Saturday May 23 , 2015

John's Blog

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IS THIS THE KIND OF WORLD WE ARE HEADED FOR ?

Posted by: John

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John

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JOHN'S BLOG

 


A LETTER FROM GOD - by Scoobius Pip

CLICK HERE


please - read and listen to the words, they are beautiful and puts the responsibility firmy in our own hands.


I WON'T LET YOU DOWN - By OK Go

This video is amazing - watch it and realise THIS IS REAL -
no computer graphics but tons of real people actually really doing what you see... 
AMAZING

CLICK HERE


If you want a tear in your eye, watch this very sweet short youtube link

CLICK HERE

 

 




DANGEROUS



CHRISTIANS




This e mail below arrived in my In Box - take a read and see my answer to it below:



Please can you tell me whether transgendered men are welcome at Hamiltion Hall, or whether I would be only welcome at one of your days earmarked for lesbians only ?

My answer was:-

Hi David.   Thanks for contacting Hamilton Hall
   www.hamiltonhall.info

Transgender / Cross Dressers etc. are welcome all year at Hamilton Hall.  We do not host lesbian events and never have – not sure where you got that idea from.  We have organised special weekends just for TG / CD etc.  and hope to do so in the future, but it seems to be  a very hard market to get into – maybe you could suggest some places to advertise ?

You are welcome at any time.  John

He replied:-

Hi John, Could you clarify; your website says that clothes are an option.

”Hamilton Hall is a men only venue offering Dinner, B&B and offers workshops, seminars and chill out periods specializing in sexual, spiritual and self development of mind, body and soul of gay and bisexual men.
It is a clothing optional venue .  It is inappropriate to mix the sexes in a venue aimed at naked men,   as this would cause embarrasment , distress and sexual confusion for many of those attending.” 

How does this work out with the men if my body is still female?  With the special weekends for TG/CD, are gay men excluded?  David


My answer was:-

Dear David:  If your body is still female then you would be asked to keep your clothes on. It does state CLOTHING OPTIONAL – and as a men only venue, and as you are physically still female,  clothing would be required.  If you still have the appearance of a female – mannerisms, voice, clothing etc.  Hamilton Hall would not be right for you as it would make the other guests feel uncomfortable to have a women around – no reason why it should – but we do have to cater the the group setting while also appreciating the individual.

This is not something I have ever needed to clarify as we have never had a pre op female to male transsexual want to go naked in a hotel for men before. All female to male have been dressed and no one has ever known – as it is none of the other guests business and the customer has not seen fit to share that with others, and it has never been a problem. 

Does that answer your question.  It is absolutely not a reason for concern from me or my staff – and we are hoping to be providing weekends just for those who ‘ dress with style’  - whether pre op or post op,  or those who just like to dress accordingly.  Hamilton Hall offers a non judgemental attitude towards life, death and the universe and you are very welcome.   In Peace  John



He replied:-

Thanks John, but I feel discriminated against. I shall take this up with Stonewall.  David

To which I replied with just one word :

Whatever...


__________________________________________________

I thought all this just a little odd and decided to google his e mail address and discovered that he is a local Bournemouth man and here are some wab pages dedicated to his ramblings against gay marriage and he is not a Transexual / Cross Dresser or any such thing. It is all bullshit and he is a so called  'Christian'  who is just trying to stir up trouble.  However - I did not bite and he can do exactly what he likes. 

 


Here are some web pages and he is one David Skinner:-

SAME SEX AMALAGAMATIONS & CONGLOMERATES David Skinner


North Wales Calendar of Christian Events


AND ANOTHER PAGE HERE
 


This is a real sign that we are not out of the woods as yet when we assume that because we have laws that protect us, there will not be those who will oppose and deny and damn - using religion as an excuse - and this is the most laughable attempt at - something - I am not sure what - I have heard for a while, as this man is up to something and it is worrying but comical,  while at the same time it is  the most unenlightened kind of bigotry imaginable and using religion as a tool is delusional and so Un Christian it goes completely against Jesus when - according to that massively edited and manipulated book,  it states Jesus as saying -

' Love thy neighbour as thy self.'

It does not say

'
Love thy neighbour but not if he is black, lesbian, gay, muslim or anything else that is not white Christian...' - 

and this  manipulation of the Biblical meaning is what causes trouble and creates disharmony within the church and for the genuine followers who know how wrong this kind of person is to use holy teachings to suit their own bigoted view of reality and does no one any good at all.

These religious groups that claim to speak on behalf of all Christians everywhere - are delusional -

for they do not.


These groups who claim to know EXACTLY what Jesus meant are crack pots as they only know the same as any of us - and that comes from reading the same word in the Bible as anyone else except they misread and mistranslate and misinform themselves as well as others, and that is going against the word of Jesus and God ( if you believe the Bible to be the word of God )  and these people are pure crackers.

Deliberately baiting me about being a transexual women was suspicious in the beginning and this mans actions are very questionable.  I wonder exactly where he will go with this from here, as we are quite legal in our Men Only Status and we are quite open and honest in what and whom we are open for -  and TV's - CD's - TS's and anyone considered 'odd' by some in society or even ' sick' - or ' weird ' or ' bent ' or  ' queer '  or anything else where they feel the mass of society does not accept or understand them - and that what they are is not illegal - not involving children or those under the age of consent or any such thing that may cause emotional and / or physical distress to another - and where they are searching for a place to feel accepted for whom they are and not for the way society assumes they should be - are always welcome here... whether it be a post op transexual or a man who likes to dress in daipers and do no harm to anyone.  It makes no difference to me as long as no harm is done to others and it is morally okay.

Jew, Christian, Muslim, gay or straight,  man or women.  I care about people in general and if someone is being persecuted for no fault of their own and where they have done nothing illegal or immoral and no child was involved or innocent bystander hurt in any way - then they are welcome to ask their questions and where we can,  offer some answers in order to help find peace and self worth within. 

No Christian - No jew - No one has the right to deny someone else the right to life - and to living it their own way - and only those who then add child abuse or any such illegal and immoral act into the equasion need to look at why they bring these things into a subject matter that does not have these things in,  as to WHY they are SO hooked up on child abuse etc. and have the need to throw this at everyone they do not agree with,-   as a weapon to ' get them' - and this is evil as evil can be.   Using damnation of an innocent soul to prop themselves and their belief structure up from failure and to garner attention for themselves and their distorted view of Biblical / religious writings and what they personally believe it to mean,  is unenlightened and disgraceful.

It is dangerous as it is disgraceful that there are those who are that naive as to follow and believe these distorted peoples world view and it saddens me that these people use religion to back up their bigotry.

The good Lord of ALL religions would be appalled - disgusted - at men like David Skinner and the clap trap he rants and his manipulative attempts to try and scare others with his silly little e mails claiming to be a pre op female to male transexual.

So;- to end with a  note to David Skinner -

' I shall pray for God to forgive your misguided stance against anything you feel is wrong,  but that - as I am one of God's creations - and which you personally find fault with;-   and that means you disagree with God and his mighty creation;-  and where I know God will forgive you your unenlightened manner,  I also forgive you and hope you find a journey forward with the light and the joys of love in your heart and not the bitter twisted man you seem to have grown into through your misguided readings of the teachings of the Bible.  I hope you can find some more positive truths and stop finding fault with everyone and everything and find the joy in God's creation of man and women, in all its forms and in all its differences, as anything else is denying God and that, dear David Skinner, is not very Christian of you.'

  John Bellamy


I loved the display box above about how gay soldiers need to change diapers  because, presumably, they crap themselves all the time.  People who think this are bonkers. People who actually say these things out loud are just making a mockery out of themselves and those who follow - as to be honest - who the hell believes such clap trap - who in all honesty thinks that gay men all wear diapers because they shit themselves all the time and who in their right mind would even say such a thing out loud - other than a complete moron.

 

 

 


    DISGUSTING BEHAVIOUR

Thomas Cook, the tour operator, has shown us what corporate power has to offer when an accident kills two small children and how, when it comes down to it,  they don't give a fuck in hell about the pain and anguish the family have been put through.   


They continue, even now, to only apologise after their 9 year disgraceful denial of any reason to apologise, and now only because of public pressure. 

Thoman Cook sued the hotel and won over £3 million - half of which paid for their insurance and the other half would have been a profit for Thomas Cook,  and the company had full intentions of keeping that money and actually making a profit on the pain and anguish of its customers.  It recently donated the money ( £1.5 million ) to UNICEF and did not even think to discuss this with the family of the two children killed and only did so even now, because of public prerssure.

I absolutely beggars belief that in no time during the 9 years since the children were killed by a faulty boiler,  did the company think in any way at all, that they needed to show the human side of business and help the family of the deceased and offer sympathy, understanding, counselling and even a free holiday - anything - instead
they showed complete and utter indifference and the usual cold hearted and cruel face of corporate business that doesn't give a damn. 

The boss - a Mr. Frankhauser has also been heavily critisised for his assertion that Thomas Cook had nothing to apologise for during the coroners inquest into the deaths, and in my view, this is the kind of cold hearted bastard that should not be in charge of any company, and like Murdoch,  is unfit to run a public company.

His actions have been disgraceful.

On several occasions guests at Hamilton Hall have been taken ill and needed a day in hospital or a few days in bed here,  through no fault of ours - or theirs - as these things just happen sometimes and we always offer a couple of extra days, on us - to relax and get over their few days ill and enjoy a rest before going home.  It is - as I believe, a decent thing to offer - from the heart - as I can imagine what it is like to have your few days away spoiled by a ' bad turn' and how thoughtful and kind of any venue for accepting this and 'being there' for them.

Naturally, we always say that you need to take out Holiday Insurance in case of anything happening - like a cancelled flight, a broken down car,  ill health or anything - and that is up to the customer to organise and has nothing to do with us,  but when going away for a weekend or a few days, - who bothers ?  In the case of 2 children dying,  no insurance payout is going to bring them back or make you feel better and a gesture from Thoman Cook, right back at the beginning - a kind word, a thoughtful gesture,  an understanding and sympathetic ANYTHING - would have gone  a long long way,-  but instead they decided to hard ball the family, show themselves to be cold hearted bastards and in the end,  it cost Thomas Cook massively in negative media coverage where the public have shown their disgrace for Thomas Cook - Mr. Frankhauser
and the manner in which he saw no reason to apologise. 

It truly beggars belief and I am sure millions of people around the world will now look at Thomas Cook and decide to go elsewhere, as who wants to use a company that so obviously has no interest in its customers well being and just wants their money.  Thomas Cook would be turning in his grave if he saw what Mr. Frankhauser had done with his company, especially as it is so easy to be kind - so easy to be thoughtful of others and so easy to be sympathetic - especially when parents have lost their 2 children. It comes naturally to most of us and with little effort,  yet it seems corporate power knows nothing of their humanity and I am sure Mr. Frankhauser's mother is ashamed and appalled at her little boys behaviour as I am sure she brought him up with better manners and more thought for others.

THOMAS COOK - IN THIS INSTANCE - YOU DISGUST ME.


 


IS THIS THE KIND OF WORLD


WE ARE HEADED FOR ?



A 9 year old boy at St. George's Bickley CE School was seen playing knights and dragons in the playground and was using a ruler as a make believe sword, and the head teacher called the police and the boy and his mother were interviewed concerning this.  What absolutely beggars belief, is that on the schools web site - the shield and picture below are detailed and is a sword wielding man fighting a dragon -  and yet when a young boy of 9 plays at precisely this,  the police get called  and if we are to find fault - change the schools shield for a posey of flowers or a sunset - as it completely beggars belief.


ABSOLUTE MADNESS.  NOTHING MORE THAN BULLYING BY THE STATE. 

I read this report on the Metro newspapers website, which I read daily,  and was absolutely stunned that a 9 year old boy - when seen playing with a ruler as a fake sword,  is seen as a threat and the police have to be called - as if the police have nothing else better to do. 

This disgraceful behaviour by the school and most of all by the Head teacher - Geraldine Shackelton,  sends a very loud message about how our children are not allowed an imagination;-  not allowed to play freely;-  not allowed to copy what we see - and children will be children, and they will play at war games, dragons and demons, rough stuff and tough stuff as that is what they see on the TV:-   that is what is popular culturally and that is exactly what adults are doing all the time - war war and more war - bitching and fighting - lying and cheating during a general election - soap operas with slanging matches between people and there are very little role models left for children to look up and aspire to  as everyone is afraid - afraid they will be cast as an evil doer - a peadophile - a pervert - just because they are good people with no hidden agendas and just want to help - and other than footballers who often do not set a good example,  children have no good role models left any more.

Even Spongebob Squarepants - a hugely popular and awarded childrens programme loved by millions of children around the world - and despite its widespread popularity, the series has been involved in several public controversies, including one centered on speculation over SpongeBob's intended sexual orientation;-  ( I despair - it's a cartoon for God's sake )   and the Telly Tubbies where an adult complained  because one had a handbag and therefore must have been gay - and we look at these occurances and the adults who complain and we must see clearly here folks - we must start seeing clearly and truthfully, that it is the adults that have the problems and by using the police and causing such trouble for a young boy who should be encouraged for using his imagination in play - are creating and harvesting nothing but trouble for the next generation who will grow up afraid to play in case they make the wrong move and someone reads it all wrong - afraid to speak up in case they say the wrong thing - afraid to be creative in case they are labeled gay or even a perv.  - and afraid to do and say anything in case the state comes down on them.  

I was stunned that this happened in the UK as it is the kind of thing we see happening in America all the time -  but remember a friend who was a Deputy Head of a failing school back in the mid 1990's - in London - and who was put into the school to help sort it out,  and he was reported for touching one of the girl students - ( he is an out gay man and everyone knew he was gay ) and within 30 minutes it as realized it was untrue as he was in a staff meeting with 30 other teachers at the time the girl said he was with her - so everyone knew it was a lie by the girl to gain attention,  but he was still investigated and laid off work for 18 months with full pay ( and full stress ) and the council spent over £250,000 investigating what was known within minutes to be a lie - and the abuse was compounded by the very institution aimed at protecting those it abuses.

If we are to follow this onwards, and if we allow this sort of abuse to  continue - abuse that comes from the state and mad people allowed to hold powerful positions of authority, then the next generation will be fucked up and we stand little chance of a stable, sensible, educated and nurtured generation to come, and will have a generation of scared, intimidated and underdeveloped people bringing up our next generation - and that spells even more problems ahead.

Let children play,   and monitor their play,  but for goodness sake,  the adults need to lighten up - grow up - and relax. Not every childrens game is one of a future terrorist - ( and besides,  it is our government that causes and creates terrorists by its very actions of being the bully around the world in order to gain access to the oil and gas etc. )  and we need to allow our children to use their imagination in fun and laughter - and foster happy children.  Not scared ones.

John Bellamy

 

 



EUROVISION EVENING

CABARET


May 22nd - 25th 2015
Bank Holiday Weekend

Very excited about our Eurovision Cabaret weekend with a full weekend planned.  So if you click on the picture to the left it will take you to a page which gives you all the details, and we are going to have a fun weekend planned,  games and prizes, quiz, cabaret, karaoke - the works.

So if you thiunk you know a little about the Eurovision Contect, aome and pit your skills against others and see who gets to take home the prize.

This could be one of the campest evenings of the year.
I remember as far back as when Katie Boyle hosted and she spoke 5 or 6 languages, I think just enough to 'get by' and we were so impressed.....  and there was probably only a dozen countries taking part and as we now have Australia taking part, it does make me thing WTF is going on.  It has changed beyond all recognition and is very politically biased and not all about the song or the performer. 

SO COME AND JOIN US FOR THIS SPECTACULAR WEEKEND AND HAVE A SING ALONG.
MORE HERE

 

 


After a week of lovely weather we had rain this morning and 

I am sitting here in the office listening to birds singing outside - and it is a joyous sound.

 

 




CERTIFICATE OF EXCELLENCE
HAMILTON HALL 2014



I often see these awards and think - well - who voted that the best pub / club / gay venue - as no one asked me and who voted it the best ???   ... and consider it all a load of bollocks to get you to spend more money in their bar.  Trip Advisor;-  while I say they are tossers and a waste of time - this certificate of excellence is an award because of the amount of positive feedback we have received from those who have stayed here and THAT is wonderful and I am proud and thrilled about that.  Compared to many other venues, we could easily be a 3 or 4 star B&B but I do not buy into the tourist board schemes which - again - are just money spinners for the council - and I do not waste my money with something that has such little meaning. 

66% of visitors attend alone.
22% attend  with a partner / friend
6% come on business

 


New Year Joke:

When I found out I was Bi Polar, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

 

 




'MOVIE OF THE YEAR'





Written by Stephen Beresford and directed by Matthew Warchus

  I ordered this movie from Gays the Word Bookshop in London ( HERE ) after a customer suggested it and I have not cried as much while watching a movie as I did last night.  Filled with sweet tender moments that make you ' fill up'  and several times when the tears really flowed - as the story of a group of gay men and lesbians decide to collect money and support the coal miners during the Thatcher period of destroying the Miners Union back in the 1980's  and the ' coming together' of people from very different communities - 1) Coal Miners - 2) Gay Men and Lesbians - and the acceptance and rewards that these very different communities find through a battle with authorities for acceptance of a way of life and to keep their mines open.

With those from the gay community understanding persecution and bigotry only too well,  they appreciate and value what the miner
s are going through fighting the Thatcher government for the right to keep their livlihoods and their communities up and running.  Gay men have fought for decades for acceptance  in law  ( which we tend to take for granted now we have all we fought for ) but these were the days when GAY PRIDE MARCHES were political and had a powerful message about equality and not the Mardi Gras celebration of - er - what  exactly ???  - as it is these days up and down the country and the London  Gay Pride marches of the 1980's were London based - and tens of thousands would attend from all over the country.   We had a common goal we shared - about acceptance and a change in the law - and the way these gay men and lesbians took it upon themselves to raise funds and moral for the miners - is breath taking - and I did cry - several times.


I found this film to be very moving and as I am old enough to remember the onset of HIV and Aids and all that was ' going down'  in the mid '80's,  this film is well worth a visit and have a big box of Kleenex handy,  oh and you will laugh out loud as well - as there are many very funny scenes.
With some familiar faces - this well produced and executed story keeps its point and keeps you watching.  Not too ' over the top' and certainly not too preachy about gay rights - it hit the nail right on the head and combined the difficulties of being a member of the gay /. lesbian community and a member of a small mining community and a coming together of real opposites with a common goal,  and from this coming together,  acceptance and love prevaile. 
I shall certainly be watching this film a lot with customers here at Hammy Hall and shall certainly now be ordering at least another dozen copies from 
GAYS THE WORD BOOK SHOP - as they helped - back in the '80's - by offering the group of fund raisers to use their facilities in the shop and I would rather spend my money buying the DVD from them than Amazon.

5 STARS


SEE A TRAILER FOR THE FILM - HERE - OR -  HERE

 

 

 


SPIRITUALITY AND MEN



Spirituality and Men (SAM)
is a self-development group run by men for men, aiming to explore the spirit of man through informative dialogue, honest interaction and the silence of meditation.

This group meets on the first Sunday of every month at Global Co-operation House.

ALL MEN WELCOME

For further information, please contact the SAM team: sam@uk.brahmakumaris.org

 

 


Thought you might like to see these e mails to and from Hammy Hall.  

It did make me laugh.

------------------------------

To Hamilton Hall :-    ' If I come to see any of your clients in the hotel do I have to pay anything?'

My Answer: :- 'I have no idea what you are talking about … . in plain English please.'

His answer :- 'In plain English: Can I come to your Hotel and have sex with your clients (I expect your clients to pay me) You can not expect me to pay for anything as I am short of money.'

My answer :-  'In plain English - FUCK OFF'

 

 


This is so sweet, a dog who discovers he doesn't have to swim

WATCH THIS HERE

 

 


Tony Bray died just before Christmas  2014, and I shall miss him.  He was a good and dear friend who visited and loved Hamilton Hall and would sit in the Conservatory meeting and greeting people as they came and went and everyone loved his peaceful and charming manner.  He was 79 years of age and a real sweetheart.    He will be missed, dearly missed.
 

 


HOW TO AVOID NEGATIVE PEOPLE - READ IT HERE
 

 






JUDGE JUDY - on GAY MARRIAGE - HERE





 

j


NEW YAHOO GROUP FOR  BOURNE BATERS

Take a look HERE

 

 


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HELP US TO BRING THIS NEWSMAGAZINE TO YOU
BY DONATING  A LITTLE SOMETHING TO HELP US KEEP IT GOING.


Every penny raised goes to help the many people we help with food, company, a week or  weekend away, counseling, and even sometimes helping with clothes. In one case we bought a homeless student a bike to get to college on,  and in another , a guitar and lessons to play for a local lad whose life was aimless and he was stoned on drugs all day and all night and we are today, guiding him into making  a life for himself - get his act together - and have some order in his empty life.  We do what we do for absolutely no reason other than 
 


 
This web site makes some useful suggestions to HOW TO COPE WITH HOMOPHOBIC FAMILIES

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


FREE TANTRIC SEX / MASSAGE WORKSHOPS

Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 

John

 

 

CURRENT NEWS & VIEWS HERE   /    HOME PAGE

 




 

 



FREE


TANTRIC


SEX


WORKSHOP



CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS

 


 



FREE


MASSAGE


WORKSHOP


CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS

 

 



the dumbing down of people


 


BLAST FROM THE PAST

27/04/2015


Here is an e mail from a past client of mine when I was a sex worker. It came 'out of the blue' and not only was a ost pleasant surprise, but I really do have no idea who it is from, but it did make me giggle and I cannot wait to see him and find out who he is / was - from my past. 
I was interviewed for a book on gay prostituition decades ago and out of the hundreds of people interviewed,  years later I met the author who stated quite adamantly that of all the people he interviewed he KNEW I would make a success out of whatever I did in life and how I was the only one he would have remembered face to face - as I had made such an impact on him... He was never a client and we never had sex, we just sat and talked about the sex industry etc. and I remember having a great laugh with him...   and this e mail below is of a similar ilk and a great compliment, but then, I was never a dummy even back in my 20's and 30's... and I was thrilled and went all giggly ( girly ) when I read it and was all blushy...


Hi John.    Hi from a past client :)    It must have been quite a few decades somewhat since we last met in an escort role. I have employed quite a few escorts  and out of all of them,   by far,   you stand out (in more ways than one lol)

Happy birthday John for this month; 60 I believe? You now qualify for you old fogies bus pass lol

I'll have to pop in for coffee one Wednesday to say Hi & for our famous hug.   I bet you don't remember me John.   lol.   I consider you as a major conquest & friend so when we meet maybe you will say "WFM it's you, you old bugger!!" lol tc John.


Stay happy John .  Mike xxx
 

 


Be warned:


The e mail below is a common one for me and if you have ever received one similar, IGNORE IT - IT IS A CON and is being sent as a way to get your banking details and steal all your money.



Dear John:
I really hope you get this quickly. I could not inform anyone about our trip, because it was impromptu. we had to be in Ukraine for Tour.. The program was successful, but our journey has turned sour. we misplaced our wallet and Mobile on our way back to the hotel we lodge in after we went for sight seeing. The wallet contained all the valuables we had. Now our passport is in custody of the hotel management pending when we make payment.
 
I am sorry if i am inconveniencing you, but i have only very few people to run to now. i will be indeed very grateful if i can get a short term loan from you  this will enable me sort our hotel bills and get my sorry self back home. I will really appreciate whatever you can afford in assisting me with. I promise to refund it in full as soon as soon as I return. let me know if you can be of any assistance. Please, let me know soonest.

Thanks.

Andrew Green

 

 


When injustice becomes law,   defiance becomes duty.
 

 


HEAT YOUR HOME FOR PENNIES:


Thanks to Chris who told me this one - and it really works:

THIS REALLY WORKS


  1. Get a metal pot stand.  Put 3 or 4 Tea Lights - lit - in the middle together and have each one a couple of inches from the other

  2. On the top on them lower a terracotta garden pot with its bottom upwards and where the candles heat burns up the inside of the pots and not straight out of the whole at the top. 

  3. The heat of the candles will heat up the pot so you cannot even touch it and the heat from just 3 or 4 small Tea Lights will warm the whole room. 


Be careful with candles and never leave to burn without supervision or where children, the elderly or pets can knock them over;-  and not in a draughty location. 

If using Tea Lights NOT on some kind of metal or glass stand, then ALWAYS put them on a solid surface - NOT PLASTIC - as Tea Lights will melt down through the plastic and set fires.  They become extremly hot - hotter than a lot of people realize. 

Always put them in a safe countainer when alight and always take care with naked flames in the home.


I have been using one for the last couple of weeks and I have noticed I can turn down the heating in my own private lounge as it actually has been getting too hot and is a wonderful way of heating the place without paying a fortune to the gas and electric companies that are so screwing us all. 
 

 


click above to read all about this dangerous legislation
 

 

 
 



 

 

Eighty-eight thousand deaths a year?
One in 10 people in America die from alcohol abuse each year.

 





AN EXCELLENT WEB SITE - CLICK THE SYMBOL ABOVE
 

 


US Secretary of State, John Kerry representing a country which makes Genghis Khan look like a wimp when it comes to illegal invasions, still retains the prize for jaw dropper of the decade:

"You just don't, in the 21st century, behave in 19th century fashion by invading another country on completely trumped up pretext", he pontificated on CBS' "Face the Nation." 

It really is enough to take your breath away,- the gall of this idiot.  Does he assume we are all idiots ?


 

 


The following BOURNEBATERS poll is now closed. Here are the
final results:

POLL QUESTION:

HAS AGE CHANGED YOUR SEXUAL REQUIREMENTS

CHOICES AND RESULTS
- YES, 19 votes, 41.30%
- NO, 14 votes, 30.43%
- DRAMATICALLY SO FOR THE BETTER, 11 votes, 23.91%
- DRAMATICALLY SO FOR THE WORSE, 1 votes, 2.17%
- INDIFFERENCE TO SEX, 1 votes, 2.17%

For more information about this group, please visit
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BOURNEBATERS
 

 





 

 


'We have all been in abusive relationships, and sometimes we were the one being abused.'

Marianne Williams

 

 

BLOODY AWFUL.

 

HOME PAGE

 

 

 

 


BOSTON BOMBING A FAKE

Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 

John

HOME PAGE
IF YOU LOOSE PART OF THIS PAGE - CLICK HERE
 


WITH MILLIONS OF READERS EVERY YEAR
 



The next statement in true

The first statement is untrue


 



Death Penalty for Boston Marathon Suspect


Drives Nail in the Coffin of US Justice System


 


By Joachim Hagopian  Global Research, May 16, 2015

Url of this article:
http://www.globalresearch.ca/death-penalty-for-boston-marathon-suspect-drives-nail-in-the-coffin-of-us-justice-system/5449846

 

Tsarnaev-Boston-Trial


With the jury’s verdict now in sentencing an innocent man to death, the US justice system is sinking ever lower in its moral decay. So many giant holes in the prosecution’s case were simply ignored. Photos of the shredded backpacks allegedly containing the bombs never matched the backpacks of the Tsarnaev brothers.

But the fact that they did match a number of Kraft International private security contractors photographed at the scene meant nothing.

When evidence of a staged “realistic”enacted event complete with role actors and stagehand direction, fake bombs and fake blood, pre-marathon announcements of a “bomb drill” confirmed by a public notice in the Boston Globe, and no real evidence that either Tsarnaev brother committed a crime as much as admitted by the feds, there is absolutely no justice left in America today!

 


JB Comments:  Even at the time there was HUGE speculation that the Boston Bombing was fake, a lie, a manipulation by the US government to frighten the people and allow them to continue with their bullyboy behaviour and the Patriot Act,  and it seems the truth is clear for people to see except those in control who still keep to the lie - the bullshit - and a young man will be railroaded and murdered at the hands of the state when it is the stste that should be on trial and not some innocent stooge.

Please lick on the full story above and read for yourself.


OR HERE : - Url of this article:
http://www.globalresearch.ca/death-penalty-for-boston-marathon-suspect-drives-nail-in-the-coffin-of-us-justice-system/5449846
 

 


A FREE WEEKEND FOR MOANERS - MARIJUANA

Posted by: John

Tagged in: Untagged 

John

 

If you loose part of this page - CLICK HERE

 


Restaurants & Cafes and then Hotels & B&B's top review chart



I notice it does not count Sex Workers & Escort Agencies
 

 

 

 


 'A FREE WEEKEND FOR MOANERS'


I am putting together a weekend for those who like to constantly moan about absolutely everything.

It will be a free weekend for those who always find fault but who actually offer and do

NOTHING AT ALL TO HELP - EXCEPT TO MOAN.

Now we all know someone who should attend and it could well be you.  You know the type ' No one is ever doing anything.' - and when they attend an event or a function they complain about the entry fee - the queue - the coat check - the queue at the bar or self serve cafe - the music is too loud - or ' I can't hear.' : - They complain about the lights being too bright / dim and even the car parking, which although free, really should have been planned better.  The catering was useless and the tea / coffee like gnats piss.  If a hotel,  the bed was uncomfortable and the decor not to their taste.   The breakfast service was slow and the toast too brown and as for the hard butter, ' Why you'd think they would get up earlier and take the butter out of the fridge so it wasn't too hard... well wouldn't you .'
  The cooked breakfast was bad with overcooked eggs and mushy beans  and the marmalade was cheap.   As for the cold plate - unforgivable.

These are the people with some good ideas to share of which not one single word out of their mouth is in the slightest bit constructive or supportive and is really no help what-so-ever and yet they will insist on sharing this with you. they will tell you how they can offer something similar at a fraction of the cost, without actually having the faintest clue what the costs are or even what is involved, legally,  at putting on such an event,    and when you state the legal requirements -  all they do is wish it away with a wave of their hands and say it's all rubbish and unnessessary. 

These are the people who - basically - haven't a clue what is involved;-   How much hard work is involved,-   how many hours a day is put in to offer such an event or how much staff costs are, let alone 25% tax added to electricity and gas bills by the state.  

For these people are blind, deaf and dumb when it comes to the realities of running a small business as they - quite simply - have never done so.   These are the people who have always worked for someone else;-   where it is someone else who has constantly taken responsibility - and when it comes time to go home, they have their hat and coat on 15 minutes early and they have gone without a single thought of what is involved in closing up, locking up,  maybe sorting the financial takings of the day - arranging the banking and all the security etc. and even the staff rotas etc. 

These are the people who don't actually give a shit - for anything - but they want attention while having absolutely nothing - nada - zero to warrant having attention paid to them, for these are the people who often have nothing to say that is worth listening to - no valid opinion - nothing of interest - nothing amusing and certainly nothing with any logic set in reality;-   but they want to be heard and this stops and deminishes those WHO DO have something interesting and worth listening to and it exasperates. 

These are the people who spoil it for others and who cannot appreciate the beauty of the sunset without finding fault in the chill of the evening.   These are the people who complain about the children on the beach and miss the beautiful summer day.  These are the people who attend a wonderful loving wedding and bitch about everyones outfit and ' Doesn't she look fat in that dress.'

Now - to those who will now moan they cannot find any date or details about this FREE WEEKEND can moan all they like about how stupid, how incompetant, how irresponsible to put all this on here without actually putting a date and details about making a reservation for this spectacular weekend for moaners, and they will moan some more.  The point is,  IF I was to host such an event you would still moan, even if it was free and even if I had Harrods do the catering - Harvey Nicks the room decor and Buckingham Palace the staff.  You see, some people are so unhappy in their lives that all they do is moan and complain and moan some more and believe me, I occasionally hear it here and am not afraid to read the riot act at them and / or speak to their partner about their manner and how moaney it is and how we - actually - ALL can do without it.  Unhappiness manifests itself in many aspects of our daily lives and those who moan and complain all the time - are really very unhappy people and make those around them unhappy and then they have won... They have won because when you are also unhappy and start to moan - they will see it as how they are right.

So.   If you fancy a free weekend and you know that what you have read here  applies to you - then do by all means try and make a booking.  You will have plenty of ammunition by the time you get off the phone with me and especially if you e mail and the answer will give plenty to moan about.   Believe me, when I do get through with you - BOY - will you be moaning.

Now - How's that...???  Here I am offering a free opportunity to find something to moan about and ALL FOR FREE...    Surely, you can't find anything to complain about in that - Can you ?


If you found this article offensive, then you are welcome to complain,  as much as you like - if you think it will do you any good.  If in your life it DOES do you some good to moan all the time, then I feel desperately sorry for those who are 'giving in to you' and think they need to get a bigger pair of balls and tell you exactly where you can shove your moaning all the time as it REALLY does offer a 'half empty' and not 'half full'  look on life and that - my moaning friend, is such a bummer.

John Bellamy


Dear John:  Is your Moaning piece an early April Fools joke, cos I did so enjoy your tongue in cheek ending to it. Very good. Gordon G.
John:  I did laugh when I read your piece about the weekend for moaners. I can think of a few people I want to show that to. Pip R.
John. I must complain about your article on moaners.  I found it hillarious and so clever and it really did make me laugh as I have experienced what you wrote and so much more from customers over the years and you are right, - dead right - and thank you for bringing a smile to my mush.  Gerry M. London
John.  My partner insisted I sell our guest hours and choose another career where we could at least escape the moaners in the evenings.  After just five years it did his head in and we did sell up and move.  The moaners got to him while I appreciated it as a sign of very unhappy people and not those who think they are impressing,  at all.  Loved your article and it is so good to see someone with a mouth that is not afraid of using it to speak some truths.  You are a brave man and I bet it gives ammo to those who love to bitch about you.  
Richard ( Kissimme Florida )

 



 






I am not going to prostitute myself again so others who expect

a subsidised journey can enjoy it on the cheap at my expense


 

 


 

 

Marijuana frequently gets a bad rap. How much of it is deserved? After my earlier blog, “Should Marijuana Be Legalized?” I conducted research to find out the benefits and problems linked with marijuana use. While there are many, here are ten of the health benefits attributed to marijuana and, of course, some of the problems linked to its use:

Alzheimer’s—Marijuana may be able to slow the progression of Alzheimer’s disease, according to research by the Scripps Research Institute and published in Molecular Pharmaceutics.

AnxietyHarvard Medical School found that marijuana may have anti-anxiety effects. Of course, keep in mind that high doses may increase anxiety and paranoia.

Arthritis—Marijuana can alleviate pain and inflammation linked to arthritis.

Cancer—Research in the journal Molecular Cancer Therapeutics found that cannabidiol found in marijuana, turns off a gene called “Id-1,” which cancer cells use to spread.

Epilepsy—Marijuana has been shown in studies by Virginia Commonwealth University, to stop seizures in the school’s animal studies.

GlaucomaResearchers are working on developing new drugs based on cannabis to treat glaucoma pain after learning its effectiveness for treating the condition. Glaucoma is a condition that increases pressure inside the eyeball and can lead to vision loss.

Improves Lung Health—Research in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that marijuana can increase lung capacity, not decrease it as many people have long believed.

Multiple Sclerosis—A study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal found that cannabinoids found in marijuana significantly reduced multiple sclerosis pain.

Nausea—Marijuana contains a minimum of 60 chemicals known as cannabinoids, of which THC is the primary one associated with its mind-altering effects.  THC has been used in the treatment of nausea, including drug- or chemotherapy-induced nausea.

Parkinson’s Disease—Research published in MedPage Today found that marijuana use eased tremors and improved fine motor skills in patients with Parkinson’s disease.

Blood Sugar Problems.  Many suffer with ups and downs in energy levels caused by blood sugar problems and smoking or ingesting Marijuana helps dramatically in levelling this off and enabling a normal blood sugar level.  This allows the smoker to have a care free day without having to cinatsntly worry about eating food all the time in order to maintain a level blood sugar.  The effects are dramatic and almost instant.

Problems Linked with Marijuana Use:

Addiction—that’s a fairly obvious one. Also, it can cause uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms in people who discontinue use.

Comment from JB:  Marijuana is non addictive - the tobacco you mix it with is the danger,  not the dope.  If you have an addictive personality then do not blame the drugs or even the booze as it is the person and any substance can become addictive - chocolate - meat - and anything you put in your mouth to excess can become addictive.  How about sex and gambling... exercise - jogging - all can be addictive and eventually bad for you.

Anxiety and Paranoia—In high doses or in sensitive individuals, marijuana can cause anxiety and paranoia.

Comment from JB:  In tests - it was found that under 5% of people who smoke marijuana suffer from pananoia and this is usually because the person already had signs on mental health and the dope was the key. It is NOT common amongst regular smokers who have smoked for years.
  Do you ban something because a very small amount of people have a negative effect from something, because if that was the case almost everything would be banned - how about peanuts - 1 in 100 has an allergy and on a flight, if one person announces they are nut intollerant then the entire plane full of people are denied their peanuts... so why not ban peanuts...

Memory Impairment—As anyone who’s ever talked to someone who is high knows, memory impairment is common.

Comment by JB:  Sure , but this is short term and like getting drunk and not remembering much about the night before... what is the difference.

Mind-Altering Effects—This is particularly evident among people who haven’t used it before as well as many young people.

Comment from JB:  Just like booze or stress or prescription drugs - sometimes you can get an extra strong marijuana which can be a bit trippy,  just like some alcoholic substanbces which are quite legal.

 

Heart Attack—One study found an increase risk of heart attack within the first hour of smoking marijuana.

Comment by JB:  This is a first to me and sounds very suspicious that within the first hour this could lead to a heart attack - sounds like absolute rubbish to me as utter and complete nonesense.


If you think severe sentencing laws are doing more harm than good,

consider signing this Care2.com
petition.

 


Read more: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/shocking-health-benefits-of-marijuana.html#ixzz39nQe2se3
 

 



WAYSEERS MANIFESTO




ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits & troublemakers, all you free-spirits & pioneers...
Everything the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you...


A friend showed me this last night and I was awe struck by the power and the meaning in the words. 

Watch the video here - but most important -

LISTEN TO THE WORDS

It speaks to the heart of all those Light Workers
and those working for a higher cause -

Those who know there IS a Higher Cause
and those seekers of the TRUTH.





Go here:
HERE
Get it on iTunes:
HERE
Friend us at
HERE
Follow the creator on
HERE
Friend him on Facebook: HERE



CLICK THE IMAGE ABOVE TO GO TO THE UPRISER WEB SITE

 



WATCH IT HERE


BUT MOST IMPORTANT - LISTEN TO THE WORDS.


I found this the most powerful piece I think I have ever heard and it moved me deeply.
I urge you to listen with your eyes shut - ignore the video for the first hearing, and just throw yourself into the message

Thanks to Chris who introduced me to this


 

 

Here are the words below :-
 By Garret John LoPorto on September 22, 2010

 


|

ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits and troublemakers -

all you free spirits and pioneers - all you visionaries and non-conformists




Everything that the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you.

You see things others don't. You are hardwired to change the world. Unlike 9 out of 10 people - your mind is irrepressible - and this threatens authority. You were born to be a revolutionary.

You can't stand rules because in your heart you know there's a better way.

You have strengths dangerous to the establishment - and it wants them eliminated, So your whole life you've been told your strengths were weaknesses - Now I'm telling you otherwise.

Your impulsivity is a gift - impulses are your key to the miraculous,

Your distractibility - is an artifact of your inspired creativity,

Your mood swings - reflect the natural pulse of life, they give you unstoppable energy when you're high and deep soulful insight when you're low,

Been diagnosed with a "disorder"? That's society's latest way to deny it's own illness by pointing the finger at you.

 


Your addictive personality is just a symptom of your vast underused capacity for heroic, creative expression and spiritual connection. your utter lack of repression, your wide eyed idealism, your unmitigated open mind - didn't anyone ever tell you?!

These are the traits shared by the greatest pioneers and visionaries and innovators, revolutionaries, procrastinators and drama queens, activists on the social scene, space cadets and mavericks, philosophers and derelicts, business suits flying fighter jets, football stars and sex addicts, celebrities with ADD, alcoholics who seek novelty, first responders - prophets and saints, mystics and change agents.

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all affected by the way -
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -
You know in your heart that there's a natural order to life,
something more sovereign than any man-made rules or laws could ever express

This natural order is called "the Way."

 


The Way is the eternal substrate of the cosmos. It guides the very current of time and space. The Way is known by some as the Will of God, Divine Providence, the Holy Spirit, the implicate order, the Tao, reverse-entropy, life-force, but for now we'll simply call it "the Way."

The Way is reflected in you as the source of your inspiration, the source of your passions, your wisdom, your enthusiasm, your intuition, your spiritual fire - love.

The Way takes the chaos out of the Universe and breathes life into it by reflecting divine order. The Way, when experienced by the mind, is genius, when perceived through the eyes is beauty, when felt with the senses is grace, when allowed into the heart ... is love.

Most people cannot sense the Way directly. ... But then there are the Wayseers. The keepers of the flame. Wayseers have an unexplainable knack for just knowing the Way.
They sense it in their very being. They can't tell you why or how they arrived at the right answer. They just know it in their core. They can't show their work. So don't ask. Their minds simply resonate with the Way. When the Way is present, so are they.

While others are blind to it, and society begs you to ignore it, "the Way" stirs you inside. Neurological repression blocks most people's awareness of the Way - censoring all thoughts and impulses from the unconscious is their prefrontal cortex - the gestapo of the brain -  nothing which violates its socialized programming even gets through; but your mind is different. your mind has been cracked wide open to the Way - by some miraculous genetic trait, some psychotropic chemical or maybe even by the will of your very soul, your brain's reward pathways have been hijacked - dopamine employed to overthrow the fascist dictatorship of your prefrontal cortex - now your brain is free of repression, your mind free of censorship, your awareness exposed to the turbulent seas of the unconscious - through this open doorway divine light shines into your consciousness showing you the Way. This is what makes you a Wayseer.

90% of human civilization is populated with those who's brains are blocked to the Way.  Their brains are hardwired to enforce the social programming indoctrinated since birth.
Unlike you they cannot break out of this programming, because they have not yet experienced the necessary revolution of mind. These programmed people take social institutions and rules very seriously. Society is full of games programmed to keep peoples' minds occupied so they will not revolt.

These games often cause sick fixations on peculiar protocols, power structures, taboos and domination - all subtle forms of human bondage - This distinct form of madness is not only tolerated by the masses but insisted upon. The programmed ones believe in rules so forcefully they become willing to destroy anyone who violates them.

Wayseers are the ones who call their bluff.  Since Wayseer minds are free to reject social programming, Wayseers readily see social institutions for what they are - imaginary games.  
Wayseers comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.
Helping those who are lost in these games and refuse to help themselves is a calling of many Wayseers.

Since Wayseers are the ones who keep contact with the original source of reality - they are able to disrupt societal conventions and even governments to realign humanity with the Way.

The Wayseers are an ancient lineage. A kind of priesthood - carriers of the flame - ones "in the know."  There must always be Wayseers to reform the dizzying psychotic spinning gears of society - giant mindless hamster wheels obscuring the pure blue sky, keeping humanity shackled in a darkened cage - so Wayseers are called - to shed light on the madness of society - to continually resurrect the timeless transcendent Spirit of Truth -

Wayseers reveal this divine truth by devoting themselves to the birth of some creative or disruptive act expressed through art or philosophy, innovations to shake up industry, revolutions for democracy, coups that topple hypocrisy, movements of solidarity, changes that leave a legacy, rebellions against policy, spirit infused technology, moments of clarity, things that challenge barbarity, watersheds of sincerity, momentous drives for charity


We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all affected by the way -

We are - all - the same - you know

'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -

This is your calling, Wayseer

You've found your tribe.

Welcome home.



 

 





 

 


andy pryor

Died Sunday August 19th 2012 - aged, I think 43.

and you know what,  I don't think I have a picture of him - after a computer crash a few years ago where thousands of photos were lost, and now all I have is my memory - that picture in my head.


I first met Andy when he joined a group I was runnning called 'The Gay Spiritual Group' in London, and this would be around 1996-97. He was instantly a keen member  and quickly  joined the committee to help with the running of the group.  Once a month we hosted a Social  and would get anything up to 65 members in my London home and a really good spiritual evening would be had,  relaxed and informal,  with people just talking and laughing,   and at around 9pm I would introduce a speaker for 30 minutes or so, and one of these evenings,  Andy wanted to give a talk about an  experience he had recently had.
He was really nervous and with a little encouragement from me - he stood and introduced himself and gave a wonderful, lighthearted account of a recent trip to Egypt that had changed his life,  and it was a really lovely thing to be a part of and to hear this London cockney lad - offering such a  gentle story. 

For Andy was a little Tough Ted... an east end lad you might not - at one time - have trusted  with your wallet or car keys - as he had been a cheeky little rascall when he was a teenager and in private he would tell me some of the things he had got up to in the past which while illegal,   did make you smile broadly and laugh out loud... and while you felt for the victim who had had their car stolen - or whatever - it was never meant to be malicious or evil,  it was just lads messing about,  and we would laugh.  But all that was years behind him and he donated a great deal of his time to helping others, through voluntary charity work and in his private life as well,  and he was a very thoughtful and kind, considerate and loving man.

When I moved to Hamilton Hall he would come down and help us paint and decorate - or more often - he would actually bring a friend with him who he paid to do the work for him as his disabilities through various illnesses brought about through his HIV made it difficult for him to do some things physically,  and he was thrilled every time to be able to offer something and happy to be a part of Hamilton Hall, and I was very pleased to have him part of my life.

I remember one long hot summer, maybe around 2004 - he was down for a couple of weeks with his dog - a Doberman named Scooby ( naturally )  and we would sit in the garden until late at night with candles lit all over the place and just chill out and laugh and share stories from our past - as we actually had a lot in common - and these are happy memories.  His cheecky chappy grin and laugh won him many friends here and one elderly friend fell madly in love with him;- in a really nice and sweet way - and every time I mentioned Andy to him he would smile broadly and laugh...

I knew his health was up and down over the years and I would always be inviting him down for a free stay and more often than not, he would either come down or be too busy at home,  and all of a sudden he has having problems with his bowels and had already had an operation giving him a temporary colostomy and when he visited he was so up, so cheerful and so positive, he was such an inspiration even though I think he was going through a great deal. 

During a trip to Egypt where the pain became so great he increased his pain medication, he decided upon return to just tell the doctors to take his bowel right out and give him a full colostomy as he could not live with the pain and it was obviously not getting any better,  and this was done almost immediately.  He laughed about not needing to douch any more and was so positive all through it.  But it seems things went from bad to worst and although he was always up-beat when I phoned,  he eventually moved into a hospice - he said for pain management - but within a couple of weeks his phone was switched off and he had died.  A few days later his sister called and told me the news and as soon as she said she was Andy's sister, I knew - for I had had to go through my own sisters phone book years ago after her death - phoning people and telling them - and I just knew.  Instantly my tummy did a flip,  my heart missed a beat and a tear came to my eye.  Poor Andy, I wish he'd let me know how ill he was, I would have visited him in the hospice,  but I think he didn't want a fuss - didn't want people to see him in those last days and wanted us to remember him as he was,  and he left this world peacefully and as he had lived it , on his own terms.

He also chose not to have a funeral service of any kind,  and the family were to be told - after the fact - that he had been cremated by the funeral company after it was all over.  Some would have a hard time with this - as saying your final farewell in front of a coffin is traditional and what we all expect,  but not when it causes such grief for people.  Andy hated fuss,  and so chose to leave this life as quietly as he could and leave happy memories and not grief in his wake.  

No flowers.

No hymns. 
No getting to the place on time and having to wear something black - which he would have hated and no
eulogy describing his life in nine minutes.

I was upstairs late last night with a friend and Andy and I had always shared a cigarette or two together and evenings just talking and laughing,  so I did just that with Matt who works here and we shared a few smokes,  talked about loads of things including Andy - and just had one of those evenings where we were giggling like school girls...  and all the while aware of Andy and how he would have loved to be with us one last time,  and bless him. 

Getting older for me is fun,  I see so much of other older people in myself as I come closer to my 60's - people who are older than I am and now I am catching them up,  and the one sadness is remembering all the sweet people whose lives have come to an end so much younger and so much sooner,  and it makes me sad.  I know there are always new friends to meet,  new faces to  laugh with and new evenings to share a smoke and a giggle and I give thanks for the ever changing aspect of my daily life and the wonderous way it moves through the years,  and there are times I remember back and see a face in my minds eye - of Andy - or someone else I held dear but probably never got the chance to really tell them how important they were to me,  and I try harder with my 'today friends' to let them know how much I care and love them, and as fast and as busy as my days are,  I always remember and keep their memory alive within my mind, my body and my soul and in this,  they are still with me.  Still alive and still making me smile.   For I don't ever want to forget.


Bless you Andy.

This is a piece of music he enjoyed and is to be played in the chapel.  CLICK HERE

 

 

 


My Mother, Betty.

Posted by: John

Tagged in: personal

John

 



My Mother died 21st September 2011

by John Bellamy


Like a lot of you out there, I have a Mother  who moved from her warden assisted flat to a nursing care home as her mental and physical health meant she was no longer able to look after herself any longer, and there were many times when it made my heart weep. I was talked out of looking after her in my  home and while my heart desperately wanted to look after her,  my head told me I would not manage and it was not a good idea.

A while ago she had a bladder infection and she was in bed and  very distressed - staring out of unseeing eyes that did not seem to focus,  grabbing with her hands at anything and everything close - ie: the bars at the side of the hospital bed had been put up to keep her in bed as she kept sliding out and staggering up the ward - and it was quite a distressing site for many to witness - and she was chattering away - with words that did not follow any cohesive sense and while she knew my name and - kind of - that I was her son -  all sorts of other family members names came into it and I don't really think she knew me,   Her confused state was sad to witness. 



My Mother - a bright, intelligent fashion model who was one of London's top models in the 1940's  and 1950's and walked the catwalk,   also sang with many famous dance bands,  for she had a superb voice - and who raised 3 children,  was reduced to this. 

A tall proud women with a voice and an opinion of her own and no fear of speaking her mind,- a woman who was married 3 times during her life and who put up with a lot,-   A woman who had lived alone for over 20 years since her 3rd husband - my Step Father died and who lost her only daughter ( my sister ) and her baby ( my niece ) around 20 years ago when both died a few months apart ,-  A women who has always been accepting of my gay lifestyle and who loved my friends and boyfriends totally,   even if not being as accepting of my brothers wife - always being a dreadful mother-in-law and a women who all those 'mother-in-law jokes'  must have been written about,-  And a woman who was stubborn, difficult and sometimes a women who would make the angels cry because GOD she could NEVER admit fault and take responsibility and simply apologize,   and a woman who has caused much family turmoil because of her refusal - point blank refusal - to ever accept that she was ever wrong about anything - And a woman who admitted to me some years ago that she had never been in love - never really knew what love was and that - despite being married 3 times and raising a family,  had never really understood what that mysterious word 'love' - had meant - and while in her way she has loved and has been loved, she never really comprehended what it meant, and for that, I was always desperately sorry. 

Sorry that she never understood how we - her children - felt about her and sorry that she always felt the need to - somehow - try and manipulate the situation to suit herself all the time.  Sad that she  never realised we would do whatever she wanted because we loved her and not because she was being manipulative.  Sad that she always thought every situation was about her  and sad that she felt such jealously and resentment towards anyone who 'stole her limelight' - even her own grandchildren.  Sad that she resented her son being a sensational husband and father to his children and sad that she felt such resentment towards those who had something she felt she had lost out on, when the truth was - she hadn't - for she was loved - she was very cared for - and while she never understood this and while she felt alone and unloved,  other people were hurt and betrayed by her time and time again because she simply didn't get it.  She never really understood,-  and that saddens me. 

Poor Betty - my poor Mother,  and as much as we have told her over the years and as much as we have openly shown our affection and considered her in our lives - she still never got it - never realised and never allowed herself to be part of the family - preferring to isolate herself and say that she wasn't wanted all the time when the exact opposite was the truth, and we just got fed up with it. 

Towards the end, to see her bedridden and shouting for help all the time,  was not good.   I could have visited more often,  and she understood in her way.

Whatever it was she lost - and whatever it was she lacked - and for all her mistakes and all her selfish ways,  she was my Mother, I love her dearly, and no-one - NO -ONE - should be made to go through the kind of thing at the end of their lives,   and the cruelty metered out by a government and health authority  SO AGAINST EUTHANASIA beggars belief.  My Mother would not have wanted this,  and with a society where 80% of people asked agree that euthanasia is the best thing in some situations such as this,  I know she didn't suffer at the end, which came quite quickly,  and that  she can now be with my sister, her family and Jesus - in peace - which is what she spoke of.

I would tell her that it was okay - she didn't have to keep fighting and being scared - that she could go to Heaven and see Jesus and the family any time she wanted, and that she, and they, would all be young again, that she would be singing once more and surrounded by those who loved her,  and that her Father - who she never knew - would welcome her with open arms - along with Jesus.  She felt reassured with this and while her body outlived her mind -  I know she would not have wanted to live like this.  Some people need permission to 'let go' and find peace, and my Mother hung on in there and died 21st September 2011 aged 89.   She wasn't ill - she wasn't suffering anything more than being bed ridden and with dementia - her body was strong and she just seemed to 'give up' and slipped into unconsciousness and died within an hour, peacefully, and for that I thank God and the Universe.

So my Mother has now become a memory and one I shall treasure always. I shall tell stories, laugh and get angry, and always with love and affection, for while my Mother exasperated us dearly,  she was a character - and strong willed individual and she died how she lived, in her own time and in her own way.  I can hardly believe I will not see her next week or next month, when I visit and I comb her hair and paint her nails and we talk around in circles and --- but like so many people,  life goes on and we will have her cremated and sprinkle her ashes over Evening Hill - a delightful park with a stunning view over Poole and the harbour and at sunset it is simply delightful, and I often visit with friends to enjoy a fish and chip supper from a local takeaway,   and I shall remember her and be thankful that she was my Mother, who I loved dearly.


John Bellamy