Sunday January 25 , 2015

John's Blog

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Posted by: John

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I often see these awards and think - well - who voted that the best pub / club / gay venue - as no one asked me and who voted it the best ???   ... and consider it all a load of bollocks to get you to spend more money in their bar.  Trip Advisor;-  while I say they are tossers and a waste of time - this certificate of excellence is an award because of the amount of positive feedback we have received from those who have stayed here and THAT is wonderful and I am proud and thrilled about that.  Compared to many other venues, we could easily be a 3 or 4 star B&B but I do not buy into the tourist board schemes which - again - are just money spinners for the council - and I do not waste my money with something that has such little meaning. 

66% of visitors attend alone.
22% attend  with a partner / friend
6% come on business


New Year Joke:

When I found out I was Bi Polar, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.



India just made gay love illegal!

Two Indian Supreme Court judges just decided that gay sex is illegal.


But if we act fast we can help reverse this crazy backwards ruling.

Men and women in India now face police harassment and life imprisonment. This hateful decision is being met with outrage, and if we now show India that outlawing love is making them an international embarrassment we can get the Indian Parliament to fast track passing a law that the judges have to respect.

Sign now to help love conquer fear in India. When we reach 1 million we’ll get all our names written on hundreds of giant hearts ringing the Indian parliament, then place prominent ads showing that the world will no longer accept making love illegal.

Join me in this campaign here, and let love conquer fear:


       JB Comments: 

With more and more countries turning their backs on LGBT rights - like Russia and now India,  I do have to wonder WTF is going on.  How come we seem to be going backwards instead of forwards - and why governments are reverting to old fashioned belief structures from the past rather than look forward and - with open hearts for everyone,  learn and premote  tollerance.  Damning certain parts of any community to destruction is not a healthy way forward for society and jailing, beating and even killing those from the LGBT community is certainly not going to make it go away - it will just shrink into the shaddows and create a whole underbelly of society in hiding for fear of their lives. 

If we go back into the Christian past,  with the church for centures damning gay man and burning them on the bonfires as witches (and the gay men were bound together and put at the base of the fire with the bound kindling wood - and anything that is bound together is calkled a FAGGOT ) and other gay men went back into the closet - got married and lived a ' straight lifestyle' in hiding.  Their children and their grandchildren then passed on the gay gene so that future generations of LGBT mena dn women would survive.   Maybe, just maybe, had the church of the middle ages been more acepting of the LGBT men and women in their villages - and allowed them the right to live with their partners and not persecute them,  maybe - just maybe - the gay gene might have not been passed down
through the generations and we could well have a much smaller LGBT community today - Who know - that could be absolute twoddle or it could be a viable truth.   We shall never know, but we do know that by damning those from the LGBT community - moving backwards in thinking and living a life in fear - does not create a healthy environment for anyone, as after the LGBT's who is next - fat people - smokers - to say nothing of going backwards and turning against black and asians, muslims and jews and just about anyone and everyone who see things differently to those who have been brain washed by the media ?

Dangerous times and we cannot be complacent and ignore these facts that we are still under attack and must never rest and be arrogant.

Not a healthy way forward for a society in the 21st century.




These resolutions I SWEAR I will keep to my promise


9)  SAVE £10,000 THIS YEAR

I am sure I will think of tons of other things I do not intend doing this year - and I shall add them if and when they come to me.
So what about your list of things you do not intend changing...

and to those annoying - irritating little queens who like to read every word as  gospel and offer an attitude and bitchy comments when nothing is warranted,  this is a joke. Some of the above may be serious and some actually not so serious and before you offer your opinion,  LAUGH AND THE WORLD LAUGHS WITH YOU - PISS ME OFF - and you will be dismissed as  ' THE WEAKEST LINK.'


This Christmas video is great fun and clever:- DOGS AND CATS DINE



After being apart for 30 years - my American X lover and I have finally decided we cannot communicate any longer. Love him to bits and I always will, but he drives me mad with bullshit all the time and I seek truth - and not bullshit. Sad - but I cannot carry that around with me any longer. It hurts when you realise someone you thought better of - is an asshole after all.  ( So I am available ... ha ha )

The above was part of my January Blog sent out recently and I have to say,  I have received more e mails in return from you all than  I ever have  concerning this part of what was a long blog, and a very big thankyou to all those who wrote offering understanding and sympathy. 
It seems that I struck a chord with many with this and many have stated they are going through much the same, even if not for as long as 30 years, but it seems many of us hold out redundant hope that some people may prove themselves more worthy, better human beings or even just nicer than we think,  and all too often we are proven completely correct - they are assholes and will always be assholes and when we eventually realise this fact and GIVE UP TRYING,  life is so much easier without them. 

Trying as we do to show them their errors, and where we can see right through the bullshit,  and where we try and make these fucked up people, better people, kinder, more thoughtful and understanding of others and help them be less screwed up,  does not always serve us and there will be times when our hard work and compassion pays off and people do actually change for the better,  but some are lost to us and we really need to learn when to let go and move away - emotionally and physically - for our own sake as well as theirs.

After 30 years of knowing how fucked up this man was, I have fought, and I mean fought, to keep a friendship going - long distance - and it has been a fight over the years with many ' this is the last time '  - but somehow I refused to give in and accept defeat as I have always considered him more worthy - a better person
crying out for help - and I turned my back decades ago on my sister who eventually died of vodka - as after years of batteling with her to try and get her off the booze, the abuse in return eventually forced me to give up and leave her to her own devices, and she was dead within 2 years -  a very sad story - and I swore I would never turn my back on a friend / family member / lover again -  and I never have - until now.  Strange thing is - as soon as I sent the final e mail stating that this time he was dead to me - that his e mail address was blocked and I wanted - absolutely - nothing more to do with him - I felt calmer, more at peace - within my soul - and I know I have done the right thing. I know the angels - the universe - has heard my pain, felt my tears, experienced the abuse and listened to my prayers - and I am strangely calm today, even if a bit sad for him.  

So as much as he claims to have changed and how I know nothing of who he is these days - even this is bullshit - as he has not offered me that new side of himself at all, he has offered me just as much abuse and emotional baggage as he ever did, and he has proven to me that he really has not changed at all.  BUT maybe - just maybe - he HAS changed, he IS a better person and IS loved and adored by many as a kind, thoughtful gentle man - and maybe - just maybe - it is ME he resents, is jealous of and wants to abuse - and maybe there is nothing I can do about that.   Maybe he knows, deep down inside, that I am his last chance. Maybe he is afraid of the healing space I offer and maybe he just resents the fact that he has a very small penis and I have  a great big one. 

Maybe the fact we have slogged it out for so long, is that he desperatelty wants the help and guidance I offer but pushes it away like many addicts -  and then it is an excuse to have another drink - another snort - another excuse why life isn't fair to them, when they bring it all on themselves,  and when we eventually turn away and ' abandom them' - they take it all as 'poor me - no one cares and I am alone'  

There does, however, come a time when emotional exhaustion takes over and we realise we have had enough. Times is up. The final bell has been rung. The game is over. Time to move on, a little sad as I personally love this man a great deal and feel his pain and anguish,  but will not allow his abuse - his fucked up ranting and his neurotic attitude to affect me any longer.  This man who has utterly disgusted me with his manner. This man who has acted lower than low. This man who will always be in my thoughts and dreams,  and even in my heart,  is now no longer a part of my emotional life and as far as I am concerned, he is dead and gone.

Hard ?   Yes maybe - and I sincerely hope I can keep to it - but for survival and for my own inner strength - there are certain people we need to dismiss as dead to us in order to be who we are - and Darryl is one of those now... it just took a long time for me to give up on him,  but he has forced my hand and now I retreat to safety within my own soul and pray someone else is there for him;- that they will not let him away with the constant - and I mean CONSTANT - bullshit lies all the time and  that he finds happiness and joy and stops the abusive lifestyle he has known his whole life,-  for he is the abuser and even tried to kill me on two occasions decades ago,  and I pray that he finds peace within his heart and most of all, that he learns to  cope with the truth that lies within him and the truth that makes him who he is  and not the fantasy version of himself he assumes is accurate and real.



Hi John    Just read this, and completely feel for you with the American. I have been moping all week about a man who uses me and is not honest. I don't want to be alone, and had high hopes for this man, but have to make the decision for myself that he is not a good person for me. Tough choices, but it still makes me very sad. I'm sitting in a spa basically hiding from the world right now, trying to get over it.  Just letting you know you are not alone.

Thank you John for your lovely update. Hearing from you always reminds me of happy times spent at HH ! Wishing you all the best for 2015 and let's hope that the universe provides just in time ;-) Will drop by later in the year when things have warmed up a bit

Big hugs from

Simon in Berlin


Dear John: And a Happy New Year to you John! Your newsletter once again projects the warmth and friendship of Hamilton Hall! You have taken a massive step forward in being able to let go of the past 30 years. I am still struggling with discarding a past relationship, living in perpetual hope that everything could remain as it first was, but not so! We all grow, change and adapt and eventually reach a point when we have no choice but to accept what once was can no longer be. And yes, who needs the bullshit! Robert sounds absolutely perfect as support for your work and ideals at HH and I am so pleased that you have someone reliable to help. I look forward to meeting him! I have been back in London for just over a week now and it seems I will be able to take some time off work again during early March. Once I have the confirmed dates I will call you to make a booking for at least a few days. Having spent 10 weeks in the glorious South African sunshine, I am finding it difficult to cope with the short, grey and cold days here. So right now I can't think of a better tonic than Bournemouth, being naked at Hamilton Hall and relaxing in your undeniably unique hospitality!
Fond regards and big hugs.

Hey there John, a Happy & Prosperous 2015 to you !
I always enjoy your Blog, full of news & your great conversation, I almost feel that I'm there talking to you !  I guess Missy must be calming down, no trials & tribulations this  time !Enjoy your supper this evening, it sounds delicious, I'm having Lasagne, first time I've made it, so here's hoping it's good !  You'll meet that special someone this year, I'm in no doubt, 'cos you're a very Special person.  Take care, with kind thoughts from a FREEZING Scotland.


Daily Mirror Pride of Britain Awards

I have been asked by a customer if he would mind if he put me forward for the Daily Mirror Pride of Britain Awards for all the free holidays and support things I offer locally - and I am thrilled to have been asked.  Not sure how an x hooker will manage or that it will even be processed but it was a real thrill when he asked if I would mind if he nominated me as he respects the work I do - blah blah blah - and this is reward - an honour - in itself.


Dear John: Read your piece about being nominated for an award , I have awarded you the highest award in the land for what you do at Hamilton Hall. 
A good friend of mine died late last year ( November 2014 ) and he first attended Hamilton Hall with me around 8 years ago for a Massage Workshop, and while I thought he would hate it, he actually loved it and wanted to attend as often as possible, and you might remember Norman from Knightsbridge ( an elderly Canadian gentleman retired and in his 70's )
His family lived in Canada and he had few friends in the UK although had lived here for many years and through his various visits to Hamilton Hall he met others who lived near him in London and formed a great little group of guys who would meet at various museums, art galleries etc.  every week and just spend a day doing something nice with other like minded gay men.  It all started at Hamilton Hall and he was always very greatful to you for your venue and would always laugh and smile his head off whenever he spoke about you.  I think he loved how you would shock with your outragous stories at the breakfast table and you certainly brought a smile to an old mans face.
He died of old age - went to bed one evening and simply died peacefully in his sleep.  He will be missed.
Thank you John. Big thank you.  Robert M.

Thank you Robert. I remember Norman - and yourself - very well and he was an incredible man and great fun. He will be sorely missed and I - kinda - knew he was dying the last time I saw him here and knew - inside - that it was for the last time.  No idea why I felt that,  call it intuition.  Thank you for your kind words and I am glad to have known Norman and to have brought a little sunshine into his world.  He will be missed. John



Just had a very odd phone call from someone asking about the naked - clothing optional aspect of Hamilton Hall and he actually asked me if I had ever thought about the cleanliness aspect of men being naked on the furniture, and I was slightly taken aback.  I told him that of course I had thought about peoples  asses on my furniture and how we have towels galore and it absolutely amazed me how a complete stranger assumes I had never considered this - as a clothing optional venue - and presumably he assumed I am some stupid plonker with zero brain cells and how I could not possibly have thought about this aspect of running a clothing optional venue - for almost 15 years - all by myself and without this man bringing it to my awareness.   I was actually stuck for words for a few moments - as I was being treated like some fool,  and I responded gently and quietly but really wanted to tell this man that FOR GOD'S SAKE, OF COURSE I HAVE THIS COVERED - WTF DOES HE THINK WE ARE HERE - BLOODY MORONS ?

I tell you,  some times you despair for human kinds future when some people are so foolish and assume everyone else to be the same.


A woman just called and said that she was on my web site and how much she was enjoying it and that while we are a men only hotel, she was fascinated with how I spoke on the web site like a normal human being and not some corporate model of professional service with cold indiffernce.  She said she was giggling and enjoiying it and had been for several hours ... so that was a really pleasant and cherrished call and thankyou to her. It cheered up my afternoon.





Every single event that takes place at Hamilton Hall comes from myself - every idea, every notion and just about everything;-  and as much as I ask you all what you want - the response is zero.  It is the same for any gay venue, yahoo group and charity - when it comes down to it,  99% of people are somewhat apathetic and seem to expect someone else to do it all for them. Joining in and taking part seems impossible for some people and it is as if their GET UP AND GO HAS GOT UP AND GONE and it is left to the very few to organise, plan and facilitate and then feel very dispondant when input from others is so dreadfully low.  Many great events and workshops etc. are cancelled because of lack of input and unless someone else organises every little detail,  most seem content to do nothing.  Your help below is requested.  You can sut and paste onto an e mail and address to


As a MEN ONLY HOTEL - one of only a few left in the UK today that is strictly men only
and the only residential venue in the UK hosting more events and theme weekends than anywhere else -




One suggestion I would make is to open up for cash one night visits - it sometimes makes it much easier.  Ry xx

How about a Tight Jeans weekend. Regards Malcolm..

John: Would love to spend a whole weekend in nappies and diapers.  Any plans for a weekend for us kids into our babyhood.  Robert.



winner of X Factor 2013



X Factor Winner 2014



Christmas and New Year at Hamilton Hall have just a few vacancies open. BOOK NOW.



This is the new poster to be found

at the front door when you walk up.

It is viewed by all those walking by and everyone can see that we are PEOPLE MOTIVATED - NOT PROFIT DRIVEN - and I get a great many comments from locals about how we offer so much for free.





Spirituality and Men (SAM)
is a self-development group run by men for men, aiming to explore the spirit of man through informative dialogue, honest interaction and the silence of meditation.

This group meets on the first Sunday of every month at Global Co-operation House.


For further information, please contact the SAM team:



Thought you might like to see these e mails to and from Hammy Hall.  

It did make me laugh.


To Hamilton Hall :-    ' If I come to see any of your clients in the hotel do I have to pay anything?'

My Answer: :- 'I have no idea what you are talking about … . in plain English please.'

His answer :- 'In plain English: Can I come to your Hotel and have sex with your clients (I expect your clients to pay me) You can not expect me to pay for anything as I am short of money.'

My answer :-  'In plain English - FUCK OFF'








A generation ago, schoolchildren caught fighting in the corridors, sassing a teacher or skipping class might have ended up in detention. Today, there’s a good chance they will end up in police custody.

In Texas, a student got a misdemeanor ticket for wearing too much perfume. In Wisconsin, a teen was charged with theft after sharing the chicken nuggets from a classmate’s meal—the classmate was on lunch assistance and sharing it meant the teen had violated the law, authorities said. In Florida, a student conducted a science experiment before the authorization of her teacher; when it went awry she received a felony weapons charge.

Over the past 20 years, prompted by changing police tactics and a zero-tolerance attitude toward small crimes, authorities have made more than a quarter of a billion arrests, the Federal Bureau of Investigation estimates.

Nearly one out of every three American adults are on file in the FBI’s master criminal database.

The USA has between 5 - 8% of the worlds population but 25% of the entire worlds prisonser are in the USA, and this sorry state of affairs tells us that either this country is absolutely full of criminals, or that the authorities are too heavy handed and abusive with its people and that many - quite simply - should never have been put in jail or even tried in the first place. 



an amazing lyric and video about gay love



The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.


When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.


It was a whole lot easier to get older than it was to get wiser.


This is so sweet, a dog who discovers he doesn't have to swim




Tony Bray died just before Christmas, and I shall miss him.  He was a good and dear friend who visited and loved Hamilton Hall and would sit in the Conservatory meeting and greeting people as they came and went and everyone loved his peaceful and charming manner.  He was 79 years of age and a real sweetheart.    He will be missed, dearly missed.








Take a look HERE






Every penny raised goes to help the many people we help with food, company, a week or  weekend away, counseling, and even sometimes helping with clothes. In one case we bought a homeless student a bike to get to college on,  and in another , a guitar and lessons to play for a local lad whose life was aimless and he was stoned on drugs all day and all night and we are today, guiding him into making  a life for himself - get his act together - and have some order in his empty life.  We do what we do for absolutely no reason other than 

This web site makes some useful suggestions to HOW TO COPE WITH HOMOPHOBIC FAMILIES












  is just another con

I was offewred a free listing on YELL.COM and then the spam mail started in vengance.  I soon found out that may have offered me a free listing - which is of absolutely no use to me whatsoever - but what was actually doing was collecting e mail addresses which they then sell on to busioness on a disc with up to 90,000 other addresses - and this is an abuse.
It was not explained to me that this was what they were up to - and it was not what I wanted at all.

So watch out when offered anything for free,  as there will be a con attached and one in which has not answered even afer 4 e mails from me and silly answers from them where all they do is state they will remove me from their free listing but my e mail address remains in their data base for selling.

This is against the data protection act and I shall be reporting them.




I have put various signs on our front fence for the passing public to read,  offering help to any elderly person during the winter months if the weather is too bad and the streets too slippery for an elderly person to get to the shops, and we will shop for some
basics for them.  They will pay for what we buy but our service is free and from the heart and it does state,  that we can also help with some of our own stock from Hamilton Hall as I always keep plenty of tinned soups,  beans,   porridge,  long life milk,  bread and other basics in house and willingly share with an elderly person if they are house bound and the social services cannot get around because of the weather.

It may be 45 minutes out of my day - and it may be a cuppa and a chat with someone who is desperately lonely and who has not seen anyone for days, and just think how your heart will feel when they beam a smile at you in gratitude.




This was the initial e mail from a customer through this web site:

'Hi have you any more spaces for two fabulous people this Christmas? If not then how about dates in January 2015 that would be suffice. Also can you send me some information on your hotel as I do not have time to trawl through your labyrinth maze of a website. Also this is going to be surprise for my truly remarkable young man I would like a nice bottle Krug Rosé Brut NV Champagne and arrange some flowers, chocolates on arrival etc. Look forward to your response with price and more information on your gay hotel. Also is payment discrete as I have to be careful and prudent in one's actions as one is married. Your hotel and staff need to be wise and discrete in handling practical matters; exercising good judgment or common sense thank you,  BT'

This e mail shocked me when the author turned into a vile malicious asshole - and I knew it was fake as the champagne is £255 a bottle in Waitrose and they expect a small hotel like ours to have this in stock ? It beggars belief., More to the point, this is one of the oldest cons in the business. It is fake. It is a way of stealing money from me and as I was not born yesterday,  I basically told this person to fuck off.

In 15 years I have never been asked for Champagne for the room and besides the fact that we are not licensed, WTF did he expect.  He continued with quite offensive e mails because I had caught him out as the lying con man he is - and in an average year I get around 150 blatant cons - tricks to steal money from me, through e mails like this, and this Champagne is a common one I have had several times before.  
It works like this:

I receive an e mail asking if they could collect 20 bottles of this stuff from me if they can pay in advance with a credit card.  They then collect the booze and vanish and the credit card bill comes back later as stolen and I am out of pocket.

Then there is the 12 Priests who want to stay and fully pay in advance with a £4,000 extra to charge so I can send them the £4000 to cover translaters etc. and when that one turns out to be fake, I am again, out of pocket. 

Magazines that do not exist offering me an editorial on the venue if I just spend £500 on an advert and the free editorial will be a whole page...
Web sites that ask for hundreds of £ a year and you never - ever - hear from them again. The web site may be up and running but for what you have paid ,  it is a complete waste of time and does nothing for your business. ( usually gay sites ) 

I get asked if I would like to adverise on tons of gay holiday web sites full of gay friendly hotels - and it is grossly too expensive for gay venues to advertise on -  so what is the point ?   It is not,-  therefore,-  a gay site but an excuse to advertise all the corporate hotels and none of the gay venues,  and is nothing more than a con.

Tons of people claiming to be from a Tourist Office hoping to use us as a venue and what is the special offer we are prepared to offer them, what discount of commission;- and my answer is absolutely nothing;- they pay the full fee and no bonus or comission is paid by the venue ( me ) as I know exactly what they are trying to do... con me. 

I suppose some people are foolish enough and some gullible souls have found themselves in deep doodoo because of a weak moment on e mail and which they really did not mean,  but end up in the clink.    One loacl women thought a black guy offering her love all the way from Nigeria was genuine and she was so pleased in her late 60's to find love, that she parted with £68,000 to pay for immigration and lawyers so he could come and live with her here, and it beggars belief that this woman could be so lonely;-  and now she is lonely and her life savings have been stolen from her.  Really tragic. 

I could go on
as it is endless the way people try and con venues out of their money  and this guy above with his champagne was no different.   A con. A liart. A thief.   And then he actually has the timerity to leave a negative response on Trip Advisor and as usual, these anonymous reviews are never monitored correctly by TA and anyone can leave a negative response and we have absolutely no idea who these people are and their anonymity allows them the protection we are not offered as an advertised business.   I think TA should always ask for more ID before allowing a review to go public,  and I do not care how busy, how huge, how difficult this would be for them,  as they have the future of many businesses in their hands and they need to take more responsibility for their actions.



'I found the owner self obsessed, annoying, crude and offensive. I was shocked when he exsposed his genetals at breakfast and pulled down my partners pjs as he brought coffe up to our room. The room was comfortable and clean, genrally the hotel was comfortable other than the breakfast area had a funny smell, not sure what that was. It was exspencive and we had to pay extra for a cooked breakfast, there was no activity going on and given the advertisement we felt cheated. Apparently what was included was continental breakfast which apparently all purchased from Liddles. Sorry fella but we won't be visiting again.

This review came from a  couple of guys in Southampton who came during a quiet spell here and spent an age talking to me about their new breakfast cafe they are about to open in Southsmpton and all seemed fine to me. We got on well, shared a laugh and although I thought them a litle boring and uninteresting,  we chatted for ages over breakfast and they were in no hurry to leave the table  after they finnished and we talked for ages.  Then I find this on Trip Advisor and it wakes me up to the fact that some people are just so two faced, so cowardly they are too scared to talk to me about this face to face and how all they wanted was advise on running a cafe and then turned into people I wished I had never been so nice to... but then... that is my nature.

To attend an event at Hamilton Hall YOU BOOK AND PAY FOR IT and it seems they were expecting an event for no cost - as in for FREE - and that 'aint about to happen.  They came for a weekend at £160 for a double room for 2 people for 2 nights - AND THEY EXPECT AN EVENT IN THERE AS WELL... @ £40 a night each...

Quite ludicrous.

Lidl's is also not spelled that way and so what - bread from Lidl is no different to bread from Tesco so what a stupid comment.  The funny smell in the dining room was probably fresh ground coffee. In 15 years I have only offered a cooked breakfast for the last 5 years  and before that - only continental was available.  In any Best Western or Holiday Inn breakfast is an extra charge at around £10 - £15 for a standard English Breakfast - and all off a hot plate as well and not cooked fresh;-  so WTF do these queens want for their £40 a night ? 
I may be like Marmite, but to be honest,  how many of us can look in the mirror and state that everyone likes us - EVERYONE, and if you do not like me after I have donated hours of my time helping you, then you are just an asshole, a user, a vile person I would rather not have wasted my time with - and the only reason they came was to suck information out of me and then leave this kind of review on TA.  I am absolutely disgusted at how some people behave and appalled at how some suck the life out of others and then find fault with them afer all the help and guidance offered.  Absolutely disgusting couple.

There really are some nasty people about.  So - maybe I will drive up and experience their greasy spoon cafe in Southsmpton one day soon.   I can visit Ikea at the same time as I often buy my candles from there -  Want to join me for a laugh...?



We have been having some really wonderful weather down here this week ( late January 2015 ) with bright and sunn y days, and yesterday I took my dog for a long walk around Christchurch Golf Course which has some truly stunning views over Hengisbury Head, th sea and vast areas full of horses and swans - yauchts moored and so much beauty - and with the bright sunshine on the  water and the vast open sky blue above,  it rally is a wonderful season to be alive.  It is cold, but far from freezing and I am wrapped up warm and the dog and I enjoyed a really lovely hour in the fresh air together.



When injustice becomes law,   defiance becomes duty.






I am reminded of how Transport For London tried breaking the law - bullying and intimidation to screw me of £175 for something they lied and cheated in stating was illegal when it was not, and after an 8 month written and phone called argument between us,  I WON and they REFUSED to apologise or pay compensation. Today - I would sue them.  They were claiming  money on false charges - breaking the law - claiming the law was on their sides when it was lies lies LIES - and as the mighty power of TFL is enough to make most people pay up - and not fight - they usually win - so they are no better than CRIMINALS BREAKING THE LAWE AND LEGALLY GETTING AWAY WITH IT . They are no better than scum.


Pope Francis Demotes Highest-Ranking

US Cardinal Over LGBT Issues


It's been in the news. Now it has been confirmed. As of this past weekend, Raymond Leo Burke, America's highest-ranking cardinal at the Vatican, was officially removed from the Vatican's Supreme Court, and demoted to chaplain of the Knights of Malta, where he will reign with much less responsibility. The ultra-Conservative and anti-gay cardinal, continuously challenges the jurisdiction of Pope Francis, and the Catholic Church's new receptive stance on homosexuality.

How ironic it is to find the demoted cardinal is from the United States. What does that say about America - that even the Catholic Church and a pope are ahead of so many anti-LGBT lawmakers and extremists in this country.

Weeks after taking office in 2013, Pope Francis asked, 'Who am I to judge?' speaking of the LGBT community. Since then, he has had great support for his progressive views, and of course, great opposition. Raymond Burke is one of the pope's strongest opponents. The 66 year-old Burke believes homosexuality is, 'always and everywhere wrong [and] evil,' and continuously questioned the authority of Pope Francis, now 77. Burke told Buzzfeed in October:




Thanks to Chris who told me this one - and it really works:


  1. Get a metal pot stand.  Put 3 or 4 Tea Lights - lit - in the middle together and have each one a couple of inches from the other
  2. On the top on them lower a terracotta garden pot with its bottom upwards and where the candles heat burns up the inside of the pots and not straight out of the whole at the top. 
  3. The heat of the candles will heat up the pot so you cannot even touch it and the heat from just 3 or 4 small Tea Lights will warm the whole room. 

Be careful with candles and never leave to burn without supervision or where children, the elderly or pets can knock them over;-  and not in a draughty location. 

If using Tea Lights NOT on some kind of metal or glass stand, then ALWAYS put them on a solid surface - NOT PLASTIC - as Tea Lights will melt down through the plastic and set fires.  They become extremly hot - hotter than a lot of people realize. 

Always put them in a safe countainer when alight and always take care with naked flames in the home.

I have been using one for the last couple of weeks and I have noticed I can turn down the heating in my own private lounge as it actually has been getting too hot and is a wonderful way of heating the place without paying a fortune to the gas and electric companies that are so screwing us all. 


click above to read all about this dangerous legislation





Eighty-eight thousand deaths a year?
One in 10 people in America die from alcohol abuse each year.




US Secretary of State, John Kerry representing a country which makes Genghis Khan look like a wimp when it comes to illegal invasions, still retains the prize for jaw dropper of the decade:

"You just don't, in the 21st century, behave in 19th century fashion by invading another country on completely trumped up pretext", he pontificated on CBS' "Face the Nation." 

It really is enough to take your breath away,- the gall of this idiot.  Does he assume we are all idiots ?



The following BOURNEBATERS poll is now closed. Here are the
final results:



- YES, 19 votes, 41.30%
- NO, 14 votes, 30.43%
- INDIFFERENCE TO SEX, 1 votes, 2.17%

For more information about this group, please visit




'We have all been in abusive relationships, and sometimes we were the one being abused.'

Marianne Williams

















So - remind me once again, what is it that these guys above are guilty of - oh I remember -

sharing the truth of what our governments are up to that they want kept hidden for fear

the people will rise up in absolute horror at what they have been up to and kick them

out of power and make a lot of changes - perhaps.  

So, it seems the government has more to hide from the people than they care to let on.  

I wonder why ?



Had a couple of guests stay recently who worked as geologist with a ' BIG PETROLEUM' company ( hint ) and when I asked them about Fracking they both said much the same thing,   that it was not environmentally a good idea as the concept of high pressure water and chemicals being pumped underground was unknown and the damage these chemicals were / would / could do to the water table, the environment was dangerous and unknown and could cause earth quakes and it could be very dangerous to human and animal health.   There simply was no evidence to claim it is safe whereas the common sense about the dangers is clear.

This coming from professionals who work in the field  , travelling the world working in the oil and gas industry for over 50 years between them.

Interesting that two very seperate geologists both said much the same thing.







Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 






Governor Cuomo of New York has declared a statewide ban on fracking. Local citizen-led initiatives in Ohio, Texas, New Mexico, and California have banned fracking. Communities across the United States and world are saying NO to this environmentally disastrous method of extracting fossil fuels from the land.




I am sure it happens to us all.

We ask a dear friend - or X lover - relative or even work mate - to attend an important date with us in the future and they accept and we are thrilled.  Then later on they say they cannot make it and regardless of how in advance they have informed us of their change of heart  it does disappoint - you may even feel let down and even taken for granted or in my case recently - disheartened that my X lover from the USA who has a great wealth to play with, has never been here - and after accepting my invitation some time ago to attend my 15th anniversary ( March 30th 2015 ) weekend here at Hamilton Hall with other friends and people who have been here for me through these  years - he now e mails to say that because he is use to living in the desert and the warm weather,  and how his skin has become thin due to acclimatizing to the heat and how he feels he cannot go anywhere that is colder than 50' - he will now not even think of coming to the UK unless in the summer months, and once again - as he has done so many many times before,  he has let me down, disappointed me,  and I had really thought he might this time keep to his word and be true to what was agreed and that he would actually put himself out for me for a change and do this - come to the anniversary,  and be a part of something where he was not Number One - not centre stage - not all about him and was all about something other than himself and where he could show me how proud he was of what I have achieved - for although I have absolutely no idea why,  I do care what he thinks...

But why ???

He obviously doesn't give a damn what I do - not one bit,  otherwise he would come. He would show some interest, some joy at what I do and share more of himself with me, and when I put my head on the block - once again - and sit with my head ready for the axe to fall,  why am I always so surprised when it comes slamming down and instead of chopping off my head,  it breaks my heart a little bit more each and every time  he does this to me. 

But why ?

We were only together for around 3½ years and we have been apart for almost 30.  Why do I still care what he thinks and how he reacts:-  and why do we allow these people to put us through such grief over and over again and why do we feel hurt - all over again - at the way in which they treat us when we know all along what the outcome will be - so why be so surprised when the shit hits the fan and once again,  your heart swells in your chest,  you feel your mood plunge and your eyes fill and - you feel so let down and alone ?

I get more from strangers. More from clients I knew when I was a sex worker.  More from customers here at Hamilton Hall and more from complete strangers who e mail from the other side of the world who have seen and read this web site and just want to share some pleasant thoughts and words with me,  and yet why do I  allow someone who was close  decades ago - to get to me ? 

The answer is because I deeply care;-   while it is clearly obvious he simply doesn't, and it has always saddened me to realise he doesn't really care about anyone or anything but himself and to hell with what I feel or think - the Limey - and I doubt it even enters his mind - I doubt he will even consider what I might think of his change of mind, and I doubt he will give a damn - although I do know he will be annoyed and angry if and when he knows how much he has upset me this time - again - and will take no responsibility expect to not write for months and months in the hope that I will forget all about it when the truth is I want to cry at his - once again - thoughtless self self self  attitude when it comes to me and I really do not understand why I care when all he really is - is an asshole. 

So fuck him. I shall organise and plan a superb weekend and shall have the people around me  who were / are suppose to be around me at this special time - this anniversary - and to hell with him. I shall look forward and never - ever - assume anything of him ever again, no hopes, no desires, no plans, no invitations and no trust at all that what he says will   actually be seen through to the very end - at least - not when it comes to me:-  and maybe I need to take responsibility for wanting - hoping - desiring more from him than he is actually able - willing to give of himself.

Maybe I was always expecting too much
from him - more than he was able to give.

I shall always - however -  be there for him if he ever has a need, as I am always there for those who I care about;-  but as far as anything else is involved, I simply do not believe in him any more;-  and maybe this is my fault,  for being too trusting over the decades when this is not the first time he has let me down;-  not the first time I have been upset at his actions and not the first time I have cried over his rejection of me and my life -  my Hamilton Hall and what I do here. 

He cannot come because his skin is thin and he feels the cold.  I have heard all sorts of lame excuses over the years but this one just about beats the rest hands down and really - is quite pathetic.

You know:  I have a client I first met back in 1987 who has remained a loyal and trusted client - who became a friend ,- and has always been there for me in so many ways over the decades and so loyal, and we have shared a great deal together - sexually, spiritually, emotionally, in business and in personal life,  and this man is worth ten times - a million times - more than my X -  because if and when I am in need of help / advise / care,-   he is there - and while there is a different foundation to our relationship ( he was a client where as the other was my lover )  he is so much more to me - and has been for decades, that some rich bitch from the USA has ever been,   and if nothing else, this disappointment that cut me deeply today with his change of heart  has made me aware of who truly is my friend, my family, my lover, my Angel.  It sure as hell aint my X lover by a very VERY long way - and while this does sadden me dearly as I really do care a great deal about him,  he 'aint worth it.   He simply is not worthy of my affection, my emotional investment or my thoughts - PERIOD.

But that said, I do feel very sad today after reading his e mail. It does drain me emotionally that yet again, exhaustingly so - he hasn't changed at all and is still the same man I split from all those decades ago - he hasn't learned a thing. 

I do, however, know I am worthy of so much better than he offers me. I do know I am like Marmite ( love me or hate me ) and I do know I am a good and decent person who makes mistakes, speaks at the wrong time and gets in my own way all to often  but that I have a heart of gold and mean well and that despite my heartache over my X and his - yet again - refusal -  I am worth so much more than he has to offer - for all his wealth,  and I am not going to allow this to drag me down and for him to win.

I am worth so much more.


John Bellamy
© Hamilton Hall Promotions 14122014




This emotional and thought provoking personal article, written by John Bellamy, shares some of the dangers - the highs and lows, of the sex industry.
If you are involved with the sex industry and you feel you are drowning,  or finding it hard to cope, then come and have a chat with John and see if he can offer some useful and supportive advise.  Many get it all wrong and assume they need to offer almost everything, when you do not. 

You must set yourself guidelines and rules and be strict with them, regardless of how much someone offers.  Respect and self worth are vital and NEVER - EVER - let anyone EVER put you down for what you do.  It is vitally important work, more so than most comprehend.






'a prediction' by John Bellamy

The USA wants civil unrest. Through police brutality, airport security abuse, local governmnent, corporate abuse major financial abuse through the banks & politicians,  the government is driving the innocent people to stand up for change and to take to the streets and to cause civil unrest because of the unwarranted abuse dished out to them from the authorities and this is exactly what the authorities want. They want to then spin this into terrorism and to put the constitution aside and with martial law, take control of the country and marshall all the trouble makers, - the grannies and children, the ordinary innocent men and women, who are just sick of the abuse of government, into Re Education Centres ( 800 FEMA Camps are already open and ready for business ) and this will allow the governments and Corporate / Banking America to plunder and steal - using us to police ourselves as in the Concentration Camps of WW2.  The government will then sanction mass killing and mass domination of the mind, body and soul of the population with re education.  

It has already started.
The FEMA Camps are there and open
Plans have already had 2 rehearsals by th US Government


The government doesn't give a fuck.
It's about control. power and wealth.






Edward Snowden won the Swedish Human Rights Award for his daring and heroic revelations.



Remember who 'YOU' are©

By Christopher Charles

(One of my neighbours here at Hamilton Hall)

"Have you ever though there might be more to life?
Have you ever thought of the trouble and strife?
Have you ever thought you don't need a wife?
in this system that tells YOU what is right.

Have you ever thought that black could be white
Have you ever wanted dark to be light
Have you ever wished that wrong was right
to stop the arguing and end the fight.

Well yes.....guess what..? You're not alone
cos a mate'o'mine just heard on the phone
that an awakening is happening on this planet...your home.
Its such a good reason to have a moan

So put pen to paper and air your views
make a banner and get on the news,
have regular meetings...invite your crews
for this is the know what to do

For this has been predicted through space and time
that the people will end up...not towing the line
and without the state...we'll be just fine
from the 1% and their hidden crimes.

The banks are corrupt
The leaders out of touch
The BBC is weird
and the planets burning up.

So we vote a change...cos we think it matters
we get a different group of mad hatters
or ask for new laws to cover the doors
of the apparent cause,  to all the flaws
The government will not like us
on the streets with loud hailers and banners
we shout "make some new laws for these cheating scammers"
but we don't realise we are voting for laws that will hit us as a row of angry hammers.

'Cos we all want change...but asking's not right
We must spread our wings if we really want flight
and not get caught up in their two party fight
Make up your own mind...don't believe the hype

You cant stop wars by bombing for peace
That's like trying to fuck for virginity at least
and when we ask for laws on hateful speech
we take away the freedom of each

So stop being offended of what people say
Its only because YOU hear it that way
Sticks and stones and come what may
Support freedom of speech everyday

So how do we make a new world for the better
I'll tell ya....I'll go through it letter for letter

Turn off your tellys and put on your wellies
'cos growing your own food is where its at.

Remove the fluoride from your diet
Its only there to keep you quiet

Get to know your neighbours and others around
and you'll soon find ...they're all quite sound.

Recognise the difference between statute and law
and the word means much more.

For the acts are not real...they come from the sea
they were not meant for you and me.
It's all maritime's corporate rules
and I'm sorry to say ...we have all been fooled.
There are very few laws for women and men
no damage...that's them
It's just a game...the game of life
you count yourself in when you use the dice,
and the dice is your name........
I'm watching you frown
For your names property of the Crown

Remember who you are."

© Hamilton Hall Promotions / Christopher Charles  CT13012013


Withholding information from people should be a crime. We believe is sharing knowledge and wisdoms freely, and if anything on this web site has been used without permission, then our apologies. Please inform us and if you wish, it will be removed.  We do not make money from this web site and is part of a NOT FOR PROFIT VENUE of Hamilton Hall.

The poem above was written by Christopher Charles  and you are welcome to re print and re use it and please always give a credit to the author and to this web site.  If we find you are making a profit from it or stealing its content for other financial gain and taking the worthy praise that Christopher Charles  - in my opinion, deserves for this brilliant piece, then we will seek legal action.

John Bellamy





If you loose part of this page - CLICK HERE





and learn all about INDECT

and watch the 6 minute video to the very end





It all sounds so innocent and so ' for your benefit'

but the sad truth
is so very dangerous and different

to what they claim

It states that this could be sold to companies and corporate bodies

who have absolutely no right, as far as I am concerned,

spying on people. That is not for national security -

that is not for the protection of the masses -

that is all about control.








Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 



If you loose part of this page - CLICK HERE



United Nations Calls

for an End to

Industrialized Farming

Maryam Henein, Truthout: We do not need genetically modified plants and monocultures to feed the world. To save the planet, the United Nations is calling for us to get rid of modern agriculture as we know it and adopt organic farms and a localized food system.

Read the Article


Marijuana frequently gets a bad rap. How much of it is deserved? After my earlier blog, “Should Marijuana Be Legalized?” I conducted research to find out the benefits and problems linked with marijuana use. While there are many, here are ten of the health benefits attributed to marijuana and, of course, some of the problems linked to its use:

Alzheimer’s—Marijuana may be able to slow the progression of Alzheimer’s disease, according to research by the Scripps Research Institute and published in Molecular Pharmaceutics.

AnxietyHarvard Medical School found that marijuana may have anti-anxiety effects. Of course, keep in mind that high doses may increase anxiety and paranoia.

Arthritis—Marijuana can alleviate pain and inflammation linked to arthritis.

Cancer—Research in the journal Molecular Cancer Therapeutics found that cannabidiol found in marijuana, turns off a gene called “Id-1,” which cancer cells use to spread.

Epilepsy—Marijuana has been shown in studies by Virginia Commonwealth University, to stop seizures in the school’s animal studies.

GlaucomaResearchers are working on developing new drugs based on cannabis to treat glaucoma pain after learning its effectiveness for treating the condition. Glaucoma is a condition that increases pressure inside the eyeball and can lead to vision loss.

Improves Lung Health—Research in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that marijuana can increase lung capacity, not decrease it as many people have long believed.

Multiple Sclerosis—A study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal found that cannabinoids found in marijuana significantly reduced multiple sclerosis pain.

Nausea—Marijuana contains a minimum of 60 chemicals known as cannabinoids, of which THC is the primary one associated with its mind-altering effects.  THC has been used in the treatment of nausea, including drug- or chemotherapy-induced nausea.

Parkinson’s Disease—Research published in MedPage Today found that marijuana use eased tremors and improved fine motor skills in patients with Parkinson’s disease.


Problems Linked with Marijuana Use:

Addiction—that’s a fairly obvious one. Also, it can cause uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms in people who discontinue use.

Comment from JB:  Marijuana is non addictive - the tobacco you mix it with is the danger,  not the dope.

Anxiety and Paranoia—In high doses or in sensitive individuals, marijuana can cause anxiety and paranoia.

Comment from JB:  In tests - it was found that under 5% of people who smoke marijuana suffer from pananoia and this is usually because the person already had dsigns on mental health and the dope was the key. It is NOT common amongst regular smokers who have smoked for years.

Memory Impairment—As anyone who’s ever talked to someone who is high knows, memory impairment is common.

Mind-Altering Effects—This is particularly evident among people who haven’t used it before as well as many young people.

Comment from JB:  Just like booze or stress or prescription drugs - sometimes you can get an extra strong marijuana which can be a bit trippy,  just like some alcoholic substanbces which are quite legal.


Heart Attack—One study found an increase risk of heart attack within the first hour of smoking marijuana.

If you think severe sentencing laws are doing more harm than good,

consider signing this


Read more:



Does anyone else cringe upon hearing statements like,

“You need to love yourself before you can  land a job, a relationship, lasting inner peace - etc.” ?


I do, and I call it bullshit.  It might be correct in the bigger scheme of things, but here in the real world, it can be very hard and somewhat unrealistic at times.

Sure, liking yourself is important. Believing in yourself, trusting yourself to generally do right by your own best interests. Acting with integrity. Setting boundaries. Respecting yourself enough to know how you deserve to be treated and how others deserve to be treated by you in return and striving to settle for nothing but this,  is often hard. 

But the conditional “if/then” formulas in the self-help-sphere drive me absolutely bonkers. The Personal Development Police would like to have you believe that you have to high-jump over the impossible-to-reach SELF-LOVE bar in order to truly manifest what you want, when the truth is it is so much easier than you can ever imagibe - it is just that we constantly get in our own way.

I find those that give bland advice ' Oh you need to learn some self love' annoying,  unrealistic and frustrating —  it is good advice but also bad advice, no matter how well-intentioned. At least for me. You might disagree with me, and that’s fine. If you are born with unfailing radiant self-love at max capacity 24/7, I am thrilled for you! Bottle it up and sell it, baby!

But for the rest of us mere mortals, self-love is a spectrum, and there‘s a good chance it varies every day. Particularly when you are riding the roller coaster of holding down a job,   or a new relationship or quitting your job or any other massive life change that will cause stress and anxiety. 

Who really loves themselves all day every day, romancing their reflection with flowers and unicorns and affirmations in the mirror every morning?

Listen — I certainly don’t think you want to actively shoot yourself down (put-downs, berating, etc) but can we agree to a more neutral zone?

I do not believe self-love is black or white — you love yourself or you don’t.

Just do the best with what you’ve got, and admit when terrifying, thrilling, vulnerability-inducing situations bring out your shy, insecure, or worry sides. Hallelujah, you‘re alive! And you’re most likely hot on the trail of something exciting.

Try This: I Love Myself Enough

Here‘s my take: do things. Do things that scare you, and watch your confidence build.

Instead of reaching for an unshakeable self-love bar you can never hit, sit with the idea that “I love myself enough. It might not be 100%, but I love myself enough to give this a shot. To be vulnerable, and to take one small brave step each day.”

The best way you can truly love yourself (blegh, the term still gives me hives!) is to give yourself permission to do or say whatever is authentically on your mind, and to start right from where you already are.

Action is what moves you forward. Action is what builds your confidence. Action is the best teacher.

As my favorite Joan Baez quote goes, “Action is the antidote to despair.“






ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits & troublemakers, all you free-spirits & pioneers...
Everything the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you...

A friend showed me this last night and I was awe struck by the power and the meaning in the words. 

Watch the video here - but most important -


It speaks to the heart of all those Light Workers
and those working for a higher cause -

Those who know there IS a Higher Cause
and those seekers of the TRUTH.

Go here:
Get it on iTunes:
Friend us at
Follow the creator on
Friend him on Facebook: HERE





I found this the most powerful piece I think I have ever heard and it moved me deeply.
I urge you to listen with your eyes shut - ignore the video for the first hearing, and just throw yourself into the message

Thanks to Chris who introduced me to this



Here are the words below :-
 By Garret John LoPorto on September 22, 2010



ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits and troublemakers -

all you free spirits and pioneers - all you visionaries and non-conformists

Everything that the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you.

You see things others don't. You are hardwired to change the world. Unlike 9 out of 10 people - your mind is irrepressible - and this threatens authority. You were born to be a revolutionary.

You can't stand rules because in your heart you know there's a better way.

You have strengths dangerous to the establishment - and it wants them eliminated, So your whole life you've been told your strengths were weaknesses - Now I'm telling you otherwise.

Your impulsivity is a gift - impulses are your key to the miraculous,

Your distractibility - is an artifact of your inspired creativity,

Your mood swings - reflect the natural pulse of life, they give you unstoppable energy when you're high and deep soulful insight when you're low,

Been diagnosed with a "disorder"? That's society's latest way to deny it's own illness by pointing the finger at you.


Your addictive personality is just a symptom of your vast underused capacity for heroic, creative expression and spiritual connection. your utter lack of repression, your wide eyed idealism, your unmitigated open mind - didn't anyone ever tell you?!

These are the traits shared by the greatest pioneers and visionaries and innovators, revolutionaries, procrastinators and drama queens, activists on the social scene, space cadets and mavericks, philosophers and derelicts, business suits flying fighter jets, football stars and sex addicts, celebrities with ADD, alcoholics who seek novelty, first responders - prophets and saints, mystics and change agents.

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all affected by the way -
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -
You know in your heart that there's a natural order to life,
something more sovereign than any man-made rules or laws could ever express

This natural order is called "the Way."


The Way is the eternal substrate of the cosmos. It guides the very current of time and space. The Way is known by some as the Will of God, Divine Providence, the Holy Spirit, the implicate order, the Tao, reverse-entropy, life-force, but for now we'll simply call it "the Way."

The Way is reflected in you as the source of your inspiration, the source of your passions, your wisdom, your enthusiasm, your intuition, your spiritual fire - love.

The Way takes the chaos out of the Universe and breathes life into it by reflecting divine order. The Way, when experienced by the mind, is genius, when perceived through the eyes is beauty, when felt with the senses is grace, when allowed into the heart ... is love.

Most people cannot sense the Way directly. ... But then there are the Wayseers. The keepers of the flame. Wayseers have an unexplainable knack for just knowing the Way.
They sense it in their very being. They can't tell you why or how they arrived at the right answer. They just know it in their core. They can't show their work. So don't ask. Their minds simply resonate with the Way. When the Way is present, so are they.

While others are blind to it, and society begs you to ignore it, "the Way" stirs you inside. Neurological repression blocks most people's awareness of the Way - censoring all thoughts and impulses from the unconscious is their prefrontal cortex - the gestapo of the brain -  nothing which violates its socialized programming even gets through; but your mind is different. your mind has been cracked wide open to the Way - by some miraculous genetic trait, some psychotropic chemical or maybe even by the will of your very soul, your brain's reward pathways have been hijacked - dopamine employed to overthrow the fascist dictatorship of your prefrontal cortex - now your brain is free of repression, your mind free of censorship, your awareness exposed to the turbulent seas of the unconscious - through this open doorway divine light shines into your consciousness showing you the Way. This is what makes you a Wayseer.

90% of human civilization is populated with those who's brains are blocked to the Way.  Their brains are hardwired to enforce the social programming indoctrinated since birth.
Unlike you they cannot break out of this programming, because they have not yet experienced the necessary revolution of mind. These programmed people take social institutions and rules very seriously. Society is full of games programmed to keep peoples' minds occupied so they will not revolt.

These games often cause sick fixations on peculiar protocols, power structures, taboos and domination - all subtle forms of human bondage - This distinct form of madness is not only tolerated by the masses but insisted upon. The programmed ones believe in rules so forcefully they become willing to destroy anyone who violates them.

Wayseers are the ones who call their bluff.  Since Wayseer minds are free to reject social programming, Wayseers readily see social institutions for what they are - imaginary games.  
Wayseers comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.
Helping those who are lost in these games and refuse to help themselves is a calling of many Wayseers.

Since Wayseers are the ones who keep contact with the original source of reality - they are able to disrupt societal conventions and even governments to realign humanity with the Way.

The Wayseers are an ancient lineage. A kind of priesthood - carriers of the flame - ones "in the know."  There must always be Wayseers to reform the dizzying psychotic spinning gears of society - giant mindless hamster wheels obscuring the pure blue sky, keeping humanity shackled in a darkened cage - so Wayseers are called - to shed light on the madness of society - to continually resurrect the timeless transcendent Spirit of Truth -

Wayseers reveal this divine truth by devoting themselves to the birth of some creative or disruptive act expressed through art or philosophy, innovations to shake up industry, revolutions for democracy, coups that topple hypocrisy, movements of solidarity, changes that leave a legacy, rebellions against policy, spirit infused technology, moments of clarity, things that challenge barbarity, watersheds of sincerity, momentous drives for charity

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all affected by the way -

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -

This is your calling, Wayseer

You've found your tribe.

Welcome home.





andy pryor

Died Sunday August 19th 2012 - aged, I think 43.

and you know what,  I don't think I have a picture of him - after a computer crash a few years ago where thousands of photos were lost, and now all I have is my memory - that picture in my head.

I first met Andy when he joined a group I was runnning called 'The Gay Spiritual Group' in London, and this would be around 1996-97. He was instantly a keen member  and quickly  joined the committee to help with the running of the group.  Once a month we hosted a Social  and would get anything up to 65 members in my London home and a really good spiritual evening would be had,  relaxed and informal,  with people just talking and laughing,   and at around 9pm I would introduce a speaker for 30 minutes or so, and one of these evenings,  Andy wanted to give a talk about an  experience he had recently had.
He was really nervous and with a little encouragement from me - he stood and introduced himself and gave a wonderful, lighthearted account of a recent trip to Egypt that had changed his life,  and it was a really lovely thing to be a part of and to hear this London cockney lad - offering such a  gentle story. 

For Andy was a little Tough Ted... an east end lad you might not - at one time - have trusted  with your wallet or car keys - as he had been a cheeky little rascall when he was a teenager and in private he would tell me some of the things he had got up to in the past which while illegal,   did make you smile broadly and laugh out loud... and while you felt for the victim who had had their car stolen - or whatever - it was never meant to be malicious or evil,  it was just lads messing about,  and we would laugh.  But all that was years behind him and he donated a great deal of his time to helping others, through voluntary charity work and in his private life as well,  and he was a very thoughtful and kind, considerate and loving man.

When I moved to Hamilton Hall he would come down and help us paint and decorate - or more often - he would actually bring a friend with him who he paid to do the work for him as his disabilities through various illnesses brought about through his HIV made it difficult for him to do some things physically,  and he was thrilled every time to be able to offer something and happy to be a part of Hamilton Hall, and I was very pleased to have him part of my life.

I remember one long hot summer, maybe around 2004 - he was down for a couple of weeks with his dog - a Doberman named Scooby ( naturally )  and we would sit in the garden until late at night with candles lit all over the place and just chill out and laugh and share stories from our past - as we actually had a lot in common - and these are happy memories.  His cheecky chappy grin and laugh won him many friends here and one elderly friend fell madly in love with him;- in a really nice and sweet way - and every time I mentioned Andy to him he would smile broadly and laugh...

I knew his health was up and down over the years and I would always be inviting him down for a free stay and more often than not, he would either come down or be too busy at home,  and all of a sudden he has having problems with his bowels and had already had an operation giving him a temporary colostomy and when he visited he was so up, so cheerful and so positive, he was such an inspiration even though I think he was going through a great deal. 

During a trip to Egypt where the pain became so great he increased his pain medication, he decided upon return to just tell the doctors to take his bowel right out and give him a full colostomy as he could not live with the pain and it was obviously not getting any better,  and this was done almost immediately.  He laughed about not needing to douch any more and was so positive all through it.  But it seems things went from bad to worst and although he was always up-beat when I phoned,  he eventually moved into a hospice - he said for pain management - but within a couple of weeks his phone was switched off and he had died.  A few days later his sister called and told me the news and as soon as she said she was Andy's sister, I knew - for I had had to go through my own sisters phone book years ago after her death - phoning people and telling them - and I just knew.  Instantly my tummy did a flip,  my heart missed a beat and a tear came to my eye.  Poor Andy, I wish he'd let me know how ill he was, I would have visited him in the hospice,  but I think he didn't want a fuss - didn't want people to see him in those last days and wanted us to remember him as he was,  and he left this world peacefully and as he had lived it , on his own terms.

He also chose not to have a funeral service of any kind,  and the family were to be told - after the fact - that he had been cremated by the funeral company after it was all over.  Some would have a hard time with this - as saying your final farewell in front of a coffin is traditional and what we all expect,  but not when it causes such grief for people.  Andy hated fuss,  and so chose to leave this life as quietly as he could and leave happy memories and not grief in his wake.  

No flowers.

No hymns. 
No getting to the place on time and having to wear something black - which he would have hated and no
eulogy describing his life in nine minutes.

I was upstairs late last night with a friend and Andy and I had always shared a cigarette or two together and evenings just talking and laughing,  so I did just that with Matt who works here and we shared a few smokes,  talked about loads of things including Andy - and just had one of those evenings where we were giggling like school girls...  and all the while aware of Andy and how he would have loved to be with us one last time,  and bless him. 

Getting older for me is fun,  I see so much of other older people in myself as I come closer to my 60's - people who are older than I am and now I am catching them up,  and the one sadness is remembering all the sweet people whose lives have come to an end so much younger and so much sooner,  and it makes me sad.  I know there are always new friends to meet,  new faces to  laugh with and new evenings to share a smoke and a giggle and I give thanks for the ever changing aspect of my daily life and the wonderous way it moves through the years,  and there are times I remember back and see a face in my minds eye - of Andy - or someone else I held dear but probably never got the chance to really tell them how important they were to me,  and I try harder with my 'today friends' to let them know how much I care and love them, and as fast and as busy as my days are,  I always remember and keep their memory alive within my mind, my body and my soul and in this,  they are still with me.  Still alive and still making me smile.   For I don't ever want to forget.

Bless you Andy.

This is a piece of music he enjoyed and is to be played in the chapel.  CLICK HERE




My Mother, Betty.

Posted by: John

Tagged in: personal



My Mother died 21st September 2011

by John Bellamy

Like a lot of you out there, I have a Mother  who moved from her warden assisted flat to a nursing care home as her mental and physical health meant she was no longer able to look after herself any longer, and there were many times when it made my heart weep. I was talked out of looking after her in my  home and while my heart desperately wanted to look after her,  my head told me I would not manage and it was not a good idea.

A while ago she had a bladder infection and she was in bed and  very distressed - staring out of unseeing eyes that did not seem to focus,  grabbing with her hands at anything and everything close - ie: the bars at the side of the hospital bed had been put up to keep her in bed as she kept sliding out and staggering up the ward - and it was quite a distressing site for many to witness - and she was chattering away - with words that did not follow any cohesive sense and while she knew my name and - kind of - that I was her son -  all sorts of other family members names came into it and I don't really think she knew me,   Her confused state was sad to witness. 

My Mother - a bright, intelligent fashion model who was one of London's top models in the 1940's  and 1950's and walked the catwalk,   also sang with many famous dance bands,  for she had a superb voice - and who raised 3 children,  was reduced to this. 

A tall proud women with a voice and an opinion of her own and no fear of speaking her mind,- a woman who was married 3 times during her life and who put up with a lot,-   A woman who had lived alone for over 20 years since her 3rd husband - my Step Father died and who lost her only daughter ( my sister ) and her baby ( my niece ) around 20 years ago when both died a few months apart ,-  A women who has always been accepting of my gay lifestyle and who loved my friends and boyfriends totally,   even if not being as accepting of my brothers wife - always being a dreadful mother-in-law and a women who all those 'mother-in-law jokes'  must have been written about,-  And a woman who was stubborn, difficult and sometimes a women who would make the angels cry because GOD she could NEVER admit fault and take responsibility and simply apologize,   and a woman who has caused much family turmoil because of her refusal - point blank refusal - to ever accept that she was ever wrong about anything - And a woman who admitted to me some years ago that she had never been in love - never really knew what love was and that - despite being married 3 times and raising a family,  had never really understood what that mysterious word 'love' - had meant - and while in her way she has loved and has been loved, she never really comprehended what it meant, and for that, I was always desperately sorry. 

Sorry that she never understood how we - her children - felt about her and sorry that she always felt the need to - somehow - try and manipulate the situation to suit herself all the time.  Sad that she  never realised we would do whatever she wanted because we loved her and not because she was being manipulative.  Sad that she always thought every situation was about her  and sad that she felt such jealously and resentment towards anyone who 'stole her limelight' - even her own grandchildren.  Sad that she resented her son being a sensational husband and father to his children and sad that she felt such resentment towards those who had something she felt she had lost out on, when the truth was - she hadn't - for she was loved - she was very cared for - and while she never understood this and while she felt alone and unloved,  other people were hurt and betrayed by her time and time again because she simply didn't get it.  She never really understood,-  and that saddens me. 

Poor Betty - my poor Mother,  and as much as we have told her over the years and as much as we have openly shown our affection and considered her in our lives - she still never got it - never realised and never allowed herself to be part of the family - preferring to isolate herself and say that she wasn't wanted all the time when the exact opposite was the truth, and we just got fed up with it. 

Towards the end, to see her bedridden and shouting for help all the time,  was not good.   I could have visited more often,  and she understood in her way.

Whatever it was she lost - and whatever it was she lacked - and for all her mistakes and all her selfish ways,  she was my Mother, I love her dearly, and no-one - NO -ONE - should be made to go through the kind of thing at the end of their lives,   and the cruelty metered out by a government and health authority  SO AGAINST EUTHANASIA beggars belief.  My Mother would not have wanted this,  and with a society where 80% of people asked agree that euthanasia is the best thing in some situations such as this,  I know she didn't suffer at the end, which came quite quickly,  and that  she can now be with my sister, her family and Jesus - in peace - which is what she spoke of.

I would tell her that it was okay - she didn't have to keep fighting and being scared - that she could go to Heaven and see Jesus and the family any time she wanted, and that she, and they, would all be young again, that she would be singing once more and surrounded by those who loved her,  and that her Father - who she never knew - would welcome her with open arms - along with Jesus.  She felt reassured with this and while her body outlived her mind -  I know she would not have wanted to live like this.  Some people need permission to 'let go' and find peace, and my Mother hung on in there and died 21st September 2011 aged 89.   She wasn't ill - she wasn't suffering anything more than being bed ridden and with dementia - her body was strong and she just seemed to 'give up' and slipped into unconsciousness and died within an hour, peacefully, and for that I thank God and the Universe.

So my Mother has now become a memory and one I shall treasure always. I shall tell stories, laugh and get angry, and always with love and affection, for while my Mother exasperated us dearly,  she was a character - and strong willed individual and she died how she lived, in her own time and in her own way.  I can hardly believe I will not see her next week or next month, when I visit and I comb her hair and paint her nails and we talk around in circles and --- but like so many people,  life goes on and we will have her cremated and sprinkle her ashes over Evening Hill - a delightful park with a stunning view over Poole and the harbour and at sunset it is simply delightful, and I often visit with friends to enjoy a fish and chip supper from a local takeaway,   and I shall remember her and be thankful that she was my Mother, who I loved dearly.

John Bellamy