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Hamilton Hall is getting a whole new computer system installed over the next few days so if you do not get an answer to an e mail straight away or your booking is taking a few days to do, please be patient with us and wait. It is a massive job, and my new IT guy is ' on the ball.' ( Just wish I was...)
SPRING IS HERE and the daffs are flowering and tons of other things are sprouting out of the earth and getting ready for flowering soon. The sun is bright and clear today after a wet and windy night and everything looks clean and crisp and ready for a long hot summer ahead. I love the spring as it holds great promise of things to come... hot days - long warm evenings, a busy hotel, great laughter and fun, enjopying the garden and growing our own tomatoes etc... So thrilling.
OUR CONSERVATORY here at Hammy Hall - just as you walk in the front door, use to be our smoking area and since the law change hardly anyone has used this space at all and it is rather wasted, and while full of plants, no one sits out there any more or even sees it... SO :- This summer we are clearing out most the plants and with some tables set up, are going to grow some indoor veg like lettuce and tomatoes and see how we get on. I have no experience of indoor growing and any suggestions or hints you can offer, the better. The conservatory has a solid roof and windows on the east, south and west and gets plenty of sunshine and the windows have blinds to shut out the harsh summer sun, and I am hoping for a good crop of home grown food to share with the guests in the summer - and all this despite the guest who wrote the daft review somewhere that all our food was ' microiwaved food slopped on a plate.'
I already grow some stuff ' out the back' and have enought opmatoes to feed the street ( last year ) and if you can suggest something that may be easy to grow, pretty and colourful and will feed the five thousand ( ha ha ) and is available in my local garden centre, I will give it a bash... Only too keen to grow my own and have less harmful chemicals in my food.
MISSY HAS A NEW FRIEND: Chris - my neighbour who does all our maintenance here, has acquired a new dog from a friend who could not cope with it, and this 5 year old Jack Russel cross has become part of the fmaily as he lives in and out of Hammy Hall and Missy, my dog, has taken to him and they are friends. He does bark sometimes when he wants something and he does have to be kept on a lead when you walk him as he likes to go off on his own, and he is not my dog and I am training Chris as well as the dog - and not how to SIT and ROLL OVER and BEG - ha ha - but how to be as well behaved as Missy.... ha ha
The first night he was here he was humping just about anything that would move, my leg, my arm, Missy told him off a few times so he wasn't going there again but this did not deter him from trying his luck with us - and he was like a mad thing - determined to get his lipstick ( or dipstick ) out for all of us to see and we did giggle. Thinking this was going to be a nuisance we discussed having his balls cut off and he must have heard for the very next day he settled down and has not pestered or climbed a single leg since. Maybe he heard. Maybe it was just that initial meeting. Maybe it was my human sex appeal that confused the little fella ( I can understand that ... ha ha ) and maybe being around Missy - a spayed bitch - that was hard for him, and maybe it was just all new and exciting - as now he is very well behaved and while he does like to bark occasionally and is not as well behaved as Missy, he is doing alright and is a sweet little thing.
50% OFF YOUR SUMMER HOLIDAY COST AT HAMILTON HALL :- Don't forget to check out our SPECIAL OFFERS PAGEand see how you can save up to 50% on our room charges this summer. Every little helps
My brother has just had his first holiday in over a decade by taking his caravan down to sunny Spain for 6 weeks and he arrived home yesterday to stories of constant rain and wind, flooding and thunderstorms. He spoke of being in the caravan feeling it rock about all night and having to wear normal winter clothes much of the time. He and his wife had a great time and enjoyed caravan living and I am sure he will go again, it is just such a shame for them that the first time away in such a long time, and taking the caravan and car and everything down to Spain was a long haul trip and not a cheap one, and for the weather to be so bad is such a shame for them.
Mind - with so much turmoil on the planet and so many peoples lives turned upside down - none of us can complain as at least we are not living in Syria or Afghanistan - and while we may complain about the credit crunch and shortage of money - job - sex life - no boyfriend - and so much more - I also appreciate what I do have and thank God for the blessings that are bestowed upon me - even if I do not always understand and appreciate - I am alive, I have good health - I have a home and a job I love - and friends and customers I clasify as friends who support and offer their best, and I am thankful for all that life has given me. In return, I do what I can in my own small way to put something back - Free holidays - money for just causes - space at Hammy Hall for local political / self help / environmental / mental health and other groups I support,- to meet here for free - as well as trying to offer a varied and different approiach to some of the news items you hear on the telly - through this web site. If only we all did our bit - remembered our humanity and how we are all in this togethjer, regardless of religion or anything... and be a global family.
CERTIFICATE OF EXCELLENCE
HAMILTON HALL 2014
I often see these awards and think - well - who voted that the best pub / club / gay venue - as no one asked me and who voted it the best ??? ... and consider it all a load of bollocks to get you to spend more money in their bar. Trip Advisor;- while I say they are tossers and a waste of time - this certificate of excellence is an award because of the amount of positive feedback we have received from those who have stayed here and THAT is wonderful and I am proud and thrilled about that. Compared to many other venues, we could easily be a 3 or 4 star B&B but I do not buy into the tourist board schemes which - again - are just money spinners for the council - and I do not waste my money with something that has such little meaning.
66% of visitors attend alone.
22% attend with a partner / friend
6% come on business
New Year Joke:
When I found out I was Bi Polar, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like many of our holidays, Valentine’s Day has become so convoluted and commercialized that most people are completely unaware of its true origin. Although February 14 may be a time of pink hearts, red flowers and fuzzy teddy bears in our current culture, the story of its creation is far from warm and fuzzy.
Though now celebrated universally, Valentine’s Day has its roots in the brutality and excess of ancient Roman society. From Feb. 13 to 15, the Romans celebrated the feast of Lupercalia. During this time drunk men would “hit on” women, but not with cheesy pick-up lines–with the hides of dead goats and dogs. The women believed it would make them fertile. Charming, right? Read on for more startling facts about the true history of Valentine’s Day.
A Brief (and Bloody) History of Valentine‘s Day
During the annual Roman celebration participants were often naked, and engaged in “a matchmaking lottery, in which young men drew the names of women from a jar. The couple would then be, um, coupled up for the duration of the festival – or longer, if the match was right.”
Pope Gelasius I changed the lottery to have both young men and women draw the names of saints whom they would then emulate for the year (more pious than dead goat whippings).
Emperor Claudius II executed two men — both named Valentine — on Feb. 14 of different years in the 3rd century A.D. Their martyrdom was honored by the Catholic Church with the celebration of St. Valentine’s Day.
One legend has it that at least one Valentine, imprisoned by Claudius, fell in love with the daughter of his jailer. Before he was executed, he allegedly sent her a letter signed “from your Valentine,” which could be where the card-giving tradition began.
Another legend suggests Claudius II had prohibited marriage for young men, claiming that bachelors made better soldiers. When Valentine continued to secretly perform marriage ceremonies he was apprehended by the Romans and put to death.
While some believe that Valentine’s Day is celebrated in the middle of the month to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine’s death or burial, others claim that the Christian church may have decided to place the St. Valentine’s feast day in the middle of February in an effort to “Christianize” the pagan celebration of Lupercalia.
It was not until the 14th century that Valentine’s Day became associated with romantic love. According to UCLA medieval scholar Henry Ansgar Kelly, it was Chaucer who first linked St. Valentine’s Day with romance in a poem honoring of the engagement between England’s Richard II and Anne of Bohemia.
The tradition of Valentine’s cards did not become widespread in the United States, however, until the 1850s, when Esther A. Howland, a Mount Holyoke graduate and native of Worcester, Mass., began mass-producing them.
Although the mid-February holiday celebrating love and lovers remains wildly popular, the confusion over its origins led the Catholic Church, in 1969, to drop St. Valentine’s Day from the Roman calendar of official, worldwide Catholic feasts.
I think most of us consider this just another excuse by Hallmark to sell more cards. I got a huge sackful of cards this year that the post office had to deliver by trUck, and there was a card from Hugh Jackman and another from Bradley Pitt, which was nice.
I ordered this movie from Gays the Word Bookshop in London ( HERE) after a customer suggested it and I have not cried as much while watching a movie as I did last night. Filled with sweet tender moments that make you ' fill up' and several times when the tears really flowed - as the story of a group of gay men and lesbians decide to collect money and support the coal miners during the Thatcher period of destroying the Miners Union back in the 1980's and the ' coming together' of people from very different communities - 1) Coal Miners - 2) Gay Men and Lesbians - and the acceptance and rewards that these very different communities find through a battle with authorities for acceptance of a way of life and to keep their mines open.
With those from the gay community understanding persecution and bigotry only too well, they appreciate and value what the miners are going through fighting the Thatcher government for the right to keep their livlihoods and their communities up and running. Gay men have fought for decades for acceptance in law ( which we tend to take for granted now we have all we fought for ) but these were the days when GAY PRIDE MARCHES were political and had a powerful message about equality and not the Mardi Gras celebration of - er - what exactly ??? - as it is these days up and down the country and the London Gay Pride marches of the 1980's were London based - and tens of thousands would attend from all over the country. We had a common goal we shared - about acceptance and a change in the law - and the way these gay men and lesbians took it upon themselves to raise funds and moral for the miners - is breath taking - and I did cry - several times.
I found this film to be very moving and as I am old enough to remember the onset of HIV and Aids and all that was ' going down' in the mid '80's, this film is well worth a visit and have a big box of Kleenex handy, oh and you will laugh out loud as well - as there are many very funny scenes.
With some familiar faces - this well produced and executed story keeps its point and keeps you watching. Not too ' over the top' and certainly not too preachy about gay rights - it hit the nail right on the head and combined the difficulties of being a member of the gay /. lesbian community and a member of a small mining community and a coming together of real opposites with a common goal, and from this coming together, acceptance and love prevaile.
I shall certainly be watching this film a lot with customers here at Hammy Hall and shall certainly now be ordering at least another dozen copies from Gays the Word Bookshop - as they helped - back in the '80's - by offering the group of fund raisers to use their facilities in the shop and I would rather spend my money buying the DVD from them than Amazon.
"Marijuana is far safer than alcohol, tobacco and multiple other illicit substances, researchers say, and strict, legal regulation of cannabis might be a more reasonable approach than current prohibitions. Those are the findings of a new report published in Scientific Reports that compares the lethality of the recreational use of 10 common drugs, including marijuana, alcohol, tobacco, heroin, cocaine, ecstasy, methamphetamine, diazepam, amphetamine and methadone."
The TV programme I was involved in - ' 3 IN A BED' was repeated on channel 4 again today and I recceived around 125 e mails from people full of praise and congratulations and I am always very humbled by peoples comments. I replied to every single e mail in turn as they had taken the time and I consider it rude not to reply, and 95% came from straight women who understand bullying and how I stand up to the bully in the programme.
It does sadden me though, although it did actually make us all laugh - when this one below came through this evening - naturally with a fake e mail address so I cannot answer, and it REALLY says a great deal about these two men.
You can make your own mind up as I am not even going to waste my time writing a response for this web site:- they simply are not worth my time.
'OMG just seen the repeat `Three in a Bed` you are so disgusting. As a gay couple we are sat cringing how such a programme & TV can air gay guys like you ?? your both ugly as fuck, obviously riddled, have the total opposite views to life than any normal people so you can`t be surprised to why people hate you. Such a bad example for gay guys. I hope you experience much un happiness in your life. x'
Very sad and actually quite pathetic.
However - this one below was a typical one that flooded in and I share it with you here :-
Hi, I Just watched you on 3 in a bed, and just wanted to say that you were a complete ambassador with what you are trying to provide at your B&B. You dealt with the difficult situation in a calm, composed and measured way and you are to be congratulated for the way you acted. Your B&B seems like a wonderful environment for your specific clientel and your vision. I am so glad there are people like you who are happy to do nice things for people, just because its the right thing to do. lots of love and very best wishes, Annette
Dear John: I think you handled the thinly veiled prejudice you received with great dignity and you laid the smackdown superbly! And hard as it to change minds, I think you may just have started a process of someone beginning to challenge their own fears and prejudices. So, whenever you get an email from some abusive bigot or terrified conservative, please remember that there are many people out there who feel inspired by what you do and completely support your work. Dani
Today I received - through Paypall - a donation for £10 to cover the cost of the book I gave Andrew in the programme froma complete sytranger, a women, who watched the programme and was so moved. This kind and thoughtful gesture moves me dearly and a very big thankyou to all those who have sent their best wishes and so many kind wiords about the programme ct. It is very humbling.
Chatting to some guests here the other day and the phone rang. I was away for about 25 minutes and when I returned thay wondered where I had been for so long, and when I said on the phone to a customer they looked pouzzled why it took so long. I mentioned that the enquiry was not so much about the hotel, but more about how the man on the phone was going to be circumcised in a months time and was asking me all about it. It seems the hospital and various people involved had offered him no counseling or any kind of advise about what to do and what not to do - afterwards - and he was dead nervous and so - out of the blue, had founf my web site and thought I sounded the right person to call. My customers were amazed and astounded and couldn't believe it. I told them how this was quite a common thing here - and that tons of people phone or e mail and ask advise etc. on tons of things and if and where I can offer a sensible answer and try and alleviate their doubt and/or fears - I will. This man needed to know about after care - managing a cut dick compared to an uncut dock - ie: wanking. I told him all about it - took him through some sensible techniques and advised him accordingly and if and when he ever coinsiders making a reservation at Hamilton hall, it will be good to put a face to a voice on the phone. It earns me nothing but is the decent thing to do.
They were absoluytely amazed and couldn't believe the conversation I had just had - right in the middle of an afternoon cuppa and how casual I was about such a conversation. There are times when you need someone to talk to about stuff that few can help wqith and if and when I can offer some good and sensible words, I will, and I hope I helped this man. It took 20 minutes out of my day and I consider that nothing when i consider the anguish he was going through and how he stated at the end how greatful he was for my time and how at ease he now felt.
And why not., If more people just took the time to listen and respond with kindness, wouldn't this be a nicer planet ?
A woman just called and said that she was on my web site and how much she was enjoying it and that while we are a men only hotel, she was fascinated with how I spoke on the web site like a normal human being and not some corporate model of professional service with cold indiffernce. She said she was giggling and enjoiying it and had been for several hours ... so that was a really pleasant and cherrished call and thankyou to her. It cheered up my afternoon.
IS GOING THROUGH SOME CHANGES
AND WE NEED YOUR HELP
Every single event that takes place at Hamilton Hall comes from myself - every idea, every notion and just about everything;- and as much as I ask you all what you want - the response is zero. It is the same for any gay venue, yahoo group and charity - when it comes down to it, 99% of people are somewhat apathetic andseem to expect someone else to do it all for them. Joining in and taking part seems impossible for some people and it is as if their GET UP AND GO HAS GOT UP AND GONE and it is left to the very few to organise, plan and facilitate and then feel very dispondant when input from others is so dreadfully low. Many great events and workshops etc. are cancelled because of lack of input and unless someone else organises every little detail, most seem content to do nothing. Your help below is requested. You can sut and paste onto an e mail and address to
As a MEN ONLY HOTEL - one of only a few left in the UK today that is strictly men only
and the only residential venue in the UK hosting more events and theme weekends than anywhere else -
SOME OF YOUR SUGGESTIONS
PLEASE GUYS - MAKE YOUR IDEAS SENSIBLE AND REAL AS THESE ARE JUST SILLY
One suggestion I would make is to open up for cash one night visits - it sometimes makes it much easier. Ry xx
How about a Tight Jeans weekend. Regards Malcolm..
John: Would love to spend a whole weekend in nappies and diapers. Any plans for a weekend for us kids into our babyhood. Robert.
A generation ago, schoolchildren caught fighting in the corridors, sassing a teacher or skipping class might have ended up in detention. Today, there’s a good chance they will end up in police custody.
In Texas, a student got a misdemeanor ticket for wearing too much perfume. In Wisconsin, a teen was charged with theft after sharing the chicken nuggets from a classmate’s meal—the classmate was on lunch assistance and sharing it meant the teen had violated the law, authorities said. In Florida, a student conducted a science experiment before the authorization of her teacher; when it went awry she received a felony weapons charge.
Over the past 20 years, prompted by changing police tactics and a zero-tolerance attitude toward small crimes, authorities have made more than a quarter of a billion arrests, the Federal Bureau of Investigation estimates.
Nearly one out of every three American adults are on file in the FBI’s master criminal database.
The USA has between 5 - 8% of the worlds population but 25% of the entire worlds prisonser are in the USA, and this sorry state of affairs tells us that either this country is absolutely full of criminals, or that the authorities are too heavy handed and abusive with its people and that many - quite simply - should never have been put in jail or even tried in the first place.
The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.
When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
It was a whole lot easier to get older than it was to get wiser.
Tony Bray died just before Christmas 2014, and I shall miss him. He was a good and dear friend who visited and loved Hamilton Hall and would sit in the Conservatory meeting and greeting people as they came and went and everyone loved his peaceful and charming manner. He was 79 years of age and a real sweetheart. He will be missed, dearly missed.
HELP US TO BRING THIS NEWSMAGAZINE TO YOU
BY DONATING A LITTLE SOMETHING TO HELP US KEEP IT GOING.
Every penny raised goes to help the many people we help with food, company, a week or weekend away, counseling, and even sometimes helping with clothes. In one case we bought a homeless student a bike to get to college on, and in another , a guitar and lessons to play for a local lad whose life was aimless and he was stoned on drugs all day and all night and we are today, guiding him into making a life for himself - get his act together - and have some order in his empty life. We do what we do for absolutely no reason other than
I know he was an old man and had been playing the part of Spok on Star Trek for many decades - yet I will miss him. He was a part of our cultural heritage that many of us grew up watching and enjoying and he had always been there, ever since I was little, and it saddened me to hear of his death this week, aged I believe 82.
I know he was an actor and that the character he played as Spok was not a real man - or even living in the same century as us - or from the same planet, but the man he portrayed for so long was taken to our hearts and we loved him. Half Vulcan and half human, he fought with his own inner demons in the control of his emotions ( Vulcans control their emotions while we humans seem controlled by them ) and he often showed us how to behave, how not to react and how to control our inner anger - the animal within - and Gene Rodenburry who was the producer and creator of Star Trek was a very spiritual man who put a great deal of his spiritual trachings into the stories of Star Trek ( more so with the newer Next Generation onwards ) and Spok was often one of those more spiritual storylines involving self development of the human psyche.
Bless him for always keeping Spok alive and loved. Bless him for being a part of so many peoples lives and for sharing the journey.
Leonard Nimoy - you have been and still are - loved by millions; in this universe and many others.
HAS ANYONE EVER HEARD OF
THIS ORGANISATION BEFORE ?
Thay wrote to me today looking for funding and I have to admit
to not knowing them at all. Having run variuous gay businesses for over 30 years it astounds me how easy it is for any business to promote itself to all gay venues through the internet - and yet most seem to miss that golden opportunity and so most venues will never know about so many things that are going on as we do not read all the gay publications but we do read our e mails.
Click on the Broken Rainbow UK picture to be taken to its own web site.
The Bank that likes to say
' YES - WE CAN HELP YOU FIDDLE YOUR TAX AND GET AWAY WITH IT.'
If my business fiddled its taxes and the Inland Revenue found out, I would be investigated and probably prosecuted for fraud and penalised... NO QUESTIONS ASKED -
I would also face a heavy fine and interest on any payment owed and for the amount of years it has been outstanding. All my financial dealings would be picked over with a fine tooth comb ( whatever that is ) and every penny would have to be verified and accounted for - and yet when HSBC (bank ) fiddles its taxes and allows its customers to fiddle money out of the country to its Swiss Bank division and break the law in doing so, to the tune of multi millions in lost taxes, it seems that there MIGHT be an investigation and the tax office are to look into the POSSIBILITY of fraud and prosecution - BUT as this is called HISTORIC and how the bank has Put in place procedures stopping this happening again, it seems the bank may well get away with it.
The amazing thing is that if I did something like this, regardless of how historic it was, I would be in trouible and might even end up in jail - while the bank - NOTHING - not one person held accountable, not one department fired and prosecuted and not one single person will be forced to repay their massive tax free bonus and not one person attached to the bank will loose out - especially financially.
If the bank gets a fine, it is guarenteed to be less than they made in the fiddle - so the bank will win - even though it broke the law.
I do wonder why the Director of the bank back at the time the fraud was being perpetrated, is not prosecuted and the fact he has retired and is no longer in charge of the bank - is bollocks... HE BROKE THE LAW and there is no time limit on these people being prosecuted for child abuse back in the 1960's - so why are bankers allowed clemency when only a few years have passed. It is illegal. PERIOD.
This absurdidy - this criminal action, it disgraceful and the bank MUST be fined heavily and heads MUST roll and bonuses MUST be taken back and maybe given to charity and we MUST NOT allow these banks to continue getting away with illegal practice.
Same goes for policemen who have broken the law. If they take early retirement then they are not prosecuted for any illegal act done, which makes absolutely no sense to me at all. They still get their full pension and nothing is done. When you look at the Hillsborough Disaster and the outragous - horrific things the police did back then;- the cruel lies and things that take youyr breath away in how cruel they were to the innocent families who lost loved ones, the inhumane treatnment at the hands of these policeman, is INSANE that no one is prosecuted and nothing is done.
Two laws: One for them - and One for us.
SMOKE FREE ZONES Various towns ( Bristol was just on the news with this ) in the UK are introducing SMOKE FREE ZONES in open spaces like parks, and here in Bournemouth you cannot even smoke in the hospital car park and I have to point out how absolutely stupid this is.
I appreciate smoking is a bad habit with serious health risks and when the argument is raised about the future of our childrens health, no one bothers to speak accurately and offer truthful input, they just rant and rave about smoking.
So here is some alternative truths to the ones offered. CAR - LORRY - BUS FUMES are a great deal more dangerous to all our health than someone standing in an open park 100 yerds away smoking a cigarette. It is complete madness.
Our environment is full of dangerous particles that affect us all and are breathed in wherever we are - and throat cancer is more likely to be caused by the environment than from smoking ( which is the 3rd reason for throat cancer ) while binge drinking is the second and the biggest cause of throat cancer - THE ENVIRONMENT.
So in open spaces - banning smoking is ludicrous. It seems councils and so forth are afraid to actually approach the genuine reasons and ban vehicles from town and city centres and most certainly not about to ban drinking - and the hypocracy is screaming for all to hear.
Naturally, the 'do gooders' will scream and shout and declare it a wonderful idea while remaining positively ignorant to the truth and if someone ever told me not to smoke in the middle of a field, I would feel inclined to read the riot act at them and try an educate them - but you know how some of these people are - their minds are made up and they will never be changed and it is these people that damn and destroy and not for the good but out of ignorance. I refuse to be treated as a child by some idiot who thinks they know better when the truth is, they do not.
Oh and not to forget how the government is backing Fracking - searching for more fossil fuels while reducing financial backing for alternative wind turbines that do not pollute the atmosphere. Aren't we suppose to be reducing our carbon footprint and not adding to it - and all they do is run around banning smoking.
Give Me Strength.
And any husband with a wife like any in the picture about, taking one look at any of them is enough to drive any poor man to drink. I bet these women were very dried up and wrinkly...
LOOK AFTER THE ELDERLY
& VULNERABLE THIS WINTER
I have put various signs on our front fence for the passing public to read, offering help to any elderly person during the winter months if the weather is too bad and the streets too slippery for an elderly person to get to the shops, and we will shop for some basics for them. They will pay for what we buy but our service is free and from the heart and it does state, that we can also help with some of our own stock from Hamilton Hall as I always keep plenty of tinned soups, beans, porridge, long life milk, bread and other basics in house and willingly share with an elderly person if they are house bound and the social services cannot get around because of the weather.
It may be 45 minutes out of my day - and it may be a cuppa and a chat with someone who is desperately lonely and who has not seen anyone for days, and just think how your heart will feel when they beam a smile at you in gratitude.
Why Ex-Gay Therapy Groups
Should Be Very Nervous Right Now
A New Jersey judge has delivered a blow to ex-gay therapy groups, saying that so-called change therapy amounts to consumer fraud when groups make certain claims about gay people, and also when they claim success rates that they cannot support with facts.
The case involves several people including Plaintiffs Benjamin Unger and Chaim Levin, who are survivors of ex-gay therapy. They are suing the Jersey City-based Jews Offering New Alternatives for Healing (JONAH) under the New Jersey Consumer Fraud Act. It is the first time that ex-gay therapy has been challenged in this way, and based on Hudson County Superior Court Judge Peter Bariso Jr.’s determinations so far, it’s going to be a big problem for ex-gay therapy groups across the country.
The case hasn’t gone to trial yet, but Judge Bariso Jr. has granted a request by plaintiffs for partial summary judgement, which essentially means that the judge looks at the evidence presented in case files and makes a determination on those grounds. Specifically here, the judge was asked whether JONAH has committed fraud under New Jersey’s consumer protection laws when JONAH claims that homosexuality is a “disorder” that can be cured, and when it cites specific success statistics that JONAH cannot substantiate with hard data.
Bariso Jr., having previously told JONAH it cannot use ”expert testimony” or witnesses because there’s no such thing as a scientific expert in ex-gay therapy because conversion therapy isn’t scientifically recognized, issued the following determination on February 10 (pdf):
It is a misrepresentation in violation of the CFA, in advertising or selling conversion therapy services, to describe homosexuality, not as being a normal variation of human sexuality, but as being a mental illness, disease, disorder, or equivalent thereof.
It is a misrepresentation in violation of the CFA, in advertising or selling conversion therapy services, to include specific “success” statistics when there is no factual basis for calculating such statistics, e.g., when client outcomes are not tracked and no records on client outcomes are maintained.
Judge Bariso Jr. also struck JONAH’s Eighth and Ninth Amendment defenses, noting they were dispatched in oral arguments on February the 5th and were agreed to have no actual bearing on the case.
JONAH’s attorney Charles LiMandri claims that the court has got this wrong, and that the group’s use of the word “disorder” is not intended to mean a medical disorder but a “religious” one based on JONAH’s interpretation of Jewish law. Essentially, they are attempting a religious defense for the program, but it’s undeniable that they are claiming a psychological change in the people who are subjected to this therapy, so it remains to be seen how much scope they can get out of their religious defense.
The Southern Poverty Law Center, which represents plaintiffs, believes that this latest ruling is highly significant not just for New Jersey but for gay people throughout the United States.
“This ruling is monumental and devastating to the conversion therapy industry,”said David Dinielli, SPLC deputy legal director. “For the first time, a court has ruled that it is fraudulent as a matter of law for conversion therapists to tell clients that they have a mental disorder that can be cured. This is the principal lie the conversion therapy industry uses throughout the country to peddle its quackery to vulnerable clients. Gay people don’t need to be cured, and we are thrilled that the court has recognized this.”
The SPLC isn’t wrong. This trial is on course to dismantle every one of ex-gay therapy’s key lies. For one thing, the judge not allowing so-called experts to testify about ex-gay therapy’s efficacy because change therapy isn’t science is impressively damaging and rips through the tapestry of misdirection and flat out lies that underpin ex-gay therapy. Furthermore, we see JONAH retreating into a religious defense because if it can not make secular claims about data and psychological disorders, it is left with little else than its religious opinions — that by itself smacks of desperation.
The case, which will go to trial in June, is considered a flag-ship for the battle against ex-gay therapy and it is incredibly important. Unfortunately, the trial does not include determinations around ex-trans therapy, and as we learned from Leelah Alcorn’s story, religious therapists trying to suppress a young person’s self-determination of their gender can have awful consequences. This is not to detract from this very important lawsuit, but to say that it is one piece of a larger fight.
As such, a campaign, the BornPerfect Campaign, has been launched that aims to have every state enact laws that ban all accredited therapists from engaging in or offering ex-LGBT therapy to minors. Such efforts will also be needed to stamp out a practice that has no basis in scientific fact and one that is prejudiced and harmful.
We all know what a screwed up load of wank jobs a lot of therapists are and how mentally unstable a lot of those who work in mental health are themselves. There are tons of screwey therapists out there doing a great deal more harm than good, in all fields of mental health, just as there are a lot of brilliant and helpful therapists who do good work, and in this instance, here we have a load of scared religious people - scared of their own homosexuality - and this kind of therapy and therapist is as vile and as dangerous and evil as anything you can imagine... well almost. These sick and twisted souls that deem it necessary to damn and destroy others when they all along are wrong ; - are often gay themselves and living in fear - so they attack and destroy the very thing they fear within themselves the most, and this is really very sickening - but the sad thing is - PEOPLE LISTEN AND ASSUME IT IS FOR REAL when THESE are the sick and twisted ones and not the out gay men. using Biblical / religious rhetoric is incorrect as most people misquote the teachings and do NOPT knpow what it actually says and how many times it damns straight sex in the Bible - and how many gay / lesbian stories rthere are in the Bible which are not damned or destroyed, just mistranslated, and anyone using Biblical clap trap to damn another is the evil one, the bigot, the devil incarnate as what they are doing is wrong, the Bible DOES NOT SAY homosexuality is wrong EXCEPT in modern mis translated versions put together by scared Catholic and Protestant priests in the 16th and 17th centuries.
Disgusting ... and I hope the courts and the laws show this to be the case and persecute and jail these nasty little men in a prison full of hairy sweaty men who have not had a shag for a very long time and who will enjoy these bible pushing anti gay homophobes with tight little asses,- all night - every night... for a very long time.
WE in England may now have Equality Laws and we are - to a large degree - protected against some forms of bigotry against us, BUT it will take a couple of generations for the masses to learn and appreciate, grow and evolve an understanding that accepts and does not damn and destroy and we would be fools to assume that now the law is on our side, everyone out there will be different- as a scared man - is a scared man - and just because the law has been changed does not change that fact. Someone who is a Bible punching racist bigot will always be the same regardless of what the law says - as his mis-reading of Biblical clap trap, also spouced by a possibly bigoted and fucked up priest - from any church - will not change, and it will take time. The sad thing is the fear that the church put out there - that homosexuality ( to name just one thing ) is wrong - is evil - is against God - and we only have to see how many misguided Muslims are murdering in the name of Alah when the Koran simply does not allow for cold blooded murder at all, and these sick and twisted teachers who are using the holy word to forward their own political and religious agendas - are the dangerous ones who cause so much pain and turmoil within the soul of so many men and women.
These people who claim to be able to cure homosexuality MUST BE PROSECUTED and if it is because they perpetrate fraud with false claims and false advertising, then good - close them down, send them to jail and do whatever it takes to stop the spread of such fear based clap trap and - to be honest - usually this kind of evil comes out of the United States of Fear - as this is the most fucked up country on the planet - masquarading as a country of brilliant minds. Shame on The United States of America and shame on these scared little boys who cause such turmoil and pain in others.
I do feel for those living in one of the 70 odd countries that have outlawed homosexuality and where we hear of gay men being thrown from tall uildings and if they do not die, they are stoned to death - JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE GAY.
There is a lot of work to be done before we in England can reast and do nothing because we have what we fought for for decades - EQUALITY - when tens of thousands of LGBT people are hounded to death simply because God chose to make them different.
SLEEP DEPREVATION AND NAPS
In a recent survey it showed that getting too little sleep on a regular basis is very bad for your health and while we go the gymn and eat wisely;- we think very little of getting enough sleep, which is more important than exercise. The survey showed that by taking naps - anything from 30 minutes onwards in the afternoon, is very beneficial at completely restoring the body chemical functions to normal after a bad nights sleep where these chemicals have been depleted.
Years ago I felt guilty about taking a nap in the afternoon and only when a friend told how he regularly took naps, did I felt less guilty - less lazy - and soon ' got over' the guilt thing and what anyone else thought.
Three years ago here at Hamilton Hall I was aware that I was always tired in the afternoons and because I was short on time - being busy - I did not have the time for a nap, but one day I laid down, closed my eyes and because I was not asleep I would normally lay there looking around the room, but in this instance I did not open my eyes, I kept them shut and concentrated on counting my in and out breaths, and for the first time ever I managed a ' power nap' for about 30 minutes and I felt wonderful afterwards.
Now in the afternoons I often set the alarm clock for between 30 and 90 minutes, depending on how much time I have, and as I lay on the bed in a different posiotion than if I was actually IN bed at night, I now manage to enjoy a deep and meaningful afternoon nap and wake refreshed knowing where I am and that it is NOT the morning but time to go cook dinner, and I am revitalised for the rest of the day.
So now most afternoons I take a brief 'power nap' and this helps - hugely - especially during very busy periods like our Christmas break where you are on the go all day and late into the evening, and an afternoon nap helps.
When injustice becomes law, defiance becomes duty.
HEAT YOUR HOME FOR PENNIES:
Thanks to Chris who told me this one - and it really works:
THIS REALLY WORKS
Get a metal pot stand. Put 3 or 4 Tea Lights - lit - in the middle together and have each one a couple of inches from the other.
On the top on them lower a terracotta garden pot with its bottom upwards and where the candles heat burns up the inside of the pots and not straight out of the whole at the top.
The heat of the candles will heat up the pot so you cannot even touch it and the heat from just 3 or 4 small Tea Lights will warm the whole room.
Be careful with candles and never leave to burn without supervision or where children, the elderly or pets can knock them over;- and not in a draughty location.
If using Tea Lights NOT on some kind of metal or glass stand, then ALWAYS put them on a solid surface - NOT PLASTIC - as Tea Lights will melt down through the plastic and set fires. They become extremly hot - hotter than a lot of people realize.
Always put them in a safe countainer when alight and always take care with naked flames in the home.
I have been using one for the last couple of weeks and I have noticed I can turn down the heating in my own private lounge as it actually has been getting too hot and is a wonderful way of heating the place without paying a fortune to the gas and electric companies that are so screwing us all.
click above to read all about this dangerous legislation
Eighty-eight thousand deaths a year?
One in 10 people in America die from alcohol abuse each year.
AN EXCELLENT WEB SITE - CLICK THE SYMBOL ABOVE
US Secretary of State, John Kerry representing a country which makes Genghis Khan look like a wimp when it comes to illegal invasions, still retains the prize for jaw dropper of the decade:
"You just don't, in the 21st century, behave in 19th century fashion by invading another country on completely trumped up pretext", he pontificated on CBS' "Face the Nation."
It really is enough to take your breath away,- the gall of this idiot. Does he assume we are all idiots ?
The following BOURNEBATERS poll is now closed. Here are the
HAS AGE CHANGED YOUR SEXUAL REQUIREMENTS
CHOICES AND RESULTS
- YES, 19 votes, 41.30%
- NO, 14 votes, 30.43%
- DRAMATICALLY SO FOR THE BETTER, 11 votes, 23.91%
- DRAMATICALLY SO FOR THE WORSE, 1 votes, 2.17%
- INDIFFERENCE TO SEX, 1 votes, 2.17%
JB Says: An enormous amount of what we have been told is the truth - is not. We have been massively misled and lied to in order to allow big business to propogate their lies to sell us products that are made from pretrolium products insted of the natural hemp - and as an example - The Kings James Bible - The American Constitution and even the Magna Carter were all written on Hemp fibre paper and not paper made from wood pulp. Wood fibre paper needs bleach while Hemp paper does not. The chemical industry makes billions from oil based chemical products - whereas Hemp is cheap, easy to grow and non toxic to the environment ( compared to the oil industry ) and it is all about making money rather than what is the best thing to do. This book is brilliant.
E MAIL FROM ME TO UKIP ABOUT GAY RIGHTS ETC. and their answer:
Your comments on this are invited.
Dear UKIP: Can you tell me where UKIP stands on the LGBT community / Gay rights and even gay marriage – as everyone I speak to seems to say different things and with millions reading my web site each year, and with me promoting your 100 days e mail on my site – the LGBT community is somewhat confused on your stand on LGBT rights.
Thanks John Bellamy
From:UKIP Head Office [mailto:email@example.com] Sent: 29 January 2015 15:24 To: hamilton hall Subject: Re: gay rights
Dear Mr Bellamy,
Thanks for your mail.
UKIP do not have a policy or stance on LGBT rights-this issue is a personal one
and outside the remit of a political party.
UKIP Head Office
My answer in return:
I am confused by your answer as it is vague and naïve in stating how LGBT rights are outside the remit of a political party.
It has EVERYTHING to do with a political party as it is politics and politicians that listen to the people when formulating its strategy for the forthcoming election and how the people should vote. If you are saying you have absolutely no idea – or that your party has no interest in LGBT rights – or that it is a personal issue and outside the remit of YOUR political party, then you have offered me a step backwards from your party and your answer needs to be exposed to the LGBT community as vague and lacking. I asked a serious question as many within the LGBT community believe UKIP to be a homophobic and racist party, which it seems to be trying to show is an inaccurate and untruthful belief structure;- yet your evasive answer to my serious question evades being honest with me and evades committing yourself to an answer to my question.
The point it :- You have not answered my question and I am wondering who I should speak to next in order not to be fobbed off as you have done, but to offer a serious and educated answer to someone with millions of readers on my web site aimed at those within the LGBT community.
With an election looming and people such as myself showing an interest and asking a serious and topical questions to you about a contentious issue that occurred within the last couple of years – that being Civil Partnerships and Gay Marriage – it would have been accommodating of you to offer where your party stands on these issues and not a one line stating the nonsense you have offered me below.
Shame on you – you have done UKIP no good at all with this type of evasive and plainly ignorant of the facts – answer.
If you cannot accommodate me with a clear and defined answer – then please let me know who can.
In the meantime, this will be on my web site and millions will now be reading your somewhat lacking response.
WITHIN A MINUTE of sending my e mail above, I received this one below:
Dear Mr Bellamy,
I suggest you contact David Coburn MEP- who is a gay man and as a member of our party's National Executive Committee is probably best placed to give you a more informed response.His e-mail address is firstname.lastname@example.org
(I wonder why he has an anonymous hotmail account rather than an official UKIP address... )
UKIP Head Office
SO I WROTE to David Coburn and a week or so later have not heard in respeonse. I appreciate he is a busy man - so I phoned and spoke to someone at head ofice who also stated I shopuld e mail david Coburn but that they ( UKIP ) does not at the moment have a policy on LGBT issues and when the manifesto comes out in late March it shoulkd cover all aspects of wht UKIP stand for.
Now: That seems a little vague. I pointed out that my web site gets 7 million hits and she still could not advise me one way or the other and it does seem a little odd that a political party has nothing to say when a journelist with 7 million readers gets absolutely nowhere when asking a simple and straight forward question.
I am NOT saying I am voting for UKIP in the next election - I found this interesting reading and worthy of sharing with you. If other parties offer something similar for the public to read, I shall also Blogg that on here as well.
The Conservatives want the focus to be on the economy, while Labour want it to be on the NHS. The Liberal Democrats, meanwhile, want people to think neither of the two main parties can be trusted with a majority government and there is a lot of misdirection as to what UKIP stands for and what the party states :- Are they for or against gay marriage ?
Judging by my question to Alan Bigwood above and the disgraceful answer he gave which totally ignored the facts and just - in a sence - condescended - it is no wonder UKIP gets so much bad press when idiots like Alan Bigwood shoot themselves in the foot with such a stupid and offensively ignorant answer to a simple question on where UKIP stands on LGBT rights. It is people like Alan Bigwood that destroys from within., It is people like Alan Bigwood who should never - ever - be in politics as his moronic answer is just laughable.
Have a read below and pay attention to the other parties and remember who was in control when this credit crunch - this banking scandal where billions were squandered on mega wealthy bankers / gangsters which screwed us all - and remember we are not - and never shall be - an island alone - as we do need Europe and the rest of the world and we do need to be a part of that global economy.
I do feel it is time Europe was given a MASSIVE SHAKE UP to get those arrogant MEP's to wake up and smell the shit they are throwing at everyone and for the first time ever - BALANCE THE BOOKS AND STOP THE BILLIONS IN FRAUD - I do not want out of Europe but EU does need a serious wake up call and maybe this is the time to oput the wind of change into the arena and scare them enough to make some radical changes - ie: immigration - fraud - benefits being paid to people not even in the UK and so forth.
Some of the list below goes over my head and I do not even pretend to understand some of it, but I AM interested enough to ask questions, read and watch and make up my own mind and not be brainwashed with absolute BULLSHIT that so many news media and even the politicians themselves come out with. It seems, the truth is ofte hard to find.
Never stop asking questions and learn discernment in what you choose to believe.
Good for you, John! Bet you don't get a response to the last one you sent! Keep it, start a party, and stick two fingers up to all narrow-minded extremists!! Stewart ( Poole )
Well done, John. I find UKIP policy vague in a number of respects. I don’t think they’ve done their homework, and so individual candidates are left to say what they think the majority of their supporters want to hear. That’s not a clever way to make policy. With fewer than 100 days to go to the election, they should come off the fence and clarify their position. Roger ( Cambridge )
100 days till the election, 100 reasons to vote UKIP
Published Jan 27, 2015
With 100 days to the election, here are the first 10 of 100 great reasons to vote UKIP
1. Get Britain out of the European Union 2. Get control of immigration with an Australian-style, points-based immigration system 3. £3bn more, annually, into our NHS which desperately needs it 4. Scrap tuition fees for students studying Science, Tech, Engineering, Maths, or Medical degrees 5. Pay greater attention to elderly care across the country 6. Cutting £9bn from our foreign aid budget 7. Give the people the ability to “recall” their MPs, without parliamentary or MP approval 8. Stopping our endless, foreign wars 9. Promoting a British identity, as opposed to failed multiculturalism 10. Allowing existing schools to become grammar schools
11. Ending PFI privatisation of the NHS, proliferated by Labour and the Tories 12. Ensuring our armed services are properly equipped for when we do need them 13. Establishing a Veteran’s Administration to look after those who looked after us 14. Encouraging inward investment with growth markets, not JUST the failing Eurozone 15. Overcoming the unfairness of MPs from devolved nations voting on English laws 16. Cutting bureaucracy, red tape, and wasteful spending from government departments 17. Cutting the same bureaucracy that hinders small businesses and entrepreneurs 18. Supporting our farmers with a Single Farm Payment Scheme 19. Ending the burdensome “green levies” that have added £000s to our energy bills 20. Scrapping the poorly planned HS2 project, saving up to £50bn 21. Opposing tolls on public roads – we’ve already paid for them 22. Supporting bus passes for pensioners with the support of local authorities 23. Foreign vehicles to require Britdisc passes to contribute to our roads they use 24. Ending the use of speed cameras as revenue raisers – they should be a deterrent 25. Protecting our green belt 26. A central list of brownfield sites for developers 27. Houses on brownfield sites to be Stamp Duty exempt on first sale 28. VAT relaxed for redevelopment of brownfield sites 29. Local referenda for large-scale development, if triggered by 5% of electorate 30. Introducing the ability for citizens to initiate national referenda 31. Withdrawing from the European Court of Human Rights 32. Reversing the government’s opt-in to the European Arrest Warrant 33. Negotiating bi-lateral agreements to replace EAW 34. No votes for prisoners 35. Full prison sentences should be served, parole on case-by-case basis 36. Replacing the Human Rights Act with a British Bill of Rights 37. Official documents to be published primarily in English 38. Cracking down on honour killings, female genital mutilation, and forced marriages 39. Reviewing the BBC licence fee with a view to reducing it 40. Taking non-payment of the licence fee out of the criminal sphere 41. Amend the smoking ban to promote choice for ventilated smoking rooms 42. Opposing plain packs for cigarettes, which has had no impact where trialled 43. Promoting the employment of young, British workers 44. Repealing the Agency Workers Directive 45. Encouraging councils to provide more free parking on High Streets 46. Simplifying planning regulations for long-term empty commercial properties 47. Extending the right of appeal for micro businesses against Revenue and Customs 48. Negotiating bespoke trade agreements with EU member states and worldwide 49. Reoccupying our seat at the World Trade Organisation 50. Abolishing inheritance tax
51. Introducing a 35p income tax rate between £42,285 and £55,000 – taking many public sector workers out of top rate of tax 52. Setting up a Treasury Commission to make sure big corporations pay their way in taxes 53. Abolishing the Dept of Energy and Climate Change and rolling retained functions into DEFRA 54. Introducing an Apprenticeship Qualification for students who don’t want to do non-core GCSEs 55. Scrapping the arbitrary 50% target for university attendance 56. Students from the EU to pay the same as International Students 57. Introducing more power for parents: OFSTED to investigate schools on petition signed by 25% of parents or governors 58. Guaranteeing a job in the police, prison, or border forces for anyone who has served 12 years in the Armed Forces 59. Priority social housing for ex-service men and women, and those returning from service 60. Veterans to receives Veteran’s Card to ensure they’re supported in event of mental health care and more 61. All entitlements to be extended to servicemen and women recruited from overseas 62. Establishing a National Service Medal for all those who have served 63. Encouraging local authorities to buy out their PFI contracts where affordable 64. Ensuring GP’s surgeries are open at least one evening per week where demand permits 65. Ensuring migrants have NHS-approved health insurance until they have paid into the system for 5 years 66. Ending hospital car parking charges 67. Replacing bureaucratic watchdogs with locally elected health boards for more transparency 68. Stopping the sale of patient data to big business 69. Ensuring a high standard of English speakers in the NHS 70. Amend working time rules to give trainee doctors, surgeons, and medics better environments 71. Encouraging and protecting whistleblowing to get to the bottom of poor performance 72. Ensuring migrants have jobs and accommodation before they can come to the UK 73. Migrants will only be eligible for residency after 10 years’ working here 74. Reinstating the primary purpose rule, bringing an end to sham marriage migration 75. No amnesty for illegal immigrants, or those gaining UK passports via fraud 76. Protecting genuine refugees by returning to the UN Convention of Refugees principles 77. British companies to be prioritised to deliver foreign aid contracts 78. Repealing the Climate Change Act 2008 which costs the economy £18n per year 79. Scrapping the Large Combustion Plant directive and redevelop UK power stations 80. Supporting the development of UK Shale Gas with proper safeguards 81. No new taxpayer subsidy for wind farms 82. Leaving the Common Agricultural Policy 83. Allowing parliament to vote on GM foods 84. Reinstating British territorial waters 85. Food to be labelled with country of origin, method of production, method of slaughter and more 86. Ban live animal exports for slaughter 87. Scrapping the Bedroom Tax 88. Child benefit only for children permanently resident in the UK 89. Future child benefit to be limited to first two children only 90. Ensuring an initial presumption of 50-50 parenting on child custody matters 91. Safeguarding visitation rights for grandparents 92. Supporting a streamlined welfare system and a benefit cap 93. Enrolling unemployed benefits claimants into workfare or community schemes 94. Placing revenues from shale gas into a Sovereign Wealth Fund to ensure future growth and security 95. Emphasising the immediate need to utilise forgotten British infrastructure like Manston Airport 96. No cuts to frontline policing 97. Prioritising social housing for those whose parents and grandparents were born locally 98. Reaffirming British laws, rather than allowing dual-track legal systems for minorities in the UK 99. Promoting patriotism and the importance of British values in our schools 100. Rebalancing Britain’s economy
80. Supporting the development of UK Shale Gas with proper safeguards 81. No new taxpayer subsidy for wind farms
I am personally against Shale Gas and the dangerous methods used to extract this and am very sad to see our governments running around in circles taking money from alternative wind farms etc and giving it to carbon based, polluting and dangerous methods of creating fuel. It is NOT the way forward and we only have to look to the USA and th dangers and chaos caused to local housing etc and we should NOT be following suit. We are suppose to be creating safer alternatives to fossil fuels and here we are putting billions intoi yet another fosssil fuel.
"Have you ever though there might be more to life?
Have you ever thought of the trouble and strife?
Have you ever thought you don't need a wife?
in this system that tells YOU what is right.
Have you ever thought that black could be white
Have you ever wanted dark to be light
Have you ever wished that wrong was right
to stop the arguing and end the fight.
Well yes.....guess what..? You're not alone
cos a mate'o'mine just heard on the phone
that an awakening is happening on this planet...your home.
Its such a good reason to have a moan
So put pen to paper and air your views
make a banner and get on the news,
have regular meetings...invite your crews
for this is the awakening...you know what to do
For this has been predicted through space and time
that the people will end up...not towing the line
and without the state...we'll be just fine
from the 1% and their hidden crimes.
The banks are corrupt
The leaders out of touch
The BBC is weird
and the planets burning up.
So we vote a change...cos we think it matters
we get a different group of mad hatters
or ask for new laws to cover the doors
of the apparent cause, to all the flaws
The government will not like us
on the streets with loud hailers and banners
we shout "make some new laws for these cheating scammers"
but we don't realise we are voting for laws that will hit us as well...like a row of angry hammers.
'Cos we all want change...but asking's not right
We must spread our wings if we really want flight
and not get caught up in their two party fight
Make up your own mind...don't believe the hype
You cant stop wars by bombing for peace
That's like trying to fuck for virginity at least
and when we ask for laws on hateful speech
we take away the freedom of each
So stop being offended of what people say
Its only because YOU hear it that way
Sticks and stones and come what may
Support freedom of speech everyday
So how do we make a new world for the better
I'll tell ya....I'll go through it letter for letter
Turn off your tellys and put on your wellies
'cos growing your own food is where its at.
Remove the fluoride from your diet
Its only there to keep you quiet
Get to know your neighbours and others around
and you'll soon find ...they're all quite sound.
Recognise the difference between statute and law
and the word UNDERSTAND.......it means much more.
For the acts are not real...they come from the sea
they were not meant for you and me.
It's all maritime law....it's corporate rules
and I'm sorry to say ...we have all been fooled.
There are very few laws for women and men
no harm....no loss...no damage...that's them
It's just a game...the game of life
you count yourself in when you use the dice,
and the dice is your name........
I'm watching you frown
For your names property of the Crown
Withholding information from people should be a crime. We believe is sharing knowledge and wisdoms freely, and if anything on this web site has been used without permission, then our apologies. Please inform us and if you wish, it will be removed. We do not make money from this web site and is part of a NOT FOR PROFIT VENUE of Hamilton Hall.
The poem above was written by Christopher Charles and you are welcome to re print and re use it and please always give a credit to the author and to this web site. If we find you are making a profit from it or stealing its content for other financial gain and taking the worthy praise that Christopher Charles - in my opinion, deserves for this brilliant piece, then we will seek legal action.
Restaurants & Cafes and then Hotels & B&B's top review chart
I notice it does not count Sex Workers & Escort Agencies
'A FREE WEEKEND FOR MOANERS'
I am putting together a weekend for those who like to constantly moan about absolutely everything.
It will be a free weekend for those who always find fault but who actually offer and do
NOTHING AT ALL TO HELP - EXCEPT TO MOAN.
Now we all know someone who should attend and it could well be you. You know the type ' No one is ever doing anything.' - and when they attend an event or a function they complain about the entry fee - the queue - the coat check - the queue at the bar or self serve cafe - the music is too loud - or 'I can't hear.' : - They complain about the lights being too bright / dim and even the car parking, which although free, really should have been planned better. The catering was useless and the tea / coffee like gnats piss. If a hotel, the bed was uncomfortable and the decor not to their taste. The breakfast service was slow and the toast too brown and as for the hard butter, ' Why you'd think they would get up earlier and take the butter out of the fridge so it wasn't too hard... well wouldn't you .' The cooked breakfast was bad with overcooked eggs and mushy beans and the marmalade was cheap. As for the cold plate - unforgivable.
These are the people with some good ideas to share of which not one single word out of their mouth is in the slightest bit constructive or supportive and is really no help what-so-ever and yet they will insist on sharing this with you. they will tell you how they can offer something similar at a fraction of the cost, without actually having the faintest clue what the costs are or even what is involved, legally, at putting on such an event, and when you state the legal requirements - all they do is wish it away with a wave of their hands and say it's all rubbish and unnessessary.
These are the people who - basically - haven't a clue what is involved;- How much hard work is involved,- how many hours a day is put in to offer such an event or how much staff costs are, let alone 25% tax added to electricity and gas bills by the state.
For these people are blind, deaf and dumb when it comes to the realities of running a small business as they - quite simply - have never done so. These are the people who have always worked for someone else;- where it is someone else who has constantly taken responsibility - and when it comes time to go home, they have their hat and coat on 15 minutes early and they have gone without a single thought of what is involved in closing up, locking up, maybe sorting the financial takings of the day - arranging the banking and all the security etc. and even the staff rotas etc.
These are the people who don't actually give a shit - for anything - but they want attention while having absolutely nothing - nada - zero to warrant having attention paid to them, for these are the people who often have nothing to say that is worth listening to - no valid opinion - nothing of interest - nothing amusing and certainly nothing with any logic set in reality;- but they want to be heard and this stops and deminishes those WHO DO have something interesting and worth listening to and it exasperates.
These are the people who spoil it for others and who cannot appreciate the beauty of the sunset without finding fault in the chill of the evening. These are the people who complain about the children on the beach and miss the beautiful summer day. These are the people who attend a wonderful loving wedding and bitch about everyones outfit and ' Doesn't she look fat in that dress.'
Now - to those who will now moan they cannot find any date or details about this FREE WEEKEND can moan all they like about how stupid, how incompetant, how irresponsible to put all this on here without actually putting a date and details about making a reservation for this spectacular weekend for moaners, and they will moan some more. The point is, IF I was to host such an event you would still moan, even if it was free and even if I had Harrods do the catering - Harvey Nicks the room decor and Buckingham Palace the staff. You see, some people are so unhappy in their lives that all they do is moan and complain and moan some more and believe me, I occasionally hear it here and am not afraid to read the riot act at them and / or speak to their partner about their manner and how moaney it is and how we - actually - ALL can do without it. Unhappiness manifests itself in many aspects of our daily lives and those who moan and complain all the time - are really very unhappy people and make those around them unhappy and then they have won... They have won because when you are also unhappy and start to moan - they will see it as how they are right.
So. If you fancy a free weekend and you know that what you have read here applies to you - then do by all means try and make a booking. You will have plenty of ammunition by the time you get off the phone with me and especially if you e mail and the answer will give plenty to moan about. Believe me, when I do get through with you - BOY - will you be moaning.
Now - How's that...??? Here I am offering a free opportunity to find something to moan about and ALL FOR FREE... Surely, you can't find anything to complain about in that - Can you ?
If you found this article offensive, then you are welcome to complain, as much as you like - if you think it will do you any good. If in your life it DOES do you some good to moan all the time, then I feel desperately sorry for those who are 'giving into you' and think they need to get a bigger pair of balls and tell you exactly where you can shove your moaning all the time as it REALLY does offer a 'half empty' and not 'half full' look on life and that - my moaning friend, is such a bummer.
Dear John: Is your Moaning piece an early April Fools joke, cos I did so enjoy your tongue in cheek ending to it. Very good. Gordon G. John: I did laugh when I read your piece about the weekend for moaners. I can think of a few people I want to show that to. Pip R. John. I must complain about your article on moaners. I found it hillarious and so clever and it really did make me laugh as I have experienced what you wrote and so much more from customers over the years and you are right, - dead right - and thank you for bringing a smile to my mush. Gerry M. London John. My partner insisted I sell our guest hours and choose another career where we could at least escape the moaners in the evenings. After just five years it did his head in and we did sell up and move. The moaners got to him while I appreciated it as a sign of very unhappy people and not those who think they are impressing, at all. Loved your article and it is so good to see someone with a mouth that is not afraid of using it to speak some truths. You are a brave man and I bet it gives ammo to those who love to bitch about you.
Richard ( Kissimme Florida )
HERE IS WHERE I HAVE A MOAN - AGAIN.
After a long and somewhat irritating conversation with someone recently who thought our Massage and Tantra workshop weekends were too expensive - I REALLY had to ask him how much he thought it was all going to be - and this is taking into consideration that our workshops have been available at HALF PRICE for the last couple of years with no price increase, and that for 2 nights with all accommodation and food - refreshments and the full weekend workshop, you can pay as little as £200, and he thought this was expensive.
This sort of attitude really pisses me off.
2 nights B&B in a Single Room - £95
2 dinners - £30
2 light lunches - £20
Total - £145
So for £65 I am expected to work long and hard hours offering what has taken me decades to learn - and with limited numbers since the credit crunch and where we struggle financially, expecting me to offer everything at these prices and then have complaints about my pricing makes me so ticked off that from now on - well from next season, the prices are going to reflect what we offer here and I am going to start charging a correct and decent price and if people cannot afford it - or if you think it too expensive - then you check out other web sites and you see how we are usually 1/3rd the cost of other Tantra workshops and how we even include accommodation and all food whereas most other groups charge extra for that, and then I shall expect a change in attitude from those of you who have thrown it at me all this time.
This sort of ignorance stops people like me offering anything at all and I could be spending the time earning a living and not giving it away for free and it stops me wanting to offer anything at reduced prices - especially when I get complaints about my everso cheap prices, it really does beggar belief.
Some time ago a big sex club wanted me to p[rovide some Tantra workshops for their paying guests and when I mentioned a price for my service they went all funny on me and never followed through - and I am left assuming they thopught I was going to offer it all for free while charging people to attend their club, and again I am left gob smacked they they would assume such a thing. They were not even willing to pay my petrol to Southampton, where the club was, and assumed I would have some fun in their club and that would be payment in itself... and they were wrong. Money - MONEY - is what pays the bills, not good intentions, best wishes or anythingthing else... MONEY... and it is about time we had a little around Hamilton Hall to pay for repairs so I do not have to go back to the escort business to pay for so others can come here on the cheap.
If even 1/4 of the people who read this web ite donated ( through the HOME PAGE - at the bottom - scroll down ) even £1 - we could afford to make all sorts of changes, repairs, cheap holidays and free periods to those in need and it has always been my ethos to make Hamilton Hall available to everyone - regardless of money and charges, and when I get complaints from those who think we are expensive while having absolutely not a clue about what it costs or the hundreds of hours working hard FOR NO WAGES - then this is the exact reason so many smaller venues have closed, why so many gay leaders of various groups ' give up and walk away' and why so many sensational workshops and seminars fail - BECAUSE TOO MANY ASSUME
' THEY' SHOULD PAY FOR IT ALL'
- without having any idea who ' they ' actually are. Obviously someone else and not them. So they want the seminar and workshop weekend but they want it all for free or so cheap it is not worth doing.
We do not have funding from government, corporations, the NHS, big business, the church of any kind or anyone else come to that. We survive by our own hard work and 20 years of escort work in the past to buy the venue in the first place. hamiltoin Hall is here because of the love, dedication, passion and HARD WORK from me - John Bellamy - and to those who have a problem with this, who expect it all for free, who seem to want to send me hate mail, who see life as HALF EMPTY instead of HALF FULL, and to those who condescend to me and my venue - YOU HAVE A GREAT DEAL TO LEARN MY FRIENDS.
I try my best to be positive in my outlook, you know, as it says above.,.. HALF FULL - and there are times when it is a struggle to maintain this in a world that offers us so much negativity all the time. Where running any small business is a headache and when we get hate mail and those who expect it all for free and then offer us really quite obtuse attitude and treat us with complete and utter distain, it DOES make me angry and it DOES piss me off and it DOES make me wonder WTF am I doing all this for., I am 60 in a few weeks time. I have loads of health problems kicking in with my increasing age and I deserve, want, need a holiday to recharge my own batteries - yet I cannot afford it, and then I get an e mail bitching at me that my prices are over-the-top and how the gay scene must be ashamed to have Hamilton Hall in its culture and while I know this comes from a very disturbed individual, I do not deserve abuse - period.
I am not going to prostitute myself again so others who expect
a subsidised journey can enjoy it on the cheap at my expense.
POLICE STATION CLOSURES
In our local news this week was announced how many police stations in the area are to close as the police have to make a further £10 million savings over the next 3 years and this is just the first step. Later that evening I was ' channel hopping' on TV and came across ' Police Chases' - or something like that - where there was 5 police cars and a helicopter employed in the chase of someone who had stolen a car and after several hours chasing him, he was caught and given 150 hours of community work: Another recently was a reported sighting of a tiger in a field and again, numerous police were dispatched and while the animal was sat dead still in a field, they brought in a helicopter and numerous ground teams and as the helicopter hovvered above - the tiger flipped over from the down draft and it was a stuffed animal.
DEAR GOD - What are these idiots up to ???
What did it cost these 'highly trained police' to bring out helicopters and tons of cars and staff running up and down chasing a car thief or a stuffed toy and the money involved would run a police station for a week or two and here - in just a few hours, they had wasted - squandered - thrown away thousands of £ over nothing. The driver was not a wanted murderer - just a joy rider - and as for the stuffed toy, which of the policeman stated it had moved and that it was real as any idiot could see it was stuffed - and the truth is - the stuopidity beggars belief.
And these are the men and women who are supposedly highly trained - but at what ??? Wasting public money and police time ? Wasting resorces and just having a fun afternoon chasing up and down the motorways - or up in the air enjoying the ride.
When police forces up and down the country are making such drastic cut backs in finances and we hear these kind of money wasting exercises, it does make you think that maybe we need to start again with the police forces up mand down the country as it seems, from what we hear, a great deal of time and money is being wasted by incompetent police who see not to have much of a clue.
Bournemouth Police - a few years ago - had their performance rated as FAIR - which is damned well disgusting.
Marijuana frequently gets a bad rap. How much of it is deserved? After my earlier blog, “Should Marijuana Be Legalized?” I conducted research to find out the benefits and problems linked with marijuana use. While there are many, here are ten of the health benefits attributed to marijuana and, of course, some of the problems linked to its use:
Alzheimer’s—Marijuana may be able to slow the progression of Alzheimer’s disease, according to research by the Scripps Research Institute and published in Molecular Pharmaceutics.
Anxiety—Harvard Medical School found that marijuana may have anti-anxiety effects. Of course, keep in mind that high doses may increase anxiety and paranoia.
Arthritis—Marijuana can alleviate pain and inflammation linked to arthritis.
Cancer—Research in the journal Molecular Cancer Therapeutics found that cannabidiol found in marijuana, turns off a gene called “Id-1,” which cancer cells use to spread.
Epilepsy—Marijuana has been shown in studies by Virginia Commonwealth University, to stop seizures in the school’s animal studies.
Glaucoma—Researchers are working on developing new drugs based on cannabis to treat glaucoma pain after learning its effectiveness for treating the condition. Glaucoma is a condition that increases pressure inside the eyeball and can lead to vision loss.
Nausea—Marijuana contains a minimum of 60 chemicals known as cannabinoids, of which THC is the primary one associated with its mind-altering effects. THC has been used in the treatment of nausea, including drug- or chemotherapy-induced nausea.
Parkinson’s Disease—Research published in MedPage Today found that marijuana use eased tremors and improved fine motor skills in patients with Parkinson’s disease.
Blood Sugar Problems. Many suffer with ups and downs in energy levels caused by blood sugar problems and smoking or ingesting Marijuana helps dramatically in levelling this off and enabling a normal blood sugar level. This allows the smoker to have a care free day without having to cinatsntly worry about eating food all the time in order to maintain a level blood sugar. The effects are dramatic and almost instant.
Problems Linked with Marijuana Use:
Addiction—that’s a fairly obvious one. Also, it can cause uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms in people who discontinue use.
Comment from JB: Marijuana is non addictive - the tobacco you mix it with is the danger, not the dope. If you have an addictive personality then do not blame the drugs or even the booze as it is the person and any substance can become addictive - chocolate - meat - and anything you put in your mouth to excess can become addictive. How about sex and gambling... exercise - jogging - all can be addictive and eventually bad for you.
Anxiety and Paranoia—In high doses or in sensitive individuals, marijuana can cause anxiety and paranoia.
Comment from JB: In tests - it was found that under 5% of people who smoke marijuana suffer from pananoia and this is usually because the person already had signs on mental health and the dope was the key. It is NOT common amongst regular smokers who have smoked for years.Do you ban something because a very small amount of people have a negative effect from something, because if that was the case almost everything would be banned - how about peanuts - 1 in 100 has an allergy and on a flight, if one person announces they are nut intollerant then the entire plane full of people are denied their peanuts... so why not ban peanuts...
Memory Impairment—As anyone who’s ever talked to someone who is high knows, memory impairment is common.
Comment by JB: Sure , but this is short term and like getting drunk and not remembering much about the night before... what is the difference.
Mind-Altering Effects—This is particularly evident among people who haven’t used it before as well as many young people.
Comment from JB: Just like booze or stress or prescription drugs - sometimes you can get an extra strong marijuana which can be a bit trippy, just like some alcoholic substanbces which are quite legal.
Heart Attack—One study found an increase risk of heart attack within the first hour of smoking marijuana.
Comment by JB: This is a first to me and sounds very suspicious that within the first hour this could lead to a heart attack - sounds like absolute rubbish to me as utter and complete nonesense.
If you think severe sentencing laws are doing more harm than good,
I found this the most powerful piece I think I have ever heard and it moved me deeply.
I urge you to listen with your eyes shut - ignore the video for the first hearing, and just throw yourself into the message
Thanks to Chris who introduced me to this
Here are the words below :-
By Garret John LoPorto on September 22, 2010
ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits and troublemakers -
all you free spirits and pioneers - all you visionaries and non-conformists
Everything that the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you.
You see things others don't. You are hardwired to change the world. Unlike 9 out of 10 people - your mind is irrepressible - and this threatens authority. You were born to be a revolutionary.
You can't stand rules because in your heart you know there's a better way.
You have strengths dangerous to the establishment - and it wants them eliminated, So your whole life you've been told your strengths were weaknesses - Now I'm telling you otherwise.
Your impulsivity is a gift - impulses are your key to the miraculous,
Your distractibility - is an artifact of your inspired creativity,
Your mood swings - reflect the natural pulse of life, they give you unstoppable energy when you're high and deep soulful insight when you're low,
Been diagnosed with a "disorder"? That's society's latest way to deny it's own illness by pointing the finger at you.
Your addictive personality is just a symptom of your vast underused capacity for heroic, creative expression and spiritual connection. your utter lack of repression, your wide eyed idealism, your unmitigated open mind - didn't anyone ever tell you?!
These are the traits shared by the greatest pioneers and visionaries and innovators, revolutionaries, procrastinators and drama queens, activists on the social scene, space cadets and mavericks, philosophers and derelicts, business suits flying fighter jets, football stars and sex addicts, celebrities with ADD, alcoholics who seek novelty, first responders - prophets and saints, mystics and change agents.
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all affected by the way -
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -
You know in your heart that there's a natural order to life,
something more sovereign than any man-made rules or laws could ever express
This natural order is called "the Way."
The Way is the eternal substrate of the cosmos. It guides the very current of time and space. The Way is known by some as the Will of God, Divine Providence, the Holy Spirit, the implicate order, the Tao, reverse-entropy, life-force, but for now we'll simply call it "the Way."
The Way is reflected in you as the source of your inspiration, the source of your passions, your wisdom, your enthusiasm, your intuition, your spiritual fire - love.
The Way takes the chaos out of the Universe and breathes life into it by reflecting divine order. The Way, when experienced by the mind, is genius, when perceived through the eyes is beauty, when felt with the senses is grace, when allowed into the heart ... is love.
Most people cannot sense the Way directly. ... But then there are the Wayseers. The keepers of the flame. Wayseers have an unexplainable knack for just knowing the Way.
They sense it in their very being. They can't tell you why or how they arrived at the right answer. They just know it in their core. They can't show their work. So don't ask. Their minds simply resonate with the Way. When the Way is present, so are they.
While others are blind to it, and society begs you to ignore it, "the Way" stirs you inside. Neurological repression blocks most people's awareness of the Way - censoring all thoughts and impulses from the unconscious is their prefrontal cortex - the gestapo of the brain - nothing which violates its socialized programming even gets through; but your mind is different. your mind has been cracked wide open to the Way - by some miraculous genetic trait, some psychotropic chemical or maybe even by the will of your very soul, your brain's reward pathways have been hijacked - dopamine employed to overthrow the fascist dictatorship of your prefrontal cortex - now your brain is free of repression, your mind free of censorship, your awareness exposed to the turbulent seas of the unconscious - through this open doorway divine light shines into your consciousness showing you the Way. This is what makes you a Wayseer.
90% of human civilization is populated with those who's brains are blocked to the Way. Their brains are hardwired to enforce the social programming indoctrinated since birth.
Unlike you they cannot break out of this programming, because they have not yet experienced the necessary revolution of mind. These programmed people take social institutions and rules very seriously. Society is full of games programmed to keep peoples' minds occupied so they will not revolt.
These games often cause sick fixations on peculiar protocols, power structures, taboos and domination - all subtle forms of human bondage - This distinct form of madness is not only tolerated by the masses but insisted upon. The programmed ones believe in rules so forcefully they become willing to destroy anyone who violates them.
Wayseers are the ones who call their bluff. Since Wayseer minds are free to reject social programming, Wayseers readily see social institutions for what they are - imaginary games.
Wayseers comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.
Helping those who are lost in these games and refuse to help themselves is a calling of many Wayseers.
Since Wayseers are the ones who keep contact with the original source of reality - they are able to disrupt societal conventions and even governments to realign humanity with the Way.
The Wayseers are an ancient lineage. A kind of priesthood - carriers of the flame - ones "in the know." There must always be Wayseers to reform the dizzying psychotic spinning gears of society - giant mindless hamster wheels obscuring the pure blue sky, keeping humanity shackled in a darkened cage - so Wayseers are called - to shed light on the madness of society - to continually resurrect the timeless transcendent Spirit of Truth -
Wayseers reveal this divine truth by devoting themselves to the birth of some creative or disruptive act expressed through art or philosophy, innovations to shake up industry, revolutions for democracy, coups that topple hypocrisy, movements of solidarity, changes that leave a legacy, rebellions against policy, spirit infused technology, moments of clarity, things that challenge barbarity, watersheds of sincerity, momentous drives for charity
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all affected by the way -
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -
This is your calling, Wayseer
You've found your tribe.
Died Sunday August 19th 2012 - aged, I think 43.
and you know what, I don't think I have a picture of him - after a computer crash a few years ago where thousands of photos were lost, and now all I have is my memory - that picture in my head.
I first met Andy when he joined a group I was runnning called 'The Gay Spiritual Group' in London, and this would be around 1996-97. He was instantly a keen member and quickly joined the committee to help with the running of the group. Once a month we hosted a Social and would get anything up to 65 members in my London home and a really good spiritual evening would be had, relaxed and informal, with people just talking and laughing, and at around 9pm I would introduce a speaker for 30 minutes or so, and one of these evenings, Andy wanted to give a talk about an experience he had recently had.
He was really nervous and with a little encouragement from me - he stood and introduced himself and gave a wonderful, lighthearted account of a recent trip to Egypt that had changed his life, and it was a really lovely thing to be a part of and to hear this London cockney lad - offering such a gentle story.
For Andy was a little Tough Ted... an east end lad you might not - at one time - have trusted with your wallet or car keys - as he had been a cheeky little rascall when he was a teenager and in private he would tell me some of the things he had got up to in the past which while illegal, did make you smile broadly and laugh out loud... and while you felt for the victim who had had their car stolen - or whatever - it was never meant to be malicious or evil, it was just lads messing about, and we would laugh. But all that was years behind him and he donated a great deal of his time to helping others, through voluntary charity work and in his private life as well, and he was a very thoughtful and kind, considerate and loving man.
When I moved to Hamilton Hall he would come down and help us paint and decorate - or more often - he would actually bring a friend with him who he paid to do the work for him as his disabilities through various illnesses brought about through his HIV made it difficult for him to do some things physically, and he was thrilled every time to be able to offer something and happy to be a part of Hamilton Hall, and I was very pleased to have him part of my life.
I remember one long hot summer, maybe around 2004 - he was down for a couple of weeks with his dog - a Doberman named Scooby ( naturally ) and we would sit in the garden until late at night with candles lit all over the place and just chill out and laugh and share stories from our past - as we actually had a lot in common - and these are happy memories. His cheecky chappy grin and laugh won him many friends here and one elderly friend fell madly in love with him;- in a really nice and sweet way - and every time I mentioned Andy to him he would smile broadly and laugh... I knew his health was up and down over the years and I would always be inviting him down for a free stay and more often than not, he would either come down or be too busy at home, and all of a sudden he has having problems with his bowels and had already had an operation giving him a temporary colostomy and when he visited he was so up, so cheerful and so positive, he was such an inspiration even though I think he was going through a great deal. During a trip to Egypt where the pain became so great he increased his pain medication, he decided upon return to just tell the doctors to take his bowel right out and give him a full colostomy as he could not live with the pain and it was obviously not getting any better, and this was done almost immediately. He laughed about not needing to douch any more and was so positive all through it. But it seems things went from bad to worst and although he was always up-beat when I phoned, he eventually moved into a hospice - he said for pain management - but within a couple of weeks his phone was switched off and he had died. A few days later his sister called and told me the news and as soon as she said she was Andy's sister, I knew - for I had had to go through my own sisters phone book years ago after her death - phoning people and telling them - and I just knew. Instantly my tummy did a flip, my heart missed a beat and a tear came to my eye. Poor Andy, I wish he'd let me know how ill he was, I would have visited him in the hospice, but I think he didn't want a fuss - didn't want people to see him in those last days and wanted us to remember him as he was, and he left this world peacefully and as he had lived it , on his own terms.
He also chose not to have a funeral service of any kind, and the family were to be told - after the fact - that he had been cremated by the funeral company after it was all over. Some would have a hard time with this - as saying your final farewell in front of a coffin is traditional and what we all expect, but not when it causes such grief for people. Andy hated fuss, and so chose to leave this life as quietly as he could and leave happy memories and not grief in his wake.
No flowers. No hymns.
No getting to the place on time and having to wear something black - which he would have hated and no eulogydescribing his life in nine minutes.
I was upstairs late last night with a friend and Andy and I had always shared a cigarette or two together and evenings just talking and laughing, so I did just that with Matt who works here and we shared a few smokes, talked about loads of things including Andy - and just had one of those evenings where we were giggling like school girls... and all the while aware of Andy and how he would have loved to be with us one last time, and bless him.
Getting older for me is fun, I see so much of other older people in myself as I come closer to my 60's - people who are older than I am and now I am catching them up, and the one sadness is remembering all the sweet people whose lives have come to an end so much younger and so much sooner, and it makes me sad. I know there are always new friends to meet, new faces to laugh with and new evenings to share a smoke and a giggle and I give thanks for the ever changing aspect of my daily life and the wonderous way it moves through the years, and there are times I remember back and see a face in my minds eye - of Andy - or someone else I held dear but probably never got the chance to really tell them how important they were to me, and I try harder with my 'today friends' to let them know how much I care and love them, and as fast and as busy as my days are, I always remember and keep their memory alive within my mind, my body and my soul and in this, they are still with me. Still alive and still making me smile. For I don't ever want to forget.
Bless you Andy.
This is a piece of music he enjoyed and is to be played in the chapel.CLICK HERE
Like a lot of you out there, I have a Mother who moved from her warden assisted flat to a nursing care home as her mental and physical health meant she was no longer able to look after herself any longer, and there were many times when it made my heart weep. I was talked out of looking after her in my home and while my heart desperately wanted to look after her, my head told me I would not manage and it was not a good idea.
A while ago she had a bladder infection and she was in bed and very distressed - staring out of unseeing eyes that did not seem to focus, grabbing with her hands at anything and everything close - ie: the bars at the side of the hospital bed had been put up to keep her in bed as she kept sliding out and staggering up the ward - and it was quite a distressing site for many to witness - and she was chattering away - with words that did not follow any cohesive sense and while she knew my name and - kind of - that I was her son - all sorts of other family members names came into it and I don't really think she knew me, Her confused state was sad to witness.
My Mother - a bright, intelligent fashion model who was one of London's top models in the 1940's and 1950's and walked the catwalk, also sang with many famous dance bands, for she had a superb voice - and who raised 3 children, was reduced to this.
A tall proud women with a voice and an opinion of her own and no fear of speaking her mind,- a woman who was married 3 times during her life and who put up with a lot,- A woman who had lived alone for over 20 years since her 3rd husband - my Step Father died and who lost her only daughter ( my sister ) and her baby ( my niece ) around 20 years ago when both died a few months apart ,- A women who has always been accepting of my gay lifestyle and who loved my friends and boyfriends totally, even if not being as accepting of my brothers wife - always being a dreadful mother-in-law and a women who all those 'mother-in-law jokes' must have been written about,- And a woman who was stubborn, difficult and sometimes a women who would make the angels cry because GOD she could NEVER admit fault and take responsibility and simply apologize, and a woman who has caused much family turmoil because of her refusal - point blank refusal - to ever accept that she was ever wrong about anything - And a woman who admitted to me some years ago that she had never been in love - never really knew what love was and that - despite being married 3 times and raising a family, had never really understood what that mysterious word 'love' - had meant - and while in her way she has loved and has been loved, she never really comprehended what it meant, and for that, I was always desperately sorry.
Sorry that she never understood how we - her children - felt about her and sorry that she always felt the need to - somehow - try and manipulate the situation to suit herself all the time. Sad that she never realised we would do whatever she wanted because we loved her and not because she was being manipulative. Sad that she always thought every situation was about her and sad that she felt such jealously and resentment towards anyone who 'stole her limelight' - even her own grandchildren. Sad that she resented her son being a sensational husband and father to his children and sad that she felt such resentment towards those who had something she felt she had lost out on, when the truth was - she hadn't - for she was loved - she was very cared for - and while she never understood this and while she felt alone and unloved, other people were hurt and betrayed by her time and time again because she simply didn't get it. She never really understood,- and that saddens me.
Poor Betty - my poor Mother, and as much as we have told her over the years and as much as we have openly shown our affection and considered her in our lives - she still never got it - never realised and never allowed herself to be part of the family - preferring to isolate herself and say that she wasn't wanted all the time when the exact opposite was the truth, and we just got fed up with it.
Towards the end, to see her bedridden and shouting for help all the time, was not good. I could have visited more often, and she understood in her way.
Whatever it was she lost - and whatever it was she lacked - and for all her mistakes and all her selfish ways, she was my Mother, I love her dearly, and no-one - NO -ONE - should be made to go through the kind of thing at the end of their lives, and the cruelty metered out by a government and health authority SO AGAINST EUTHANASIA beggars belief. My Mother would not have wanted this, and with a society where 80% of people asked agree that euthanasia is the best thing in some situations such as this, I know she didn't suffer at the end, which came quite quickly, and that she can now be with my sister, her family and Jesus - in peace - which is what she spoke of.
I would tell her that it was okay - she didn't have to keep fighting and being scared - that she could go to Heaven and see Jesus and the family any time she wanted, and that she, and they, would all be young again, that she would be singing once more and surrounded by those who loved her, and that her Father - who she never knew - would welcome her with open arms - along with Jesus. She felt reassured with this and while her body outlived her mind - I know she would not have wanted to live like this. Some people need permission to 'let go' and find peace, and my Mother hung on in there and died 21st September 2011 aged 89. She wasn't ill - she wasn't suffering anything more than being bed ridden and with dementia - her body was strong and she just seemed to 'give up' and slipped into unconsciousness and died within an hour, peacefully, and for that I thank God and the Universe.
So my Mother has now become a memory and one I shall treasure always. I shall tell stories, laugh and get angry, and always with love and affection, for while my Mother exasperated us dearly, she was a character - and strong willed individual and she died how she lived, in her own time and in her own way. I can hardly believe I will not see her next week or next month, when I visit and I comb her hair and paint her nails and we talk around in circles and --- but like so many people, life goes on and we will have her cremated and sprinkle her ashes over Evening Hill - a delightful park with a stunning view over Poole and the harbour and at sunset it is simply delightful, and I often visit with friends to enjoy a fish and chip supper from a local takeaway, and I shall remember her and be thankful that she was my Mother, who I loved dearly.