five times a day … they’re cursing Christians and Jews five times a day.”

The wealthy housewife-turned-blogger has become one of America’s loudest voices against what she sees as the creeping “Islamization” of America.
She is president of the American Freedom Defense Initiative as well as Stop Islamization of America.

Islamization, she has said, is not something that will happen overnight. “It’s a drip, drip, drip, drip,” she told the New York Times in 2010 as she waged war against the mosque at Ground Zero. “The mosque-ing of the workplace where you’re imposing prayer times on union contracts, non-Muslim workers have to lengthen their day. … These demands are a way of imposing Islam on a secular society.”

Such wild rhetoric prompted the Southern Poverty Law Center to
add her group to its list of “hate groups,” calling her the “anti-Muslim movement’s most visible and flamboyant figurehead.”

“She’s relentlessly shrill and coarse in her broad-brush denunciations of Islam and makes preposterous claims,” it said.

Heidi Beirich, head of the Southern Poverty Law Center’s watchdog division, told CNN on Monday that although Geller’s activities may fall within the bounds of the First Amendment, they are considered “cruel and unfair” because “she doesn’t make distinctions” between mainstream Islam and militant factions

“They say I’m a racist, Islamophobic, anti-Muslim bigot,” Geller told the
Village Voice in 2012. “I’m anti-jihad. … I don’t see how anyone could say I’m anti-Muslim. I love Muslims.”

Geller portrays herself as emerging straight from Ground Zero.

When terror struck, she has said, it did something to her.
She started a blog. She posed in a bikini to rant about Islam. She advanced conspiracy theories about President Obama — he was the “love child” of Malcolm X, he was once involved with a “crack whore” and, as a child, he was a Muslim and he never renounced Islam.

But as the mosque controversy receded in memory, so did Pamela Geller. Then in January came the
assault by Muslim gunmen on Charlie Hebdo, the French satirical newspaper, which claimed a dozen lives. Geller was back in the public eye.

In response, she decided to organize Sunday’s “Muhammad Art Exhibit & Contest,” which would award a $10,000 prize to the “winning cartoon” depicting the prophet Muhammad.

We decided to have a cartoon contest to show we would not kowtow to violent intimidation and allow the freedom of speech to be overwhelmed by thugs and bullies,” she told The Washington Post in an e- mail,   and this kind of insanity should be locked up and the key thrown away  Absolute madness.


We saw what happened in Paris and Denmark and now she DELIBERATELY causes trouble by stirring up the shit and putting the cat amongst the pigeons  and then scream they are allowed to do what they want because they are Americans and on American soil and that they have Freedom of Speach - WELL - tell that to the mass who are stigmatized for being LGBT - black - hispanic - want an abortion or who fight against animal testing or declare anything that the government does not like to hear - like some home truths offered by  Snowden - and see how fast the Freedom of Speech is void if and where need be.

This women went out of her way to declare a competition with prizes for the best cartoon of the Prophet Mohamed, I believe,   are the ones who should be sent to a prison somewhere;-   for all she is doing is creating a problem, stirring up trouble and deliberately causing offense to a culture we know - WE KNOW AS WE HAVE SEEN - take great offense and react accordiongly - rightly or wrongly the fact is they do - and no one - NO ONE - has the right to DELIBERATELY call a gay man a QUEER - or a black man a NIGGER - or a disabled person a CRIPPLE or draw a picture depicting the Prophet Mohammed.   It is offensive and not acceptable from ' so called ' educated people, so I must assume - I really MUST assume, that this is an attempt to DELIBERATELY cause trouble within the USA to see what will happen,  and see how fast the USA use this as as excuse to invade some other ISIS stronghold that was previously nothing to do with America.  This women - Pamela Geller, is just a self styled attention seeker and seems to have made it her mission to cause trouble which could lead to untold death and despair amongst innocent American people and to cause trouble for the many innocent Muslims living, working, paying taxes and going about their lives like anyone else and who ARE NOT TERRORISTS AT ALL,  but will have trouble everywhere they go because of people like Pamela Geller.

I am DISGUSTED at the USA for this outragous and obvious display of trouble making and for allowing the likes of Pamela Geller to get away with this blatant attempt to cause trouble,  and if innocent people get killed, then the blood is on the hands of those who organised and planned this exhibition of cartoons - one Pamela Geller.






Here is an e mail from a past client of mine when I was a sex worker. It came 'out of the blue' and not only was a ost pleasant surprise, but I really do have no idea who it is from, but it did make me giggle and I cannot wait to see him and find out who he is / was - from my past. 
I was interviewed for a book on gay prostituition decades ago and out of the hundreds of people interviewed,  years later I met the author who stated quite adamantly that of all the people he interviewed he KNEW I would make a success out of whatever I did in life and how I was the only one he would have remembered face to face - as I had made such an impact on him... He was never a client and we never had sex, we just sat and talked about the sex industry etc. and I remember having a great laugh with him...   and this e mail below is of a similar ilk and a great compliment, but then, I was never a dummy even back in my 20's and 30's... and I was thrilled and went all giggly ( girly ) when I read it and was all blushy...

Hi John.    Hi from a past client :)    It must have been quite a few decades somewhat since we last met in an escort role. I have employed quite a few escorts  and out of all of them,   by far,   you stand out (in more ways than one lol)

Happy birthday John for this month; 60 I believe? You now qualify for you old fogies bus pass lol

I'll have to pop in for coffee one Wednesday to say Hi & for our famous hug.   I bet you don't remember me John.   lol.   I consider you as a major conquest & friend so when we meet maybe you will say "WFM it's you, you old bugger!!" lol tc John.

Stay happy John .  Mike xxx


Be warned:

The e mail below is a common one for me and if you have ever received one similar, IGNORE IT - IT IS A CON and is being sent as a way to get your banking details and steal all your money.

Dear John:
I really hope you get this quickly. I could not inform anyone about our trip, because it was impromptu. we had to be in Ukraine for Tour.. The program was successful, but our journey has turned sour. we misplaced our wallet and Mobile on our way back to the hotel we lodge in after we went for sight seeing. The wallet contained all the valuables we had. Now our passport is in custody of the hotel management pending when we make payment.
I am sorry if i am inconveniencing you, but i have only very few people to run to now. i will be indeed very grateful if i can get a short term loan from you  this will enable me sort our hotel bills and get my sorry self back home. I will really appreciate whatever you can afford in assisting me with. I promise to refund it in full as soon as soon as I return. let me know if you can be of any assistance. Please, let me know soonest.


Andrew Green






Thay wrote to me today looking for funding and I have to admit
to not knowing them at all.   Having run variuous gay businesses for over 30 years it astounds me how easy it is for any business to promote itself to all gay venues through the internet - and yet most seem to miss that golden opportunity  and so most venues will never know about so many things that are going on as we do not read all the gay publications but we do read our e mails.
Click on the Broken Rainbow UK picture to be taken to its own web site.






When injustice becomes law,   defiance becomes duty.



Thanks to Chris who told me this one - and it really works:


  1. Get a metal pot stand.  Put 3 or 4 Tea Lights - lit - in the middle together and have each one a couple of inches from the other
  2. On the top on them lower a terracotta garden pot with its bottom upwards and where the candles heat burns up the inside of the pots and not straight out of the whole at the top. 
  3. The heat of the candles will heat up the pot so you cannot even touch it and the heat from just 3 or 4 small Tea Lights will warm the whole room. 

Be careful with candles and never leave to burn without supervision or where children, the elderly or pets can knock them over;-  and not in a draughty location. 

If using Tea Lights NOT on some kind of metal or glass stand, then ALWAYS put them on a solid surface - NOT PLASTIC - as Tea Lights will melt down through the plastic and set fires.  They become extremly hot - hotter than a lot of people realize. 

Always put them in a safe countainer when alight and always take care with naked flames in the home.

I have been using one for the last couple of weeks and I have noticed I can turn down the heating in my own private lounge as it actually has been getting too hot and is a wonderful way of heating the place without paying a fortune to the gas and electric companies that are so screwing us all. 


click above to read all about this dangerous legislation





Eighty-eight thousand deaths a year?
One in 10 people in America die from alcohol abuse each year.




US Secretary of State, John Kerry representing a country which makes Genghis Khan look like a wimp when it comes to illegal invasions, still retains the prize for jaw dropper of the decade:

"You just don't, in the 21st century, behave in 19th century fashion by invading another country on completely trumped up pretext", he pontificated on CBS' "Face the Nation." 

It really is enough to take your breath away,- the gall of this idiot.  Does he assume we are all idiots ?



The following BOURNEBATERS poll is now closed. Here are the
final results:



- YES, 19 votes, 41.30%
- NO, 14 votes, 30.43%
- INDIFFERENCE TO SEX, 1 votes, 2.17%

For more information about this group, please visit




'We have all been in abusive relationships, and sometimes we were the one being abused.'

Marianne Williams











Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 




The next statement in true

The first statement is untrue





and their answer:

Your comments on this are invited.


Dear UKIP:  Can you tell me where UKIP stands on the LGBT community / Gay rights and even gay marriage – as everyone I speak to seems to say different things and with millions reading my web site each year,  and with me promoting your 100 days e mail on my site – the LGBT community is somewhat confused on your stand on LGBT rights.

Thanks  John Bellamy

From:UKIP Head Office []
Sent: 29 January 2015 15:24
To: hamilton hall
Subject: Re: gay rights

Dear Mr Bellamy,

Thanks for your mail.

UKIP do not have a policy or stance on LGBT rights-this issue is a personal one

and outside the remit of a political party.

Kind Regards
Alan Bigwood
UKIP Head Office

My answer in return:

Dear Alan:

I am confused by your answer as it is vague and naïve in stating how LGBT rights are  outside the remit of a political party. 

It has EVERYTHING to do with a political party as it is politics and politicians that listen to the people when formulating its strategy for the forthcoming election and how the people should vote.  If you are saying you have absolutely no idea – or that your party has no interest in LGBT rights – or that it is a personal issue and outside the remit of YOUR political party,  then you have offered me a step backwards from your party and your answer needs to be exposed to the LGBT community as vague and lacking.  I asked a serious question as many within the LGBT community believe UKIP to be a homophobic and racist party,  which it seems to be trying to show is an inaccurate and untruthful belief structure;-   yet your evasive answer to my serious question evades being honest with me and evades committing yourself to an answer to my question. 

 The point it :-  You have not answered my question and I am wondering who I should speak to next in order not to be fobbed off as you have done, but to offer a serious and educated answer to someone with millions of readers on my web site aimed at those within the LGBT community.

With an election looming and people such as myself showing an interest and asking a serious and topical questions to you about a contentious issue that occurred within the last couple of years – that being Civil Partnerships and Gay Marriage – it would have been accommodating of you to offer where your party stands on these issues and not a one line stating the nonsense you have offered me below.

Shame on you – you have done UKIP no good at all with this type of evasive and plainly ignorant of the facts – answer. 

If you cannot accommodate me with a clear and defined answer – then please let me know who can.

In the meantime, this will be on my web site and millions will now be reading your somewhat lacking response.

John Bellamy

WITHIN A MINUTE of sending my e mail above,  I received this one below:

Dear Mr Bellamy,
I suggest you contact David Coburn MEP- who is a gay man and as a member of our party's National Executive Committee is probably best placed to give you a more informed response.His e-mail address is

(I wonder why he has an anonymous hotmail account rather than an official UKIP address... )

Kind Regards
Alan Bigwood
UKIP Head Office

SO I WROTE to David Coburn and a week or so later have not heard in respeonse. I appreciate he is a busy man - so I phoned and spoke to someone at head ofice who also stated I should e mail David Coburn but that they ( UKIP ) does not at the moment have a policy on  LGBT issues and when the manifesto comes out in late March it should cover all aspects of what UKIP stand for.

Now: That seems a little vague.  I pointed out that my web site gets 7 million hits and she still could not advise me one way or the other and it does seem a little odd that a political party has nothing to say when a journelist with 7 million readers gets absolutely nowhere when asking a simple and straight forward question.

I E MAILED AGAIN TODAY - 27/04/2015:_


Dear UKIP:  I wrote asking some time ago, about where UKIP stood on LGBT rights,  ( Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans gender ) and Alan Bigwood replied :-

UKIP do not have a policy or stance on LGBT rights-this issue is a personal oneand outside the remit of a political party.

Which clearly was a stupid answer to a serious question.  It beggars belief that he considers it outside of a political remit when it has caused turmoil within politics, the church and billions of people globally,  and is VERY MUCH  a hot potato for any political party and Alan Bigwood shot UKIP straight in the foot.
Alan did suggest I contact David Coburn of UKIP and I have never heard a word in answer to my e mail, not even a covering note thanking me for my e mail,  bugger all…

I have still not heard anything from UKIP concerning where it stands on this issue and as my web sites Blog received just over 7 million hits a year and is read globally,  it is shameful that UKIP has ignored this issue – especially as I donated funds to UKIP a few months ago and liked what I was hearing, but this important issue being ignored has done UKIP no favours for me.  With the election due so soon,  can I get an answer from someone, anyone, even if just the cleaner, as to where UKIP stand on this issue.

Or am I to be given platitudes like Alan Bigwood offered which are truly unbelievably either naïve or plainly DUMB.

Or  am I to assume that UKIP is homophobic and bigoted as the papers are trying to make us believe and that they are correct. With no information forthcoming from anyone at UKIP,  how else am I to know one way or the other.

I hope for an answer – a proper educated answer, soon.

John Bellamy



John. Read your e mails to UKIP and I am like you,  I do not always believe what is stated in the media and always thought a lot of the negative exposure about UKIP might have been coming from the other parties.  Reading your e mails and the evasive response - or no response at all,  shows that they seem to be ignoring your request for information and why would they do that. Maybe because they are avoiding answering until after the election. Maybe because they simply do not know. Maybe because they haven't got a formulated LGBT  structure at UKIP as yet,-  and maybe they are homophobic.  From your unanswered question,  it is hard to tell,  and judging on the election so far,  no single party looks to be going to win and WTF is the  SNP doing thinking it is going to be in a coalition to help run the UK when a few months ago all they wanted was independance from the UK,  and this madness just shows what a mess we are all in.
I was amused to see you had written to UKIP and good for you. Shame on them for ignoring your question and being so evasive.
Wayne -  Coventry




Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 



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Restaurants & Cafes and then Hotels & B&B's top review chart

I notice it does not count Sex Workers & Escort Agencies





I am putting together a weekend for those who like to constantly moan about absolutely everything.

It will be a free weekend for those who always find fault but who actually offer and do


Now we all know someone who should attend and it could well be you.  You know the type ' No one is ever doing anything.' - and when they attend an event or a function they complain about the entry fee - the queue - the coat check - the queue at the bar or self serve cafe - the music is too loud - or ' I can't hear.' : - They complain about the lights being too bright / dim and even the car parking, which although free, really should have been planned better.  The catering was useless and the tea / coffee like gnats piss.  If a hotel,  the bed was uncomfortable and the decor not to their taste.   The breakfast service was slow and the toast too brown and as for the hard butter, ' Why you'd think they would get up earlier and take the butter out of the fridge so it wasn't too hard... well wouldn't you .'
  The cooked breakfast was bad with overcooked eggs and mushy beans  and the marmalade was cheap.   As for the cold plate - unforgivable.

These are the people with some good ideas to share of which not one single word out of their mouth is in the slightest bit constructive or supportive and is really no help what-so-ever and yet they will insist on sharing this with you. they will tell you how they can offer something similar at a fraction of the cost, without actually having the faintest clue what the costs are or even what is involved, legally,  at putting on such an event,    and when you state the legal requirements -  all they do is wish it away with a wave of their hands and say it's all rubbish and unnessessary. 

These are the people who - basically - haven't a clue what is involved;-   How much hard work is involved,-   how many hours a day is put in to offer such an event or how much staff costs are, let alone 25% tax added to electricity and gas bills by the state.  

For these people are blind, deaf and dumb when it comes to the realities of running a small business as they - quite simply - have never done so.   These are the people who have always worked for someone else;-   where it is someone else who has constantly taken responsibility - and when it comes time to go home, they have their hat and coat on 15 minutes early and they have gone without a single thought of what is involved in closing up, locking up,  maybe sorting the financial takings of the day - arranging the banking and all the security etc. and even the staff rotas etc. 

These are the people who don't actually give a shit - for anything - but they want attention while having absolutely nothing - nada - zero to warrant having attention paid to them, for these are the people who often have nothing to say that is worth listening to - no valid opinion - nothing of interest - nothing amusing and certainly nothing with any logic set in reality;-   but they want to be heard and this stops and deminishes those WHO DO have something interesting and worth listening to and it exasperates. 

These are the people who spoil it for others and who cannot appreciate the beauty of the sunset without finding fault in the chill of the evening.   These are the people who complain about the children on the beach and miss the beautiful summer day.  These are the people who attend a wonderful loving wedding and bitch about everyones outfit and ' Doesn't she look fat in that dress.'

Now - to those who will now moan they cannot find any date or details about this FREE WEEKEND can moan all they like about how stupid, how incompetant, how irresponsible to put all this on here without actually putting a date and details about making a reservation for this spectacular weekend for moaners, and they will moan some more.  The point is,  IF I was to host such an event you would still moan, even if it was free and even if I had Harrods do the catering - Harvey Nicks the room decor and Buckingham Palace the staff.  You see, some people are so unhappy in their lives that all they do is moan and complain and moan some more and believe me, I occasionally hear it here and am not afraid to read the riot act at them and / or speak to their partner about their manner and how moaney it is and how we - actually - ALL can do without it.  Unhappiness manifests itself in many aspects of our daily lives and those who moan and complain all the time - are really very unhappy people and make those around them unhappy and then they have won... They have won because when you are also unhappy and start to moan - they will see it as how they are right.

So.   If you fancy a free weekend and you know that what you have read here  applies to you - then do by all means try and make a booking.  You will have plenty of ammunition by the time you get off the phone with me and especially if you e mail and the answer will give plenty to moan about.   Believe me, when I do get through with you - BOY - will you be moaning.

Now - How's that...???  Here I am offering a free opportunity to find something to moan about and ALL FOR FREE...    Surely, you can't find anything to complain about in that - Can you ?

If you found this article offensive, then you are welcome to complain,  as much as you like - if you think it will do you any good.  If in your life it DOES do you some good to moan all the time, then I feel desperately sorry for those who are 'giving in to you' and think they need to get a bigger pair of balls and tell you exactly where you can shove your moaning all the time as it REALLY does offer a 'half empty' and not 'half full'  look on life and that - my moaning friend, is such a bummer.

John Bellamy

Dear John:  Is your Moaning piece an early April Fools joke, cos I did so enjoy your tongue in cheek ending to it. Very good. Gordon G.
John:  I did laugh when I read your piece about the weekend for moaners. I can think of a few people I want to show that to. Pip R.
John. I must complain about your article on moaners.  I found it hillarious and so clever and it really did make me laugh as I have experienced what you wrote and so much more from customers over the years and you are right, - dead right - and thank you for bringing a smile to my mush.  Gerry M. London
John.  My partner insisted I sell our guest hours and choose another career where we could at least escape the moaners in the evenings.  After just five years it did his head in and we did sell up and move.  The moaners got to him while I appreciated it as a sign of very unhappy people and not those who think they are impressing,  at all.  Loved your article and it is so good to see someone with a mouth that is not afraid of using it to speak some truths.  You are a brave man and I bet it gives ammo to those who love to bitch about you.  
Richard ( Kissimme Florida )



I am not going to prostitute myself again so others who expect

a subsidised journey can enjoy it on the cheap at my expense





Marijuana frequently gets a bad rap. How much of it is deserved? After my earlier blog, “Should Marijuana Be Legalized?” I conducted research to find out the benefits and problems linked with marijuana use. While there are many, here are ten of the health benefits attributed to marijuana and, of course, some of the problems linked to its use:

Alzheimer’s—Marijuana may be able to slow the progression of Alzheimer’s disease, according to research by the Scripps Research Institute and published in Molecular Pharmaceutics.

AnxietyHarvard Medical School found that marijuana may have anti-anxiety effects. Of course, keep in mind that high doses may increase anxiety and paranoia.

Arthritis—Marijuana can alleviate pain and inflammation linked to arthritis.

Cancer—Research in the journal Molecular Cancer Therapeutics found that cannabidiol found in marijuana, turns off a gene called “Id-1,” which cancer cells use to spread.

Epilepsy—Marijuana has been shown in studies by Virginia Commonwealth University, to stop seizures in the school’s animal studies.

GlaucomaResearchers are working on developing new drugs based on cannabis to treat glaucoma pain after learning its effectiveness for treating the condition. Glaucoma is a condition that increases pressure inside the eyeball and can lead to vision loss.

Improves Lung Health—Research in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that marijuana can increase lung capacity, not decrease it as many people have long believed.

Multiple Sclerosis—A study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal found that cannabinoids found in marijuana significantly reduced multiple sclerosis pain.

Nausea—Marijuana contains a minimum of 60 chemicals known as cannabinoids, of which THC is the primary one associated with its mind-altering effects.  THC has been used in the treatment of nausea, including drug- or chemotherapy-induced nausea.

Parkinson’s Disease—Research published in MedPage Today found that marijuana use eased tremors and improved fine motor skills in patients with Parkinson’s disease.

Blood Sugar Problems.  Many suffer with ups and downs in energy levels caused by blood sugar problems and smoking or ingesting Marijuana helps dramatically in levelling this off and enabling a normal blood sugar level.  This allows the smoker to have a care free day without having to cinatsntly worry about eating food all the time in order to maintain a level blood sugar.  The effects are dramatic and almost instant.

Problems Linked with Marijuana Use:

Addiction—that’s a fairly obvious one. Also, it can cause uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms in people who discontinue use.

Comment from JB:  Marijuana is non addictive - the tobacco you mix it with is the danger,  not the dope.  If you have an addictive personality then do not blame the drugs or even the booze as it is the person and any substance can become addictive - chocolate - meat - and anything you put in your mouth to excess can become addictive.  How about sex and gambling... exercise - jogging - all can be addictive and eventually bad for you.

Anxiety and Paranoia—In high doses or in sensitive individuals, marijuana can cause anxiety and paranoia.

Comment from JB:  In tests - it was found that under 5% of people who smoke marijuana suffer from pananoia and this is usually because the person already had signs on mental health and the dope was the key. It is NOT common amongst regular smokers who have smoked for years.
  Do you ban something because a very small amount of people have a negative effect from something, because if that was the case almost everything would be banned - how about peanuts - 1 in 100 has an allergy and on a flight, if one person announces they are nut intollerant then the entire plane full of people are denied their peanuts... so why not ban peanuts...

Memory Impairment—As anyone who’s ever talked to someone who is high knows, memory impairment is common.

Comment by JB:  Sure , but this is short term and like getting drunk and not remembering much about the night before... what is the difference.

Mind-Altering Effects—This is particularly evident among people who haven’t used it before as well as many young people.

Comment from JB:  Just like booze or stress or prescription drugs - sometimes you can get an extra strong marijuana which can be a bit trippy,  just like some alcoholic substanbces which are quite legal.


Heart Attack—One study found an increase risk of heart attack within the first hour of smoking marijuana.

Comment by JB:  This is a first to me and sounds very suspicious that within the first hour this could lead to a heart attack - sounds like absolute rubbish to me as utter and complete nonesense.

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ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits & troublemakers, all you free-spirits & pioneers...
Everything the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you...

A friend showed me this last night and I was awe struck by the power and the meaning in the words. 

Watch the video here - but most important -


It speaks to the heart of all those Light Workers
and those working for a higher cause -

Those who know there IS a Higher Cause
and those seekers of the TRUTH.

Go here:
Get it on iTunes:
Friend us at
Follow the creator on
Friend him on Facebook: HERE





I found this the most powerful piece I think I have ever heard and it moved me deeply.
I urge you to listen with your eyes shut - ignore the video for the first hearing, and just throw yourself into the message

Thanks to Chris who introduced me to this



Here are the words below :-
 By Garret John LoPorto on September 22, 2010



ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits and troublemakers -

all you free spirits and pioneers - all you visionaries and non-conformists

Everything that the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you.

You see things others don't. You are hardwired to change the world. Unlike 9 out of 10 people - your mind is irrepressible - and this threatens authority. You were born to be a revolutionary.

You can't stand rules because in your heart you know there's a better way.

You have strengths dangerous to the establishment - and it wants them eliminated, So your whole life you've been told your strengths were weaknesses - Now I'm telling you otherwise.

Your impulsivity is a gift - impulses are your key to the miraculous,

Your distractibility - is an artifact of your inspired creativity,

Your mood swings - reflect the natural pulse of life, they give you unstoppable energy when you're high and deep soulful insight when you're low,

Been diagnosed with a "disorder"? That's society's latest way to deny it's own illness by pointing the finger at you.


Your addictive personality is just a symptom of your vast underused capacity for heroic, creative expression and spiritual connection. your utter lack of repression, your wide eyed idealism, your unmitigated open mind - didn't anyone ever tell you?!

These are the traits shared by the greatest pioneers and visionaries and innovators, revolutionaries, procrastinators and drama queens, activists on the social scene, space cadets and mavericks, philosophers and derelicts, business suits flying fighter jets, football stars and sex addicts, celebrities with ADD, alcoholics who seek novelty, first responders - prophets and saints, mystics and change agents.

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all affected by the way -
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -
You know in your heart that there's a natural order to life,
something more sovereign than any man-made rules or laws could ever express

This natural order is called "the Way."


The Way is the eternal substrate of the cosmos. It guides the very current of time and space. The Way is known by some as the Will of God, Divine Providence, the Holy Spirit, the implicate order, the Tao, reverse-entropy, life-force, but for now we'll simply call it "the Way."

The Way is reflected in you as the source of your inspiration, the source of your passions, your wisdom, your enthusiasm, your intuition, your spiritual fire - love.

The Way takes the chaos out of the Universe and breathes life into it by reflecting divine order. The Way, when experienced by the mind, is genius, when perceived through the eyes is beauty, when felt with the senses is grace, when allowed into the heart ... is love.

Most people cannot sense the Way directly. ... But then there are the Wayseers. The keepers of the flame. Wayseers have an unexplainable knack for just knowing the Way.
They sense it in their very being. They can't tell you why or how they arrived at the right answer. They just know it in their core. They can't show their work. So don't ask. Their minds simply resonate with the Way. When the Way is present, so are they.

While others are blind to it, and society begs you to ignore it, "the Way" stirs you inside. Neurological repression blocks most people's awareness of the Way - censoring all thoughts and impulses from the unconscious is their prefrontal cortex - the gestapo of the brain -  nothing which violates its socialized programming even gets through; but your mind is different. your mind has been cracked wide open to the Way - by some miraculous genetic trait, some psychotropic chemical or maybe even by the will of your very soul, your brain's reward pathways have been hijacked - dopamine employed to overthrow the fascist dictatorship of your prefrontal cortex - now your brain is free of repression, your mind free of censorship, your awareness exposed to the turbulent seas of the unconscious - through this open doorway divine light shines into your consciousness showing you the Way. This is what makes you a Wayseer.

90% of human civilization is populated with those who's brains are blocked to the Way.  Their brains are hardwired to enforce the social programming indoctrinated since birth.
Unlike you they cannot break out of this programming, because they have not yet experienced the necessary revolution of mind. These programmed people take social institutions and rules very seriously. Society is full of games programmed to keep peoples' minds occupied so they will not revolt.

These games often cause sick fixations on peculiar protocols, power structures, taboos and domination - all subtle forms of human bondage - This distinct form of madness is not only tolerated by the masses but insisted upon. The programmed ones believe in rules so forcefully they become willing to destroy anyone who violates them.

Wayseers are the ones who call their bluff.  Since Wayseer minds are free to reject social programming, Wayseers readily see social institutions for what they are - imaginary games.  
Wayseers comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.
Helping those who are lost in these games and refuse to help themselves is a calling of many Wayseers.

Since Wayseers are the ones who keep contact with the original source of reality - they are able to disrupt societal conventions and even governments to realign humanity with the Way.

The Wayseers are an ancient lineage. A kind of priesthood - carriers of the flame - ones "in the know."  There must always be Wayseers to reform the dizzying psychotic spinning gears of society - giant mindless hamster wheels obscuring the pure blue sky, keeping humanity shackled in a darkened cage - so Wayseers are called - to shed light on the madness of society - to continually resurrect the timeless transcendent Spirit of Truth -

Wayseers reveal this divine truth by devoting themselves to the birth of some creative or disruptive act expressed through art or philosophy, innovations to shake up industry, revolutions for democracy, coups that topple hypocrisy, movements of solidarity, changes that leave a legacy, rebellions against policy, spirit infused technology, moments of clarity, things that challenge barbarity, watersheds of sincerity, momentous drives for charity

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all affected by the way -

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -

This is your calling, Wayseer

You've found your tribe.

Welcome home.





andy pryor

Died Sunday August 19th 2012 - aged, I think 43.

and you know what,  I don't think I have a picture of him - after a computer crash a few years ago where thousands of photos were lost, and now all I have is my memory - that picture in my head.

I first met Andy when he joined a group I was runnning called 'The Gay Spiritual Group' in London, and this would be around 1996-97. He was instantly a keen member  and quickly  joined the committee to help with the running of the group.  Once a month we hosted a Social  and would get anything up to 65 members in my London home and a really good spiritual evening would be had,  relaxed and informal,  with people just talking and laughing,   and at around 9pm I would introduce a speaker for 30 minutes or so, and one of these evenings,  Andy wanted to give a talk about an  experience he had recently had.
He was really nervous and with a little encouragement from me - he stood and introduced himself and gave a wonderful, lighthearted account of a recent trip to Egypt that had changed his life,  and it was a really lovely thing to be a part of and to hear this London cockney lad - offering such a  gentle story. 

For Andy was a little Tough Ted... an east end lad you might not - at one time - have trusted  with your wallet or car keys - as he had been a cheeky little rascall when he was a teenager and in private he would tell me some of the things he had got up to in the past which while illegal,   did make you smile broadly and laugh out loud... and while you felt for the victim who had had their car stolen - or whatever - it was never meant to be malicious or evil,  it was just lads messing about,  and we would laugh.  But all that was years behind him and he donated a great deal of his time to helping others, through voluntary charity work and in his private life as well,  and he was a very thoughtful and kind, considerate and loving man.

When I moved to Hamilton Hall he would come down and help us paint and decorate - or more often - he would actually bring a friend with him who he paid to do the work for him as his disabilities through various illnesses brought about through his HIV made it difficult for him to do some things physically,  and he was thrilled every time to be able to offer something and happy to be a part of Hamilton Hall, and I was very pleased to have him part of my life.

I remember one long hot summer, maybe around 2004 - he was down for a couple of weeks with his dog - a Doberman named Scooby ( naturally )  and we would sit in the garden until late at night with candles lit all over the place and just chill out and laugh and share stories from our past - as we actually had a lot in common - and these are happy memories.  His cheecky chappy grin and laugh won him many friends here and one elderly friend fell madly in love with him;- in a really nice and sweet way - and every time I mentioned Andy to him he would smile broadly and laugh...

I knew his health was up and down over the years and I would always be inviting him down for a free stay and more often than not, he would either come down or be too busy at home,  and all of a sudden he has having problems with his bowels and had already had an operation giving him a temporary colostomy and when he visited he was so up, so cheerful and so positive, he was such an inspiration even though I think he was going through a great deal. 

During a trip to Egypt where the pain became so great he increased his pain medication, he decided upon return to just tell the doctors to take his bowel right out and give him a full colostomy as he could not live with the pain and it was obviously not getting any better,  and this was done almost immediately.  He laughed about not needing to douch any more and was so positive all through it.  But it seems things went from bad to worst and although he was always up-beat when I phoned,  he eventually moved into a hospice - he said for pain management - but within a couple of weeks his phone was switched off and he had died.  A few days later his sister called and told me the news and as soon as she said she was Andy's sister, I knew - for I had had to go through my own sisters phone book years ago after her death - phoning people and telling them - and I just knew.  Instantly my tummy did a flip,  my heart missed a beat and a tear came to my eye.  Poor Andy, I wish he'd let me know how ill he was, I would have visited him in the hospice,  but I think he didn't want a fuss - didn't want people to see him in those last days and wanted us to remember him as he was,  and he left this world peacefully and as he had lived it , on his own terms.

He also chose not to have a funeral service of any kind,  and the family were to be told - after the fact - that he had been cremated by the funeral company after it was all over.  Some would have a hard time with this - as saying your final farewell in front of a coffin is traditional and what we all expect,  but not when it causes such grief for people.  Andy hated fuss,  and so chose to leave this life as quietly as he could and leave happy memories and not grief in his wake.  

No flowers.

No hymns. 
No getting to the place on time and having to wear something black - which he would have hated and no
eulogy describing his life in nine minutes.

I was upstairs late last night with a friend and Andy and I had always shared a cigarette or two together and evenings just talking and laughing,  so I did just that with Matt who works here and we shared a few smokes,  talked about loads of things including Andy - and just had one of those evenings where we were giggling like school girls...  and all the while aware of Andy and how he would have loved to be with us one last time,  and bless him. 

Getting older for me is fun,  I see so much of other older people in myself as I come closer to my 60's - people who are older than I am and now I am catching them up,  and the one sadness is remembering all the sweet people whose lives have come to an end so much younger and so much sooner,  and it makes me sad.  I know there are always new friends to meet,  new faces to  laugh with and new evenings to share a smoke and a giggle and I give thanks for the ever changing aspect of my daily life and the wonderous way it moves through the years,  and there are times I remember back and see a face in my minds eye - of Andy - or someone else I held dear but probably never got the chance to really tell them how important they were to me,  and I try harder with my 'today friends' to let them know how much I care and love them, and as fast and as busy as my days are,  I always remember and keep their memory alive within my mind, my body and my soul and in this,  they are still with me.  Still alive and still making me smile.   For I don't ever want to forget.

Bless you Andy.

This is a piece of music he enjoyed and is to be played in the chapel.  CLICK HERE




My Mother, Betty.

Posted by: John

Tagged in: personal



My Mother died 21st September 2011

by John Bellamy

Like a lot of you out there, I have a Mother  who moved from her warden assisted flat to a nursing care home as her mental and physical health meant she was no longer able to look after herself any longer, and there were many times when it made my heart weep. I was talked out of looking after her in my  home and while my heart desperately wanted to look after her,  my head told me I would not manage and it was not a good idea.

A while ago she had a bladder infection and she was in bed and  very distressed - staring out of unseeing eyes that did not seem to focus,  grabbing with her hands at anything and everything close - ie: the bars at the side of the hospital bed had been put up to keep her in bed as she kept sliding out and staggering up the ward - and it was quite a distressing site for many to witness - and she was chattering away - with words that did not follow any cohesive sense and while she knew my name and - kind of - that I was her son -  all sorts of other family members names came into it and I don't really think she knew me,   Her confused state was sad to witness. 

My Mother - a bright, intelligent fashion model who was one of London's top models in the 1940's  and 1950's and walked the catwalk,   also sang with many famous dance bands,  for she had a superb voice - and who raised 3 children,  was reduced to this. 

A tall proud women with a voice and an opinion of her own and no fear of speaking her mind,- a woman who was married 3 times during her life and who put up with a lot,-   A woman who had lived alone for over 20 years since her 3rd husband - my Step Father died and who lost her only daughter ( my sister ) and her baby ( my niece ) around 20 years ago when both died a few months apart ,-  A women who has always been accepting of my gay lifestyle and who loved my friends and boyfriends totally,   even if not being as accepting of my brothers wife - always being a dreadful mother-in-law and a women who all those 'mother-in-law jokes'  must have been written about,-  And a woman who was stubborn, difficult and sometimes a women who would make the angels cry because GOD she could NEVER admit fault and take responsibility and simply apologize,   and a woman who has caused much family turmoil because of her refusal - point blank refusal - to ever accept that she was ever wrong about anything - And a woman who admitted to me some years ago that she had never been in love - never really knew what love was and that - despite being married 3 times and raising a family,  had never really understood what that mysterious word 'love' - had meant - and while in her way she has loved and has been loved, she never really comprehended what it meant, and for that, I was always desperately sorry. 

Sorry that she never understood how we - her children - felt about her and sorry that she always felt the need to - somehow - try and manipulate the situation to suit herself all the time.  Sad that she  never realised we would do whatever she wanted because we loved her and not because she was being manipulative.  Sad that she always thought every situation was about her  and sad that she felt such jealously and resentment towards anyone who 'stole her limelight' - even her own grandchildren.  Sad that she resented her son being a sensational husband and father to his children and sad that she felt such resentment towards those who had something she felt she had lost out on, when the truth was - she hadn't - for she was loved - she was very cared for - and while she never understood this and while she felt alone and unloved,  other people were hurt and betrayed by her time and time again because she simply didn't get it.  She never really understood,-  and that saddens me. 

Poor Betty - my poor Mother,  and as much as we have told her over the years and as much as we have openly shown our affection and considered her in our lives - she still never got it - never realised and never allowed herself to be part of the family - preferring to isolate herself and say that she wasn't wanted all the time when the exact opposite was the truth, and we just got fed up with it. 

Towards the end, to see her bedridden and shouting for help all the time,  was not good.   I could have visited more often,  and she understood in her way.

Whatever it was she lost - and whatever it was she lacked - and for all her mistakes and all her selfish ways,  she was my Mother, I love her dearly, and no-one - NO -ONE - should be made to go through the kind of thing at the end of their lives,   and the cruelty metered out by a government and health authority  SO AGAINST EUTHANASIA beggars belief.  My Mother would not have wanted this,  and with a society where 80% of people asked agree that euthanasia is the best thing in some situations such as this,  I know she didn't suffer at the end, which came quite quickly,  and that  she can now be with my sister, her family and Jesus - in peace - which is what she spoke of.

I would tell her that it was okay - she didn't have to keep fighting and being scared - that she could go to Heaven and see Jesus and the family any time she wanted, and that she, and they, would all be young again, that she would be singing once more and surrounded by those who loved her,  and that her Father - who she never knew - would welcome her with open arms - along with Jesus.  She felt reassured with this and while her body outlived her mind -  I know she would not have wanted to live like this.  Some people need permission to 'let go' and find peace, and my Mother hung on in there and died 21st September 2011 aged 89.   She wasn't ill - she wasn't suffering anything more than being bed ridden and with dementia - her body was strong and she just seemed to 'give up' and slipped into unconsciousness and died within an hour, peacefully, and for that I thank God and the Universe.

So my Mother has now become a memory and one I shall treasure always. I shall tell stories, laugh and get angry, and always with love and affection, for while my Mother exasperated us dearly,  she was a character - and strong willed individual and she died how she lived, in her own time and in her own way.  I can hardly believe I will not see her next week or next month, when I visit and I comb her hair and paint her nails and we talk around in circles and --- but like so many people,  life goes on and we will have her cremated and sprinkle her ashes over Evening Hill - a delightful park with a stunning view over Poole and the harbour and at sunset it is simply delightful, and I often visit with friends to enjoy a fish and chip supper from a local takeaway,   and I shall remember her and be thankful that she was my Mother, who I loved dearly.

John Bellamy







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