Sunday April 19 , 2015

John's Blog

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A LETTER FROM GOD - by Scoobius Pip


please - read and listen to the words, they are beautiful and puts the responsibility firmy in our own hands.





It was my

60th birthday celebration

18th April 2015


We had a great party here on 18th April to celebrate my 60th birthday and while I was crying and carrying on in the kitchen - being all depressed and miserable, everyone else was havign a great time with 'The Naked Singer' enjoying a superb cabaret and karaoke shared by all... and I was not really crying in the kitchen as I am not bothered about getting to 60 and consider it all great fun.  Even I murdered a couple of songs and tried to get everyone to sing along,  and with a few cocktails inside them,  they did... ha ha ... Mind I was singing ' Bachelor Boy' - the old Cliff Richard hit which everyone of a certain age knows..


Robers sang up a storm and it was thrilling to be a part of an evening where people I know, and would never have thought they woul, got up and sang a couple of songs and did a really good job, and even if not so 'on tune'- good luck to them and bless them for having the guts to make a fool of themselves in front of others, as that is the way the west was won ... er ... what ???    Well you know what I mean...  Some sit and watch and barely clap while others get off the ass and join in and it really was a great evening.

We are still learning what we need to do, where we need more lighgts etc. and how loud the music and how many jugs of cocktails we need,  and it really was a thrilling evening and even the dogs joined in... not with singing,  but Chris's dog was humping a few arms... ( he needs his balls cutting off )  and Missy just wandered around looking bored, but then, that is a Weimerana for you.

more soon>>>>





This group rented space at Hamilton Hall on the last Friday of every month and for the last year, it had grown in numbers and has proven to be a popular monthly meeting for many men.
Richard started the group and charged members just £5 admission for  between 2 - 5pm with all hot and cold refreshments - and anything up to a dozen guys attended each month.

Richard is unwell and unable to continue with the group so we have discussed this and it is now all arranged for Hamilton Hall to take over and run this monthly meeting, and as I was a CP Master for 15 years as a sex worker and have a host of experience with canes, straps, belts, paddles etc.  - I am thrilled.

The group will run as it has been doing - at £5 admission, for April and May 2015 and from June the price will be £10 - to include all hot and cold refreshments,  - and while I appreciate this is a masive increase,  it is also appreciated that at just £5 each, this barely covers the cost of refreshments let alone anything else,  and as I am going to be promoting ( which costs time and money )  and having cards printed ( more expense ) and buying some new canes etc. for your use - I am sure you also appreciate that at £10 - this is still massively cheap for what you get. 

If you still wish to attend but genuinely cannot afford the new price, please have a chat with me as I shall want a couple of slaves to help get the room ready, help with the drinks and food etc. and clearing up afterwards,  and to apply as a slave, send a photo and your details and reasons why you think you should be a slave - to |:-  and I shall take it from there.

We do not wish to leave anyone out of this wonderful journey called ' LIFE' and hope you all understand why we have to increase the price.

Hamilton Hall is a NOT FOR PROFIT VENUE 


Book in for the day and attend THE DORSET CANING CLUB and with a pre booked and pre paid reservation to stay overnight in a shared dorm or twin room -  with dinner that evening - bed and breakfast in this CLOTHING OPTIONAL HOTEL EXCLUSIVELY FOR MEN - we will charge the reduced price of just  £75.   ( SAVING - between £10 - £15 )  and alternative private accommodation is available - Please ask for details.




May 22nd - 25th 2015
Bank Holiday Weekend

Very excited about our Eurovision Cabaret weekend with a full weekend planned.  So if you click on the picture to the left it will take you to a page which gives you all the details, and we are going to have a fun weekend planned,  games and prizes, quiz, cabaret, karaoke - the works.

So if you thiunk you know a little about the Eurovision Contect, aome and pit your skills against others and see who gets to take home the prize.

This could be one of the campest evenings of the year.
I remember as far back as when Katie Boyle hosted and she spoke 5 or 6 languages, I think just enough to 'get by' and we were so impressed.....  and there was probably only a dozen countries taking part and as we now have Australia taking part, it does make me thing WTF is going on.  It has changed beyond all recognition and is very politically biased and not all about the song or the performer. 



SOME PEOPLE - Do irritate.  Had a lovely group of people in recently and at the end of their stay one of them pointed out to me that my new beds were not legally compatable with fire regs and a few other items he felt the need to point out and I - basically - told him to fuck off.  I do not need some pretend Hotel Inspector coming round here trying to look clever and pull apart things he feels are  'not good enough' when all the beds - and bedding - are all brand new and he was just showing off and trying to make himself look clever when all he did was make himself look like a blithering fool.  Shame, as up until then,  I really thought he was a sweet man,  and suddenly he turned into a moron.

Went to Glastonbury today ( yes I took a day off - and out )   and whatever you do - DO NOT USE YOUR TOMTOM - as it will send you through the country lanes - barely one lane wide - through some pretty scenery but NOT the most direct or fastest or anything else,  while claiming it was the fastest and most direct -  just lanes that do eventually lead you to Glastonbury but in a very VERY irritating and annoying manner.  I know the way - I have driven it many times, but not for some time and I thought I would trust Chis's TomTom and see what happened - and so much for that.
On the way back I decided to completely ignore what Basil Fawlty was telling me ( John Cleethes  on TomTom) and went the way I knew - and it was straight forward and so easy and yet all the way,  TomTom was trying to take me off to the right - off to the left - off anywhere into rural country lanes and off the main road, which is still only one lane each way so not a dual carriageway or motorway - and still not that speedy,  and to keep trying to take me the most illogical  route imaginable shows that we truly cannot trust technology.  I have to admit to taking the same time to get there as I always did - about 2 hours, but when you are driving past farm buildings and cow poo,  and you are driving 4 feet from their front dopor and their animals, you do wonder where the hell this lane will lead you and should you ignore what you are being told and just turn around. 
Had a lovely day although it was cold and wet but still managed to buy some things for our new Room 2 's Indian feel - and while costly in Glastonbury, I adore the place... Love the spiritual buzz and the friendly people, the eclectic cafes and shops and the whole feel of the town / village.  I would never wish to attend the festival - too many people and too much mud - and this is the wrong time of year anyway - and it is good to get home, unpack, explore the new things, make plans for hanging various pieces tomorrow,  and enjoy a restful evening after 4 hours driving ...

PRIDE - THE MOVIE - see below
I sent out an e mail to our adult bating group members  offering a free copy of the DVD to anyone who booked within 48 hours for the upcoming event we are hosting here and I did not have a single enquiry.  Not one.  Interesting how people ask repeatedly for varius things and suggestions are always being offered and when you plan such an event - as requested - and then it flops because of lack of numbers, it does dishearten and batray trust,  as it costs me money organising and planning these events and when you ask for it and then do not attend it dissapoints.  Hugely.
COME ON GUYS - you will complain if Hammy Hall closed down and there really is nowhere to visit for such events and we do have the largest Diary of Events for gay and bisexual men anywhere in Europe,  and without your custom .........



I often see these awards and think - well - who voted that the best pub / club / gay venue - as no one asked me and who voted it the best ???   ... and consider it all a load of bollocks to get you to spend more money in their bar.  Trip Advisor;-  while I say they are tossers and a waste of time - this certificate of excellence is an award because of the amount of positive feedback we have received from those who have stayed here and THAT is wonderful and I am proud and thrilled about that.  Compared to many other venues, we could easily be a 3 or 4 star B&B but I do not buy into the tourist board schemes which - again - are just money spinners for the council - and I do not waste my money with something that has such little meaning. 

66% of visitors attend alone.
22% attend  with a partner / friend
6% come on business


New Year Joke:

When I found out I was Bi Polar, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.




Written by Stephen Beresford and directed by Matthew Warchus

  I ordered this movie from Gays the Word Bookshop in London ( HERE ) after a customer suggested it and I have not cried as much while watching a movie as I did last night.  Filled with sweet tender moments that make you ' fill up'  and several times when the tears really flowed - as the story of a group of gay men and lesbians decide to collect money and support the coal miners during the Thatcher period of destroying the Miners Union back in the 1980's  and the ' coming together' of people from very different communities - 1) Coal Miners - 2) Gay Men and Lesbians - and the acceptance and rewards that these very different communities find through a battle with authorities for acceptance of a way of life and to keep their mines open.

With those from the gay community understanding persecution and bigotry only too well,  they appreciate and value what the miner
s are going through fighting the Thatcher government for the right to keep their livlihoods and their communities up and running.  Gay men have fought for decades for acceptance  in law  ( which we tend to take for granted now we have all we fought for ) but these were the days when GAY PRIDE MARCHES were political and had a powerful message about equality and not the Mardi Gras celebration of - er - what  exactly ???  - as it is these days up and down the country and the London  Gay Pride marches of the 1980's were London based - and tens of thousands would attend from all over the country.   We had a common goal we shared - about acceptance and a change in the law - and the way these gay men and lesbians took it upon themselves to raise funds and moral for the miners - is breath taking - and I did cry - several times.

I found this film to be very moving and as I am old enough to remember the onset of HIV and Aids and all that was ' going down'  in the mid '80's,  this film is well worth a visit and have a big box of Kleenex handy,  oh and you will laugh out loud as well - as there are many very funny scenes.
With some familiar faces - this well produced and executed story keeps its point and keeps you watching.  Not too ' over the top' and certainly not too preachy about gay rights - it hit the nail right on the head and combined the difficulties of being a member of the gay /. lesbian community and a member of a small mining community and a coming together of real opposites with a common goal,  and from this coming together,  acceptance and love prevaile. 
I shall certainly be watching this film a lot with customers here at Hammy Hall and shall certainly now be ordering at least another dozen copies from 
GAYS THE WORD BOOK SHOP - as they helped - back in the '80's - by offering the group of fund raisers to use their facilities in the shop and I would rather spend my money buying the DVD from them than Amazon.







Spirituality and Men (SAM)
is a self-development group run by men for men, aiming to explore the spirit of man through informative dialogue, honest interaction and the silence of meditation.

This group meets on the first Sunday of every month at Global Co-operation House.


For further information, please contact the SAM team:



Thought you might like to see these e mails to and from Hammy Hall.  

It did make me laugh.


To Hamilton Hall :-    ' If I come to see any of your clients in the hotel do I have to pay anything?'

My Answer: :- 'I have no idea what you are talking about … . in plain English please.'

His answer :- 'In plain English: Can I come to your Hotel and have sex with your clients (I expect your clients to pay me) You can not expect me to pay for anything as I am short of money.'

My answer :-  'In plain English - FUCK OFF'



The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.


When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.


It was a whole lot easier to get older than it was to get wiser.


This is so sweet, a dog who discovers he doesn't have to swim




Tony Bray died just before Christmas  2014, and I shall miss him.  He was a good and dear friend who visited and loved Hamilton Hall and would sit in the Conservatory meeting and greeting people as they came and went and everyone loved his peaceful and charming manner.  He was 79 years of age and a real sweetheart.    He will be missed, dearly missed.








Take a look HERE






Every penny raised goes to help the many people we help with food, company, a week or  weekend away, counseling, and even sometimes helping with clothes. In one case we bought a homeless student a bike to get to college on,  and in another , a guitar and lessons to play for a local lad whose life was aimless and he was stoned on drugs all day and all night and we are today, guiding him into making  a life for himself - get his act together - and have some order in his empty life.  We do what we do for absolutely no reason other than 

This web site makes some useful suggestions to HOW TO COPE WITH HOMOPHOBIC FAMILIES



Dear John: 







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'If your house is on fire and the firemen are gay,  

and it offends your religious belief,  

are you going to send them away

and ask for another 'straight'  fire fighting crew ?

Maybe those from the LGBT community are offering a more Christian attitude

than the Christians who are bigoted, rascist and damning of others.


The US state of Indiana has recently enacted a law which allows business to discriminate against those of the LGBT community.

This is all about religious beliefs and that if you find LGBT to be against your religious belief then you should not have to serve them if you feel offended by them, and this is discrimination - which is illegal.  Claiming that business must serve anyone and everyone is correct  if your business is offering a service or product that someone from the LGBT community might wish to purchase from you -  -  you have no right to dictate what someone else 
should do with their life  just because it is against your religious beliefs, which should  actually not come into it.

The guesthouse here in the UK who refused those 2 gay guys  a few years ago certainly realized too late that it was not a good idea and ended up loosing their business and everything.  It seems the people of England are a lot more understanding and sympathetic to those of us from the LGBT community than some church goers assume,  and it seems they are using their belief structure to overcome laws and claim they only answer to God - which sounds really like the words of a paranoid schitzophrenic... hearing voices. 

Vegetarians often shout at meat eaters and my answer to them is to go fuck off and leave me alone.  I was a vegey once - chose to give it up, and will not be dictated to by others how I should live my life,. Be it eating meat, being gay or believing in God.

Nothing - NOTHING gives them the right and DO NOT tell me that someone's religious beliefs should allow this to happen because 


Someone's religious beliefs just  allowed some of their  

followers to ransacked a museum at Mosul in Iraq

of its antiquities and destroyed them.  This was done by members of ISIS

in the name of religion.

These Christians in Indiana are no different to those in ISIS.  

They are religious terrorists damning and destroying a faction of their own community

because of a  displaced religious viewpoint which is as dangerous

and as evil as any terrorist working for ISIS.  They damn and destroy anyone

and anything that does not meet with their bigted and distorted view of Christianity

and we have seen this before in the UK with the jailing of Oscar Wilde

and the dreadful treatment of the  world war hero Alan Turing

and the many who have been beaten to death

by scared men who have heard clap trap on ' what the Bible says'

when the truth is,-  the Bible says no such thing.


If you have such strong opinions, then you should not be in business - as how many LGBT are fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan ? How many LGBT pay tax that pays for these Christians children to go school and pays for it - as well as paying for the army etc.  How many LGBT are nurses - doctors - teachers - politicians - builders and anything and everything you may need, and

if your house is on fire and the firemen are gay,  and it offends your religious belief,  

are you going to send them away and ask for another ' straight' fire fighting crew ?  

I think not - so this is obviously going to be as and when it suits the narrow minded,  and if and when  their religious beliefs come before every day stuff like shopping, eating, doing laundry and just about anything where those from the LGBT community might be hiding in plain sight;-  like serving YOU when they are offended by your ugly face - bad hair, dreadful clothes or attitude.  

You see, we LGBT have to suffer the straights and their messed up attitude, noisy kids and all that goes with that - and there is little we can do except be open and accepting to all,  

and maybe, just maybe,

the LGBT is offering a more Christian attitude than the Christians

who are bigoted, rascist and damning of others. 


Says a great deal about what the Christian church of the USA is teaching.



ZAYN MALIK ( 22 - in the red and black shirt pictured  ) is about to leave the pop boy band 'One Direction'  and personally, I think he is by far, the sexiest and most handsome of all of them and he will be missed by millions.  He is handsome and he is in demand,  and these poor girls who have taken to cutting their arms and blood letting themselves because of his departure,  is really quite sad and empty.  With very little in their lives,  little prospect of a decent education ( uni fees are beyond many peoples reach ) and little hope of a job and besides getting pregnant and getting a council flat,  many young people - especially young girls - dream a fantasy life with people like Zayn

Right at the start when is saw them on X Factor - or was it BGT - I thought he was stunning looking and the only one - when he gets a little older, that I would most certainly take to bed as there is that latin / arab look, olive skinned, great bone structure and very sexy lips... ( ha ha  - maybe now even I sound like a love sick teenage girl...)  and none of us can even imagine the stress, the strain, the hard work, living out of a suitcase for most of the year,  cannot go anywhere without being mobbed - and while the money is great - they say each of them is worth at least £13 million each -  it is worthless if you are a prisoner - from the media - from public opinion - to your last music review and to just about anything you may say or do that someone - somewhere - will report, distort, alter and change to suit their story, their own agenda and their sales figures,  and it MUST make you want to scream sometimes.

After I was on the TV programme ' 3 IN A BED' it was, and continues still to this day but a lot less,  great to be recognised in the street, in shops and all over the place by members of the public who saw the programme and recognise me and come and chat - and I have met and talked to so many wonderful and thoughtful people who enjoyed what I did... HOWEVER:-  This would MEGA get right on your tits if it was all the time, everywhere you went,  and to not even be able to go for a quite dinner somewhere or to the cinema, or even a late night walk on the beach without a hoard of paparatzi following your every move...  and it would be exasperating.  Especially so for someone so young and especially when it comes to who you are dating ( shagging ) who you are seen with and your entire private life is played out for all the worlds media to write about, digest, tear apart and diagnose as if it was any of their business...

It must be hard and if he now leaves and never works in show business again ( although I hear he wants a solo career as a singer - and good luck to him )  he is young, handsome, wealthy and can do fuck all for the rest of his life - if he wishes - so I hope the price he paid to get rich has not been too high a price and that he can reclaim his life and his privacy and have a great time.
If he is to release a solo album and it is good,m then i shall buy it,  and I wish him well.

And yes, if he came and asked nicely, I would do him... ha ha ...   but I know I would have to fight through a plethora of young girls first..

So which do you prefer - clean shaven or with a stubble / beard ?  Personally, I love him with a beard and I also love all the body ink ( to the old farts reading, that is what they call tattoo's these days ) and he is certainly a very ' today' young man and one I am sure has the world at his feet, if he can stay sane, competant, with good management and loyal close friends and family who can help him keep his head together in a world crazed his One Direction. 


Dolce & Gabbana store protest in London, Thursday 1-2pm 


Boycott Dolce & Gabbana

and picket their Old Bond Street store


Billionaire designers pander to Vatican, far right & homophobes
New research shows that kids with gay parents do well in life

London - 17 March 2015

Peter Tatchell Foundation

The Out and Proud Diamond Group and the Peter Tatchell Foundation are supporting the international boycott of Dolce and Gabbana and holding a protest outside their flagship London store, 6-8 Old Bond Street, London W1S 4PH, this Thursday 19 March from 1-2pm.
We urge you to join us - and to share and tweet details of the protest to all your friends.
The protest is in response to the fashion designers insulting slurs against same-sex parents and their children.
Speaking to the Italian magazine Panorama, alongside his business partner, Stefano Gabbana, Domenico Dolce said children should be born to a mother and a father:
“The only family is a traditional one. I’m not convinced by those I call the chemical children, synthetic babies...They are wombs for hire, semen chosen from a catalogue ... psychiatrists are not ready to confront the effects of this experimentation.”
Stefano Gabbana added: “The family is not a fad.” In 2006, he told the Daily Mail: "I am opposed to the idea of a child growing up with two gay parents."
Both designers have in the past strongly opposed same-sex marriage.
LGBT rights and human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell, Director of the Peter Tatchell Foundation and co-organiser of Thursday’s protest, said:
"It is hypocritical for Stefano Gabbana to oppose gay parents, given that in 2006 he expressed a desire to have a child via artificial insemination and surrogacy. He's guilty of double standards. Gabbana wanted for himself what he now condemns other gay men for wanting.
"These comments are not only an attack on same-sex parents but on all parents who've had children with the aid of fertility treatment, including thousands of heterosexual couples.
"Dolce and Gabbana are echoing ill-informed, outdated and homophobic prejudices about gay parents. Research spanning 40 years shows that children bought up by gay mums and dads are just as happy and well-adjusted as those from traditional heterosexual families. The key to a child’s welfare is the love of their parents, not the parent’s sexual orientation.
“They are playing into the hands of the Vatican and far right political parties that oppose gay families, said Mr Tatchell.
Co-organiser of the protest, Edwin Sesange, director of the LGBT Out and Proud Diamond Group, added:
“Please join us in sending a clear message to Dolce and Gabbana that same-sex families are loving, happy families. This issue is not about same-sex families alone but also about the many straight families who have benefited from fertility treatment. Dolce and Gabbana’s statements add to the stigma, shame, prejudice, rejection and intolerance often suffered by same-sex parents and their children. They should withdraw their statements and apologise.”
Mr Tatchell concluded:
"Dolce and Gabbana are entitled to their views but we are entitled to protest against them. We urge everyone - gay and straight - to boycott their clothes.
“It's intolerable for these designers to make millions out of the gay community and then turn around and insult our families. They've stabbed us in the back. 
“Dolce and Gabbana have been exploiting the gay market for decades. Having made their millions, they seem happy to trash loving, responsible same-sex parents and their children.
"Professor Susan Golombok of the Centre for Family Research at Cambridge University is the world expert on same-sex families. She's been studying them since 1976. Her latest research is in her new book, Modern Families, published last week. Surveying studies worldwide spanning four decades, she found that children with same-sex parents flourish, despite the stigma they sometimes face," said Mr Tatchell.
Further information:
Peter Tatchell
Director, Peter Tatchell Foundation
0207 403 1790



Spok dies.

Er no - Leonard Nimoy has died.

Spok will live forever in our hearts.

I know he was an old man and had been playing the part of Spok on Star Trek for many decades - yet I will miss him.  He was a part of our cultural heritage that many of us grew up watching and enjoying and he had always been there, ever since I was little, and it saddened me to hear of his death this week, aged I believe 82.

I know he was an actor and that the character he played as Spok was not a real man - or even living in the same century as us - or from the same planet,  but the man he portrayed for so long was taken to our hearts and we loved him.  Half Vulcan and half human, he fought with his own inner demons in the control of his emotions ( Vulcans control their emotions while we humans seem controlled by them ) and he often showed us how to behave, how not to react and how to control our inner anger - the animal within - and Gene Rodenburry who was the producer and creator of Star Trek was a very spiritual man who put a great deal of his spiritual trachings into the stories of Star Trek ( more so with the newer Next Generation onwards ) and Spok was often one of those more spiritual storylines involving self development of the human psyche.

Bless him for always keeping Spok alive and loved.  Bless him for being a part of so many peoples lives and for sharing the journey.

Leonard Nimoy -  you have been and still are - loved by millions; in this universe and many others.






Thay wrote to me today looking for funding and I have to admit
to not knowing them at all.   Having run variuous gay businesses for over 30 years it astounds me how easy it is for any business to promote itself to all gay venues through the internet - and yet most seem to miss that golden opportunity  and so most venues will never know about so many things that are going on as we do not read all the gay publications but we do read our e mails.
Click on the Broken Rainbow UK picture to be taken to its own web site.





Various towns ( Bristol was just on the news with this )  in the UK are introducing SMOKE FREE ZONES in open spaces like parks,   and here in Bournemouth you cannot even smoke in the hospital car park and I have to point out how absolutely stupid this is.
I appreciate smoking is a bad habit with serious health risks and when the argument is raised about the future of our childrens health,  no one bothers to speak accurately and offer truthful input, they just rant and rave about smoking.

So here is some alternative truths to the ones offered. 
CAR - LORRY - BUS FUMES are a great deal more dangerous to all our health than someone standing in an open park 100 yerds away smoking a cigarette.  It is complete madness.
Our environment is full of dangerous particles that affect us all and are breathed in wherever we are - and throat cancer is more likely to be caused by the environment than from smoking ( which is the 3rd reason for throat cancer ) while binge drinking is the second and the biggest cause of throat cancer - THE ENVIRONMENT.

So in open spaces - banning smoking is  ludicrous.  It seems councils and so forth are afraid to actually approach the genuine reasons and ban vehicles from town and city centres and most certainly not about to ban drinking - and the hypocracy is screaming for all to hear.

Naturally, the 'do gooders' will scream and shout and declare it a wonderful idea while remaining positively ignorant to the truth and if someone ever told me not to smoke in the middle of a field, I would feel inclined to read the riot act at them and try an educate them - but you know how some of these people are - their minds are made up and they will never be changed and it is these people that damn and destroy and not for the good but out of ignorance.    I refuse to be treated as a child by some idiot who thinks they know better when the truth is, they do not.

Oh and not to forget how the government is backing Fracking - searching for more fossil fuels while reducing financial backing for alternative wind turbines that do not pollute the atmosphere.  Aren't we suppose to be reducing our carbon footprint and not adding to it - and all they do is run around banning smoking.

Give Me Strength.

And any husband with a wife like any in the picture about,  taking one look at any of them is enough to drive any poor man to drink.  I bet these women were very dried up and wrinkly...



Why Ex-Gay Therapy Groups

Should Be Very Nervous Right Now


A New Jersey judge has delivered a blow to ex-gay therapy groups, saying that so-called change therapy amounts to consumer fraud when groups make certain claims about gay people, and also when they claim success rates that they cannot support with facts.

The case involves several people including Plaintiffs Benjamin Unger and Chaim Levin, who are survivors of ex-gay therapy. They are suing the Jersey City-based Jews Offering New Alternatives for Healing (JONAH) under the New Jersey Consumer Fraud Act. It is the first time that ex-gay therapy has been challenged in this way, and based on Hudson County Superior Court Judge Peter Bariso Jr.’s determinations so far, it’s going to be a big problem for ex-gay therapy groups across the country.

The case hasn’t gone to trial yet, but Judge Bariso Jr. has granted a request by plaintiffs for partial summary judgement, which essentially means that the judge looks at the evidence presented in case files and makes a determination on those grounds. Specifically here, the judge was asked whether JONAH has committed fraud under New Jersey’s consumer protection laws when JONAH claims that homosexuality is a “disorder” that can be cured, and when it cites specific success statistics that JONAH cannot substantiate with hard data.

Bariso Jr., having previously told JONAH it cannot use ”expert testimony” or witnesses because there’s no such thing as a scientific expert in ex-gay therapy because conversion therapy isn’t scientifically recognized,
issued the following determination on February 10 (pdf):

It is a misrepresentation in violation of the CFA, in advertising or selling conversion therapy services, to describe homosexuality, not as being a normal variation of human sexuality, but as being a mental illness, disease, disorder, or equivalent thereof.

It is a misrepresentation in violation of the CFA, in advertising or selling conversion therapy services, to include specific “success” statistics when there is no factual basis for calculating such statistics, e.g., when client outcomes are not tracked and no records on client outcomes are maintained.

Judge Bariso Jr. also struck JONAH’s Eighth and Ninth Amendment defenses, noting they were dispatched in oral arguments on February the 5th and were agreed to have no actual bearing on the case.

JONAH’s attorney Charles LiMandri
claims that the court has got this wrong, and that the group’s use of the word “disorder” is not intended to mean a medical disorder but a “religious” one based on JONAH’s interpretation of Jewish law. Essentially, they are attempting a religious defense for the program, but it’s undeniable that they are claiming a psychological change in the people who are subjected to this therapy, so it remains to be seen how much scope they can get out of their religious defense.

The Southern Poverty Law Center, which represents plaintiffs, believes that this latest ruling is highly significant not just for New Jersey but for gay people throughout the United States.

“This ruling is monument
al and devastating to the conversion therapy industry,”said David Dinielli, SPLC deputy legal director. “For the first time, a court has ruled that it is fraudulent as a matter of law for conversion therapists to tell clients that they have a mental disorder that can be cured. This is the principal lie the conversion therapy industry uses throughout the country to peddle its quackery to vulnerable clients. Gay people don’t need to be cured, and we are thrilled that the court has recognized this.”

The SPLC isn’t wrong. This trial is on course to dismantle every one of ex-gay therapy’s key lies. For one thing, the judge not allowing so-called experts to testify ab
out ex-gay therapy’s efficacy because change therapy isn’t science is impressively damaging and rips through the tapestry of misdirection and flat out lies that underpin ex-gay therapy. Furthermore, we see JONAH retreating into a religious defense because if it can not make secular claims about data and psychological disorders, it is left with little else than its religious opinions — that by itself smacks of desperation.

The case, which will go to trial in June, is considered a flag-ship for the battle against ex-gay therapy and it is incredibly important. Unfortunately, the trial does not include determinations around ex-trans therapy, and as we learned from
Leelah Alcorn’s story, religious therapists trying to suppress a young person’s self-determination of their gender can have awful consequences. This is not to detract from this very important lawsuit, but to say that it is one piece of a larger fight.

As such, a campaign, 
the BornPerfect Campaign, has been launched that aims to have every state enact laws that ban all accredited therapists from engaging in or offering ex-LGBT therapy to minors. Such efforts will also be needed to stamp out a practice that has no basis in scientific fact and one that is prejudiced and harmful.

We all know what a screwed up load of wank jobs a lot of therapists are and how mentally unstable a  lot of those who work in mental health are themselves. There are tons of screwey therapists out there doing a great deal more harm than good, in all fields of mental health, just as there are a lot of brilliant and helpful therapists who do good work,  and in this instance, here we have a load of scared religious people - scared of their own homosexuality - and this kind of therapy and therapist is as vile and as dangerous and evil as anything you can imagine... well almost. These sick and twisted souls that deem it necessary to damn and destroy others when they all along are wrong ; - are often gay themselves and living in fear - so they attack and destroy the very thing they fear within themselves the most, and this is really very sickening - but the sad thing is - PEOPLE LISTEN AND ASSUME IT IS FOR REAL when THESE are the sick and twisted ones and not the out gay men.  using Biblical / religious rhetoric is incorrect as most people misquote the teachings and do NOPT knpow what it actually says and how many times it damns straight sex in the Bible - and how many gay / lesbian stories rthere are in the Bible which are not damned or destroyed, just mistranslated, and anyone using Biblical clap trap to damn another is the evil one, the bigot, the devil incarnate as what they are doing is wrong, the Bible DOES NOT SAY homosexuality is wrong EXCEPT in modern mis translated versions put together by scared Catholic and Protestant priests in the 16th and 17th centuries.

Disgusting ... and I hope the courts and the laws show this to be the case and persecute and jail these nasty little men in a prison full of hairy sweaty men who have not had a shag for a very long time and who will enjoy these bible pushing anti gay homophobes with tight little asses,-  all night - every night... for a very long time.

WE in England may now have Equality Laws and we are - to a large degree - protected against some forms of bigotry against us, BUT it will take a couple of generations for the masses to learn and appreciate, grow and evolve an understanding that accepts and does not damn and destroy and we would be fools to assume that now the law is on our side, everyone out there will be different- as a scared man - is a scared man - and just because the law has been changed does not change that fact.  Someone who is a Bible punching racist bigot will always be the same regardless of what the law says - as his mis-reading of Biblical clap trap,  also spouced by a possibly bigoted and fucked up priest - from any church - will not change,  and it will take time.  The sad thing is the fear that the church put out there - that homosexuality ( to name just one thing ) is wrong - is evil - is against God - and we only have to see how many misguided Muslims are murdering in the name of Alah when the Koran simply does not allow for cold blooded murder at all,  and these sick and twisted teachers who are using the holy word to forward their own political and religious agendas - are the dangerous ones who cause so much pain and turmoil within the soul of so many men and women.

These people who claim to be able to cure homosexuality MUST BE PROSECUTED and if it is because they perpetrate fraud with false claims and false advertising, then good - close them down, send them to jail and do whatever it takes to stop the spread of such fear based clap trap and - to be honest - usually this kind of evil  comes out of the United States of Fear - as this is the most  fucked up country on the planet - masquarading as a country of brilliant minds.  Shame on The United States of America and shame on these scared little boys who cause such turmoil and pain in others.

I do feel for those living in one of the 70 odd countries that have outlawed homosexuality and where we hear of gay men being thrown from tall uildings and if they do not die, they are stoned to death - JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE GAY.
There is a lot of work to be done before we in England can reast and do nothing because we have what we fought for for decades - EQUALITY - when tens of thousands of LGBT people are hounded to death simply because God chose to make them different.



When injustice becomes law,   defiance becomes duty.



Thanks to Chris who told me this one - and it really works:


  1. Get a metal pot stand.  Put 3 or 4 Tea Lights - lit - in the middle together and have each one a couple of inches from the other
  2. On the top on them lower a terracotta garden pot with its bottom upwards and where the candles heat burns up the inside of the pots and not straight out of the whole at the top. 
  3. The heat of the candles will heat up the pot so you cannot even touch it and the heat from just 3 or 4 small Tea Lights will warm the whole room. 

Be careful with candles and never leave to burn without supervision or where children, the elderly or pets can knock them over;-  and not in a draughty location. 

If using Tea Lights NOT on some kind of metal or glass stand, then ALWAYS put them on a solid surface - NOT PLASTIC - as Tea Lights will melt down through the plastic and set fires.  They become extremly hot - hotter than a lot of people realize. 

Always put them in a safe countainer when alight and always take care with naked flames in the home.

I have been using one for the last couple of weeks and I have noticed I can turn down the heating in my own private lounge as it actually has been getting too hot and is a wonderful way of heating the place without paying a fortune to the gas and electric companies that are so screwing us all. 


click above to read all about this dangerous legislation





Eighty-eight thousand deaths a year?
One in 10 people in America die from alcohol abuse each year.




US Secretary of State, John Kerry representing a country which makes Genghis Khan look like a wimp when it comes to illegal invasions, still retains the prize for jaw dropper of the decade:

"You just don't, in the 21st century, behave in 19th century fashion by invading another country on completely trumped up pretext", he pontificated on CBS' "Face the Nation." 

It really is enough to take your breath away,- the gall of this idiot.  Does he assume we are all idiots ?



The following BOURNEBATERS poll is now closed. Here are the
final results:



- YES, 19 votes, 41.30%
- NO, 14 votes, 30.43%
- INDIFFERENCE TO SEX, 1 votes, 2.17%

For more information about this group, please visit




'We have all been in abusive relationships, and sometimes we were the one being abused.'

Marianne Williams











Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 




The next statement in true

The first statement is untrue







 I have needed a few days away from Hammy Hall as I work 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year and have not had any time away from here for some years now, and even then it was only 3 or 4 days and running a NOT FOR PROFIT VENUE where we really do struggle financially,  makes it hard to be able to actually afford much.  As a sex worker decades ago earning a fortune, I enjoyed holidays abroad to wonderful places where I was able to recharge the batteries and return home refreshed and renewed ready for the time ahead...  alive and excited.  Having taken the choice to 'put something back into the community'  over 15 years ago and not be preoccupied with profit profit profit like so many venues and where we are 'PEOPLE MOTIVATED - NOT PROFIT DRIVEN'  - means I am always struggling financially.

My passport expired a while ago and several dear friends died in the last couple of years so the friends I would have gone away with - or even visited them at their place,  is now lost to me and I was recently aware that I do need to get away and get some time for myself - as being a healer - a mother - a support structure for so many people, and always being their for them whenever they need advice, help, a friend - does take its toll and a break helps enormously.  Going away alone is not my thing and as my few close friends have either died or moved abroad and as stated, my passport has expired, I am rather at a loose end.

Over this last weekend I met a wonderful sexy man who - although it was to prove our friendship was to be non sexual ( damn it - as for the first time in ages I actually thought I had met someone I could enjoy on more than an intellectual level )  and he told me of his mental health problems, which were extremne to say the least - and we chatted and really enjoyed each others company.  So when he asked if I would like to go home with him when he left and enjoy a few days in the country ( as he lives on a farm right up near Scotland )  I saw this as a Divine Intervention and Invitation - an adventure - and I accepted with excitement and trepidation.  

Leaving Hammy Hall for me is a bit like pulling teeth as I am not use to leaving and have so much to make sure is sorted and arranged before I go;- and then packing and making sure I have all that I may need, as going so far north is going to be colder than here etc.  and being unsure of where and what was coming, I like to be prepared. It was exciting.

I rose early and got myself all ready - came down to breakfast and found a note that stated he had left in the middle of the night as the voices in his head were telling him to leave - so he did, and while he was very apologetic,  he felt it was for the best, and I appreciate and completely understand his mental health and the causes and reasons and hoped he had a safe and easy journey home and went with my love and blessing.  I am sure he is as upset as I am.

However :-  I was stuck to the spot for several moments thinking WTF is going on in my world ?  WTF are the angels doing ?  WTF is God up to to be so  cruel ?  I work hard - long hours - no breaks - fuck all sex life - putting out for others ALL THE TIME and being there for so many who I care about and help where I can - be it because of their mental health,  age, lonliness or whatever - and yet it does seem that whenever I am the one in need, there is fuck all there for me and even the angels seem to lead me on and then leave me wanting, and I am near to tears this afternoon.  It really is a case of WTF IS GOING ON ?

I do have a friend I could visit but it all comes with an ulterior motive - not so much for me but for him,  so that is out.  Customers who invite me to go and stay with them - is wonderful and so very kind,  but I need sometimes to get right away - no connection - and it seems sometimes as if the Angels are telling me something very different and it does upset me.  It doesn't seem very fair and while I believe we all make our own reality - in no way would I have created this.  I appreciate I do not know the bigger picture,  yet it all  seemed so cruel.

So I am not going away for a few days and I am here at this computer yet again, all unpacked and stuff put away,  and ready to go out with the dogs as usual and the usual shopping and then home for the usual day ahead and I just hope and pray he gets home safe and sound and that his mental health does not lead him down too many dark avenues and that he can find some light, some joy and some meaning to his life so the voices within his head leave him alone,  or at least - start telling him beautiful things instead of being so dark all the time. 
I hope he knows he will always be welcome here and if he is ever in a dark place and needs a shoulder, a friend - I will always be here for him and will always be the friend and will never turn away as others have done.  The best healing -  is  knowing and trusting that there is someone there for you - always - with no strings attached - and I will always offer him this. 

My hope and prayer is also that - maybe - just maybe - there will be someone there for me like this - that I can rely on, trust, confide in,  for guidance and support and maybe even a few days away to re charge and rely on at times when I need someone.   

While I never get depressed,   I do certainly feel a bit low today and I am very aware that I do not know the outcome of all this - as yet - and that something of light and beauty will come from this and I shall hold the place within me open for that miracle, that happiness and maybe even that person to be there for me - as I damned well deserve it.

It seems that being the Mother - the therapist, the support, comes with a price - and it is a painful price sometimes and one that comes with a heavy tag which can cost as much as it rewards.

I do wonder though - WTF is going on ?  Not about this man - as he has his own demons -  but with what God throws at me sometimes;-  What S/He expects of me and how S/He expects me to cope. Why S/He seems cruel sometimes and what S/He has planned for me that I am - as yet - ignorant of. 

In the meantime, I do wonder WTF ?


Dear John. My heart went out to you when I read your piece WTF.  I know how hard you put out for others and what little you get back and cannot tell you how I dearly felt for you over your lost time away.  So many of us trust you will be there when we need a break and I have always trusted you were there to listen and guide me over the years I have been attending and somehow,  in complete ignorance, I never even thought of how you coped with it all and the piece you wrote brought it home to me that you also need your time,  space and healing and I am sorry to hear you do not have that support structure as you offer us.  Putting others first all the time is a wonderful trait but not when it comes at your own cost.   Take care of yourself John and I hope you find what you are looking for and needing.
Malcolm. ( Oxford )

Oh John. I did feel sorry for you when i read your article about being dumped just prior to a few days away. It made me laugh and cry for you as similar things have happened to me and it does indeed hurt deeply.  I wish you well and hope you find a few days away some place nice real soon.  Orson ( Cambridge ) 

John. Read your Blog about your few days away that wasn't and I did feel for you. I know how hard you work and how much you put out for those in need and the free holiday I had at your place after my friend died was so kind and thoughtful of you and was exactly what I needed.  To hear that you have a hard time finding something in return is unfair - desperately unfair as you are one of the few genuinely kind and thoughtful people I have ever met and you really deserve better.  Victor ( Banbury ) 


Chasing the Scream:

The Beginning and End of the Drug War

The century-old drug war has been an enormous failure, doing little to stop either international drug trafficking or addiction to illegal substances, writes author Johann Hari in Chasing the Scream.

A humane policy that combines legalization with nonpunitive drug treatment is
long overdue.


JB Says:  An enormous amount of what we have been told is the truth - is not.  We have been massively misled and lied to in order to allow big business to propogate their lies to sell us products that are made from pretrolium products insted of the natural hemp - and as an example - The Kings James Bible - The American Constitution and even the Magna Carter were all written on Hemp fibre paper and not paper made from wood pulp.  Wood fibre paper needs bleach while Hemp paper does not.  The chemical industry makes billions from oil based chemical products - whereas Hemp is cheap, easy to grow and non toxic to the environment ( compared to the oil industry ) and it is all about making money rather than what is the best thing to do.  This book is brilliant.





Your comments on this are invited.


Dear UKIP:  Can you tell me where UKIP stands on the LGBT community / Gay rights and even gay marriage – as everyone I speak to seems to say different things and with millions reading my web site each year,  and with me promoting your 100 days e mail on my site – the LGBT community is somewhat confused on your stand on LGBT rights.

Thanks  John Bellamy

From:UKIP Head Office []
Sent: 29 January 2015 15:24
To: hamilton hall
Subject: Re: gay rights

Dear Mr Bellamy,

Thanks for your mail.

UKIP do not have a policy or stance on LGBT rights-this issue is a personal one

and outside the remit of a political party.

Kind Regards
Alan Bigwood
UKIP Head Office

My answer in return:

Dear Alan:

I am confused by your answer as it is vague and naïve in stating how LGBT rights are  outside the remit of a political party. 

It has EVERYTHING to do with a political party as it is politics and politicians that listen to the people when formulating its strategy for the forthcoming election and how the people should vote.  If you are saying you have absolutely no idea – or that your party has no interest in LGBT rights – or that it is a personal issue and outside the remit of YOUR political party,  then you have offered me a step backwards from your party and your answer needs to be exposed to the LGBT community as vague and lacking.  I asked a serious question as many within the LGBT community believe UKIP to be a homophobic and racist party,  which it seems to be trying to show is an inaccurate and untruthful belief structure;-   yet your evasive answer to my serious question evades being honest with me and evades committing yourself to an answer to my question. 

 The point it :-  You have not answered my question and I am wondering who I should speak to next in order not to be fobbed off as you have done, but to offer a serious and educated answer to someone with millions of readers on my web site aimed at those within the LGBT community.

With an election looming and people such as myself showing an interest and asking a serious and topical questions to you about a contentious issue that occurred within the last couple of years – that being Civil Partnerships and Gay Marriage – it would have been accommodating of you to offer where your party stands on these issues and not a one line stating the nonsense you have offered me below.

Shame on you – you have done UKIP no good at all with this type of evasive and plainly ignorant of the facts – answer. 

If you cannot accommodate me with a clear and defined answer – then please let me know who can.

In the meantime, this will be on my web site and millions will now be reading your somewhat lacking response.

John Bellamy

WITHIN A MINUTE of sending my e mail above,  I received this one below:

Dear Mr Bellamy,
I suggest you contact David Coburn MEP- who is a gay man and as a member of our party's National Executive Committee is probably best placed to give you a more informed response.His e-mail address is

(I wonder why he has an anonymous hotmail account rather than an official UKIP address... )

Kind Regards
Alan Bigwood
UKIP Head Office

SO I WROTE to David Coburn and a week or so later have not heard in respeonse. I appreciate he is a busy man - so I phoned and spoke to someone at head ofice who also stated I shopuld e mail david Coburn but that they ( UKIP ) does not at the moment have a policy on  LGBT issues and when the manifesto comes out in late March it shoulkd cover all aspects of wht UKIP stand for.

Now: That seems a little vague.  I pointed out that my web site gets 7 million hits and she still could not advise me one way or the other and it does seem a little odd that a political party has nothing to say when a journelist with 7 million readers gets absolutely nowhere when asking a simple and straight forward question.



I am NOT saying I am voting for UKIP in the next election - I found this interesting reading and worthy of sharing with you.  If other parties offer something similar for the public to read, I shall also Blogg that on here as well.

The Conservatives want the focus to be on the economy, while Labour want it to be on the NHS. The Liberal Democrats, meanwhile, want people to think neither of the two main parties can be trusted with a majority government and there is a lot of misdirection as to what UKIP stands for and what the party states :- Are they for or against gay marriage  ? 

Judging by my question to Alan Bigwood above and the disgraceful answer he gave which totally ignored the facts and just - in a sence - condescended - it is no wonder UKIP gets so much bad press when idiots like Alan Bigwood shoot themselves in the foot with such a stupid and offensively ignorant answer to a simple question on where UKIP stands on LGBT rights.  It is people like Alan Bigwood that destroys from within., It is people like Alan Bigwood who should never - ever - be in politics as his moronic answer is just laughable. 

Have a read below and pay attention to the other parties and remember who was in control when this credit crunch - this banking scandal where billions were squandered on mega wealthy bankers / gangsters which screwed us all - and remember we are not - and never shall be - an island alone - as we do need Europe and the rest of the world and we do need to be a part of that global economy. 

I do feel it is time Europe was given a MASSIVE SHAKE UP to get those arrogant MEP's to wake up and smell the shit they are throwing at everyone and for the first time ever - BALANCE THE BOOKS AND STOP THE BILLIONS IN FRAUD - I do not want out of Europe but EU does need a serious wake up call and maybe this is the time to oput the wind of change into the arena and scare them enough to make some radical changes - ie: immigration - fraud - benefits being paid to people not even in the UK and so forth.

Some of the list below goes over my head and I do not even pretend to understand some of it,  but I AM interested enough to ask questions, read and watch and make up my own mind and not be brainwashed with absolute BULLSHIT that so many news media and even the politicians themselves come out with.  It seems, the truth is ofte hard to find.

Never stop asking questions and learn discernment in what you choose to believe.


Good for you, John!  Bet you don't get a response to the last one you sent!  Keep it, start a party, and stick two fingers up to all narrow-minded extremists!!  Stewart ( Poole )

Well done, John.  I find UKIP policy vague in a number of respects.  I don’t think they’ve done their homework, and so individual candidates are left to say what they think the majority of their supporters want to hear.  That’s not a clever way to make policy.  With fewer than 100 days to go to the election, they should come off the fence and clarify their position.  Roger ( Cambridge ) 


100 days till the election, 100 reasons to vote UKIP

Published Jan 27, 2015

10952271_798855083495430_5283085457226450293_n.pngWith 100 days to the election, here are the first 10 of 100 great reasons to vote UKIP 

1. Get Britain out of the European Union
2. Get control of immigration with an Australian-style, points-based immigration system
3. £3bn more, annually, into our NHS which desperately needs it
4. Scrap tuition fees for students studying Science, Tech, Engineering, Maths, or Medical degrees
5. Pay greater attention to elderly care across the country
6. Cutting £9bn from our foreign aid budget
7. Give the people the ability to “recall” their MPs, without parliamentary or MP approval
8. Stopping our endless, foreign wars
9. Promoting a British identity, as opposed to failed multiculturalism
10. Allowing existing schools to become grammar schools

11. Ending PFI privatisation of the NHS, proliferated by Labour and the Tories
12. Ensuring our armed services are properly equipped for when we do need them
13. Establishing a Veteran’s Administration to look after those who looked after us
14. Encouraging inward investment with growth markets, not JUST the failing Eurozone
15. Overcoming the unfairness of MPs from devolved nations voting on English laws
16. Cutting bureaucracy, red tape, and wasteful spending from government departments
17. Cutting the same bureaucracy that hinders small businesses and entrepreneurs
18. Supporting our farmers with a Single Farm Payment Scheme
19. Ending the burdensome “green levies” that have added £000s to our energy bills
20. Scrapping the poorly planned HS2 project, saving up to £50bn
21. Opposing tolls on public roads – we’ve already paid for them
22. Supporting bus passes for pensioners with the support of local authorities
23. Foreign vehicles to require Britdisc passes to contribute to our roads they use
24. Ending the use of speed cameras as revenue raisers – they should be a deterrent
25. Protecting our green belt
26. A central list of brownfield sites for developers
27. Houses on brownfield sites to be Stamp Duty exempt on first sale
28. VAT relaxed for redevelopment of brownfield sites
29. Local referenda for large-scale development, if triggered by 5% of electorate
30. Introducing the ability for citizens to initiate national referenda
31. Withdrawing from the European Court of Human Rights
32. Reversing the government’s opt-in to the European Arrest Warrant
33. Negotiating bi-lateral agreements to replace EAW
34. No votes for prisoners
35. Full prison sentences should be served, parole on case-by-case basis
36. Replacing the Human Rights Act with a British Bill of Rights
37. Official documents to be published primarily in English
38. Cracking down on honour killings, female genital mutilation, and forced marriages
39. Reviewing the BBC licence fee with a view to reducing it
40. Taking non-payment of the licence fee out of the criminal sphere
41. Amend the smoking ban to promote choice for ventilated smoking rooms
42. Opposing plain packs for cigarettes, which has had no impact where trialled
43. Promoting the employment of young, British workers
44. Repealing the Agency Workers Directive
45. Encouraging councils to provide more free parking on High Streets
46. Simplifying planning regulations for long-term empty commercial properties
47. Extending the right of appeal for micro businesses against Revenue and Customs
48. Negotiating bespoke trade agreements with EU member states and worldwide
49. Reoccupying our seat at the World Trade Organisation
50. Abolishing inheritance tax


51. Introducing a 35p income tax rate between £42,285 and £55,000 – taking many public sector workers out of top rate of tax
52. Setting up a Treasury Commission to make sure big corporations pay their way in taxes
53. Abolishing the Dept of Energy and Climate Change and rolling retained functions into DEFRA
54. Introducing an Apprenticeship Qualification for students who don’t want to do non-core GCSEs
55. Scrapping the arbitrary 50% target for university attendance
56. Students from the EU to pay the same as International Students
57. Introducing more power for parents: OFSTED to investigate schools on petition signed by 25% of parents or governors
58. Guaranteeing a job in the police, prison, or border forces for anyone who has served 12 years in the Armed Forces
59. Priority social housing for ex-service men and women, and those returning from service
60. Veterans to receives Veteran’s Card to ensure they’re supported in event of mental health care and more
61. All entitlements to be extended to servicemen and women recruited from overseas
62. Establishing a National Service Medal for all those who have served
63. Encouraging local authorities to buy out their PFI contracts where affordable
64. Ensuring GP’s surgeries are open at least one evening per week where demand permits
65. Ensuring migrants have NHS-approved health insurance until they have paid into the system for 5 years
66. Ending hospital car parking charges
67. Replacing bureaucratic watchdogs with locally elected health boards for more transparency
68. Stopping the sale of patient data to big business
69. Ensuring a high standard of English speakers in the NHS
70. Amend working time rules to give trainee doctors, surgeons, and medics better environments
71. Encouraging and protecting whistleblowing to get to the bottom of poor performance
72. Ensuring migrants have jobs and accommodation before they can come to the UK
73. Migrants will only be eligible for residency after 10 years’ working here
74. Reinstating the primary purpose rule, bringing an end to sham marriage migration
75. No amnesty for illegal immigrants, or those gaining UK passports via fraud
76. Protecting genuine refugees by returning to the UN Convention of Refugees principles
77. British companies to be prioritised to deliver foreign aid contracts
78. Repealing the Climate Change Act 2008 which costs the economy £18n per year
79. Scrapping the Large Combustion Plant directive and redevelop UK power stations
80. Supporting the development of UK Shale Gas with proper safeguards
81. No new taxpayer subsidy for wind farms
82. Leaving the Common Agricultural Policy
83. Allowing parliament to vote on GM foods
84. Reinstating British territorial waters
85. Food to be labelled with country of origin, method of production, method of slaughter and more
86. Ban live animal exports for slaughter
87. Scrapping the Bedroom Tax
88. Child benefit only for children permanently resident in the UK
89. Future child benefit to be limited to first two children only
90. Ensuring an initial presumption of 50-50 parenting on child custody matters
91. Safeguarding visitation rights for grandparents
92. Supporting a streamlined welfare system and a benefit cap
93. Enrolling unemployed benefits claimants into workfare or community schemes
94. Placing revenues from shale gas into a Sovereign Wealth Fund to ensure future growth and security
95. Emphasising the immediate need to utilise forgotten British infrastructure like Manston Airport
96. No cuts to frontline policing
97. Prioritising social housing for those whose parents and grandparents were born locally
98. Reaffirming British laws, rather than allowing dual-track legal systems for minorities in the UK
99. Promoting patriotism and the importance of British values in our schools
100. Rebalancing Britain’s economy


80. Supporting the development of UK Shale Gas with proper safeguards
81. No new taxpayer subsidy for wind farms

I am personally against Shale Gas and the dangerous methods used to extract this and am very sad to see our governments running around in circles taking money from alternative wind farms etc and giving it to carbon based, polluting and dangerous methods of creating fuel.  It is NOT the way forward and we only have to look to the USA and th dangers and chaos caused to local housing etc and we should NOT be following suit.   We are suppose to be creating safer alternatives to fossil fuels and here we are putting billions intoi yet another fosssil fuel.







Remember who 'YOU' are©

By Christopher Charles

(One of my neighbours here at Hamilton Hall)

"Have you ever though there might be more to life?
Have you ever thought of the trouble and strife?
Have you ever thought you don't need a wife?
in this system that tells YOU what is right.

Have you ever thought that black could be white
Have you ever wanted dark to be light
Have you ever wished that wrong was right
to stop the arguing and end the fight.

Well yes.....guess what..? You're not alone
cos a mate'o'mine just heard on the phone
that an awakening is happening on this planet...your home.
Its such a good reason to have a moan

So put pen to paper and air your views
make a banner and get on the news,
have regular meetings...invite your crews
for this is the know what to do

For this has been predicted through space and time
that the people will end up...not towing the line
and without the state...we'll be just fine
from the 1% and their hidden crimes.

The banks are corrupt
The leaders out of touch
The BBC is weird
and the planets burning up.

So we vote a change...cos we think it matters
we get a different group of mad hatters
or ask for new laws to cover the doors
of the apparent cause,  to all the flaws
The government will not like us
on the streets with loud hailers and banners
we shout "make some new laws for these cheating scammers"
but we don't realise we are voting for laws that will hit us as a row of angry hammers.

'Cos we all want change...but asking's not right
We must spread our wings if we really want flight
and not get caught up in their two party fight
Make up your own mind...don't believe the hype

You cant stop wars by bombing for peace
That's like trying to fuck for virginity at least
and when we ask for laws on hateful speech
we take away the freedom of each

So stop being offended of what people say
Its only because YOU hear it that way
Sticks and stones and come what may
Support freedom of speech everyday

So how do we make a new world for the better
I'll tell ya....I'll go through it letter for letter

Turn off your tellys and put on your wellies
'cos growing your own food is where its at.

Remove the fluoride from your diet
Its only there to keep you quiet

Get to know your neighbours and others around
and you'll soon find ...they're all quite sound.

Recognise the difference between statute and law
and the word means much more.

For the acts are not real...they come from the sea
they were not meant for you and me.
It's all maritime's corporate rules
and I'm sorry to say ...we have all been fooled.
There are very few laws for women and men
no damage...that's them
It's just a game...the game of life
you count yourself in when you use the dice,
and the dice is your name........
I'm watching you frown
For your names property of the Crown

Remember who you are."

© Hamilton Hall Promotions / Christopher Charles  CT13012013


Withholding information from people should be a crime. We believe is sharing knowledge and wisdoms freely, and if anything on this web site has been used without permission, then our apologies. Please inform us and if you wish, it will be removed.  We do not make money from this web site and is part of a NOT FOR PROFIT VENUE of Hamilton Hall.

The poem above was written by Christopher Charles  and you are welcome to re print and re use it and please always give a credit to the author and to this web site.  If we find you are making a profit from it or stealing its content for other financial gain and taking the worthy praise that Christopher Charles  - in my opinion, deserves for this brilliant piece, then we will seek legal action.

John Bellamy





If you loose part of this page - CLICK HERE





and learn all about INDECT

and watch the 6 minute video to the very end





It all sounds so innocent and so ' for your benefit'

but the sad truth
is so very dangerous and different

to what they claim

It states that this could be sold to companies and corporate bodies

who have absolutely no right, as far as I am concerned,

spying on people. That is not for national security -

that is not for the protection of the masses -

that is all about control.










Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 



If you loose part of this page - CLICK HERE


Restaurants & Cafes and then Hotels & B&B's top review chart

I notice it does not count Sex Workers & Escort Agencies





I am putting together a weekend for those who like to constantly moan about absolutely everything.

It will be a free weekend for those who always find fault but who actually offer and do


Now we all know someone who should attend and it could well be you.  You know the type ' No one is ever doing anything.' - and when they attend an event or a function they complain about the entry fee - the queue - the coat check - the queue at the bar or self serve cafe - the music is too loud - or ' I can't hear.' : - They complain about the lights being too bright / dim and even the car parking, which although free, really should have been planned better.  The catering was useless and the tea / coffee like gnats piss.  If a hotel,  the bed was uncomfortable and the decor not to their taste.   The breakfast service was slow and the toast too brown and as for the hard butter, ' Why you'd think they would get up earlier and take the butter out of the fridge so it wasn't too hard... well wouldn't you .'
  The cooked breakfast was bad with overcooked eggs and mushy beans  and the marmalade was cheap.   As for the cold plate - unforgivable.

These are the people with some good ideas to share of which not one single word out of their mouth is in the slightest bit constructive or supportive and is really no help what-so-ever and yet they will insist on sharing this with you. they will tell you how they can offer something similar at a fraction of the cost, without actually having the faintest clue what the costs are or even what is involved, legally,  at putting on such an event,    and when you state the legal requirements -  all they do is wish it away with a wave of their hands and say it's all rubbish and unnessessary. 

These are the people who - basically - haven't a clue what is involved;-   How much hard work is involved,-   how many hours a day is put in to offer such an event or how much staff costs are, let alone 25% tax added to electricity and gas bills by the state.  

For these people are blind, deaf and dumb when it comes to the realities of running a small business as they - quite simply - have never done so.   These are the people who have always worked for someone else;-   where it is someone else who has constantly taken responsibility - and when it comes time to go home, they have their hat and coat on 15 minutes early and they have gone without a single thought of what is involved in closing up, locking up,  maybe sorting the financial takings of the day - arranging the banking and all the security etc. and even the staff rotas etc. 

These are the people who don't actually give a shit - for anything - but they want attention while having absolutely nothing - nada - zero to warrant having attention paid to them, for these are the people who often have nothing to say that is worth listening to - no valid opinion - nothing of interest - nothing amusing and certainly nothing with any logic set in reality;-   but they want to be heard and this stops and deminishes those WHO DO have something interesting and worth listening to and it exasperates. 

These are the people who spoil it for others and who cannot appreciate the beauty of the sunset without finding fault in the chill of the evening.   These are the people who complain about the children on the beach and miss the beautiful summer day.  These are the people who attend a wonderful loving wedding and bitch about everyones outfit and ' Doesn't she look fat in that dress.'

Now - to those who will now moan they cannot find any date or details about this FREE WEEKEND can moan all they like about how stupid, how incompetant, how irresponsible to put all this on here without actually putting a date and details about making a reservation for this spectacular weekend for moaners, and they will moan some more.  The point is,  IF I was to host such an event you would still moan, even if it was free and even if I had Harrods do the catering - Harvey Nicks the room decor and Buckingham Palace the staff.  You see, some people are so unhappy in their lives that all they do is moan and complain and moan some more and believe me, I occasionally hear it here and am not afraid to read the riot act at them and / or speak to their partner about their manner and how moaney it is and how we - actually - ALL can do without it.  Unhappiness manifests itself in many aspects of our daily lives and those who moan and complain all the time - are really very unhappy people and make those around them unhappy and then they have won... They have won because when you are also unhappy and start to moan - they will see it as how they are right.

So.   If you fancy a free weekend and you know that what you have read here  applies to you - then do by all means try and make a booking.  You will have plenty of ammunition by the time you get off the phone with me and especially if you e mail and the answer will give plenty to moan about.   Believe me, when I do get through with you - BOY - will you be moaning.

Now - How's that...???  Here I am offering a free opportunity to find something to moan about and ALL FOR FREE...    Surely, you can't find anything to complain about in that - Can you ?

If you found this article offensive, then you are welcome to complain,  as much as you like - if you think it will do you any good.  If in your life it DOES do you some good to moan all the time, then I feel desperately sorry for those who are 'giving in to you' and think they need to get a bigger pair of balls and tell you exactly where you can shove your moaning all the time as it REALLY does offer a 'half empty' and not 'half full'  look on life and that - my moaning friend, is such a bummer.

John Bellamy

Dear John:  Is your Moaning piece an early April Fools joke, cos I did so enjoy your tongue in cheek ending to it. Very good. Gordon G.
John:  I did laugh when I read your piece about the weekend for moaners. I can think of a few people I want to show that to. Pip R.
John. I must complain about your article on moaners.  I found it hillarious and so clever and it really did make me laugh as I have experienced what you wrote and so much more from customers over the years and you are right, - dead right - and thank you for bringing a smile to my mush.  Gerry M. London
John.  My partner insisted I sell our guest hours and choose another career where we could at least escape the moaners in the evenings.  After just five years it did his head in and we did sell up and move.  The moaners got to him while I appreciated it as a sign of very unhappy people and not those who think they are impressing,  at all.  Loved your article and it is so good to see someone with a mouth that is not afraid of using it to speak some truths.  You are a brave man and I bet it gives ammo to those who love to bitch about you.  
Richard ( Kissimme Florida )



I am not going to prostitute myself again so others who expect

a subsidised journey can enjoy it on the cheap at my expense





Marijuana frequently gets a bad rap. How much of it is deserved? After my earlier blog, “Should Marijuana Be Legalized?” I conducted research to find out the benefits and problems linked with marijuana use. While there are many, here are ten of the health benefits attributed to marijuana and, of course, some of the problems linked to its use:

Alzheimer’s—Marijuana may be able to slow the progression of Alzheimer’s disease, according to research by the Scripps Research Institute and published in Molecular Pharmaceutics.

AnxietyHarvard Medical School found that marijuana may have anti-anxiety effects. Of course, keep in mind that high doses may increase anxiety and paranoia.

Arthritis—Marijuana can alleviate pain and inflammation linked to arthritis.

Cancer—Research in the journal Molecular Cancer Therapeutics found that cannabidiol found in marijuana, turns off a gene called “Id-1,” which cancer cells use to spread.

Epilepsy—Marijuana has been shown in studies by Virginia Commonwealth University, to stop seizures in the school’s animal studies.

GlaucomaResearchers are working on developing new drugs based on cannabis to treat glaucoma pain after learning its effectiveness for treating the condition. Glaucoma is a condition that increases pressure inside the eyeball and can lead to vision loss.

Improves Lung Health—Research in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that marijuana can increase lung capacity, not decrease it as many people have long believed.

Multiple Sclerosis—A study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal found that cannabinoids found in marijuana significantly reduced multiple sclerosis pain.

Nausea—Marijuana contains a minimum of 60 chemicals known as cannabinoids, of which THC is the primary one associated with its mind-altering effects.  THC has been used in the treatment of nausea, including drug- or chemotherapy-induced nausea.

Parkinson’s Disease—Research published in MedPage Today found that marijuana use eased tremors and improved fine motor skills in patients with Parkinson’s disease.

Blood Sugar Problems.  Many suffer with ups and downs in energy levels caused by blood sugar problems and smoking or ingesting Marijuana helps dramatically in levelling this off and enabling a normal blood sugar level.  This allows the smoker to have a care free day without having to cinatsntly worry about eating food all the time in order to maintain a level blood sugar.  The effects are dramatic and almost instant.

Problems Linked with Marijuana Use:

Addiction—that’s a fairly obvious one. Also, it can cause uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms in people who discontinue use.

Comment from JB:  Marijuana is non addictive - the tobacco you mix it with is the danger,  not the dope.  If you have an addictive personality then do not blame the drugs or even the booze as it is the person and any substance can become addictive - chocolate - meat - and anything you put in your mouth to excess can become addictive.  How about sex and gambling... exercise - jogging - all can be addictive and eventually bad for you.

Anxiety and Paranoia—In high doses or in sensitive individuals, marijuana can cause anxiety and paranoia.

Comment from JB:  In tests - it was found that under 5% of people who smoke marijuana suffer from pananoia and this is usually because the person already had signs on mental health and the dope was the key. It is NOT common amongst regular smokers who have smoked for years.
  Do you ban something because a very small amount of people have a negative effect from something, because if that was the case almost everything would be banned - how about peanuts - 1 in 100 has an allergy and on a flight, if one person announces they are nut intollerant then the entire plane full of people are denied their peanuts... so why not ban peanuts...

Memory Impairment—As anyone who’s ever talked to someone who is high knows, memory impairment is common.

Comment by JB:  Sure , but this is short term and like getting drunk and not remembering much about the night before... what is the difference.

Mind-Altering Effects—This is particularly evident among people who haven’t used it before as well as many young people.

Comment from JB:  Just like booze or stress or prescription drugs - sometimes you can get an extra strong marijuana which can be a bit trippy,  just like some alcoholic substanbces which are quite legal.


Heart Attack—One study found an increase risk of heart attack within the first hour of smoking marijuana.

Comment by JB:  This is a first to me and sounds very suspicious that within the first hour this could lead to a heart attack - sounds like absolute rubbish to me as utter and complete nonesense.

If you think severe sentencing laws are doing more harm than good,

consider signing this


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ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits & troublemakers, all you free-spirits & pioneers...
Everything the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you...

A friend showed me this last night and I was awe struck by the power and the meaning in the words. 

Watch the video here - but most important -


It speaks to the heart of all those Light Workers
and those working for a higher cause -

Those who know there IS a Higher Cause
and those seekers of the TRUTH.

Go here:
Get it on iTunes:
Friend us at
Follow the creator on
Friend him on Facebook: HERE





I found this the most powerful piece I think I have ever heard and it moved me deeply.
I urge you to listen with your eyes shut - ignore the video for the first hearing, and just throw yourself into the message

Thanks to Chris who introduced me to this



Here are the words below :-
 By Garret John LoPorto on September 22, 2010



ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits and troublemakers -

all you free spirits and pioneers - all you visionaries and non-conformists

Everything that the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you.

You see things others don't. You are hardwired to change the world. Unlike 9 out of 10 people - your mind is irrepressible - and this threatens authority. You were born to be a revolutionary.

You can't stand rules because in your heart you know there's a better way.

You have strengths dangerous to the establishment - and it wants them eliminated, So your whole life you've been told your strengths were weaknesses - Now I'm telling you otherwise.

Your impulsivity is a gift - impulses are your key to the miraculous,

Your distractibility - is an artifact of your inspired creativity,

Your mood swings - reflect the natural pulse of life, they give you unstoppable energy when you're high and deep soulful insight when you're low,

Been diagnosed with a "disorder"? That's society's latest way to deny it's own illness by pointing the finger at you.


Your addictive personality is just a symptom of your vast underused capacity for heroic, creative expression and spiritual connection. your utter lack of repression, your wide eyed idealism, your unmitigated open mind - didn't anyone ever tell you?!

These are the traits shared by the greatest pioneers and visionaries and innovators, revolutionaries, procrastinators and drama queens, activists on the social scene, space cadets and mavericks, philosophers and derelicts, business suits flying fighter jets, football stars and sex addicts, celebrities with ADD, alcoholics who seek novelty, first responders - prophets and saints, mystics and change agents.

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all affected by the way -
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -
You know in your heart that there's a natural order to life,
something more sovereign than any man-made rules or laws could ever express

This natural order is called "the Way."


The Way is the eternal substrate of the cosmos. It guides the very current of time and space. The Way is known by some as the Will of God, Divine Providence, the Holy Spirit, the implicate order, the Tao, reverse-entropy, life-force, but for now we'll simply call it "the Way."

The Way is reflected in you as the source of your inspiration, the source of your passions, your wisdom, your enthusiasm, your intuition, your spiritual fire - love.

The Way takes the chaos out of the Universe and breathes life into it by reflecting divine order. The Way, when experienced by the mind, is genius, when perceived through the eyes is beauty, when felt with the senses is grace, when allowed into the heart ... is love.

Most people cannot sense the Way directly. ... But then there are the Wayseers. The keepers of the flame. Wayseers have an unexplainable knack for just knowing the Way.
They sense it in their very being. They can't tell you why or how they arrived at the right answer. They just know it in their core. They can't show their work. So don't ask. Their minds simply resonate with the Way. When the Way is present, so are they.

While others are blind to it, and society begs you to ignore it, "the Way" stirs you inside. Neurological repression blocks most people's awareness of the Way - censoring all thoughts and impulses from the unconscious is their prefrontal cortex - the gestapo of the brain -  nothing which violates its socialized programming even gets through; but your mind is different. your mind has been cracked wide open to the Way - by some miraculous genetic trait, some psychotropic chemical or maybe even by the will of your very soul, your brain's reward pathways have been hijacked - dopamine employed to overthrow the fascist dictatorship of your prefrontal cortex - now your brain is free of repression, your mind free of censorship, your awareness exposed to the turbulent seas of the unconscious - through this open doorway divine light shines into your consciousness showing you the Way. This is what makes you a Wayseer.

90% of human civilization is populated with those who's brains are blocked to the Way.  Their brains are hardwired to enforce the social programming indoctrinated since birth.
Unlike you they cannot break out of this programming, because they have not yet experienced the necessary revolution of mind. These programmed people take social institutions and rules very seriously. Society is full of games programmed to keep peoples' minds occupied so they will not revolt.

These games often cause sick fixations on peculiar protocols, power structures, taboos and domination - all subtle forms of human bondage - This distinct form of madness is not only tolerated by the masses but insisted upon. The programmed ones believe in rules so forcefully they become willing to destroy anyone who violates them.

Wayseers are the ones who call their bluff.  Since Wayseer minds are free to reject social programming, Wayseers readily see social institutions for what they are - imaginary games.  
Wayseers comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.
Helping those who are lost in these games and refuse to help themselves is a calling of many Wayseers.

Since Wayseers are the ones who keep contact with the original source of reality - they are able to disrupt societal conventions and even governments to realign humanity with the Way.

The Wayseers are an ancient lineage. A kind of priesthood - carriers of the flame - ones "in the know."  There must always be Wayseers to reform the dizzying psychotic spinning gears of society - giant mindless hamster wheels obscuring the pure blue sky, keeping humanity shackled in a darkened cage - so Wayseers are called - to shed light on the madness of society - to continually resurrect the timeless transcendent Spirit of Truth -

Wayseers reveal this divine truth by devoting themselves to the birth of some creative or disruptive act expressed through art or philosophy, innovations to shake up industry, revolutions for democracy, coups that topple hypocrisy, movements of solidarity, changes that leave a legacy, rebellions against policy, spirit infused technology, moments of clarity, things that challenge barbarity, watersheds of sincerity, momentous drives for charity

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all affected by the way -

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -

This is your calling, Wayseer

You've found your tribe.

Welcome home.





andy pryor

Died Sunday August 19th 2012 - aged, I think 43.

and you know what,  I don't think I have a picture of him - after a computer crash a few years ago where thousands of photos were lost, and now all I have is my memory - that picture in my head.

I first met Andy when he joined a group I was runnning called 'The Gay Spiritual Group' in London, and this would be around 1996-97. He was instantly a keen member  and quickly  joined the committee to help with the running of the group.  Once a month we hosted a Social  and would get anything up to 65 members in my London home and a really good spiritual evening would be had,  relaxed and informal,  with people just talking and laughing,   and at around 9pm I would introduce a speaker for 30 minutes or so, and one of these evenings,  Andy wanted to give a talk about an  experience he had recently had.
He was really nervous and with a little encouragement from me - he stood and introduced himself and gave a wonderful, lighthearted account of a recent trip to Egypt that had changed his life,  and it was a really lovely thing to be a part of and to hear this London cockney lad - offering such a  gentle story. 

For Andy was a little Tough Ted... an east end lad you might not - at one time - have trusted  with your wallet or car keys - as he had been a cheeky little rascall when he was a teenager and in private he would tell me some of the things he had got up to in the past which while illegal,   did make you smile broadly and laugh out loud... and while you felt for the victim who had had their car stolen - or whatever - it was never meant to be malicious or evil,  it was just lads messing about,  and we would laugh.  But all that was years behind him and he donated a great deal of his time to helping others, through voluntary charity work and in his private life as well,  and he was a very thoughtful and kind, considerate and loving man.

When I moved to Hamilton Hall he would come down and help us paint and decorate - or more often - he would actually bring a friend with him who he paid to do the work for him as his disabilities through various illnesses brought about through his HIV made it difficult for him to do some things physically,  and he was thrilled every time to be able to offer something and happy to be a part of Hamilton Hall, and I was very pleased to have him part of my life.

I remember one long hot summer, maybe around 2004 - he was down for a couple of weeks with his dog - a Doberman named Scooby ( naturally )  and we would sit in the garden until late at night with candles lit all over the place and just chill out and laugh and share stories from our past - as we actually had a lot in common - and these are happy memories.  His cheecky chappy grin and laugh won him many friends here and one elderly friend fell madly in love with him;- in a really nice and sweet way - and every time I mentioned Andy to him he would smile broadly and laugh...

I knew his health was up and down over the years and I would always be inviting him down for a free stay and more often than not, he would either come down or be too busy at home,  and all of a sudden he has having problems with his bowels and had already had an operation giving him a temporary colostomy and when he visited he was so up, so cheerful and so positive, he was such an inspiration even though I think he was going through a great deal. 

During a trip to Egypt where the pain became so great he increased his pain medication, he decided upon return to just tell the doctors to take his bowel right out and give him a full colostomy as he could not live with the pain and it was obviously not getting any better,  and this was done almost immediately.  He laughed about not needing to douch any more and was so positive all through it.  But it seems things went from bad to worst and although he was always up-beat when I phoned,  he eventually moved into a hospice - he said for pain management - but within a couple of weeks his phone was switched off and he had died.  A few days later his sister called and told me the news and as soon as she said she was Andy's sister, I knew - for I had had to go through my own sisters phone book years ago after her death - phoning people and telling them - and I just knew.  Instantly my tummy did a flip,  my heart missed a beat and a tear came to my eye.  Poor Andy, I wish he'd let me know how ill he was, I would have visited him in the hospice,  but I think he didn't want a fuss - didn't want people to see him in those last days and wanted us to remember him as he was,  and he left this world peacefully and as he had lived it , on his own terms.

He also chose not to have a funeral service of any kind,  and the family were to be told - after the fact - that he had been cremated by the funeral company after it was all over.  Some would have a hard time with this - as saying your final farewell in front of a coffin is traditional and what we all expect,  but not when it causes such grief for people.  Andy hated fuss,  and so chose to leave this life as quietly as he could and leave happy memories and not grief in his wake.  

No flowers.

No hymns. 
No getting to the place on time and having to wear something black - which he would have hated and no
eulogy describing his life in nine minutes.

I was upstairs late last night with a friend and Andy and I had always shared a cigarette or two together and evenings just talking and laughing,  so I did just that with Matt who works here and we shared a few smokes,  talked about loads of things including Andy - and just had one of those evenings where we were giggling like school girls...  and all the while aware of Andy and how he would have loved to be with us one last time,  and bless him. 

Getting older for me is fun,  I see so much of other older people in myself as I come closer to my 60's - people who are older than I am and now I am catching them up,  and the one sadness is remembering all the sweet people whose lives have come to an end so much younger and so much sooner,  and it makes me sad.  I know there are always new friends to meet,  new faces to  laugh with and new evenings to share a smoke and a giggle and I give thanks for the ever changing aspect of my daily life and the wonderous way it moves through the years,  and there are times I remember back and see a face in my minds eye - of Andy - or someone else I held dear but probably never got the chance to really tell them how important they were to me,  and I try harder with my 'today friends' to let them know how much I care and love them, and as fast and as busy as my days are,  I always remember and keep their memory alive within my mind, my body and my soul and in this,  they are still with me.  Still alive and still making me smile.   For I don't ever want to forget.

Bless you Andy.

This is a piece of music he enjoyed and is to be played in the chapel.  CLICK HERE




My Mother, Betty.

Posted by: John

Tagged in: personal



My Mother died 21st September 2011

by John Bellamy

Like a lot of you out there, I have a Mother  who moved from her warden assisted flat to a nursing care home as her mental and physical health meant she was no longer able to look after herself any longer, and there were many times when it made my heart weep. I was talked out of looking after her in my  home and while my heart desperately wanted to look after her,  my head told me I would not manage and it was not a good idea.

A while ago she had a bladder infection and she was in bed and  very distressed - staring out of unseeing eyes that did not seem to focus,  grabbing with her hands at anything and everything close - ie: the bars at the side of the hospital bed had been put up to keep her in bed as she kept sliding out and staggering up the ward - and it was quite a distressing site for many to witness - and she was chattering away - with words that did not follow any cohesive sense and while she knew my name and - kind of - that I was her son -  all sorts of other family members names came into it and I don't really think she knew me,   Her confused state was sad to witness. 

My Mother - a bright, intelligent fashion model who was one of London's top models in the 1940's  and 1950's and walked the catwalk,   also sang with many famous dance bands,  for she had a superb voice - and who raised 3 children,  was reduced to this. 

A tall proud women with a voice and an opinion of her own and no fear of speaking her mind,- a woman who was married 3 times during her life and who put up with a lot,-   A woman who had lived alone for over 20 years since her 3rd husband - my Step Father died and who lost her only daughter ( my sister ) and her baby ( my niece ) around 20 years ago when both died a few months apart ,-  A women who has always been accepting of my gay lifestyle and who loved my friends and boyfriends totally,   even if not being as accepting of my brothers wife - always being a dreadful mother-in-law and a women who all those 'mother-in-law jokes'  must have been written about,-  And a woman who was stubborn, difficult and sometimes a women who would make the angels cry because GOD she could NEVER admit fault and take responsibility and simply apologize,   and a woman who has caused much family turmoil because of her refusal - point blank refusal - to ever accept that she was ever wrong about anything - And a woman who admitted to me some years ago that she had never been in love - never really knew what love was and that - despite being married 3 times and raising a family,  had never really understood what that mysterious word 'love' - had meant - and while in her way she has loved and has been loved, she never really comprehended what it meant, and for that, I was always desperately sorry. 

Sorry that she never understood how we - her children - felt about her and sorry that she always felt the need to - somehow - try and manipulate the situation to suit herself all the time.  Sad that she  never realised we would do whatever she wanted because we loved her and not because she was being manipulative.  Sad that she always thought every situation was about her  and sad that she felt such jealously and resentment towards anyone who 'stole her limelight' - even her own grandchildren.  Sad that she resented her son being a sensational husband and father to his children and sad that she felt such resentment towards those who had something she felt she had lost out on, when the truth was - she hadn't - for she was loved - she was very cared for - and while she never understood this and while she felt alone and unloved,  other people were hurt and betrayed by her time and time again because she simply didn't get it.  She never really understood,-  and that saddens me. 

Poor Betty - my poor Mother,  and as much as we have told her over the years and as much as we have openly shown our affection and considered her in our lives - she still never got it - never realised and never allowed herself to be part of the family - preferring to isolate herself and say that she wasn't wanted all the time when the exact opposite was the truth, and we just got fed up with it. 

Towards the end, to see her bedridden and shouting for help all the time,  was not good.   I could have visited more often,  and she understood in her way.

Whatever it was she lost - and whatever it was she lacked - and for all her mistakes and all her selfish ways,  she was my Mother, I love her dearly, and no-one - NO -ONE - should be made to go through the kind of thing at the end of their lives,   and the cruelty metered out by a government and health authority  SO AGAINST EUTHANASIA beggars belief.  My Mother would not have wanted this,  and with a society where 80% of people asked agree that euthanasia is the best thing in some situations such as this,  I know she didn't suffer at the end, which came quite quickly,  and that  she can now be with my sister, her family and Jesus - in peace - which is what she spoke of.

I would tell her that it was okay - she didn't have to keep fighting and being scared - that she could go to Heaven and see Jesus and the family any time she wanted, and that she, and they, would all be young again, that she would be singing once more and surrounded by those who loved her,  and that her Father - who she never knew - would welcome her with open arms - along with Jesus.  She felt reassured with this and while her body outlived her mind -  I know she would not have wanted to live like this.  Some people need permission to 'let go' and find peace, and my Mother hung on in there and died 21st September 2011 aged 89.   She wasn't ill - she wasn't suffering anything more than being bed ridden and with dementia - her body was strong and she just seemed to 'give up' and slipped into unconsciousness and died within an hour, peacefully, and for that I thank God and the Universe.

So my Mother has now become a memory and one I shall treasure always. I shall tell stories, laugh and get angry, and always with love and affection, for while my Mother exasperated us dearly,  she was a character - and strong willed individual and she died how she lived, in her own time and in her own way.  I can hardly believe I will not see her next week or next month, when I visit and I comb her hair and paint her nails and we talk around in circles and --- but like so many people,  life goes on and we will have her cremated and sprinkle her ashes over Evening Hill - a delightful park with a stunning view over Poole and the harbour and at sunset it is simply delightful, and I often visit with friends to enjoy a fish and chip supper from a local takeaway,   and I shall remember her and be thankful that she was my Mother, who I loved dearly.

John Bellamy