Thursday December 18 , 2014

John's Blog

A short description about your blog


Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 









I often see these awards and think - well - who voted that the best pub / club / gay venue - as no one asked me and who voted it the best ???   ... and consider it all a load of bollocks to get you to spend more money in their bar.  Trip Advisor;-  while I say they are tossers and a waste of time - this certificate of excellence is an award because of the amount of positive feedback we have received from those who have stayed here and THAT is wonderful and I am proud and thrilled about that.  Compared to many other venues, we could easily be a 3 or 4 star B&B but I do not buy into the tourist board schemes which - again - are just money spinners for the council - and I do not waste my money with something that has such little meaning. 

66% of visitors attend alone.
22% attend  with a partner / friend
6% come on business






Every single event that takes place at Hamilton Hall comes from myself - every idea, every notion and just about everything;-  and as much as I ask you all what you want - the response is zero.  It is the same for any gay venue, yahoo group and charity - when it comes down to it,  99% of people are somewhat apathetic and seem to expect someone else to do it all for them. Joining in and taking part seems impossible for some people and it is as if their GET UP AND GO HAS GOT UP AND GONE and it is left to the very few to organise, plan and facilitate and then feel very dispondant when input from others is so dreadfully low.  Many great events and workshops etc. are cancelled because of lack of input and unless someone else organises every little detail,  most seem content to do nothing.  Your help below is requested.  You can sut and paste onto an e mail and address to

What is your age ?

Have you stayed as a B&B guest at Hamilton Hall ?

Have you attended a workshop at Hamilton Hall

If YES - What was the worksho

When was this - which year ?

Have you attended theme weekends elsewhere ?

What was this theme weekend ?

Who hosted it ?

Where was this ?

Do you have any sensible and constructive ideas for theme weekends at Hamilton Hall ?

Could you help host the event ?

Could you suggest where to advertise the event ?

Any further advise you can offer ....


As a MEN ONLY HOTEL - one of only a few left in the UK today that is strictly men only
and the only residential venue in the UK hosting more events and theme weekends than anywhere else -




One suggestion I would make is to open up for cash one night visits - it sometimes makes it much easier.  Ry xx

How about a Tight Jeans weekend. Regards Malcolm..

John: Would love to spend a whole weekend in nappies and diapers.  Any plans for a weekend for us kids into our babyhood.  Robert.




Usually are far too sweet for most people so - put in half the amount of mincemeat and add a piece of tinned pear and top off with a large sponfull of Chestnut ( you can get it in tins ) and add the top of pastry and bake as usual. They are quite yummy and if you sprinkle with icing sugar before you serve, they look real pretty.



Jeremy Thorpe has died aged 85.  I remember being at a party decades ago where he was dresed as the maid and was hit from one side of the party to the other by guests who knew he wanted this and he was forced to serve the drinks,  cleam the ashtrays, get the coats and generally be a slave in drag.  All very odd.  A great man gone to waste.


Dear John,

How wonderful to read about the comings and goings at HH and of course your more personal news. It has been three years since my last visit to your amazing establishment. I am continuously promising myself that another visit is long overdue and that I need to make the time to come down to Bournemouth. My work commitments have once again been so very restrictive this past year and at long last I have been able to take a lengthy break back home in Durban. But I do promise to find a weekend to be at HH, and perhaps one of your interesting workshops, once I return to London during January. Your guests comments about HH are spot on, there is no other place quite like HH and it would be tragic if you were forced to close down. Don't ever let that happen!
I will use this opportunity to wish you a very happy Christmas and a prosperous New Year!
Warmest regards and big hugs,
John xxx

Dear John
  Ive never replied before....but I do love your blog, your energy and your continued positive spirit.  Being a hotelier myself....I know exactly how you feel Having to put up with miserable, ungrateful, cheap guests who arrive in posh cars...and expect the Ritz. They carry designer luggage yet don't want to pay even basic prices, but expect an early check in and a late check out...all for £25 a night. It is a very hard business.  And the only people who ever write on trip advisor are the haters, and rarely do the lovely customers write anything.
I have also been advertising a TRANNY Night once a week at my hotel...with varying levels of success...they all want it for cheap...and then the tranny shaggers ring, and turn up. They don't want a to buy a drink at the bar, or need a room, but expect a tranny suck them off - ha ha ha ha. I could write a book on this crowd of people.
  Anyhow - I wanted to wish you continued success...and every happiness in the future, and hope to get down to meet you sometime soon.
  Best wishes.  Philip

Hi John:  Read your latest blog you sent out and as usual,  it always makes me smile.  How lovely that you are freely going to invite other gay hotelier and sauna owners down for a free weekend in the new year.  A time when many will need a break,  but John, what about you ?  You need a break as well and while this is a kind gesture which I bet not one other gay venue has ever considered offering,  with your gout and ' old age approaching' ( lol ) we want you there for a lot longer.  Too many of us rely on Ham Hall and desire you to continue for ever and ever as where would we be without you.  I think I have been around 12 times in the last 2 years alone.  Take some time and relax and chill out yourself.  No use killing yourself for all those ungrateful gay men who just take take take and only think of themselves all the time - ( oh how the gay scene is such a vile place )  and Ham Hall ius like a little bit of paradise for so many like me.  Long may you reign.  XX Barry


These e mails above are just a few of the many I received in response to my recent Blog Post Out.  Since sending out my blog which mentioned my Gout I have received so many wonderful e mails from people advising various therapies etc, and BIG THANKYOU to you all for your thoughts.  I have some things to work with now as the good old doctor seems useless and I now have some choices.  Thanks everyone.




Not at all surprised Aldi and Lidl are taking over from the larger and older  supermarket chains like Tesco, Sainsbury's and Asda.  Tesco is one of my regular haunts but this last 18 months or so I have bought less in Tesco and so much more In Lidl and Aldi - not because it is cheaper as sometimes it is the same, but because I don't want one store to have all my money. 

Last year I told my guests we had locally sourced Venison on the menu at Christmas, and it was absolutely delicious - and the ' locally sourced'  was from my local Aldi - Now - they got it from New Zealand and the bullshit on posh venues that claim to have sourced their products locally is rather daft because OF COURSE THEY BUY LOCALLY, WHY WOULD ONE DRIVE HUNDREDS OF MILES TO BUY A CABBAGE when your local market like Tesco is local ?  I tease my guests and have a laugh with it as it is like the gay hotels that claim to be 'GAY OWNED AND RUN' when they are not gay venues at all, but mixed and so gay / straight friendly and everyone is welcome;- so just another hotel then like tens of thousands of others - absolutely no different -  This, therefore, is NOT gay owned and run but merely gay owned, and why would anyone need to know the sexuality of the owners in a mixed venue ?  It is just another con. If you take the time and legal expense to find a way in which you can run your venue as a gay / men only venue, and if you bother to spend the time and the money with your lawyers and study what the law says - then you may be able to advertise as we do - as a MEN ONLY VENUE - and all legal, but please do not bullshit us with words that confuse and mislead... GAY OWNED AND RUN - is bollocks.   You are not better than Tesco.


1)  Too many tills not open and queues getting longer and you expect us to use the self service tills or even use hand held scanners and not even offer an incentive or discount to do so.  If I am buying a trolly full of stuff and will be spending over £150 several times a week, and you expect me to now unload and scan and re load and pack all myself, then I expect a 10 or 15% discount as you are saving staff and yet not offering your customers anything for their bother.  DO NOT give me the rubbish about quicker service when my local Tesco has around 30 tills and there are NEVER more than 6 or 7 open at any one time,  SO OPEN THE DAMNED TILLS AND GIVE THE SERVICE WE PAY FOR.

2)  Stop moving stock around the shop all the time and listen to how so many people moan about this aspect of shopping and how it wastes customers time searching for an item which seems to dance around the various aisles and shelves all the time and this REALLY PISSES PEOPLE OFF.  I listen to the OAP's as well as younger customers and yet you seem oblivious to the constant moan about this.

3) Too many items seem to dissappear from the shelves for a month or so, and then magically re appear in different packaging and with a 15 - 30% price increase while being EXACTLY the same product as before, and this is just a complete RIP OFF and where Tesco assumes we have not noticed...  I listen to little old ladies in their 70's and 80's complaining amongst themselves about how prices are hidden and so forth - so how come Tesco's does not hear all the complaints.
Tesco's own Diarrhoea tablets - 80p for 6 - vanished from the shelves and returned a few weeks later at £1.30 - and after I complained  - within a few weeks were reduced to £1 - and are easily found in numerous discount drug stores and even Poundstretcher for between 80p and £1 and I refuse to now buy these in Tesco and will go anywhere else - but NOT tesco, after the con, the lie, the bullshit played with this one item in trying to mislead and steal from us.  Claiming to be helping the poor during this credit crunch is really patronising clap trap from a store who just wants our money and to offer a declining service with less and less staff and all while your staff are grossly unhappy ( try talking to some of them some time and hear how unhappy they are at the way they are treated with contempt by managers )  and maybe management might learn somethings.  If only they were not so arrogant.

4)  Too many mis priced items or items simply not priced at all, and when you bring this to their attention they always blame the customer for moving things and this is to cover their own incompenance

5)   My 83 year old Mother some years ago was ripped off by Tesco claiming a burger was just £1 when the freezer full - right under the sign - was lamb and mint burgers at £1.99 and for a woman on a pension, this was quite a difference and really embarrassed her at the till.  The correct £1 burgers were 30 feet away from the sign - so why not put the sign over the correct burgers instead of misleading people.  I complained as an old lady had been misled and I found this disgraceful and while complaining, 3 women in their 30's were also confused and misled and complained - and the manager actually did get a ladder and move the sign. 

We - the public - by and large - are not stupid and are voting with our feet and with our money and Tesco - YOU ARE ON TRIAL FOR THEFT, FRAUD, DELIBERATE MISINFORMATION & MISLEADING THE CUSTOMERS -  CAUSING CONFUSION AND BLATANT LIES. 
I am sure Asda, Sainsbury's and Morrisons are just as bad, I just rarely visit these stores and hear they are all the same and all do the same crappy things to confuse and mislead the customers and I just LOVE IT when they try and talk their way out of the bullshit with more bullshit and I can only assume the staff members I speak to at times - ie: Managers - believe this crap and they obviously do not listen to the staff on the floor who have to put up with ragging customers fed up with being misled,   and these managers obviously believe what they are told by head office - which is bollocks compared to what is happening on the shop floor and with the realities faced by shoppers.

Some need to come down from their ivory towers and move amongst the ordinary people some times and see what real life is like and how we common folk, do pay attention and do have the opportunity to go elsewhere and I am so pleased so many have taken that choice and it is reward that 2 local Aldi's have recently doubled their size and one local Lidl is doing the same.  My massive Tesco is undergoing  a massive refit and it will be a more designer store, which is wonderful, but unless they get some simple and basic concerns dealt with, I shall MOST CERTAINLY be buying more and more in Aldi and Lidl and less and less in Tesco, which for a hotel is a considerable amount and Tesco is feeling the pinch yet seems blind to the reasons.

ie:  Cartons of porridge - individual cartons. On average in Tesco - between 90p - £1.20p




I have been so stressed all summer struggling with a computer that although is only  a year old, has always given me major headaches by crashing all the time, deleting stuff I have written and generally messing up and making work for me so long winded and frustrating, I despair.  Time for a new one - and time for someone who is expert and good to assist and take control if and when something goes wrong and who can put it right and not on a temporary basis,  as I already have more work than I can handle and when I waste hours every day trying to run my business with a screwed computer,  it really stresses me out.  So if you are local and wish to help - paid naturally - please get in touch. 01202-399227


Christmas and New Year at Hamilton Hall have just a few vacancies open. BOOK NOW.



This is the new poster to be found

at the front door when you walk up.

It is viewed by all those walking by and everyone can see that we are PEOPLE MOTIVATED - NOT PROFIT DRIVEN - and I get a great many comments from locals about how we offer so much for free.





Spirituality and Men (SAM)
is a self-development group run by men for men, aiming to explore the spirit of man through informative dialogue, honest interaction and the silence of meditation.

This group meets on the first Sunday of every month at Global Co-operation House.


For further information, please contact the SAM team:



Thought you might like to see these e mails to and from Hammy Hall.  

It did make me laugh.


To Hamilton Hall :-    ' If I come to see any of your clients in the hotel do I have to pay anything?'

My Answer: :- 'I have no idea what you are talking about … . in plain English please.'

His answer :- 'In plain English: Can I come to your Hotel and have sex with your clients (I expect your clients to pay me) You can not expect me to pay for anything as I am short of money.'

My answer :-  'In plain English - FUCK OFF'





I watched a cringey youtube video about 'X MEN AND THE GAY AGENDA' through the films ' X MEN' (  CLICK HERE AND WATCH IT NOW ) and how the director had sex with young boys and raped them as part of the gay agenda to turn young boys gay, and I have never ever heard anything so absurd. WHAT THE FUCK IS A GAY AGENDA ?  I have been an out gay man for alomst 50 years. I have run various gay organisations, gay business' and even worked for 20 years in the sex industry - involved with thousands of people over the years and not once, never ever - have I ever heard of a hidden gay agenda and it seems it must come from the straights who are convinced we are about to brainwash all young boys and take over the world - or something.

I must point out here that paedophilia is predominately straight - about 90% straight - and not gay at all,  yet the straights do like to scream and holla about gay men screwing young boys and in all my years I have only ever met one man who had been convicted for having a wank with a teenage boy and he as a little odd - as in he was not the sharpest pencil in the box - or to the point, he had special needs mentally himself. 

What is this gay agenda that the straight world seems to transfixed with that we gay people know absolutely nothing about - and when you say this - all they can say is that we are lying, living in denial,  hiding the truth from the people,   when the truth is - there is no gay agenda any more than there is an agenda by gay men to take over the world and turn all men gay - or for gay men to fly to the moon and make it a gay macca or any other ludicrous ideology created out of warped minds bent on some kind of fear based rhetoric that has - in many ways - been used for centuries to damn and destroy people they fear - and why do they fear gay man - 

It REALLY is about time these scared little boys grew up and turned their attention to the mass murder and mayhem their own governments are  doing in Iraq and Afghanistan and how even America is now getting into bed with their own worst enemy, the one country they claim is the creation of all evils and all terrorism ( no - not America itself although you wouldn't be far wrong ) but Iran.  Let's concentrate on truth here and not the fear based crap that so many like to throw about that is precisely that - CRAP.

Now:  If you know something about a gay agenda that I have been missing for the last 50 years - other than we demand equality and acceptance just like black, asian, aboriginal and Essex people have been demanding for decades ( just joking about those from Essex... )  then PLEASE enlighten me , but be honest, be truthful and above all, be adult and  do not approach your thoughts through your dick or through fear but through rational adult and educated input of honesty.  Anything else is just dangerous and unenlightened.




Now that the summer is over we are allowed with the dog on the beach again and she just loves it... hates the water --- but loves the sand and running around.
Any day you fancy a glorious walk with me and my dog, usually around 1pm,  just pop on by and you are very welcome to join us and we can chat and share a laugh while we take in some beautiful scenery somewhere, not necissarily the ebach, as Bournemouth has tons of stunning places to walk a dog.








A generation ago, schoolchildren caught fighting in the corridors, sassing a teacher or skipping class might have ended up in detention. Today, there’s a good chance they will end up in police custody.

In Texas, a student got a misdemeanor ticket for wearing too much perfume. In Wisconsin, a teen was charged with theft after sharing the chicken nuggets from a classmate’s meal—the classmate was on lunch assistance and sharing it meant the teen had violated the law, authorities said. In Florida, a student conducted a science experiment before the authorization of her teacher; when it went awry she received a felony weapons charge.

Over the past 20 years, prompted by changing police tactics and a zero-tolerance attitude toward small crimes, authorities have made more than a quarter of a billion arrests, the Federal Bureau of Investigation estimates.

Nearly one out of every three American adults are on file in the FBI’s master criminal database.




an amazing lyric and video about gay love



The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.


When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.


It was a whole lot easier to get older than it was to get wiser.


This is so sweet, a dog who discovers he doesn't have to swim




Tony Bray died just before Christmas, and I shall miss him.  He was a good and dear friend who visited and loved Hamilton Hall and would sit in the Conservatory meeting and greeting people as they came and went and everyone loved his peaceful and charming manner.  He was 79 years of age and a real sweetheart.    He will be missed, dearly missed.








Take a look HERE






Every penny raised goes to help the many people we help with food, company, a week or  weekend away, counseling, and even sometimes helping with clothes. In one case we bought a homeless student a bike to get to college on,  and in another , a guitar and lessons to play for a local lad whose life was aimless and he was stoned on drugs all day and all night and we are today, guiding him into making  a life for himself - get his act together - and have some order in his empty life.  We do what we do for absolutely no reason other than 

This web site makes some useful suggestions to HOW TO COPE WITH HOMOPHOBIC FAMILIES










Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 







I have put various signs on our front fence for the passing public to read,  offering help to any elderly person during the winter months if the weather is too bad and the streets too slippery for an elderly person to get to the shops, and we will shop for some basics for them.  They will pay for what we buy but our service is free and from the heart and it does state,  that we can also help with some of our own stock from Hamilton Hall as I always keep plenty of tinned soups,  beans,   porridge,  long life milk,  bread and other basics in house and willingly share with an elderly person if they are house bound and the social services cannot get around because of the weather.

It may be 45 minutes out of my day - and it may be a cuppa and a chat with someone who is desperately lonely and who has not seen anyone for days, and just think how your heart will feel when they beam a smile at you in gratitude.




This was the initial e mail from a customer through this web site:

'Hi have you any more spaces for two fabulous people this Christmas? If not then how about dates in January 2015 that would be suffice. Also can you send me some information on your hotel as I do not have time to trawl through your labyrinth maze of a website. Also this is going to be surprise for my truly remarkable young man I would like a nice bottle Krug Rosé Brut NV Champagne and arrange some flowers, chocolates on arrival etc. Look forward to your response with price and more information on your gay hotel. Also is payment discrete as I have to be careful and prudent in one's actions as one is married. Your hotel and staff need to be wise and discrete in handling practical matters; exercising good judgment or common sense thank you,  BT'

This e mail shocked me when the author turned into a vile malicious asshole - and I knew it was fake as the champagne is £255 a bottle in Waitrose and they expect a small hotel like ours to have this in stock ? It beggars belief., More to the point, this is one of the oldest cons in the business. It is fake. It is a way of stealing money from me and as I was not born yesterday,  I basically told this person to fuck off.

In 15 years I have never been asked for Champagne for the room and besides the fact that we are not licensed, WTF did he expect.  He continued with quite offensive e mails because I had caught him out as the lying con man he is - and in an average year I get around 150 blatant cons - tricks to steal money from me, through e mails like this, and this Champagne is a common one I have had several times before.  
It works like this:

I receive an e mail asking if they could collect 20 bottles of this stuff from me if they can pay in advance with a credit card.  They then collect the booze and vanish and the credit card bill comes back later as stolen and I am out of pocket.

Then there is the 12 Priests who want to stay and fully pay in advance with a £4,000 extra to charge so I can send them the £4000 to cover translaters etc. and when that one turns out to be fake, I am again, out of pocket. 

Magazines that do not exist offering me an editorial on the venue if I just spend £500 on an advert and the free editorial will be a whole page...
Web sites that ask for hundreds of £ a year and you never - ever - hear from them again. The web site may be up and running but for what you have paid ,  it is a complete waste of time and does nothing for your business. ( usually gay sites ) 

I get asked if I would like to adverise on tons of gay holiday web sites full of gay friendly hotels - and it is grossly too expensive for gay venues to advertise on -  so what is the point ?   It is not,-  therefore,-  a gay site but an excuse to advertise all the corporate hotels and none of the gay venues,  and is nothing more than a con.

Tons of people claiming to be from a Tourist Office hoping to use us as a venue and what is the special offer we are prepared to offer them, what discount of commission;- and my answer is absolutely nothing;- they pay the full fee and no bonus or comission is paid by the venue ( me ) as I know exactly what they are trying to do... con me. 

I suppose some people are foolish enough and some gullible souls have found themselves in deep doodoo because of a weak moment on e mail and which they really did not mean,  but end up in the clink.    One loacl women thought a black guy offering her love all the way from Nigeria was genuine and she was so pleased in her late 60's to find love, that she parted with £68,000 to pay for immigration and lawyers so he could come and live with her here, and it beggars belief that this woman could be so lonely;-  and now she is lonely and her life savings have been stolen from her.  Really tragic. 

I could go on
as it is endless the way people try and con venues out of their money  and this guy above with his champagne was no different.   A con. A liart. A thief.   And then he actually has the timerity to leave a negative response on Trip Advisor and as usual, these anonymous reviews are never monitored correctly by TA and anyone can leave a negative response and we have absolutely no idea who these people are and their anonymity allows them the protection we are not offered as an advertised business.   I think TA should always ask for more ID before allowing a review to go public,  and I do not care how busy, how huge, how difficult this would be for them,  as they have the future of many businesses in their hands and they need to take more responsibility for their actions.



'I found the owner self obsessed, annoying, crude and offensive. I was shocked when he exsposed his genetals at breakfast and pulled down my partners pjs as he brought coffe up to our room. The room was comfortable and clean, genrally the hotel was comfortable other than the breakfast area had a funny smell, not sure what that was. It was exspencive and we had to pay extra for a cooked breakfast, there was no activity going on and given the advertisement we felt cheated. Apparently what was included was continental breakfast which apparently all purchased from Liddles. Sorry fella but we won't be visiting again.

This review came from a  couple of guys in Southampton who came during a quiet spell here and spent an age talking to me about their new breakfast cafe they are about to open in Southsmpton and all seemed fine to me. We got on well, shared a laugh and although I thought them a litle boring and uninteresting,  we chatted for ages over breakfast and they were in no hurry to leave the table  after they finnished and we talked for ages.  Then I find this on Trip Advisor and it wakes me up to the fact that some people are just so two faced, so cowardly they are too scared to talk to me about this face to face and how all they wanted was advise on running a cafe and then turned into people I wished I had never been so nice to... but then... that is my nature.

To attend an event at Hamilton Hall YOU BOOK AND PAY FOR IT and it seems they were expecting an event for no cost - as in for FREE - and that 'aint about to happen.  They came for a weekend at £160 for a double room for 2 people for 2 nights - AND THEY EXPECT AN EVENT IN THERE AS WELL... @ £40 a night each...

Quite ludicrous.

Lidl's is also not spelled that way and so what - bread from Lidl is no different to bread from Tesco so what a stupid comment.  The funny smell in the dining room was probably fresh ground coffee. In 15 years I have only offered a cooked breakfast for the last 5 years  and before that - only continental was available.  In any Best Western or Holiday Inn breakfast is an extra charge at around £10 - £15 for a standard English Breakfast - and all off a hot plate as well and not cooked fresh;-  so WTF do these queens want for their £40 a night ? 
I may be like Marmite, but to be honest,  how many of us can look in the mirror and state that everyone likes us - EVERYONE, and if you do not like me after I have donated hours of my time helping you, then you are just an asshole, a user, a vile person I would rather not have wasted my time with - and the only reason they came was to suck information out of me and then leave this kind of review on TA.  I am absolutely disgusted at how some people behave and appalled at how some suck the life out of others and then find fault with them afer all the help and guidance offered.  Absolutely disgusting couple.

There really are some nasty people about.  So - maybe I will drive up and experience their greasy spoon cafe in Southsmpton one day soon.   I can visit Ikea at the same time as I often buy my candles from there -  Want to join me for a laugh...?



When injustice becomes law,   defiance becomes duty.


Dear John: 

I was bullied and threatened by the police this week in Hammersmith,  London,  because I was filming some of the building work in Hammersmith - as I am an architect  and this is part of what I do - and when they saw I was filming they first told me to stop filming, which I refused to do;  then they insisted I show them my ID;-  which I pointed out I do not legally need to carry so could not and would not supply them with ;-  and when they asked my name and address and once again got refused as I was not committing a crime or any such thing ( I am 62 years of age and hardly a typical criminal ) they threatened me with all sorts of legal mumbo jumbo about arresting me - that I knew to be false.  The police were making up the law as they went along to scare me, but it had no affect as they were both lying through their teeth.  The police were making it up as they went along.  As much as I stated they were incorrect - they kept insisting they knew the law and so I told them point blank that they did not and that they would look very foolish if they were to ask a legal expert.  One of them kept trying to grab for my phone and by now about a dozen people had gathered around and HOORAH - many were filming what was going on.  I told the one who kept grabbing for my phone that if he even so much as touched me, I would report him for assault and that as I had plenty of witnesses - many of whom were shouting at the police by this point,  he stopped.

I am  into amateur dramatics and I have a voice that can carry a long way - and as I kept speaking lounder and louder and more and more people gathered to see what was going on,  there was eventually around 30 people standing around watching as the police kept telling me to keep my voice down as well as stop filming - and so the more people stopped.

I pointed out that in a public space - and not on private property like a shopping mall or an airport terminal, I had every right to film anything I wanted - even the police regardless of what they are doing and that they had absolutely no legal right to intimidate and bully me or anyone else into not filming.  The police were wrong - as usual - and incompetent - as is often the case - and just attempted to bully a member of the public - which caused quite a stir with all those who were standing watching.  I spoke up and told everyone what was going on  and many others got involved agreeing with me that it was not illegal and some even told the police they were comical in their uniforms and being so ignorant about the laws they are suppose to uphold.

Eventually  one of the police men got on his radio and asked headquarters ( I assume ) about the law and within a few minutes the two of them just turned and walked away and I shouted after them that they owed me an apology - and I shouted this many times as they walked away and around 35 people booed and clapped and cheered loudly - 'APOLOGISE - APOLOGISE - APOLOGISE' - as the embarrassed police withdrew with their tails between their legs like school yard bullies when a bullied kids Mother has caught them bullying and sent them packing with a flea in their ear. 

It was comical and rewarding at the same time.  I thanked the people for their support and many of us chatted for a while and it seems it had happened at a most fortuitous time as many were from some students union and were journalists on the student paper and knew this was common practice with the police and were delighted to see I stood up for myself and so joined in with the booing of the police and support of the person being bullied.  It ended being quite a giggle.

Useless John,  the poice are absolutely useless at catching real criminals and solving real crime that affects us every day people and all the while the bankers get away with legal theft of hundreds of billions and we get bullied by these  little pricks who  like to intimidate and bully innocent people
and then lie to make their case stronger.

I thought your readers might find it interesting.  Robert M.  ( Hammersmith )


Thank you Robert and I have been following this for some time and here is a youtube link that shows you exactly this same thing.



I am reminded of the recent case of the BBC filming the police driving up the motorway to raid Cliff Richards home when he was not even in the country and ket me just remind you ,  Cliff Richards was not wanted for questioning or anything at all;- no warrant for his arrest or anything - it was just sensational news and a disgraceful case of the police using the media to attempt to destroy a rich and famous man;- as we have seen so much of lately.

It use to be better when we had policeman on the beat - and we got to know our local Bobby,  but since the advent of CCTV and the anonymity of hidden police in an office somewhere watching through cameras,  we are all now assumed to be GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT and where the police are unable to solve even half the crimes reported and next year hope to get it up from 25 - 35% solved and I find this DISGUSTING - especially considering the bully boy attitude that would not be tollerated by anyone else.

It is fast becoming a Police State and although the USA is light years ahead with their murdering police forces,  and where we have a long way to go as most police are relatively pleasant and thoughtful people who do offer a very fine service and to the best of their abilities - sadly there are always too many bad apples that ruin it for others and it seems right from the top - there are rotten apples with an ego problem in a uniform.

John Bellamy

Your input is welcomed.


Wow John.  Your piece on the police. Well done.  I was beaten up by the police some years ago as they thought I was drunk.  When I was 27 I had a stroke which left me with a speech impediment and it does sound as if I am drunk. It also left me with walking difficulties and these policemen were completely aggressive towards me as I walked home late one night and arrested me, held me in a cell overnight, refused to listen to my story of being a non drinker and that I had had a stroke, and just took it upon themselves to bang me up and get me off the street.  The fact that I had just finnished work and was on my way home fell on deaf ears and only after seeing a lawyer and threatening to sue for harrasment and false imprisonment did they eventually send a letter claiming the two officers involved would be re trained and offered apologies.  I was also offered a £25 gift voucher from M&S which I thought a little odd.







Broadway Hotel


You really have to wonder at the stupidity of some people. How often do we read in the news that someone has come up with a crackpot scheme which is a disaster waiting to happen?

In this particular instance I am referring to the Broadway Hotel in Blackpool, which recently decided it would charge customers £100 if they posted a bad review of their stay online. First – and it’s worth pointing this out – there was a precedent that any hotelier worth his salt could have learned from. A similar scheme by a hotel in the US made major mainstream news earlier this year and resulted in the owner having to issue an apology and claim that it was a joke, but not before a lot of reputational damage had already been done. The news travelled all over the world.

Second, a hotelier whose response to negative feedback is to try to blackmail guests into silence cannot realistically be described as knowing how to run a hospitality business. If you have put on such a poor show that a guest thinks your hotel is a “filthy, dirty, rotten, stinking hovel“, then surely the first reaction should be one of alarmed introspection, not an automated card-charging exercise?  OIf you check out the Broadway Hotel in Trip Advisor you will see that every report left is damning and dreadful with a very rare compliment amnongst a tirade of complaoints from almost every reviewer.  How hotels like this are permitted to remain open is beyond me. It does no one any good.

But in the case of the Broadway Hotel, the owner or the general manager cannot be a stranger to this kind of reaction from their guests – else why does a barely-legal punitive measure such as this exist in their terms and conditions? What hotel with the remotest shred of respectability would conceive of the idea, let alone codify it in the small print?   With so many really dreadful reviews on Trip Advisor I would suggest this venue earns its income from the fines it places on guests who leave negative responses as at £100 a throw,  and if you check out Trip Advisor alone and see how many bad reports there are - the income raised must be considerable.

I hope to goodness the couple involved have the gumption to take this matter considerably further than a phone call to the local Trading Standards authority (who, incidentally, have now told the hotel in question that it is not allowedquelle surprise). Were I in their shoes, I would be exploring whether the clause was not only unfair, but constituted a form of theft, and I would be taking to every reviews website I could find to explain not only how appalling my hotel stay was, but to tell the world that this odious little policy is written into the rulebook.

Ultimately, the problem I see in this hotel’s behaviour is that that it is the diametric opposite to ‘good faith’, a social more which governs and enables good business. One hopes the authorities see fit to force the Broadway Hotel to refund every customer to which it has meted out this measure.  After all the appalling attention this has now raised for the bRoadway it is hoped the local Tourist Board, Council and whoever gives the venue its license, will think twice and will force this venue to close down - or certainly fire the management who came up with this dreadful scheme and give the venue a make over and either bring it up to basic standards or close it down - period.

This kind of story does no one in the hotel industry and favours.







I am reminded of how Transport For London tried breaking the law - bullying and intimidation to screw me of £175 for something they lied and cheated in stating was illegal when it was not, and after an 8 month written and phone called argument between us,  I WON and they REFUSED to apologise or pay compensation. Today - I would sue them.  They were claiming  money on false charges - breaking the law - claiming the law was on their sides when it was lies lies LIES - and as the mighty power of TFL is enough to make most people pay up - and not fight - they usually win - so they are no better than CRIMINALS BREAKING THE LAWE AND LEGALLY GETTING AWAY WITH IT . They are no better than scum.


Pope Francis Demotes Highest-Ranking

US Cardinal Over LGBT Issues


It's been in the news. Now it has been confirmed. As of this past weekend, Raymond Leo Burke, America's highest-ranking cardinal at the Vatican, was officially removed from the Vatican's Supreme Court, and demoted to chaplain of the Knights of Malta, where he will reign with much less responsibility. The ultra-Conservative and anti-gay cardinal, continuously challenges the jurisdiction of Pope Francis, and the Catholic Church's new receptive stance on homosexuality.

How ironic it is to find the demoted cardinal is from the United States. What does that say about America - that even the Catholic Church and a pope are ahead of so many anti-LGBT lawmakers and extremists in this country.

Weeks after taking office in 2013, Pope Francis asked, 'Who am I to judge?' speaking of the LGBT community. Since then, he has had great support for his progressive views, and of course, great opposition. Raymond Burke is one of the pope's strongest opponents. The 66 year-old Burke believes homosexuality is, 'always and everywhere wrong [and] evil,' and continuously questioned the authority of Pope Francis, now 77. Burke told Buzzfeed in October:




Thanks to Chris who told me this one - and it really works:


  1. Get a metal pot stand.  Put 3 or 4 Tea Lights - lit - in the middle together and have each one a couple of inches from the other
  2. On the top on them lower a terracotta garden pot with its bottom upwards and where the candles heat burns up the inside of the pots and not straight out of the whole at the top. 
  3. The heat of the candles will heat up the pot so you cannot even touch it and the heat from just 3 or 4 small Tea Lights will warm the whole room. 

Be careful with candles and never leave to burn without supervision or where children, the elderly or pets can knock them over;-  and not in a draughty location. 

If using Tea Lights NOT on some kind of metal or glass stand, then ALWAYS put them on a solid surface - NOT PLASTIC - as Tea Lights will melt down through the plastic and set fires.  They become extremly hot - hotter than a lot of people realize. 

Always put them in a safe countainer when alight and always take care with naked flames in the home.

I have been using one for the last couple of weeks and I have noticed I can turn down the heating in my own private lounge as it actually has been getting too hot and is a wonderful way of heating the place without paying a fortune to the gas and electric companies that are so screwing us all. 


click above to read all about this dangerous legislation



Nothing to do with Eurovision - but this song HAPPY is well worth watching
and tapping your feet to. You will recognise it. Click on the picture of Pharrell Williams below

If you put HAPPY into youtube it will come up with scores of people from all over the world with their own videos of this song and their own dancing to it,  and there are tons to choose from and many really well done. It seems millions have accepted and love this song and it seems to be the song of 2014 already.



Eighty-eight thousand deaths a year?
One in 10 people in America die from alcohol abuse each year.




US Secretary of State, John Kerry representing a country which makes Genghis Khan look like a wimp when it comes to illegal invasions, still retains the prize for jaw dropper of the decade:

"You just don't, in the 21st century, behave in 19th century fashion by invading another country on completely trumped up pretext", he pontificated on CBS' "Face the Nation." 

It really is enough to take your breath away,- the gall of this idiot.  Does he assume we are all idiots ?





How to Live with No Regrets

Living a life free of regrets involves letting go. It involves letting go of the would-have, should-have, could-have mentality. Dwelling on how you could have lived differently is detrimental to your spirit. Sometimes we do the best we can with the knowledge we have at the time. Frequently the wrong choices bring us to the right places. Make the choice now to forgive yourself, as the world needs the best of you. You cannot give your best when you dwell on past hurts or perceived mistakes…




The following BOURNEBATERS poll is now closed. Here are the
final results:



- YES, 19 votes, 41.30%
- NO, 14 votes, 30.43%
- INDIFFERENCE TO SEX, 1 votes, 2.17%

For more information about this group, please visit




'We have all been in abusive relationships, and sometimes we were the one being abused.'

Marianne Williams
















So - remind me once again, what is it that these guys above are guilty of - oh I remember -

sharing the truth of what our governments are up to that they want kept hidden for fear

the people will rise up in absolute horror at what they have been up to and kick them

out of power and make a lot of changes - perhaps.  

So, it seems the government has more to hide from the people than they care to let on.  

I wonder why ?



Had a couple of guests stay recently who worked as geologist with a ' BIG PETROLEUM' company ( hint ) and when I asked them about Fracking they both said much the same thing,   that it was not environmentally a good idea as the concept of high pressure water and chemicals being pumped underground was unknown and the damage these chemicals were / would / could do to the water table, the environment was dangerous and unknown and could cause earth quakes and it could be very dangerous to human and animal health.   There simply was no evidence to claim it is safe whereas the common sense about the dangers is clear.

This coming from professionals who work in the field  , travelling the world working in the oil and gas industry for over 50 years between them.

Interesting that two very seperate geologists both said much the same thing.







Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 






I am sure it happens to us all.

We ask a dear friend - or X lover - relative or even work mate - to attend an important date with us in the future and they accept and we are thrilled.  Then later on they say they cannot make it and regardless of how in advance they have informed us of their change of heart  it does disappoint - you may even feel let down and even taken for granted or in my case recently - disheartened that my X lover from the USA who has a great wealth to play with, has never been here - and after accepting my invitation some time ago to attend my 15th anniversary ( March 30th 2015 ) weekend here at Hamilton Hall with other friends and people who have been here for me through these  years - he now e mails to say that because he is use to living in the desert and the warm weather,  and how his skin has become thin due to acclimatizing to the heat and how he feels he cannot go anywhere that is colder than 50' - he will now not even think of coming to the UK unless in the summer months, and once again - as he has done so many many times before,  he has let me down, disappointed me,  and I had really thought he might this time keep to his word and be true to what was agreed and that he would actually put himself out for me for a change and do this - come to the anniversary,  and be a part of something where he was not Number One - not centre stage - not all about him and was all about something other than himself and where he could show me how proud he was of what I have achieved - for although I have absolutely no idea why,  I do care what he thinks...

But why ???

He obviously doesn't give a damn what I do - not one bit,  otherwise he would come. He would show some interest, some joy at what I do and share more of himself with me, and when I put my head on the block - once again - and sit with my head ready for the axe to fall,  why am I always so surprised when it comes slamming down and instead of chopping off my head,  it breaks my heart a little bit more each and every time  he does this to me. 

But why ?

We were only together for around 3½ years and we have been apart for almost 30.  Why do I still care what he thinks and how he reacts:-  and why do we allow these people to put us through such grief over and over again and why do we feel hurt - all over again - at the way in which they treat us when we know all along what the outcome will be - so why be so surprised when the shit hits the fan and once again,  your heart swells in your chest,  you feel your mood plunge and your eyes fill and - you feel so let down and alone ?

I get more from strangers. More from clients I knew when I was a sex worker.  More from customers here at Hamilton Hall and more from complete strangers who e mail from the other side of the world who have seen and read this web site and just want to share some pleasant thoughts and words with me,  and yet why do I  allow someone who was close  decades ago - to get to me ? 

The answer is because I deeply care;-   while it is clearly obvious he simply doesn't, and it has always saddened me to realise he doesn't really care about anyone or anything but himself and to hell with what I feel or think - the Limey - and I doubt it even enters his mind - I doubt he will even consider what I might think of his change of mind, and I doubt he will give a damn - although I do know he will be annoyed and angry if and when he knows how much he has upset me this time - again - and will take no responsibility expect to not write for months and months in the hope that I will forget all about it when the truth is I want to cry at his - once again - thoughtless self self self  attitude when it comes to me and I really do not understand why I care when all he really is - is an asshole. 

So fuck him. I shall organise and plan a superb weekend and shall have the people around me  who were / are suppose to be around me at this special time - this anniversary - and to hell with him. I shall look forward and never - ever - assume anything of him ever again, no hopes, no desires, no plans, no invitations and no trust at all that what he says will   actually be seen through to the very end - at least - not when it comes to me:-  and maybe I need to take responsibility for wanting - hoping - desiring more from him than he is actually able - willing to give of himself.

Maybe I was always expecting too much
from him - more than he was able to give.

I shall always - however -  be there for him if he ever has a need, as I am always there for those who I care about;-  but as far as anything else is involved, I simply do not believe in him any more;-  and maybe this is my fault,  for being too trusting over the decades when this is not the first time he has let me down;-  not the first time I have been upset at his actions and not the first time I have cried over his rejection of me and my life -  my Hamilton Hall and what I do here. 

He cannot come because his skin is thin and he feels the cold.  I have heard all sorts of lame excuses over the years but this one just about beats the rest hands down and really - is quite pathetic.

You know:  I have a client I first met back in 1987 who has remained a loyal and trusted client - who became a friend ,- and has always been there for me in so many ways over the decades and so loyal, and we have shared a great deal together - sexually, spiritually, emotionally, in business and in personal life,  and this man is worth ten times - a million times - more than my X -  because if and when I am in need of help / advise / care,-   he is there - and while there is a different foundation to our relationship ( he was a client where as the other was my lover )  he is so much more to me - and has been for decades, that some rich bitch from the USA has ever been,   and if nothing else, this disappointment that cut me deeply today with his change of heart  has made me aware of who truly is my friend, my family, my lover, my Angel.  It sure as hell aint my X lover by a very VERY long way - and while this does sadden me dearly as I really do care a great deal about him,  he 'aint worth it.   He simply is not worthy of my affection, my emotional investment or my thoughts - PERIOD.

But that said, I do feel very sad today after reading his e mail. It does drain me emotionally that yet again, exhaustingly so - he hasn't changed at all and is still the same man I split from all those decades ago - he hasn't learned a thing. 

I do, however, know I am worthy of so much better than he offers me. I do know I am like Marmite ( love me or hate me ) and I do know I am a good and decent person who makes mistakes, speaks at the wrong time and gets in my own way all to often  but that I have a heart of gold and mean well and that despite my heartache over my X and his - yet again - refusal -  I am worth so much more than he has to offer - for all his wealth,  and I am not going to allow this to drag me down and for him to win.

I am worth so much more.


John Bellamy
© Hamilton Hall Promotions 14122014




This emotional and thought provoking personal article, written by John Bellamy, shares some of the dangers - the highs and lows, of the sex industry.
If you are involved with the sex industry and you feel you are drowning,  or finding it hard to cope, then come and have a chat with John and see if he can offer some useful and supportive advise.  Many get it all wrong and assume they need to offer almost everything, when you do not. 

You must set yourself guidelines and rules and be strict with them, regardless of how much someone offers.  Respect and self worth are vital and NEVER - EVER - let anyone EVER put you down for what you do.  It is vitally important work, more so than most comprehend.






'a prediction' by John Bellamy

The USA wants civil unrest. Through police brutality, airport security abuse, local governmnent, corporate abuse major financial abuse through the banks & politicians,  the government is driving the innocent people to stand up for change and to take to the streets and to cause civil unrest because of the unwarranted abuse dished out to them from the authorities and this is exactly what the authorities want. They want to then spin this into terrorism and to put the constitution aside and with martial law, take control of the country and marshall all the trouble makers, - the grannies and children, the ordinary innocent men and women, who are just sick of the abuse of government, into Re Education Centres ( 800 FEMA Camps are already open and ready for business ) and this will allow the governments and Corporate / Banking America to plunder and steal - using us to police ourselves as in the Concentration Camps of WW2.  The government will then sanction mass killing and mass domination of the mind, body and soul of the population with re education.  

It has already started.
The FEMA Camps are there and open
Plans have already had 2 rehearsals by th US Government


The government doesn't give a fuck.
It's about control. power and wealth.






Edward Snowden won the Swedish Human Rights Award for his daring and heroic revelations.



Remember who 'YOU' are©

By Christopher Charles

(One of my neighbours here at Hamilton Hall)

"Have you ever though there might be more to life?
Have you ever thought of the trouble and strife?
Have you ever thought you don't need a wife?
in this system that tells YOU what is right.

Have you ever thought that black could be white
Have you ever wanted dark to be light
Have you ever wished that wrong was right
to stop the arguing and end the fight.

Well yes.....guess what..? You're not alone
cos a mate'o'mine just heard on the phone
that an awakening is happening on this planet...your home.
Its such a good reason to have a moan

So put pen to paper and air your views
make a banner and get on the news,
have regular meetings...invite your crews
for this is the know what to do

For this has been predicted through space and time
that the people will end up...not towing the line
and without the state...we'll be just fine
from the 1% and their hidden crimes.

The banks are corrupt
The leaders out of touch
The BBC is weird
and the planets burning up.

So we vote a change...cos we think it matters
we get a different group of mad hatters
or ask for new laws to cover the doors
of the apparent cause,  to all the flaws
The government will not like us
on the streets with loud hailers and banners
we shout "make some new laws for these cheating scammers"
but we don't realise we are voting for laws that will hit us as a row of angry hammers.

'Cos we all want change...but asking's not right
We must spread our wings if we really want flight
and not get caught up in their two party fight
Make up your own mind...don't believe the hype

You cant stop wars by bombing for peace
That's like trying to fuck for virginity at least
and when we ask for laws on hateful speech
we take away the freedom of each

So stop being offended of what people say
Its only because YOU hear it that way
Sticks and stones and come what may
Support freedom of speech everyday

So how do we make a new world for the better
I'll tell ya....I'll go through it letter for letter

Turn off your tellys and put on your wellies
'cos growing your own food is where its at.

Remove the fluoride from your diet
Its only there to keep you quiet

Get to know your neighbours and others around
and you'll soon find ...they're all quite sound.

Recognise the difference between statute and law
and the word means much more.

For the acts are not real...they come from the sea
they were not meant for you and me.
It's all maritime's corporate rules
and I'm sorry to say ...we have all been fooled.
There are very few laws for women and men
no damage...that's them
It's just a game...the game of life
you count yourself in when you use the dice,
and the dice is your name........
I'm watching you frown
For your names property of the Crown

Remember who you are."

© Hamilton Hall Promotions / Christopher Charles  CT13012013


Withholding information from people should be a crime. We believe is sharing knowledge and wisdoms freely, and if anything on this web site has been used without permission, then our apologies. Please inform us and if you wish, it will be removed.  We do not make money from this web site and is part of a NOT FOR PROFIT VENUE of Hamilton Hall.

The poem above was written by Christopher Charles  and you are welcome to re print and re use it and please always give a credit to the author and to this web site.  If we find you are making a profit from it or stealing its content for other financial gain and taking the worthy praise that Christopher Charles  - in my opinion, deserves for this brilliant piece, then we will seek legal action.

John Bellamy





If you loose part of this page - CLICK HERE





and learn all about INDECT

and watch the 6 minute video to the very end





It all sounds so innocent and so ' for your benefit'

but the sad truth
is so very dangerous and different

to what they claim

It states that this could be sold to companies and corporate bodies

who have absolutely no right, as far as I am concerned,

spying on people. That is not for national security -

that is not for the protection of the masses -

that is all about control.








Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 



If you loose part of this page - CLICK HERE



United Nations Calls

for an End to

Industrialized Farming

Maryam Henein, Truthout: We do not need genetically modified plants and monocultures to feed the world. To save the planet, the United Nations is calling for us to get rid of modern agriculture as we know it and adopt organic farms and a localized food system.

Read the Article


Marijuana frequently gets a bad rap. How much of it is deserved? After my earlier blog, “Should Marijuana Be Legalized?” I conducted research to find out the benefits and problems linked with marijuana use. While there are many, here are ten of the health benefits attributed to marijuana and, of course, some of the problems linked to its use:

Alzheimer’s—Marijuana may be able to slow the progression of Alzheimer’s disease, according to research by the Scripps Research Institute and published in Molecular Pharmaceutics.

AnxietyHarvard Medical School found that marijuana may have anti-anxiety effects. Of course, keep in mind that high doses may increase anxiety and paranoia.

Arthritis—Marijuana can alleviate pain and inflammation linked to arthritis.

Cancer—Research in the journal Molecular Cancer Therapeutics found that cannabidiol found in marijuana, turns off a gene called “Id-1,” which cancer cells use to spread.

Epilepsy—Marijuana has been shown in studies by Virginia Commonwealth University, to stop seizures in the school’s animal studies.

GlaucomaResearchers are working on developing new drugs based on cannabis to treat glaucoma pain after learning its effectiveness for treating the condition. Glaucoma is a condition that increases pressure inside the eyeball and can lead to vision loss.

Improves Lung Health—Research in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that marijuana can increase lung capacity, not decrease it as many people have long believed.

Multiple Sclerosis—A study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal found that cannabinoids found in marijuana significantly reduced multiple sclerosis pain.

Nausea—Marijuana contains a minimum of 60 chemicals known as cannabinoids, of which THC is the primary one associated with its mind-altering effects.  THC has been used in the treatment of nausea, including drug- or chemotherapy-induced nausea.

Parkinson’s Disease—Research published in MedPage Today found that marijuana use eased tremors and improved fine motor skills in patients with Parkinson’s disease.


Problems Linked with Marijuana Use:

Addiction—that’s a fairly obvious one. Also, it can cause uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms in people who discontinue use.

Comment from JB:  Marijuana is non addictive - the tobacco you mix it with is the danger,  not the dope.

Anxiety and Paranoia—In high doses or in sensitive individuals, marijuana can cause anxiety and paranoia.

Comment from JB:  In tests - it was found that under 5% of people who smoke marijuana suffer from pananoia and this is usually because the person already had dsigns on mental health and the dope was the key. It is NOT common amongst regular smokers who have smoked for years.

Memory Impairment—As anyone who’s ever talked to someone who is high knows, memory impairment is common.

Mind-Altering Effects—This is particularly evident among people who haven’t used it before as well as many young people.

Comment from JB:  Just like booze or stress or prescription drugs - sometimes you can get an extra strong marijuana which can be a bit trippy,  just like some alcoholic substanbces which are quite legal.


Heart Attack—One study found an increase risk of heart attack within the first hour of smoking marijuana.

If you think severe sentencing laws are doing more harm than good,

consider signing this


Read more:



Does anyone else cringe upon hearing statements like,

“You need to love yourself before you can  land a job, a relationship, lasting inner peace - etc.” ?


I do, and I call it bullshit.  It might be correct in the bigger scheme of things, but here in the real world, it can be very hard and somewhat unrealistic at times.

Sure, liking yourself is important. Believing in yourself, trusting yourself to generally do right by your own best interests. Acting with integrity. Setting boundaries. Respecting yourself enough to know how you deserve to be treated and how others deserve to be treated by you in return and striving to settle for nothing but this,  is often hard. 

But the conditional “if/then” formulas in the self-help-sphere drive me absolutely bonkers. The Personal Development Police would like to have you believe that you have to high-jump over the impossible-to-reach SELF-LOVE bar in order to truly manifest what you want, when the truth is it is so much easier than you can ever imagibe - it is just that we constantly get in our own way.

I find those that give bland advice ' Oh you need to learn some self love' annoying,  unrealistic and frustrating —  it is good advice but also bad advice, no matter how well-intentioned. At least for me. You might disagree with me, and that’s fine. If you are born with unfailing radiant self-love at max capacity 24/7, I am thrilled for you! Bottle it up and sell it, baby!

But for the rest of us mere mortals, self-love is a spectrum, and there‘s a good chance it varies every day. Particularly when you are riding the roller coaster of holding down a job,   or a new relationship or quitting your job or any other massive life change that will cause stress and anxiety. 

Who really loves themselves all day every day, romancing their reflection with flowers and unicorns and affirmations in the mirror every morning?

Listen — I certainly don’t think you want to actively shoot yourself down (put-downs, berating, etc) but can we agree to a more neutral zone?

I do not believe self-love is black or white — you love yourself or you don’t.

Just do the best with what you’ve got, and admit when terrifying, thrilling, vulnerability-inducing situations bring out your shy, insecure, or worry sides. Hallelujah, you‘re alive! And you’re most likely hot on the trail of something exciting.

Try This: I Love Myself Enough

Here‘s my take: do things. Do things that scare you, and watch your confidence build.

Instead of reaching for an unshakeable self-love bar you can never hit, sit with the idea that “I love myself enough. It might not be 100%, but I love myself enough to give this a shot. To be vulnerable, and to take one small brave step each day.”

The best way you can truly love yourself (blegh, the term still gives me hives!) is to give yourself permission to do or say whatever is authentically on your mind, and to start right from where you already are.

Action is what moves you forward. Action is what builds your confidence. Action is the best teacher.

As my favorite Joan Baez quote goes, “Action is the antidote to despair.“






ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits & troublemakers, all you free-spirits & pioneers...
Everything the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you...

A friend showed me this last night and I was awe struck by the power and the meaning in the words. 

Watch the video here - but most important -


It speaks to the heart of all those Light Workers
and those working for a higher cause -

Those who know there IS a Higher Cause
and those seekers of the TRUTH.

Go here:
Get it on iTunes:
Friend us at
Follow the creator on
Friend him on Facebook: HERE





I found this the most powerful piece I think I have ever heard and it moved me deeply.
I urge you to listen with your eyes shut - ignore the video for the first hearing, and just throw yourself into the message

Thanks to Chris who introduced me to this



Here are the words below :-
 By Garret John LoPorto on September 22, 2010



ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits and troublemakers -

all you free spirits and pioneers - all you visionaries and non-conformists

Everything that the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you.

You see things others don't. You are hardwired to change the world. Unlike 9 out of 10 people - your mind is irrepressible - and this threatens authority. You were born to be a revolutionary.

You can't stand rules because in your heart you know there's a better way.

You have strengths dangerous to the establishment - and it wants them eliminated, So your whole life you've been told your strengths were weaknesses - Now I'm telling you otherwise.

Your impulsivity is a gift - impulses are your key to the miraculous,

Your distractibility - is an artifact of your inspired creativity,

Your mood swings - reflect the natural pulse of life, they give you unstoppable energy when you're high and deep soulful insight when you're low,

Been diagnosed with a "disorder"? That's society's latest way to deny it's own illness by pointing the finger at you.


Your addictive personality is just a symptom of your vast underused capacity for heroic, creative expression and spiritual connection. your utter lack of repression, your wide eyed idealism, your unmitigated open mind - didn't anyone ever tell you?!

These are the traits shared by the greatest pioneers and visionaries and innovators, revolutionaries, procrastinators and drama queens, activists on the social scene, space cadets and mavericks, philosophers and derelicts, business suits flying fighter jets, football stars and sex addicts, celebrities with ADD, alcoholics who seek novelty, first responders - prophets and saints, mystics and change agents.

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all affected by the way -
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -
You know in your heart that there's a natural order to life,
something more sovereign than any man-made rules or laws could ever express

This natural order is called "the Way."


The Way is the eternal substrate of the cosmos. It guides the very current of time and space. The Way is known by some as the Will of God, Divine Providence, the Holy Spirit, the implicate order, the Tao, reverse-entropy, life-force, but for now we'll simply call it "the Way."

The Way is reflected in you as the source of your inspiration, the source of your passions, your wisdom, your enthusiasm, your intuition, your spiritual fire - love.

The Way takes the chaos out of the Universe and breathes life into it by reflecting divine order. The Way, when experienced by the mind, is genius, when perceived through the eyes is beauty, when felt with the senses is grace, when allowed into the heart ... is love.

Most people cannot sense the Way directly. ... But then there are the Wayseers. The keepers of the flame. Wayseers have an unexplainable knack for just knowing the Way.
They sense it in their very being. They can't tell you why or how they arrived at the right answer. They just know it in their core. They can't show their work. So don't ask. Their minds simply resonate with the Way. When the Way is present, so are they.

While others are blind to it, and society begs you to ignore it, "the Way" stirs you inside. Neurological repression blocks most people's awareness of the Way - censoring all thoughts and impulses from the unconscious is their prefrontal cortex - the gestapo of the brain -  nothing which violates its socialized programming even gets through; but your mind is different. your mind has been cracked wide open to the Way - by some miraculous genetic trait, some psychotropic chemical or maybe even by the will of your very soul, your brain's reward pathways have been hijacked - dopamine employed to overthrow the fascist dictatorship of your prefrontal cortex - now your brain is free of repression, your mind free of censorship, your awareness exposed to the turbulent seas of the unconscious - through this open doorway divine light shines into your consciousness showing you the Way. This is what makes you a Wayseer.

90% of human civilization is populated with those who's brains are blocked to the Way.  Their brains are hardwired to enforce the social programming indoctrinated since birth.
Unlike you they cannot break out of this programming, because they have not yet experienced the necessary revolution of mind. These programmed people take social institutions and rules very seriously. Society is full of games programmed to keep peoples' minds occupied so they will not revolt.

These games often cause sick fixations on peculiar protocols, power structures, taboos and domination - all subtle forms of human bondage - This distinct form of madness is not only tolerated by the masses but insisted upon. The programmed ones believe in rules so forcefully they become willing to destroy anyone who violates them.

Wayseers are the ones who call their bluff.  Since Wayseer minds are free to reject social programming, Wayseers readily see social institutions for what they are - imaginary games.  
Wayseers comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.
Helping those who are lost in these games and refuse to help themselves is a calling of many Wayseers.

Since Wayseers are the ones who keep contact with the original source of reality - they are able to disrupt societal conventions and even governments to realign humanity with the Way.

The Wayseers are an ancient lineage. A kind of priesthood - carriers of the flame - ones "in the know."  There must always be Wayseers to reform the dizzying psychotic spinning gears of society - giant mindless hamster wheels obscuring the pure blue sky, keeping humanity shackled in a darkened cage - so Wayseers are called - to shed light on the madness of society - to continually resurrect the timeless transcendent Spirit of Truth -

Wayseers reveal this divine truth by devoting themselves to the birth of some creative or disruptive act expressed through art or philosophy, innovations to shake up industry, revolutions for democracy, coups that topple hypocrisy, movements of solidarity, changes that leave a legacy, rebellions against policy, spirit infused technology, moments of clarity, things that challenge barbarity, watersheds of sincerity, momentous drives for charity

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all affected by the way -

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -

This is your calling, Wayseer

You've found your tribe.

Welcome home.





andy pryor

Died Sunday August 19th 2012 - aged, I think 43.

and you know what,  I don't think I have a picture of him - after a computer crash a few years ago where thousands of photos were lost, and now all I have is my memory - that picture in my head.

I first met Andy when he joined a group I was runnning called 'The Gay Spiritual Group' in London, and this would be around 1996-97. He was instantly a keen member  and quickly  joined the committee to help with the running of the group.  Once a month we hosted a Social  and would get anything up to 65 members in my London home and a really good spiritual evening would be had,  relaxed and informal,  with people just talking and laughing,   and at around 9pm I would introduce a speaker for 30 minutes or so, and one of these evenings,  Andy wanted to give a talk about an  experience he had recently had.
He was really nervous and with a little encouragement from me - he stood and introduced himself and gave a wonderful, lighthearted account of a recent trip to Egypt that had changed his life,  and it was a really lovely thing to be a part of and to hear this London cockney lad - offering such a  gentle story. 

For Andy was a little Tough Ted... an east end lad you might not - at one time - have trusted  with your wallet or car keys - as he had been a cheeky little rascall when he was a teenager and in private he would tell me some of the things he had got up to in the past which while illegal,   did make you smile broadly and laugh out loud... and while you felt for the victim who had had their car stolen - or whatever - it was never meant to be malicious or evil,  it was just lads messing about,  and we would laugh.  But all that was years behind him and he donated a great deal of his time to helping others, through voluntary charity work and in his private life as well,  and he was a very thoughtful and kind, considerate and loving man.

When I moved to Hamilton Hall he would come down and help us paint and decorate - or more often - he would actually bring a friend with him who he paid to do the work for him as his disabilities through various illnesses brought about through his HIV made it difficult for him to do some things physically,  and he was thrilled every time to be able to offer something and happy to be a part of Hamilton Hall, and I was very pleased to have him part of my life.

I remember one long hot summer, maybe around 2004 - he was down for a couple of weeks with his dog - a Doberman named Scooby ( naturally )  and we would sit in the garden until late at night with candles lit all over the place and just chill out and laugh and share stories from our past - as we actually had a lot in common - and these are happy memories.  His cheecky chappy grin and laugh won him many friends here and one elderly friend fell madly in love with him;- in a really nice and sweet way - and every time I mentioned Andy to him he would smile broadly and laugh...

I knew his health was up and down over the years and I would always be inviting him down for a free stay and more often than not, he would either come down or be too busy at home,  and all of a sudden he has having problems with his bowels and had already had an operation giving him a temporary colostomy and when he visited he was so up, so cheerful and so positive, he was such an inspiration even though I think he was going through a great deal. 

During a trip to Egypt where the pain became so great he increased his pain medication, he decided upon return to just tell the doctors to take his bowel right out and give him a full colostomy as he could not live with the pain and it was obviously not getting any better,  and this was done almost immediately.  He laughed about not needing to douch any more and was so positive all through it.  But it seems things went from bad to worst and although he was always up-beat when I phoned,  he eventually moved into a hospice - he said for pain management - but within a couple of weeks his phone was switched off and he had died.  A few days later his sister called and told me the news and as soon as she said she was Andy's sister, I knew - for I had had to go through my own sisters phone book years ago after her death - phoning people and telling them - and I just knew.  Instantly my tummy did a flip,  my heart missed a beat and a tear came to my eye.  Poor Andy, I wish he'd let me know how ill he was, I would have visited him in the hospice,  but I think he didn't want a fuss - didn't want people to see him in those last days and wanted us to remember him as he was,  and he left this world peacefully and as he had lived it , on his own terms.

He also chose not to have a funeral service of any kind,  and the family were to be told - after the fact - that he had been cremated by the funeral company after it was all over.  Some would have a hard time with this - as saying your final farewell in front of a coffin is traditional and what we all expect,  but not when it causes such grief for people.  Andy hated fuss,  and so chose to leave this life as quietly as he could and leave happy memories and not grief in his wake.  

No flowers.

No hymns. 
No getting to the place on time and having to wear something black - which he would have hated and no
eulogy describing his life in nine minutes.

I was upstairs late last night with a friend and Andy and I had always shared a cigarette or two together and evenings just talking and laughing,  so I did just that with Matt who works here and we shared a few smokes,  talked about loads of things including Andy - and just had one of those evenings where we were giggling like school girls...  and all the while aware of Andy and how he would have loved to be with us one last time,  and bless him. 

Getting older for me is fun,  I see so much of other older people in myself as I come closer to my 60's - people who are older than I am and now I am catching them up,  and the one sadness is remembering all the sweet people whose lives have come to an end so much younger and so much sooner,  and it makes me sad.  I know there are always new friends to meet,  new faces to  laugh with and new evenings to share a smoke and a giggle and I give thanks for the ever changing aspect of my daily life and the wonderous way it moves through the years,  and there are times I remember back and see a face in my minds eye - of Andy - or someone else I held dear but probably never got the chance to really tell them how important they were to me,  and I try harder with my 'today friends' to let them know how much I care and love them, and as fast and as busy as my days are,  I always remember and keep their memory alive within my mind, my body and my soul and in this,  they are still with me.  Still alive and still making me smile.   For I don't ever want to forget.

Bless you Andy.

This is a piece of music he enjoyed and is to be played in the chapel.  CLICK HERE





Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 



Say No

to Extreme Disruption Orders

Stop the UK Government from Introducing








Home secretary Theresa May has proposed new gagging orders that would restrict free speech for a wide range of political activists. These "extreme disruption orders" are part of a new counter-terrorism strategy aimed at extremists, but they could actually affect many citizens. Please sign the petition urging the government to reject the proposed extreme disruption orders.

These new orders are a dangerous violation of our free speech. Under May's plan, police would be given new authority to ask the high court to issue orders against nonviolent groups and individuals. The restrictions would include banning people from speaking at public events, protests and meetings and from visiting particular public locations.

May also wants to restrict television appearances and the use of social media by banned individuals. And if that's not scary enough, violating these orders would be a criminal offense punishable with jail time.

We can't let the government throw people in jail for talking about their political views. The orders would give the government too much power to arbitrarily ban viewpoints they don't agree with, which has frightening implications for all citizens. Act now to protect our fundamental rights and convince the government to reject extreme disruption orders.

It means that anyone with a different viewpoint to the official word from government stands the risk of being called a Non Violent Terrorist  and because of our different views, stand the chance of being arrested and gagged - either by holding us somewhere in a secure untit or banning us from public speaking  and this level of control by any government is NOT DEMOCRACY.

Thank you,






Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 




February 2011



who worked at Hamilton Hall from December 2008 - January 2011




Please call Police Constable 2557 TRENT -

Incident / Reference number C:11:C:8746 -

on 01202/01305 22 22 22 

or e mail her on

otherwise e mail  John Bellamy on


Since Kristian left us because the police were catching up with him, I have had loads of phone calls and e mails from those who have been burned by him over the years and it seems he is not just an opportunistic thief - who sees an opportunity and grabs it - but someone who has made a career out of stealing, lying and manipulating people and it has brought much sadness, grief and heartache to those he has conned.  Stealing money from a man who was ill with PCP and on deaths door is dreadful. Conning an old lady out of her life savings is unthinkable.  Stealing charity money while pretending to have cancer - leaves me speachless. I truly thought better of him than this and it is sad that after experiencing him,  it leaves you distrusting and questioning everyones motives - which is sad - and like everyone else before me,  I am sad for Kristian. 

Like many, I do miss Kristian, even for all his lies and cheating ways. he has a heart of gold when it suits him and he is the kindest and most thoughtful man I have met in a long time and I don't care to think that all his kindness was just a way of getting around me, gaining my trust and friendship so he could con me.  I care to think that somewhere inside this man,  is a caring soul who is just caught in a trap and cannot find an exit, even though I honestly offered to help him,  he still ran and out of fear, has never looked back.

He is such a bright, intelligent, presentable and hard working man that he could have the best job - earning a lot of money - and have friends and respect - instead of the loathing, the hatred and the bile filled words that I have read from others on e mail.  He could have it all, and all through his time here at hamilton Hall he was desperate - absolutely desperate - for friends and respect and worked so hard at befriending others - and bullshitting us about how everyone loved and adored him and made up such stories about his life and background that  always proved to be false - and it saddens me that  the people who did be friend him and he became close to -   he  ended up stealing  from them.   Find out their weak points - who had money - who had anything - he could steal - and to have absolutely no conscience - no guilt, no remorse and no feelings at all for those he has harmed,  sends a very sad and pathetic message about how this man doesn't understand the basic - the most basic - of things - LOVE. 
His family seem to have disowned him.  Friends last as long as he is in town and before he is back on the run again with the police after him and friends left in shock and horror at what he has done, and I am desperately sorry for all concerned.

I have thought many times since Kristian vanished about deleting this page on my web site,  but then I hear in my head the pain and anguish in peoples conversations with me on the phone - since Kristian vanished and since I let it be known what he had done - from others who had been stung by him,  and that alone keeps this page on this web site.   One man is so destroyed that he cannot get on with his life as he doesn't know who he can trust,  and this is a common thread from many who have been 'taken in' by Kristian and now feel very hurt and betrayed. 
Yet I cannot fathom why he has allowed this to be a way of life.  he is a wonderful man who could really be in a good well paid job,  and he has no one to blame but himself.  It is such a shame, especially as I offered him a way out but he could noit accept it as it meant telling me thr truth and - to be honest - I think he is unaware of what the truth is any more - or certainly - afraid of his own truths, and is so caught up in the Walter Mitty - that as he gets older, he will find it harder and harder.

I feel desperately sorry for everyone concerned.  Including Kristian.
He was certainly my best worker - ever.


Until proven guilty in a court of law - even though I have evidence and a confession from Kristians own lips that he stole from me,  all this is conjective until proven in court. It seems his rights are more protected in law than those he robbed from and his human rights are paramount above his victims.  The law is an ass and the police have done precious little in finding him as he is a low priority case - and as usual, the victim is offered little respect and I was even told off by the police women above for actually putting this on my web site - but as they are doing nothing to find him, I shall continue with this in the hope that someone - somewhere - will read this, see him, and get him facing his accusers in a court of law so these people can have closure.

The human rights of the victim seems to come second to those of the person who has abused them.  As far as I am concerned, as soon as a thief picks up a brick to throw through my window to rob my home :-  As soon as a mugger spots a victim and takes ain :- As soon as anyone puts in motion any kind of illegal act against another - THEIR HUMAN RIGHTS SHOULD COME SECOND TO THE VICTIM - WHO DID NOT ASK TO BE ROBBED, RAPED, MUGGED ETC.  and the manner - all too often,  that the legal authorities offer the victim is second rate compared to the rights of the criminal.  Too many times the victim is left with a life of fear because not only have they been abused by a bad person,  they have been abuse dby the very system that is suppose to protect them.



My Mother, Betty.

Posted by: John

Tagged in: personal



My Mother died 21st September 2011

by John Bellamy

Like a lot of you out there, I have a Mother  who moved from her warden assisted flat to a nursing care home as her mental and physical health meant she was no longer able to look after herself any longer, and there were many times when it made my heart weep. I was talked out of looking after her in my  home and while my heart desperately wanted to look after her,  my head told me I would not manage and it was not a good idea.

A while ago she had a bladder infection and she was in bed and  very distressed - staring out of unseeing eyes that did not seem to focus,  grabbing with her hands at anything and everything close - ie: the bars at the side of the hospital bed had been put up to keep her in bed as she kept sliding out and staggering up the ward - and it was quite a distressing site for many to witness - and she was chattering away - with words that did not follow any cohesive sense and while she knew my name and - kind of - that I was her son -  all sorts of other family members names came into it and I don't really think she knew me,   Her confused state was sad to witness. 

My Mother - a bright, intelligent fashion model who was one of London's top models in the 1940's  and 1950's and walked the catwalk,   also sang with many famous dance bands,  for she had a superb voice - and who raised 3 children,  was reduced to this. 

A tall proud women with a voice and an opinion of her own and no fear of speaking her mind,- a woman who was married 3 times during her life and who put up with a lot,-   A woman who had lived alone for over 20 years since her 3rd husband - my Step Father died and who lost her only daughter ( my sister ) and her baby ( my niece ) around 20 years ago when both died a few months apart ,-  A women who has always been accepting of my gay lifestyle and who loved my friends and boyfriends totally,   even if not being as accepting of my brothers wife - always being a dreadful mother-in-law and a women who all those 'mother-in-law jokes'  must have been written about,-  And a woman who was stubborn, difficult and sometimes a women who would make the angels cry because GOD she could NEVER admit fault and take responsibility and simply apologize,   and a woman who has caused much family turmoil because of her refusal - point blank refusal - to ever accept that she was ever wrong about anything - And a woman who admitted to me some years ago that she had never been in love - never really knew what love was and that - despite being married 3 times and raising a family,  had never really understood what that mysterious word 'love' - had meant - and while in her way she has loved and has been loved, she never really comprehended what it meant, and for that, I was always desperately sorry. 

Sorry that she never understood how we - her children - felt about her and sorry that she always felt the need to - somehow - try and manipulate the situation to suit herself all the time.  Sad that she  never realised we would do whatever she wanted because we loved her and not because she was being manipulative.  Sad that she always thought every situation was about her  and sad that she felt such jealously and resentment towards anyone who 'stole her limelight' - even her own grandchildren.  Sad that she resented her son being a sensational husband and father to his children and sad that she felt such resentment towards those who had something she felt she had lost out on, when the truth was - she hadn't - for she was loved - she was very cared for - and while she never understood this and while she felt alone and unloved,  other people were hurt and betrayed by her time and time again because she simply didn't get it.  She never really understood,-  and that saddens me. 

Poor Betty - my poor Mother,  and as much as we have told her over the years and as much as we have openly shown our affection and considered her in our lives - she still never got it - never realised and never allowed herself to be part of the family - preferring to isolate herself and say that she wasn't wanted all the time when the exact opposite was the truth, and we just got fed up with it. 

Towards the end, to see her bedridden and shouting for help all the time,  was not good.   I could have visited more often,  and she understood in her way.

Whatever it was she lost - and whatever it was she lacked - and for all her mistakes and all her selfish ways,  she was my Mother, I love her dearly, and no-one - NO -ONE - should be made to go through the kind of thing at the end of their lives,   and the cruelty metered out by a government and health authority  SO AGAINST EUTHANASIA beggars belief.  My Mother would not have wanted this,  and with a society where 80% of people asked agree that euthanasia is the best thing in some situations such as this,  I know she didn't suffer at the end, which came quite quickly,  and that  she can now be with my sister, her family and Jesus - in peace - which is what she spoke of.

I would tell her that it was okay - she didn't have to keep fighting and being scared - that she could go to Heaven and see Jesus and the family any time she wanted, and that she, and they, would all be young again, that she would be singing once more and surrounded by those who loved her,  and that her Father - who she never knew - would welcome her with open arms - along with Jesus.  She felt reassured with this and while her body outlived her mind -  I know she would not have wanted to live like this.  Some people need permission to 'let go' and find peace, and my Mother hung on in there and died 21st September 2011 aged 89.   She wasn't ill - she wasn't suffering anything more than being bed ridden and with dementia - her body was strong and she just seemed to 'give up' and slipped into unconsciousness and died within an hour, peacefully, and for that I thank God and the Universe.

So my Mother has now become a memory and one I shall treasure always. I shall tell stories, laugh and get angry, and always with love and affection, for while my Mother exasperated us dearly,  she was a character - and strong willed individual and she died how she lived, in her own time and in her own way.  I can hardly believe I will not see her next week or next month, when I visit and I comb her hair and paint her nails and we talk around in circles and --- but like so many people,  life goes on and we will have her cremated and sprinkle her ashes over Evening Hill - a delightful park with a stunning view over Poole and the harbour and at sunset it is simply delightful, and I often visit with friends to enjoy a fish and chip supper from a local takeaway,   and I shall remember her and be thankful that she was my Mother, who I loved dearly.

John Bellamy