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FLOODED OUT OF YOUR HOME ?
I sent this message below to everyone on our database and many have asked about offering a donation towards this, and thankyou, sincerely, for this - as it helps us but most importantly, it helps those in need.
If you have had severe flood damage to your home this winter through rivers bursting their banks, and not just because you should have repaired that leaky roof and didn't, and you prove that this is your home with pictures etc.
Hamilton Hall will offer you a FREE 4 DAY HOLIDAY this summer with BB&EM as something to look forward to and to bring a little sunshine to your world.
It seems it has been one big storm since before Christmas and which none of us have ever experienced before, and it is time for us to pull together and support those in need - as the despair of having your home flooded cannot be measured emotionally and the trauma caused must be enormous. This is a gesture of kindness and I do not expect the unscrupulous to 'take advantage' - so proof will be needed that the pictures are of your home and not someone else's, with your Council Tax Bill as evidence you live there and is in your name.
Hamilton Hall itself had some minor leaks through the roof and these were quickly sorted, and we stand strong and dry against this weather and while business is dead as no one is travelling - with the roads and rail network severely hampered by flooding, we are here for those in need - even while the storms are still bad. If you know someone in need, be kind and offer some help, some shelter, some food and warmth,
take in their cats and dogs, dry their clothes and warm their hearts. It could be you - and how would you feel if no one helped or cared ?
Many may feel isolated and alone, where whole villages have been cut off for over a month and their homes under water and their animals and pets distressed:- so tell your friends of our offer, remind others that a little help now is a good thing, and even if for the future, it gives hope and tells them we have not forgotten them and they are in our thoughts and prayers.
COMMENT FROM JOHN
I was TRULY shocked by someone living in Arizona, who has received our e mail promotions for some considerable time, reporting us to our server for sending him spam with this e mail above, and considering his e mail is wanttobemounted@ ---- it abdolutely shocked me that someone could be that heartless, that thoughtless and that uncaring of other peoples plight, and all I can say is, WHAT A SAD MEN HE MUST BE..
I wrote in reply telling him exactly this and after all the kind thought and e mails sent concerning this, it really goes to show that there really are some mean spirited human being on this planet and that one day - karma will catch up with him and he will wonder why the shit has hit the fan and hit thim right in the face... and then he will be saying - ' why me ?' It is also so easy to be nice to others and costs nothing.
Mind you, there have been scores of wonderful comments - some shared above - and even some donations to help, and this warms my heart.
Return to theHOME PAGEand scroll down to the DONATIONS BUTTON through paypal - and thankyou.
If you feel your life is in a rut, then remember,
the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Lewes UKIP councillor says businesses
should have power to turn away women and gay people
Wednesday, 5 March 2014, 07:57
A UKIP councillor believes business owners should be allowed to refuse to serve women and gay people.
Donna Edmunds, a Lewes district councillor and MEP candidate for the South East, said business people should be allowed to refuse service to anyone they want for whatever reason they want.
Responding to a post on an internet forum Coun Edmunds said they should be allowed to refuse service, including because a customer is gay or a woman.
She had been asked to state whether she supported remarks by Henley-on-Thames UKIP councillor David Silvester who said the floods this winter had been caused by the Government’s support for gay marriage.
After saying she did not agree with her party colleague, she added: “I believe that all business owners, Christian, Muslim, gay, straight, should be allowed to withhold their services from whomever that choose whenever they choose.
“It’s their business. Why should they be forced to serve or sell to anyone?”
When asked by The Argus to clarify her statement the EU election hopeful said it would be ok for a shop owner to refuse to serve her based on no other fact than she was a woman, or if service was refused to a gay person.
She said: “I’m a libertarian so I don’t think the state should have a role on who business owners serve.
“I wouldn’t refuse to serve gay people. I’m not saying their position is a correct one. I’m saying they should be free to make that choice themselves.”
This is not the first time the Lewes councillor has garnered controversy after making statements online.
In 2011 she was forced to stand down from her role as lead councillor for communications in Lewes after labelling a constituent a “village idiot” on Twitter.
Before that she was criticised after telling a constituent to “pay your taxes to die of cancer if that’s what you want” during an online row about the NHS.
Nigel Carter, chairman of Brighton and Hove UKIP, said any action to be taken against the councillor within the party would be taken at a higher level but said her views did not represent the majority of those involved with UKIP.
James Ledward, editor of Brighton-based GScene magazine, described the views as “horrendous”.
He said: “I’m flabbergasted. There is no place for views like this is 2014.
“It is worrying because with proportional representation in the European elections someone like this could get in.
“It’s all well and good getting the government legislation through but we have to win the hearts and minds of people like this. It’s clear there is still work to do.”
It is unbelieveable that UKIP keeps shooting itself in the foot all the time with morons like this woman. We all know that the first time she is refused entry or service because she is a woman, or because she is white or for anything - she is going to get her pussy all moist with seething rage and scream discrimination as loud as she can and throw a right wobbly - and her double standards will be clear for all to see. In this day and age where we see America banning abortion rights, banning gay rights and obviously turning the tables in reverse on many aspects where they had moved forwards in equality and human rights, it seems there are those in England ( or at least some UKIP members ) who seem to want to take us back into the ' good old days' when only certain people were considered ' good enough' and the rest - second class citizens.
What coimes next, re criminalising homosexuality and hangings if you butt fuck : Banning black people in certain cafes, bars and shops : Not allowing Muslims children into sweet shops : where does this kind of dangerous rhetoric start and end ?
MUST WATCH VIDEOS
Drag Queen Panti Bliss's
viral homophobia speech
6 February 2014 Last updated at 22:03 GMT
An impassioned speech by an Irish drag queen about what constitutes homophobia has been viewed more than 300,000 times on YouTube, prompting thousands of comments.
Panti Bliss was already an icon of Ireland's gay scene, but her profile has just rocketed. In a speech at the Abbey Theatre in Dublin at the weekend, Panti spoke of the "oppression" she feels as a gay person living in Ireland - including her own sense of internalised oppression.
Well the rain has continued now - every day since before Christmas - and actually some time before Chroistmas, and it is no wonder so many places are experiencing flooding. Great swathes of countryside around Bournemuth have been under water for many weeks and it does not look as if it is going to stop any day soon.
I love the rain. As I write this ( 31st January at 3.48pm - the sopund of the heavy wind and driving rain against the window is so relaxing. I love the sound of the rain and am always aware that we have a few places within Hamilton Hall where we have to check and make sure it is not coming in - and we seem to have avopided any problems so far this year., Bless the people who were here before me - Mr. and Mrs. Ashbey - as everything they did on this house for the 20 years they were here - was top qualkity - from the boiler to the roof - and it has all served me well. This year I am now looking at a new boiuler for the building which is a huge undertaking, but otherwise, other than minor repairs, good old Hamilton Hall has stood strong and dry, safe and secure, which naturally delights me.
The dog is not so keen on the rain as she hates getting wet and hates walking in the rain and while I am all hooded up with layers keeping warm and as dry as possible on our walks, she is just in her fur coat and does not see the funnt side. ha ha ... although she does love it when I give her a rough rub down with a towel to dry her off and we make a great game out of it .
Considering the freezing conditions in the USA - it is really very mild here and I still only need the heating on for a couple of hours night and morning, and during the day, it is not really needed.
So off now to out my feet up for half an hour with a cup of tea and cuddle the dog.
Enjoy the rain guys - it waters the plants, fills the resevoirs and is so cosey to be inside looking out at.
IMPORTANT LESSON LEARNED
Learned a lot from a disabled young man who was here this week. Only aged 36 and with various disabilities, he was so up beat and so ' happy clappy' as he put it, it really made me stop and think. Here I am worrying about this and that - an assortment of things going through my mind worrying me - and here is this young man with a limited lifespan all cheerful and happy, and it did make me stop and take stock. At the end of the day, if the gas bill is massive - it will get paid... and I will survive to see another winter and another decade and a long life, whereas here was this cheerful man probably facing a few more years and then .... and his cheerful manner was a lesson - a big lesson - about what is important.
SCI FI WEEKEND
I hope you will check out the Diary of Events and come to our Sci Fi Weekend. I am so excited and the bookings have already started coming in. Should be great fun
On Boxing Day 2013 - ' 3 IN A BED' - the TV programme I was in, was repeated on Real TV channel 17, and I was thrilled. I was channel hopping while cooking in the kitchen abnd suddenly saw my face looking back at me and I screamed - obviously I did not know it was going to be shown, and it was exciting.
Afterwards - there were scores of wonderful supportive e mails and phone calls from people who admired the way I stood up to the homophobe bully - and as when the programme first came out, it was a delight to me that so many people recognised and valued someone who was not prepared to tollerate bigotry and was not afraid to speak up.
It was also just as humbling today as it was 4 years ago.
The vast majority of e mails came from straight people, married couples, grannies, workmen etc all of whom sent wondeful words of support and these were a joy to read. Every e mail received a personal response from me and it seems that running a NOT FOR PROFIT VENUE offering scores of free vacation periods to those with HIV, - who need a break but cannot afford it or who are elderly - hit home for a lot of people who valued the kindness behind the act of freely giving with no ulterior motive, and it seems - just like 4 years ago when the programme first aired, the only negative and spiteful comments we had back then, as this recent e mail below shows, came from gay men - and it makes me so sad for those who wear their ' fucked up nature' of resentment, jealousy and envy on thier cuff and shout it out for all to see.
The e mail below ( which includes his e mail address for those who may feel inclined to also write to him in response ) beggars belief. His complaint about being a man only venue is redundant when there is masses of information HERE all about how we can discriminate and be men only, while this Kane fellow obviously cannot be bothered to check his facts before screaming like some mad thing. And this is an email he wrote and sent on Boxing Day. Says a great deal about his mental health and attitude over the Festive Season. Obviouslky, this man is not a happy person that he can scream such abuse to another on Boxing Day.
See what you think as here it is below.
Here is his e mail below
I think your DISGUSTING! If you came across a HETERO only place, you would no doubt kick off, and the Owner/Owners would be done for discrimination. YOU however feel you can get away with discriminating. Sorry, but your WRONG. And i will go out of my way to make sure you regret your decision! EXPECT A VISIT! m And for your Information. I'm NOT Hetero! People like you give decent Bi/Gay people a very bad rap! When i saw you on T.V. today, i wanted to throw up. Your the Stereotype CAMP, BITCHY, GAY QUEEN! GET OVER YOURSELF!!!!
Some months ago a guest and myself discussed our mutual interest in Sci Fi and we talked about the various TV programmes we loved and he mentioned Babylon 5. I stated I had seen just a few and that it had never grabbed me - and recently he gave on permanant load, the entire 5 year series on DVD with 110 programmes and various movies etc., and so I set about watching it - and OMG AM I HOOKED ???
I have been watching between 4 and 6 programmes an evening and have been up very late just watching the next and the next and loving it. We have been quiet here so it has been a joy to put my feet up and know I have a whole evening of sci fi fun.
Like any good soap opera, you get to know the people and the charachters and what drives them and often, even the baddies - you love, and last night I finnished the last of the 110 programmes and shall start on the movies in a few days , and it has been a fascinating and wonderous ride for the last few weeks.
Brilliantly written and very spiritual in many of its messages, I have been reduced to tears on many occasions.
Now that I have seen it all and it came to its conclusion, today I feel somewhat sad - not depressed as I don't get drpressed, but sad. For everything comes to an end. People leave and go their own seperate ways. Life changes and we remember back to what was, and all too often with reflection, we know it will never be the same again;- and as we go our seperate ways in life, meeting new friends and new loved ones, somehow, a little part of us stays in the past - a shaddow or a memory perhaps, and with each passing thought and with each passing moment, we remember a time gone by and we give thanks .... and we move into a new day taking those memories, those thoughts and experiences with us, making us stronger for the experiences we shared. Life can be a funny one, a lonely one, and while surrounded with tons of people and laughter, we are ultimately all on the same journey and will move onto new things, and as sad as it seems to miss 'what was' - we are all responsible for creating our own reality - and the future is a gift we have not yet created, and I pray for a wonderous road ahead.
Some years ago I offered a whole weekend of Sci Fi and had tons of interest but not a single booking, so maybe some time in the new year I will see what we can arrange and see if we can get together a group of Sci Fi Fans and share a whole weekend of movies and TV shows and just enjoy.
Would you be interested ?
I am now watching the newer series of Starship Galactica which is also brilliant... 87 episodes...
Geoff and I visisted Hamilton Hall many times over the years and you will remember how we hated leaving at the end of the various periods with you, and always looked forward to the next visit. Geoff died recently as he had been ill for some time and knew for the last few years that he was terminal and while we kept this to ourselves, we were determined to make his last year or so memorable.
He loved his stays with you and the way you made us laugh. He loved the dinners around the table together and how you kept the conversation going. He always laughed and smiled when we spoke of you at home and when something happened that reminded us of you, he would say ' Oh that's a John Bellamy that is ...'
Geoff was 66 years of age and I will miss him dearly and know, that at the moment, I cannot return to Hamilton Hall as it has too many memories for me. One day in a year or so I shall see you again but the memories are still too close and I need some space to find my journey alone and without Geoff ( we were together for 18 years ) and see where my future takes me.
I thank you John for what you have given so freely - the love and support for so many people through Hamilton Hall and know that a lot of happy memories that died with Geoff are now joined with a higher power - and that one day I shall also be re joining Geoff on that journey, but before then I wanted to say thank you for everything.
Tony Bray died just before Christmas, and I shall miss him. He was a good and dear friend who visited and loved Hamilton Hall and would sit in the Conservatory meeting and greeting people as they came and went and everyone loved his peaceful and charming manner. He was 79 years of age and a real sweetheart. He will be missed, dearly missed.
STASH THE CASH. I can recommend you click on the logo to the left and watch this youtube video if you have extra cash you want to hide from the government and tax man, as this will tell you how to legally 'wash' your money and make it clean. So if you are a drug dealer, run illegal immigrants / women or maybe sell illegal arms, this 'STASH THE CASH' will help.
A policeman picked up a buskers guitar and started singing and playing an Oasis hit and had a huge crowd stand and listen, film on their phones and cheer. It is well worth watching - HERE and I think this is an amazing and remarkable thing and top marks to him.
P,C. Ian Northcott said ' It just felt the natural thing to do.'
Top marks to him.
To read more on this amazing policeman and his singing, read HERE
If you want a few days in Barcelona and do not know where to stay, take a look at this web site - BARCELONA APARTMENT which is owned by a friend of mine and is his really lovely apartment right in the heart of the city yet in a quiet location. Ten mimutes walk from almost anywhere in the city, it is well worth considering rather than an anonymous hotel. He is a George Clooney look-a-like and a very nice man and you will certainly get very good value for money and know that your hard earned cash is not going to some corporate hotel but to an individual.
Errol, the owner, is also a very fine yoga teacher and artist.
HELP US TO BRING THIS NEWSMAGAZINE TO YOU
BY DONATING A LITTLE SOMETHING TO HELP US KEEP IT GOING.
Every penny raised goes to help the many people we help with food, company, a week or weekend away, counseling, and even sometimes helping with clothes. In one case we bought a homeless student a bike to get to college on, and in another , a guitar and lessons to play for a local lad whose life was aimless and he was stoned on drugs all day and all night and we are today, guiding him into making a life for himself - get his act together - and have some order in his empty life. We do what we do for absolutely no reason other than
It recently came out that the police put under cover spies into the 'surroundings of the Lawrence’s family in order to spy on them during the time of their sons death and that today it is feared this will create a negative attitude towards the police, and I would have to say that it is too late for that.
As much as I am sure many of the police do a horrendous job and are good and honest, hard working members of society who try and give it their very best, sadly there is an institutionalized racism and homophobia, bigotry and elitism amongst many of the echelons in the forces up and down the country and a huge amount of arrogance – ( put a person in a uniform and give him a little power and you will create another Hitler in the making ) and it saddens me. A couple of years ago the Dorset police force had its yearly performance voted for as ‘ FAIR’ and that is only one step up from POOR and as we know, that is only one away from DAMNED AWFUL – and if any of our job performances was so voted we would have either been sent for re training or fired.
Yet the arrogance of many who wear the uniform, the absolute arrogance of some of these ‘ men and women in blue’ is astounding. Sadly, for the good police who truly believe in what they are doing and those who try and make society a better place for us all and not just for those who are the right colour and religion, it beggars belief how on so many occasions they screw it up, lie and deceive, and send innocent people to jail while – it seems – deliberately getting it wrong so the guilty walk free.
The recent cases of famous people being prosecuted for sex with minors ( Bill Roach for one ) who is then told at the court case that the women involved does not even remember the occasion, and we have to wonder how the hell did it ever get to trial in the first place and how much this fuck up has cost us, the public, who must pay for all this bullshit.
I respect some police but on the whole have very little respect for authority as a whole, as look at what Tony Blair did for this country but take us into horrendous wars that will haunt us for generations – and there are too many innocent people being abused by the system because certain law services have quotas to maintain or the public is watching and want a result. All this while the biggest fraud – the biggest theft, the biggest manipulation of power and the worst illegal act that affects BILLIONS of people – the banks and their theft of trillions from we – the people – and not one single banker – NOT ONE SINGLE BANKER – has faced trial in the UK for causing this financial melt down when the evidence is clear and the laws broken, yet nothing – ABSOLUTELY NOTHING – is done to bring them to trial and in the meantime, we still allow them to take billions in bonuses.
It seems that we, the 99% have to pay the price for the 1% who rule and dominate over us with the illusion that we live in a democratic country, when secretly we do not.
I am so pleased to see them. It has been a long time coming and I have missed seeing their cheery faces. After a long and so very wet and windy winter with grey days and little light, to see the cheerful yellow faces of the daffodills is lovely, as they herald in the spring and that means summer is on its way and with fingers crossed, another long and hot summer like last year would be brilliant.
It lightens my heart and brings such joy.
I have been well and truly fucked
for doing good deeds for others
When you help others out of a bad spot and all they do is abuse you in return,
it seems to always end badly for the kind hearted soul who was simply trying to do
'the decent thing.'
by John Bellamy
A local guy who has double glazed almost the entire building of Hamilton Hall over the last few years and who has earned himself a nice profit from me, which I offered to him with pleasure as I would always rather pay for something to an individual rather than some large corporate power, and who is also a ‘ friend of Dorothy’ and is a gay man, took a £250 deposit for a new back door back in October and I am still waiting for my door. He came round twice to measure up and chatted over a cuppa – as we are / were friendly and as two gay men living in a small town, you do not want to piss anyone off, yet I am still without my door and his phone is now not receiving calls.
I left it for a while as – in all honesty – I forgot all about the door as I was busy with other things and I knew he had been rather unwell for a couple of months, but to just take my money and – basically – fuck me over – is really not appreciated. I struggle financially like every other small business and £250 wasted on nothing is a lot of money to me.
Also: A local guy who is not the sharpest pencil in the cup and has some kind of mental health problems, lives in a rented flat from a bad landlord and was left without a stove to cook on for 3 months and while I gave him a few free meals here, I eventually lent him £300 to make sure he got himself a second hand stove in time for Christmas and so he could buy himself some food, and he promised to pay me back as soon as the landlord reimbursed him for the cooker.
This story goes in one direction – he got the money and I have never seen him since. I was fucked over for £300 while trying to do the right thing and help a fellow human being in need.
It sadden me. It makes me angry. It really pisses me off that when you do some good for another, all you seem to get is screwed to the wall and these are the people I want to put up against a wall and shoot… metaphorically speaking – because of the hurt and damage they do. All those others who are desperately in need will now go without because too many people like me – who are kind and thoughtful enough to actually put their hands in their pockets while they themselves are struggling financially, and offer help in some way, are abused – and then I stop giving – I stop listening to their plight and they can starve, go cold, be homeless and shivering and all because of the few, the bastards who abuse, who spoil it for everyone else, and in the meantime I feel betrayed and used and I DO NOT like that feeling.
They see me as the rich man with the big hotel and have absolutely no idea how we struggle financially, how many free vacations I offer each year to those in need and how many free meals , free meditation evenings and various events I offer for free, and this just means I shall stop and then they will complain how mean I am, how hard, how tight fisted, how I offer bugger all and how all I think about is myself and no one else and how they have been abused my me, and my name will be shit… and the reasons, as stated, is because I have been abused too many times over money and I will not allow this any further.
I am overdrawn and struggling and this winter has been the worst for business I have experienced in 14 years of being here at Hamilton Hall – and even though empty for long periods, we are busy re decorating and making things nice for the season ahead, working 10 hours a day - every day – for we may only be a small hotel but there is work to do on a constant basis – day in and day out, and I do all this for absolutely no wages while working long and tiring hours and part of me wonders ‘WTF’ – and even ‘ Fuck ‘em ‘ –
So I am now around £600 down and that is a great deal of money to us here and while this is not a lot when I was a sex worker – just a couple of days work ( and I am talking 20 years ago here ) at Hammy Hall it is a lot of work to garner this kind of money and to just have it stolen by people you were helping and to have it thrown in your face is really upsetting and makes me want to spit bullets.
Maybe this is a test of my spirituality, but then as I always say, I will not allow others to abuse me just because I am a spiritual man and I will not allow someone to hit me and not expect to be hit in return. I live in the real world and – obviously – am too trustful and not as street wise as I thought… or maybe just too kind and generous and someone who needs to learn to say NO.
I am left with a very nasty taste in my mouth, a bitter taste of anger which I am trying to release to the universe and still learn forgiveness – as the universe knows exactly how it ‘ went down’ and karma will come and bite them in the ass and I will find my rewards – and in the meantime I am broke, worried about finances and trying to learn to accept these people for who and what they are.
E MAIL FROM TOM H.
This e mail below was anonymously placed on Trip Advisor (TA) - which absolutely astounded me that TA allowed such material to be posted on their site and that they did nothing about it until I complained - and obviopsly I have no idea who this is other than his name on TA was TOM H and as I have no Tom H booked into Hamilton Hall in December - when he claims to have stayed - so I do not know who he is. Have a read and see what you think, and see how some bitter and twisted people behave and what some of us have to put up with when this is the kind of response - ANONYMOUSLY DONE - some people get great joy out of throwing their shit at others.
When I first read it I was stunned, and then I re read it and laughed my head off as it is just so silly - and while I may be considered pushy - as I do not take fools lightly and not everyone like me, but then, when you are in the public eye it is easy for people like this to take cheap pops at me and my venue while being cowardly and hide their identity behind a fake name and behind their computer screens. Claiming as he does that Hamilton Hall is an apartment with only one bathroom is just weird. He is also a coward that he cannot face me with his concerns and talk face to face and we all know why he has to hide behind his computer - because he is precisely that - a coward who cannot face me... period. He is not man enough.
Here is his e mail below:-
A very basic guest house, dark and smelly from the dog - in no other hotel dogs have access to all public rooms including dining room - just disgusting !
You have to share the small bathroom with all other mostly very old and not so clean guests, and the owner'sCattitude is very dominating all the time, you always have the feeling, that you do something wrong, because he controlls his guest's behave all the time. Hamilton Hall is not a hotel, it is a tiny private apartment with several rooms - that's it. He offers different sexual themed weekends, like wanking-weekends and so on, but he ask you to for no attitude, this means, you have to be ready to play with old and fat man, if not, you have to leave, because you have not the right attitude in the owner's eyes.....All the picturers on his website are just fiction. The majority of his customers are around 60-70 years old, massive overweighted and mosty smelly. And he expect "lip service" during a wanking-weekend, this is compleetely off topic, when the theme is mutual wanking. Think about all this before you make an reservation and read thre owners's comments from other customers experiences..... In all other hotels worldwide, you credit card will be charged during your checkout - he debit your creditcard before you arrive - so strange !!!
I have had scores of supportive e mails from you guys commenting on the mental health and silliness of this guys e mail and how his lies are so childish. Many of you have shared your thoughts and your dreams about Hammy Hall and what it means to you and offering support. It is greatly appreciated and I think we all know how there is a ton of mental health issues in the gay community and some, like this Tom H. sees fit to throw his atitude at others because - obviously - he didn't get everything to his satisfaction. Oh poor lovie... I hope he learns to grow up and smell the shit he is shoveling and that when Karma comes and hits him in the face, it will be all of his own making.
I do feel desperately sorry for this man as he will go through life being constantly disappointed and let down if he expects everyone and everything to come up to his view of life, death and the universe;- and chances are he is a shallow, insecure man with few friends and this might have something to do with why he has such a bad attitude and view of things.
In order to slag me off he has had to reduce himself to telling blatant lies about my venue which are just laughable and actually quite pathetic.
How sad that he is not man enough to be truthful and honest and he reduces his mentality to that of a child having to fight dirty with lies andthis dishonours him.
He has proven for us all that he is definately unworthy of any care and attention from us and I shall not be offering him a free weekend so we can chat and sort out his problems, as when the chips are down;- in his case;- I don't care , it simply is not worthy of my time and efforts.
'We have all been in abusive relationships, and sometimes we were the one being abused.'
You have heard me talk here about my next door neighbour - the straight man who is 6'7" - handsome and bearded and hung like a horse ( don't ask how I know - I just do... ha ha ) and yes, he is straight and while we have a joke and a laugh together and we have seen each other naked on a few occasions back in the summer, I do not - ever - cross those boundaries and never would. We are friends and while tongues waggle and gossip spreads, we are friends and nothing more.
Anyway, he was a really useful friend to have right next door as he is an electrician and brilliant handy man to have around - and as Hammy hall is always in need of some minor something being done - and he was clever on computers as well... it was a deliught :- and he has moved to Spain to see what opportunities open up for him over there, and I send my very best wishes and hope everything goes well for him.
England can be such a hard country to live in and although we have had a very mild winter, it has been very grey and wet - as you all know - and business is down and everyone seems to be saving their money and even his electrical work seemed to dry up over here whereas in Spain it seems there is a ton of work for him within the Ex Pat community ( an English speaking electrician ... worth his weight in gold ) and I wish him well.
Some people locally have found fault and said he won't last 3 months and my answer is to stop being so negative - stop being so half empty - and offer some support. Good luck to him - I hope and pray he makes a huge sucess in Spain and finds himself.
I always state that if it does go belly up and he needs to return here, he is always welcome to stay here as my friend for free until he gets the tennants out of his flat and if that takes 6 months, it's not a problem. Having that lifeline is always a good thing to have available, as if things do go wrong abroad, so many people stick with it and then drown in unhappiness and debt - being afraid to go home with their tail between their legs - rather than head held high for trying.
I wish him well and when he has that massive villa with sun terrace and huge pool, I shall go out and take a free holiday and some R&R.
Good luck Chris, my prayers are with you.
So - remind me once again, what is it that these guys above are guilty of - oh I remember -
sharing the truth of what our governments are up to that they want kept hidden for fear
the people will rise up in absolute horror at what they have been up to and kick them
out of power and make a lot of changes - perhaps.
So, it seems the government has more to hide from the people than they care to let on.
I wonder why ?
TWO GEOLOGISTS WITH BP SAY FRACKING IS NOT GOOD
Had a couple of guests stay recently who worked as geologist with a ' BIG PETROLEUM' company ( hint ) and when I asked them about Fracking they both said much the same thing, that it was not environmentally a good idea as the concept of high pressure water and chemicals being pumped underground was unknown and the damage these chemicals were / would / could do to the water table, the environment was dangerous and unknown and could cause earth quakes and it could be very dangerous to human and animal health. There simply was no evidence to claim it is safe whereas the common sense about the dangers is clear.
This coming from professionals who work in the field , travelling the world working in the oil and gas industry for over 50 years between them.
Interesting that two very seperate geologists both said much the same thing.
The USA wants civil unrest. Through police brutality, airport security abuse, local governmnent, corporate abuse major financial abuse through the banks & politicians, the government is driving the innocent people to stand up for change and to take to the streets and to cause civil unrest because of the unwarranted abuse dished out to them from the authorities and this is exactly what the authorities want. They want to then spin this into terrorism and to put the constitution aside and with martial law, take control of the country and marshall all the trouble makers, - the grannies and children, the ordinary innocent men and women, who are just sick of the abuse of government, into Re Education Centres ( 800 FEMA Camps are already open and ready for business ) and this will allow the governments and Corporate / Banking America to plunder and steal - using us to police ourselves as in the Concentration Camps of WW2. The government will then sanction mass killing and mass domination of the mind, body and soul of the population with re education.
It has already started.
The FEMA Camps are there and open
Plans have already had 2 rehearsals by th US Government
OUR LEGAL AND MORAL RIGHTS ARE BEING ERODED BY GOVERNMENTS WHO SEE US AS GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT AND AS THE 99% WHO WORK AND PAY FOR THE 1% TO LIVE IT LUXURY WHILE MILLIUONS ARE UNEMPLOYED, HOMELESS AND HUNGRY>
The government doesn't give a fuck.
It's about control. power and wealth.
John's comments on whistleblowers
I have huge amounts of respect for these guys and any others who reveal the truth - the awful truth, about what our governments and corporations are doing around the world and the wrong doing and illegal acts, the murder and mayhem caused by their actions, and when exposed, they turn on the whistleblower and use all sorts of spin and lies and misinformation to damn and destroy in the face of the public, the very person who is trying to expose these outragous acts that we - the public - would / are outraged about;- when it is the government who should be hiding its head in utter and complete shame.
Good for these guys and I sincerely hope Edward Snowden gets away from the US trying to track him down and that Bradley Manning gets his action heard by the masses and gets the correct reward he deserves and not the outragous and disgusting treatment the USA has metred out to him so far.
A democracy - when talking about the United States of America, this is not a word we think of. This nation of bullies, even of its own people, will kill, murder, destroy and plunder anyone and anything to get exactly what it wants and it thinks NOTHING AT ALL ABOUT MURDERING ITS OWN PEOPLE - INNOCENT PEOPLE and hunt those it claims are guilty of espionage even when the wrong doing is at the hands of the government and NOT the whistleblower who simply told the world what is going on behind their backs.
I ABSOLUTELY SALUTE THESE MEN & WOMEN & OTHERS LIKE THEM
My door will always be open for them.
"Have you ever though there might be more to life?
Have you ever thought of the trouble and strife?
Have you ever thought you don't need a wife?
in this system that tells YOU what is right.
Have you ever thought that black could be white
Have you ever wanted dark to be light
Have you ever wished that wrong was right
to stop the arguing and end the fight.
Well yes.....guess what..? You're not alone
cos a mate'o'mine just heard on the phone
that an awakening is happening on this planet...your home.
Its such a good reason to have a moan
So put pen to paper and air your views
make a banner and get on the news,
have regular meetings...invite your crews
for this is the awakening...you know what to do
For this has been predicted through space and time
that the people will end up...not towing the line
and without the state...we'll be just fine
from the 1% and their hidden crimes.
The banks are corrupt
The leaders out of touch
The BBC is weird
and the planets burning up.
So we vote a change...cos we think it matters
we get a different group of mad hatters
or ask for new laws to cover the doors
of the apparent cause, to all the flaws
The government will not like us
on the streets with loud hailers and banners
we shout "make some new laws for these cheating scammers"
but we don't realise we are voting for laws that will hit us as well...like a row of angry hammers.
'Cos we all want change...but asking's not right
We must spread our wings if we really want flight
and not get caught up in their two party fight
Make up your own mind...don't believe the hype
You cant stop wars by bombing for peace
That's like trying to fuck for virginity at least
and when we ask for laws on hateful speech
we take away the freedom of each
So stop being offended of what people say
Its only because YOU hear it that way
Sticks and stones and come what may
Support freedom of speech everyday
So how do we make a new world for the better
I'll tell ya....I'll go through it letter for letter
Turn off your tellys and put on your wellies
'cos growing your own food is where its at.
Remove the fluoride from your diet
Its only there to keep you quiet
Get to know your neighbours and others around
and you'll soon find ...they're all quite sound.
Recognise the difference between statute and law
and the word UNDERSTAND.......it means much more.
For the acts are not real...they come from the sea
they were not meant for you and me.
It's all maritime law....it's corporate rules
and I'm sorry to say ...we have all been fooled.
There are very few laws for women and men
no harm....no loss...no damage...that's them
It's just a game...the game of life
you count yourself in when you use the dice,
and the dice is your name........
I'm watching you frown
For your names property of the Crown
Withholding information from people should be a crime. We believe is sharing knowledge and wisdoms freely, and if anything on this web site has been used without permission, then our apologies. Please inform us and if you wish, it will be removed. We do not make money from this web site and is part of a NOT FOR PROFIT VENUE of Hamilton Hall.
The poem above was written by Christopher Charles and you are welcome to re print and re use it and please always give a credit to the author and to this web site. If we find you are making a profit from it or stealing its content for other financial gain and taking the worthy praise that Christopher Charles - in my opinion, deserves for this brilliant piece, then we will seek legal action.
I found this the most powerful piece I think I have ever heard and it moved me deeply.
I urge you to listen with your eyes shut - ignore the video for the first hearing, and just throw yourself into the message
Thanks to Chris who introduced me to this
Here are the words below :-
By Garret John LoPorto on September 22, 2010
ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits and troublemakers -
all you free spirits and pioneers - all you visionaries and non-conformists
Everything that the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you.
You see things others don't. You are hardwired to change the world. Unlike 9 out of 10 people - your mind is irrepressible - and this threatens authority. You were born to be a revolutionary.
You can't stand rules because in your heart you know there's a better way.
You have strengths dangerous to the establishment - and it wants them eliminated, So your whole life you've been told your strengths were weaknesses - Now I'm telling you otherwise.
Your impulsivity is a gift - impulses are your key to the miraculous,
Your distractibility - is an artifact of your inspired creativity,
Your mood swings - reflect the natural pulse of life, they give you unstoppable energy when you're high and deep soulful insight when you're low,
Been diagnosed with a "disorder"? That's society's latest way to deny it's own illness by pointing the finger at you.
Your addictive personality is just a symptom of your vast underused capacity for heroic, creative expression and spiritual connection. your utter lack of repression, your wide eyed idealism, your unmitigated open mind - didn't anyone ever tell you?!
These are the traits shared by the greatest pioneers and visionaries and innovators, revolutionaries, procrastinators and drama queens, activists on the social scene, space cadets and mavericks, philosophers and derelicts, business suits flying fighter jets, football stars and sex addicts, celebrities with ADD, alcoholics who seek novelty, first responders - prophets and saints, mystics and change agents.
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all affected by the way -
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -
You know in your heart that there's a natural order to life,
something more sovereign than any man-made rules or laws could ever express
This natural order is called "the Way."
The Way is the eternal substrate of the cosmos. It guides the very current of time and space. The Way is known by some as the Will of God, Divine Providence, the Holy Spirit, the implicate order, the Tao, reverse-entropy, life-force, but for now we'll simply call it "the Way."
The Way is reflected in you as the source of your inspiration, the source of your passions, your wisdom, your enthusiasm, your intuition, your spiritual fire - love.
The Way takes the chaos out of the Universe and breathes life into it by reflecting divine order. The Way, when experienced by the mind, is genius, when perceived through the eyes is beauty, when felt with the senses is grace, when allowed into the heart ... is love.
Most people cannot sense the Way directly. ... But then there are the Wayseers. The keepers of the flame. Wayseers have an unexplainable knack for just knowing the Way.
They sense it in their very being. They can't tell you why or how they arrived at the right answer. They just know it in their core. They can't show their work. So don't ask. Their minds simply resonate with the Way. When the Way is present, so are they.
While others are blind to it, and society begs you to ignore it, "the Way" stirs you inside. Neurological repression blocks most people's awareness of the Way - censoring all thoughts and impulses from the unconscious is their prefrontal cortex - the gestapo of the brain - nothing which violates its socialized programming even gets through; but your mind is different. your mind has been cracked wide open to the Way - by some miraculous genetic trait, some psychotropic chemical or maybe even by the will of your very soul, your brain's reward pathways have been hijacked - dopamine employed to overthrow the fascist dictatorship of your prefrontal cortex - now your brain is free of repression, your mind free of censorship, your awareness exposed to the turbulent seas of the unconscious - through this open doorway divine light shines into your consciousness showing you the Way. This is what makes you a Wayseer.
90% of human civilization is populated with those who's brains are blocked to the Way. Their brains are hardwired to enforce the social programming indoctrinated since birth.
Unlike you they cannot break out of this programming, because they have not yet experienced the necessary revolution of mind. These programmed people take social institutions and rules very seriously. Society is full of games programmed to keep peoples' minds occupied so they will not revolt.
These games often cause sick fixations on peculiar protocols, power structures, taboos and domination - all subtle forms of human bondage - This distinct form of madness is not only tolerated by the masses but insisted upon. The programmed ones believe in rules so forcefully they become willing to destroy anyone who violates them.
Wayseers are the ones who call their bluff. Since Wayseer minds are free to reject social programming, Wayseers readily see social institutions for what they are - imaginary games.
Wayseers comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.
Helping those who are lost in these games and refuse to help themselves is a calling of many Wayseers.
Since Wayseers are the ones who keep contact with the original source of reality - they are able to disrupt societal conventions and even governments to realign humanity with the Way.
The Wayseers are an ancient lineage. A kind of priesthood - carriers of the flame - ones "in the know." There must always be Wayseers to reform the dizzying psychotic spinning gears of society - giant mindless hamster wheels obscuring the pure blue sky, keeping humanity shackled in a darkened cage - so Wayseers are called - to shed light on the madness of society - to continually resurrect the timeless transcendent Spirit of Truth -
Wayseers reveal this divine truth by devoting themselves to the birth of some creative or disruptive act expressed through art or philosophy, innovations to shake up industry, revolutions for democracy, coups that topple hypocrisy, movements of solidarity, changes that leave a legacy, rebellions against policy, spirit infused technology, moments of clarity, things that challenge barbarity, watersheds of sincerity, momentous drives for charity
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all affected by the way -
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -
This is your calling, Wayseer
You've found your tribe.
Died Sunday August 19th 2012 - aged, I think 43.
and you know what, I don't think I have a picture of him - after a computer crash a few years ago where thousands of photos were lost, and now all I have is my memory - that picture in my head.
I first met Andy when he joined a group I was runnning called 'The Gay Spiritual Group' in London, and this would be around 1996-97. He was instantly a keen member and quickly joined the committee to help with the running of the group. Once a month we hosted a Social and would get anything up to 65 members in my London home and a really good spiritual evening would be had, relaxed and informal, with people just talking and laughing, and at around 9pm I would introduce a speaker for 30 minutes or so, and one of these evenings, Andy wanted to give a talk about an experience he had recently had.
He was really nervous and with a little encouragement from me - he stood and introduced himself and gave a wonderful, lighthearted account of a recent trip to Egypt that had changed his life, and it was a really lovely thing to be a part of and to hear this London cockney lad - offering such a gentle story.
For Andy was a little Tough Ted... an east end lad you might not - at one time - have trusted with your wallet or car keys - as he had been a cheeky little rascall when he was a teenager and in private he would tell me some of the things he had got up to in the past which while illegal, did make you smile broadly and laugh out loud... and while you felt for the victim who had had their car stolen - or whatever - it was never meant to be malicious or evil, it was just lads messing about, and we would laugh. But all that was years behind him and he donated a great deal of his time to helping others, through voluntary charity work and in his private life as well, and he was a very thoughtful and kind, considerate and loving man.
When I moved to Hamilton Hall he would come down and help us paint and decorate - or more often - he would actually bring a friend with him who he paid to do the work for him as his disabilities through various illnesses brought about through his HIV made it difficult for him to do some things physically, and he was thrilled every time to be able to offer something and happy to be a part of Hamilton Hall, and I was very pleased to have him part of my life.
I remember one long hot summer, maybe around 2004 - he was down for a couple of weeks with his dog - a Doberman named Scooby ( naturally ) and we would sit in the garden until late at night with candles lit all over the place and just chill out and laugh and share stories from our past - as we actually had a lot in common - and these are happy memories. His cheecky chappy grin and laugh won him many friends here and one elderly friend fell madly in love with him;- in a really nice and sweet way - and every time I mentioned Andy to him he would smile broadly and laugh... I knew his health was up and down over the years and I would always be inviting him down for a free stay and more often than not, he would either come down or be too busy at home, and all of a sudden he has having problems with his bowels and had already had an operation giving him a temporary colostomy and when he visited he was so up, so cheerful and so positive, he was such an inspiration even though I think he was going through a great deal. During a trip to Egypt where the pain became so great he increased his pain medication, he decided upon return to just tell the doctors to take his bowel right out and give him a full colostomy as he could not live with the pain and it was obviously not getting any better, and this was done almost immediately. He laughed about not needing to douch any more and was so positive all through it. But it seems things went from bad to worst and although he was always up-beat when I phoned, he eventually moved into a hospice - he said for pain management - but within a couple of weeks his phone was switched off and he had died. A few days later his sister called and told me the news and as soon as she said she was Andy's sister, I knew - for I had had to go through my own sisters phone book years ago after her death - phoning people and telling them - and I just knew. Instantly my tummy did a flip, my heart missed a beat and a tear came to my eye. Poor Andy, I wish he'd let me know how ill he was, I would have visited him in the hospice, but I think he didn't want a fuss - didn't want people to see him in those last days and wanted us to remember him as he was, and he left this world peacefully and as he had lived it , on his own terms.
He also chose not to have a funeral service of any kind, and the family were to be told - after the fact - that he had been cremated by the funeral company after it was all over. Some would have a hard time with this - as saying your final farewell in front of a coffin is traditional and what we all expect, but not when it causes such grief for people. Andy hated fuss, and so chose to leave this life as quietly as he could and leave happy memories and not grief in his wake.
No flowers. No hymns.
No getting to the place on time and having to wear something black - which he would have hated and no eulogydescribing his life in nine minutes.
I was upstairs late last night with a friend and Andy and I had always shared a cigarette or two together and evenings just talking and laughing, so I did just that with Matt who works here and we shared a few smokes, talked about loads of things including Andy - and just had one of those evenings where we were giggling like school girls... and all the while aware of Andy and how he would have loved to be with us one last time, and bless him.
Getting older for me is fun, I see so much of other older people in myself as I come closer to my 60's - people who are older than I am and now I am catching them up, and the one sadness is remembering all the sweet people whose lives have come to an end so much younger and so much sooner, and it makes me sad. I know there are always new friends to meet, new faces to laugh with and new evenings to share a smoke and a giggle and I give thanks for the ever changing aspect of my daily life and the wonderous way it moves through the years, and there are times I remember back and see a face in my minds eye - of Andy - or someone else I held dear but probably never got the chance to really tell them how important they were to me, and I try harder with my 'today friends' to let them know how much I care and love them, and as fast and as busy as my days are, I always remember and keep their memory alive within my mind, my body and my soul and in this, they are still with me. Still alive and still making me smile. For I don't ever want to forget.
Bless you Andy.
This is a piece of music he enjoyed and is to be played in the chapel.CLICK HERE
Last night, a guest had not arrived at the time we had been advised (between 7 and 8pm ) and the phone number I had for him was obviously incorrect as it would not connect, ) so as he had not phond, I eventually went to bed and forgot all about him.
At 1.50am the door bell rang and rang and rang and it was him, hardly apologetic at all and kept saying he got lost. I asked where he had come from - Manchester - which is such an easy journey to Bournemouth, and I bluntly asked why he had not thought to phone enroute if he was lost and he just said he was driving - and when I mentioned he could have pulled over and rang me he just said nothing, and I was displeased. No apology just an excuse.
So I showed him to the dorm ( the cheapest room in the house which he had booked and luckily there was no one else in there to disturb at that time ) and left him - and I offered no small talk or chit chat at all.
This irritated me as I then couldn't get back to sleep - but did so and 2 hours later, while asleep on top of the covers because it was a warm night, I was suddenly awoken by someone stroking my legs up to my cock- in the dark, and while it awoke me instantly - the stroker was unaware of this. I froze.
The hands went onto my cock which was as hard as a board as I had awoken with a stiffy, and this person then started sucking on it, and my mind was racing trying to figure out who the hell this was... So after a minute or so, he climbed up onto me and tried to insert my dick up his ass and at this point I awoke a bit more, reached for the light and told him to fuck off - but he just laid on the bed with his butt in the air expecting me to fuck him, but as I was not about to bare back him - and as I was not about to fuck him regardless, I told him to go to bed. I got up and pushed him away from me - and yes you guessed it - it was my late night arrival - and I was firm in telling him to bugger of.
He reluctantly went down stairs.
I lay in bed appreciating the fantasy - because there is a fantasy to be had here, but he just was not my type at all, not even vaguely, and while he wanted to get fucked and I could have well enjoyed a late night fuck, I was not about to give him the pleasure of my big dick up his ass and I was not amused or pleased so was not about to give him fuck all.
I have no idea what he was on, what cheek, what drugs, what delusion he was harbouring under that let him think this kind of behaviour was acceptable and what others might think with him waking them in the night for sex, especially as he had passed a PRIVATE sign on the stairs which means just as it says yet he saw fit to ignore this, and it leaves me open mouthed. For a start, I do not fancy orientals and I don't like tiny tiny willies ( which I briefly saw as I pushed him off ) and I most certainly do not like pushy people. Now I appreciate that there is a part of me that knows that had he been more my type;- had he been Hugh Jackman for instance, I might have fucked the ass of him for hours and had a great time, and that this is double standards. I am not adverse to a little late night nookie surprising me, but the one thing I despise is arrogance and attitude, and this guy never once offered an apology for being late - he then assumed it was okay to creep around the hotel - probably trying every door until he found one unlocked ( mine ) and open ( so I can hear in case the alarms go off in the night ) and presumably I was not the first room he tried finding a fuck in... so not a real compliment. And besides, his cock sucking skills - all 30 seconds of it, was useless,- not a bloody clue - absolute crap, and if you are going to walk into someones room in the night and surprise them with your mouth around their cock, at least know how to suck cock and be decent about it and for goodness sake, have some idea of what you are doing.
Sadly for him, he didn't.
So as I have a Late Arrival Charghe on my web site - which I have never had to use before, he was charged an extra £50 this morning for waking me at nearly 2am and when I see him later today, he WILL be told, inm no uncertain terms, what I think of his behaviour and attitude and he WILL be reprimanded and told some facts of life about decent behaviour.
who worked at Hamilton Hall from December 2008 - January 2011
CONTACT THE POLICE BELOW
BUT NOT IF YOU JUST WANT TO FIND OUT WHAT HE HAS DONE
Please call Police Constable 2557 TRENT -
Incident / Reference number C:11:C:8746 -
on 01202/01305 22 22 22
or e mail her on
otherwise e mail John Bellamy on
Since Kristian left us because the police were catching up with him, I have had loads of phone calls and e mails from those who have been burned by him over the years and it seems he is not just an opportunistic thief - who sees an opportunity and grabs it - but someone who has made a career out of stealing, lying and manipulating people and it has brought much sadness, grief and heartache to those he has conned. Stealing money from a man who was ill with PCP and on deaths door is dreadful. Conning an old lady out of her life savings is unthinkable. Stealing charity money while pretending to have cancer - leaves me speachless. I truly thought better of him than this and it is sad that after experiencing him, it leaves you distrusting and questioning everyones motives - which is sad - and like everyone else before me, I am sad for Kristian.
Like many, I do miss Kristian, even for all his lies and cheating ways. he has a heart of gold when it suits him and he is the kindest and most thoughtful man I have met in a long time and I don't care to think that all his kindness was just a way of getting around me, gaining my trust and friendship so he could con me. I care to think that somewhere inside this man, is a caring soul who is just caught in a trap and cannot find an exit, even though I honestly offered to help him, he still ran and out of fear, has never looked back.
He is such a bright, intelligent, presentable and hard working man that he could have the best job - earning a lot of money - and have friends and respect - instead of the loathing, the hatred and the bile filled words that I have read from others on e mail. He could have it all, and all through his time here at hamilton Hall he was desperate - absolutely desperate - for friends and respect and worked so hard at befriending others - and bullshitting us about how everyone loved and adored him and made up such stories about his life and background that always proved to be false - and it saddens me that the people who did be friend him and he became close to - he ended up stealing from them. Find out their weak points - who had money - who had anything - he could steal - and to have absolutely no conscience - no guilt, no remorse and no feelings at all for those he has harmed, sends a very sad and pathetic message about how this man doesn't understand the basic - the most basic - of things - LOVE.
His family seem to have disowned him. Friends last as long as he is in town and before he is back on the run again with the police after him and friends left in shock and horror at what he has done, and I am desperately sorry for all concerned.
I have thought many times since Kristian vanished about deleting this page on my web site, but then I hear in my head the pain and anguish in peoples conversations with me on the phone - since Kristian vanished and since I let it be known what he had done - from others who had been stung by him, and that alone keeps this page on this web site. One man is so destroyed that he cannot get on with his life as he doesn't know who he can trust, and this is a common thread from many who have been 'taken in' by Kristian and now feel very hurt and betrayed.
Yet I cannot fathom why he has allowed this to be a way of life. he is a wonderful man who could really be in a good well paid job, and he has no one to blame but himself. It is such a shame, especially as I offered him a way out but he could noit accept it as it meant telling me thr truth and - to be honest - I think he is unaware of what the truth is any more - or certainly - afraid of his own truths, and is so caught up in the Walter Mitty - that as he gets older, he will find it harder and harder.
I feel desperately sorry for everyone concerned. Including Kristian.
He was certainly my best worker - ever.
Until proven guilty in a court of law - even though I have evidence and a confession from Kristians own lips that he stole from me, all this is conjective until proven in court. It seems his rights are more protected in law than those he robbed from and his human rights are paramount above his victims. The law is an ass and the police have done precious little in finding him as he is a low priority case - and as usual, the victim is offered little respect and I was even told off by the police women above for actually putting this on my web site - but as they are doing nothing to find him, I shall continue with this in the hope that someone - somewhere - will read this, see him, and get him facing his accusers in a court of law so these people can have closure.
The human rights of the victim seems to come second to those of the person who has abused them. As far as I am concerned, as soon as a thief picks up a brick to throw through my window to rob my home :- As soon as a mugger spots a victim and takes ain :- As soon as anyone puts in motion any kind of illegal act against another - THEIR HUMAN RIGHTS SHOULD COME SECOND TO THE VICTIM - WHO DID NOT ASK TO BE ROBBED, RAPED, MUGGED ETC. and the manner - all too often, that the legal authorities offer the victim is second rate compared to the rights of the criminal. Too many times the victim is left with a life of fear because not only have they been abused by a bad person, they have been abuse dby the very system that is suppose to protect them.
Like a lot of you out there, I have a Mother who moved from her warden assisted flat to a nursing care home as her mental and physical health meant she was no longer able to look after herself any longer, and there were many times when it made my heart weep. I was talked out of looking after her in my home and while my heart desperately wanted to look after her, my head told me I would not manage and it was not a good idea.
A while ago she had a bladder infection and she was in bed and very distressed - staring out of unseeing eyes that did not seem to focus, grabbing with her hands at anything and everything close - ie: the bars at the side of the hospital bed had been put up to keep her in bed as she kept sliding out and staggering up the ward - and it was quite a distressing site for many to witness - and she was chattering away - with words that did not follow any cohesive sense and while she knew my name and - kind of - that I was her son - all sorts of other family members names came into it and I don't really think she knew me, Her confused state was sad to witness.
My Mother - a bright, intelligent fashion model who was one of London's top models in the 1940's and 1950's and walked the catwalk, also sang with many famous dance bands, for she had a superb voice - and who raised 3 children, was reduced to this.
A tall proud women with a voice and an opinion of her own and no fear of speaking her mind,- a woman who was married 3 times during her life and who put up with a lot,- A woman who had lived alone for over 20 years since her 3rd husband - my Step Father died and who lost her only daughter ( my sister ) and her baby ( my niece ) around 20 years ago when both died a few months apart ,- A women who has always been accepting of my gay lifestyle and who loved my friends and boyfriends totally, even if not being as accepting of my brothers wife - always being a dreadful mother-in-law and a women who all those 'mother-in-law jokes' must have been written about,- And a woman who was stubborn, difficult and sometimes a women who would make the angels cry because GOD she could NEVER admit fault and take responsibility and simply apologize, and a woman who has caused much family turmoil because of her refusal - point blank refusal - to ever accept that she was ever wrong about anything - And a woman who admitted to me some years ago that she had never been in love - never really knew what love was and that - despite being married 3 times and raising a family, had never really understood what that mysterious word 'love' - had meant - and while in her way she has loved and has been loved, she never really comprehended what it meant, and for that, I was always desperately sorry.
Sorry that she never understood how we - her children - felt about her and sorry that she always felt the need to - somehow - try and manipulate the situation to suit herself all the time. Sad that she never realised we would do whatever she wanted because we loved her and not because she was being manipulative. Sad that she always thought every situation was about her and sad that she felt such jealously and resentment towards anyone who 'stole her limelight' - even her own grandchildren. Sad that she resented her son being a sensational husband and father to his children and sad that she felt such resentment towards those who had something she felt she had lost out on, when the truth was - she hadn't - for she was loved - she was very cared for - and while she never understood this and while she felt alone and unloved, other people were hurt and betrayed by her time and time again because she simply didn't get it. She never really understood,- and that saddens me.
Poor Betty - my poor Mother, and as much as we have told her over the years and as much as we have openly shown our affection and considered her in our lives - she still never got it - never realised and never allowed herself to be part of the family - preferring to isolate herself and say that she wasn't wanted all the time when the exact opposite was the truth, and we just got fed up with it.
Towards the end, to see her bedridden and shouting for help all the time, was not good. I could have visited more often, and she understood in her way.
Whatever it was she lost - and whatever it was she lacked - and for all her mistakes and all her selfish ways, she was my Mother, I love her dearly, and no-one - NO -ONE - should be made to go through the kind of thing at the end of their lives, and the cruelty metered out by a government and health authority SO AGAINST EUTHANASIA beggars belief. My Mother would not have wanted this, and with a society where 80% of people asked agree that euthanasia is the best thing in some situations such as this, I know she didn't suffer at the end, which came quite quickly, and that she can now be with my sister, her family and Jesus - in peace - which is what she spoke of.
I would tell her that it was okay - she didn't have to keep fighting and being scared - that she could go to Heaven and see Jesus and the family any time she wanted, and that she, and they, would all be young again, that she would be singing once more and surrounded by those who loved her, and that her Father - who she never knew - would welcome her with open arms - along with Jesus. She felt reassured with this and while her body outlived her mind - I know she would not have wanted to live like this. Some people need permission to 'let go' and find peace, and my Mother hung on in there and died 21st September 2011 aged 89. She wasn't ill - she wasn't suffering anything more than being bed ridden and with dementia - her body was strong and she just seemed to 'give up' and slipped into unconsciousness and died within an hour, peacefully, and for that I thank God and the Universe.
So my Mother has now become a memory and one I shall treasure always. I shall tell stories, laugh and get angry, and always with love and affection, for while my Mother exasperated us dearly, she was a character - and strong willed individual and she died how she lived, in her own time and in her own way. I can hardly believe I will not see her next week or next month, when I visit and I comb her hair and paint her nails and we talk around in circles and --- but like so many people, life goes on and we will have her cremated and sprinkle her ashes over Evening Hill - a delightful park with a stunning view over Poole and the harbour and at sunset it is simply delightful, and I often visit with friends to enjoy a fish and chip supper from a local takeaway, and I shall remember her and be thankful that she was my Mother, who I loved dearly.