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'NAKED OPEN DAY AT HAMILTON HALL'
Our Naked Open Day was fun. The rain held off from the day before when it had chucked it down throighout the day and the sun atually shone on the day itself and we were able to use the garden to enjoy our nakedness, even though the sun would hide behind clouds and when it did ... shivver shivver... but when clear and sunny ... it was delightful.
About 12 - 15 people attended in all and we shared a laugh and it is always good to see locals you have not met before coming to join us, and I hope will return for our Coffee Mornings on a Wednesday morning throughout the year ( MEN ONLY )
I provided a huge Minestroni ( home made ) soup and hot rolls from the oven and mango & banana trifle and with all the drinks and cocktails etc. it made a fun day.
The garden is recovering from the last few heavy rainy days where everything looks a bit squashed and battered. The flowers have lost their splendour for a few ays and I mjust do some deadheading today to encourange new growth and while it is still really lovely out there, it does need an hour to tidy and sort.
Every evening - late - around midnight, I just spend 10 minutes in the garden - which is lit at nights - enjoying the summer air, the stary sky, the smell of the Jasmine and the wonder that is the garden, and just say thank you. Winter is a long time and being so busy all summer means we get little opportunity to really appreciate the beauty and the sunshine etc. and I like to take this time on my own to just enjoy and say thanks.
Cock and Ball JO Weekend - August 7th - 9th has a couple of vacancies. It was fully nbooked but a cancellation has given a twin room available . BOOK NOW.
Bournemouth Air Show - Thursday August 20th - Sunday 23rd - The largest Free Air Show in the UK, and where over a million people flock to Bournemouth to see it - and we have vacancies for accommodation and we are just a 10 minute walk from the show and the ction and the millions of people while being in a very quiet location where you would never know a million people were in town.
August Bank Holiday weekend - Friday August 28th - Monday 31st - and where we have a full cabaret and karaoki planned, has vacancies available and will be - as always - a great weekend, as for those who have been here before understand, it does not matter what the weather outside is doing as there is always something to do, to laugh - chat - share - be alone or with company and to re charge and chill out here at Hammy Hall - and naturally is the sun shines and it is hot, there is plenty to do outside Hammy Hall - the beaches, Jurassic Coast, New Forest and even a large gay scene if you wish to visit saunas and bars etc... so 'come on down.'
The Dorset Caning Club weekend - September 25th - 27th - is keenly booking up.
Want to come... ?
TRAVEL PROBLEMS IF GOING ABROAD
Airport queues waiting hours and hours for delayed flights.
Airport Security searching everything
Ferries stuck because of indiustrial action in France
Dangerous bugs and mozzies biting the hell out of you Upset tummies from foreign water & food ( and men )
Bad exchange rates for your money
Being ripped off
SO COME TO BOURNEOUTH
WHERE THE MEMORIES BEGIN
Bournemouth is now the leading resort on the south coast and is accepted as a
ANOTHER REASON NOT TO GO TO BRIGHTON
Brighton and Hove are to ban smoking on the beaches to protect children from passive smoke, and this idea in wide open spaces seems absolutely panic stricken and stupid. I can understand indoors, but not on the beach where the most harmful toxic stuff comes from the environment and not smoking. Are they to ban cars and trucks - how about all the power boats and jet ski's - and the Coastguard up there zipping around in his helicopter putting highly toxic and dangerous chemicals ( exhaust ) into the atmosphere - as these cause far more cancers than ever ciggies do ? This panic move reeks of 'do gooders' getting on the band wagon and just want to get their voice heard when they actually have very little to say - and it is these people that do more harm than good, and the facts behind passive smoking are very slight at best - and a great deal is made up and blatant lies. Banning smoking in wide open spaces is really bully boy ignorant behaviour and DO NOT TELL ME IT IS FOR HEALTH REASONS as THAT IS BOLLOCKS.
I am not saying smoking is harmless, but the facts and the reality are very different to the misinformation we are fed by the authorities who have hidden agendas and do NOT share truthful input with the public at all and everything is designed to keep us in fear where we are controlable.
THE 3 MAIN CAUSES OF THROAT CANCER
THIRD BIGGEST CAUSE - SMOKING
SECOND BIGGEST CAUSE - BINGE DRINKING roll on the drums here THE BIGGEST CAUSE OF THROAT CANCER - URBAN LIVING
The crap in the environment at a time when the government is taking subsidies from solar farms and giving it to fracking oil based / carbon fuel based - companies to expand their work. This is absolutely gob smacking and a complete example of big business rules. Claiming to help clean up the air is only good if you are seen to be doing just that and not, as it seems, deliberately going against the very statute the UK is bound to achieve from the EU on our emissions and carbon footprint. It is all a load of bollocks and we are all being lied to by the government and big business and our carbon footprint does not go down at all. People are still getting sick but NOT from smoking, but from crap in the environment that the government seems hell bent on doing absolutely nothing to change.
I bought series 1 - 3 recently as I have never seen this as it was always on when I was busy cooking dinner, and I was mesmerised with it - absolutely brilliant. Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes and Martin Freeman as Doctor John Watson are both TOP CLASS and I found myself laughing and crying and completely wrapped up in the drama from beginning to end. Photography and styling was stunning, brilliant special effects and as for the writing, I loved the way it twisted and turned and showed things that had actually never happened and the camp gay slant is a scream and so well treated. FIRST CLASS.
One little thing I fpund fun were the constant hints that people - in the story - always assume the two to be a gay couple, and the camp value this has it worthy of a few giggles. Sensibly and carefully written, it is a scream...
I have now ordered the new series and cannot wait to see it soon.
NAKED MONTH STARTS :-
Beginning of the NAKED MONTH started this weekend and today is brilliant sunshine and clear blue skies and will be a wonderful naked day on the beach - or in the garden here at Hammy Hall, sharing the breakfast or dinner table with others and even chilling in the lounge naked,- and we really could not have wanted for better weather. Glorious.
I did ' Nude Fest' a couple of years ago with 300 mixed men and women in a very lovely camp ground in Cornwall - or was it Devon - I forget;- and it rained and blew and galed and - well my balls were worn as two earings all week they shrank that much with the cold weather - and for June - this was very dissappointing. I had a great time but when attending a naked event, you do want it to be warm enough to be naked and swinging... ha ha .... The camp ground was really 5 star and our tent was warm and cosy but there were evenings I really thought we would take off and be blown into another field - and naturally this didn't happen and we were perfectly safe, it just was not what was hoped for from a naturally naked week in mid summer.
I may run a naked hotel but there is somehting very different ' doing it for yourself' as this is my home and I am often naked anyway - so no big deal, and when staying somewhere else, like for my guests who come here - it is a very different kettle of fish... and is always well received.
Hamilton Hall is the only FULL TIME naked hotel for men in the whole of the UK, and not just in the garden or in specific indoor areas like in some mens hotels, but throughout the entire venue, and not just a private house with a couple of spare rooms but a fully licensed hotel with Health & Safety / Food Hygiene etc. and a fully intergated Fire Precaution system with fire doors etc. throughout and not cheap little battery things but a hard-wired system - and all the various licenses to legally play music etc. - business rates etc... Hamilton Hall takes your safety seriously and where some of these other venues charge as much if not more - while not paying out for your protection, and where they should be charging a lot less than us considering the tens of thousands it costs and where they have not spent the money or taken the precautions - Hamilton Hall spends a fortune keeping all the equipment 'up to date' and current and is checked by the various authorised bodies - and all this costs money and we do this, so you can be safe.
So I am in the garden today trimming the bushes ( any old jokes you want to make here .... about trimming my bush ) and enjoying the sunshine.
So come on down to naked month and get your kit off and enjoy and be proud of what you have and to hell with those who like to bitch, as one day they will be older and not in such good shape and - actually - GOOD FOR YOU - be proud of your body no matter what - and be real and be honest about your self and not delusionsl - be truthful with yourself - and you will find contentment and joy in your own naked self... as well we all should.
' If a man lays with another man, he should be stoned.'
So there you have it. The Bible is encouraging men to smoke marijuana.
Now, I wonder what the Born Agains and Jahova Witness's have to say about this.
please - read and listen to the words, they are beautiful and puts the responsibility firmy in our own hands.
I WON'T LET YOU DOWN - By OK Go
This video is amazing - watch it and realise THIS IS REAL -
no computer graphics but tons of real people actually really doing what you see... AMAZING
If you want a tear in your eye, watch this very sweet short youtube link
IS THIS THE KIND OF WORLD
WE ARE HEADED FOR ?
A 9 year old boy at St. George's Bickley CE School was seen playing knights and dragons in the playground and was using a ruler as a make believe sword, and the head teacher called the police and the boy and his mother were interviewed concerning this.What absolutely beggars belief, is that on the schools web site - the shield and picture below are detailed and is a sword wielding man fighting a dragon - and yet when a young boy of 9 plays at precisely this, the police get called and if we are to find fault - change the schools shield for a posey of flowers or a sunset - as it completely beggars belief.
ABSOLUTE MADNESS. NOTHING MORE THAN BULLYING BY THE STATE.
I read this report on the Metro newspapers website, which I read daily, and was absolutely stunned that a 9 year old boy - when seen playing with a ruler as a fake sword, is seen as a threat and the police have to be called - as if the police have nothing else better to do. ( Mind you, if this was the United States, they would have shot him dead on the spot in front of other children and then blamed the boy and his family and got off scott free - so thank goodness we do not live in that kind of evil empire yet ... )
This disgraceful behaviour by the school and most of all by the Head teacher - Geraldine Shackelton, sends a very loud message about how our children are not allowed an imagination;- not allowed to play freely;- not allowed to copy what we see - and children will be children, and they will play at war games, dragons and demons, rough stuff and tough stuff as that is what they see on the TV:- that is what is popular culturally and that is exactly what adults are doing all the time - war war and more war - bitching and fighting - lying and cheating during a general election - soap operas with slanging matches between people and there are very few role models left for children to look up and aspire to as everyone is afraid - afraid they will be cast as an evil doer - a peadophile - a pervert - just because they are good people with no hidden agendas and just want to help - and other than footballers who often do not set a good example, children have no good role models left any more.
Even Spongebob Squarepants - a hugely popular and awarded childrens programme loved by millions of children around the world - and despite its widespread popularity, the series has been involved in several public controversies, including one centered on speculation over SpongeBob's intended sexual orientation;- ( I despair - it's a cartoon for God's sake ) and the Telly Tubbies where an adult complained because one had a handbag and therefore must have been gay - and we look at these occurances and the adults who complain and we must see clearly here folks - we must start seeing clearly and truthfully, that it is the adults that have the problems and by using the police and causing such trouble for a young boy who should be encouraged for using his imagination in play - are creating and harvesting nothing but trouble for the next generation who will grow up afraid to play in case they make the wrong move and someone reads it all wrong - afraid to speak up in case they say the wrong thing - afraid to be creative in case they are labeled gay or even a perv. - and afraid to do and say anything in case the state comes down on them.
I was stunned that this happened in the UK as it is the kind of thing we see happening in America all the time - but remember a friend who was a Deputy Head of a failing school back in the mid 1990's - in London - and who was put into the school to help sort it out, and he was reported for touching one of the girl students - ( he is an out gay man and everyone knew he was gay ) and within 30 minutes it as realized it was untrue as he was in a staff meeting with 30 other teachers at the time the girl said he was with her - so everyone knew it was a lie by the girl to gain attention, but he was still investigated and laid off work for 18 months with full pay ( and full stress ) and the council spent over £250,000 investigating what was known within minutes to be a lie - and the abuse was compounded by the very institution aimed at protecting those it abuses.
If we are to follow this onwards, and if we allow this sort of abuse to continue - abuse that comes from the state and mad people allowed to hold powerful positions of authority, then the next generation will be fucked up and we stand little chance of a stable, sensible, educated and nurtured generation to come, and will have a generation of scared, intimidated and underdeveloped people bringing up our next generation - and that spells even more problems ahead.
Let children play, and monitor their play, but for goodness sake, the adults need to lighten up - grow up - and relax. Not every childrens game is one of a future terrorist - ( and besides, it is our government that causes and creates terrorists by its very actions of being the bully around the world in order to gain access to the oil and gas etc. ) and we need to allow our children to use their imagination in fun and laughter - and foster happy children. Not scared ones.
After a week of lovely weather we had rain this morning and
I am sitting here in the office listening to birds singing outside - and it is a joyous sound.
CERTIFICATE OF EXCELLENCE
HAMILTON HALL 2014
I often see these awards and think - well - who voted that the best pub / club / gay venue - as no one asked me and who voted it the best ??? ... and consider it all a load of bollocks to get you to spend more money in their bar. Trip Advisor;- while I say they are tossers and a waste of time - this certificate of excellence is an award because of the amount of positive feedback we have received from those who have stayed here and THAT is wonderful and I am proud and thrilled about that. Compared to many other venues, we could easily be a 3 or 4 star B&B but I do not buy into the tourist board schemes which - again - are just money spinners for the council - and I do not waste my money with something that has such little meaning.
66% of visitors attend alone.
22% attend with a partner / friend
6% come on business
New Year Joke:
When I found out I was Bi Polar, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
I ordered this movie from Gays the Word Bookshop in London ( HERE) after a customer suggested it and I have not cried as much while watching a movie as I did last night. Filled with sweet tender moments that make you ' fill up' and several times when the tears really flowed - as the story of a group of gay men and lesbians decide to collect money and support the coal miners during the Thatcher period of destroying the Miners Union back in the 1980's and the ' coming together' of people from very different communities - 1) Coal Miners - 2) Gay Men and Lesbians - and the acceptance and rewards that these very different communities find through a battle with authorities for acceptance of a way of life and to keep their mines open.
With those from the gay community understanding persecution and bigotry only too well, they appreciate and value what the miners are going through fighting the Thatcher government for the right to keep their livlihoods and their communities up and running. Gay men have fought for decades for acceptance in law ( which we tend to take for granted now we have all we fought for ) but these were the days when GAY PRIDE MARCHES were political and had a powerful message about equality and not the Mardi Gras celebration of - er - what exactly ??? - as it is these days up and down the country and the London Gay Pride marches of the 1980's were London based - and tens of thousands would attend from all over the country. We had a common goal we shared - about acceptance and a change in the law - and the way these gay men and lesbians took it upon themselves to raise funds and moral for the miners - is breath taking - and I did cry - several times.
I found this film to be very moving and as I am old enough to remember the onset of HIV and Aids and all that was ' going down' in the mid '80's, this film is well worth a visit and have a big box of Kleenex handy, oh and you will laugh out loud as well - as there are many very funny scenes.
With some familiar faces - this well produced and executed story keeps its point and keeps you watching. Not too ' over the top' and certainly not too preachy about gay rights - it hit the nail right on the head and combined the difficulties of being a member of the gay /. lesbian community and a member of a small mining community and a coming together of real opposites with a common goal, and from this coming together, acceptance and love prevaile.
I shall certainly be watching this film a lot with customers here at Hammy Hall and shall certainly now be ordering at least another dozen copies from GAYS THE WORD BOOK SHOP - as they helped - back in the '80's - by offering the group of fund raisers to use their facilities in the shop and I would rather spend my money buying the DVD from them than Amazon.
Tony Bray died just before Christmas 2014, and I shall miss him. He was a good and dear friend who visited and loved Hamilton Hall and would sit in the Conservatory meeting and greeting people as they came and went and everyone loved his peaceful and charming manner. He was 79 years of age and a real sweetheart. He will be missed, dearly missed.
HELP US TO BRING THIS NEWSMAGAZINE TO YOU
BY DONATING A LITTLE SOMETHING TO HELP US KEEP IT GOING.
Every penny raised goes to help the many people we help with food, company, a week or weekend away, counseling, and even sometimes helping with clothes. In one case we bought a homeless student a bike to get to college on, and in another , a guitar and lessons to play for a local lad whose life was aimless and he was stoned on drugs all day and all night and we are today, guiding him into making a life for himself - get his act together - and have some order in his empty life. We do what we do for absolutely no reason other than
Russel Brand on gay marriage:- ' Everyone should be allowed the misery of marriage.'
DEMENTIA CARE - fancy a free break on us ?
I watched a news article this evening concerning Dementia / Alzheimer's and how some people give up their job and security to look after an aging parent who has Dementia and with what little help the state offers them;- and this got me thinking.
If you are struggling alone in this manner - on benefits - working hard to look after an aging parent / relative / friend who has Dementia - with little or no assistance from the state and you struggle financially - and where you can get your loved one into a care home for a few days ( the state should allow you some respite - as if you became ill then the state would HAVE to step in - and you may have to insist and even fight for some help as it will often not be offered freely, as they simply do not want to offer you help as it costs them money and as long as you are coping, you will often be ignored - abandoned even, by the system for as long as they can get away with it - ) and I would offer a few days - to a week - as a free holiday here to help support you - to say thank you for what you do for your loved one and to show that others care. This time is 'YOU TIME' - to recharge and rebuild - have a laugh and have some personal space to do and be and say and have what YOU want for a while.
Having been in a similar situation myself in the past, I am aware how all consuming it can become - How you can put your own wants and desires ' on hold ' until eventually you may feel lost and what you want becomes second place to what someone else wants and needs, and this needs addressing as it is an unhealthy way forward - for both parties.
Hamilton Hall would like to offer this space to be yourself - to find yourself within the mountain that sometimes can become all consuming of your time, emotions and everything you have to offer and - sometimes - it can be hard to see a way forward ;- or a way out ; - and we completely respect your worth and dedication - hence this offer from the heart.
I will ask for some evidence so no one feels they are being conned, and you would be very welcome as my guest - more or less - any time in the year ( not during special events or the festive season though ) so please get in touch - share your story - and let's see if we can get you down to the coast for a while and be amongst understanding and sympathetic people.
This has always been the case at Hamilton Hall where we have always offered free periods here to those looking after others with health problems, whether it be Dementia or HIV - Cancer or anything. Many unpaid family members & friends are carers - full time - and they give up a great deal to help others and these selfless acts needs rewarding and it seems there are few who see or appreciate fully what some people do for someone else, the sacrifices and the emotional support - and we are here to offer this back to the carer for a change.
e mail me on
THE LOST HOUR
I did the usual thing this morning. Got up for breakfast at around 7.30am so it would be ready in case anyone was down for the 8am start - ( we serve between 8 - 10am - although if someone came down later it's not a problem ) and as I have done before, I forgot it was Sunday and we do brekkie from 9 - 11am and I could have had an extra hour in bed... groan..... So I took the dogs up the park ( my neighbours dog was having a ' sleep over' with us as Dad was busy last night with his girlfriend and didn't need the distraction of his dog - and as Schnorbitz ( the dog ) lives here half the time anyway and Missy is quite use to him - we enjoyed a peaceful 20 minutes in the long grass under the mighty oaks listening to how quiet it is on a Sunday morning before the church bells wake some people up. Now it's time for a cuppa green tea and some Marmite toast...
Homophobic married reverend
has a profile on Grindr
People like this deserve to be exposed - as what a first class bloody idiot
Until 2 p.m. on Monday, the ‘Our Church Staff’ section of St. John’s Lutheran Church and School’s website described Reverend Matthew Makela as an associate pastor who enjoys, “family, music, home improvement, gardening and landscaping, and sports.”
Screenshots obtained by Queerty from a source who asked that his name be withheld shed light on some of the Reverend’s other favorite past times — namely nude make out sessions and sex with other men.
And the folks at Queerty.com note, the good pastor has publicly backed an anti-gay agenda on many occasions:
It is unrighteous to give into sinful temptations. We are all tempted and it is not a sin to be tempted, but it is a sin to give into to temptation. A sexual attraction to the same sex is a sinful temptation to be resisted and overcome by God’s grace and power, just as a temptation to steal or lie or overeat must be resisted and overcome by replacement with working hard, telling the truth and moderation in appetite. We all face varying degrees of temptation in sometimes varying areas of life and we all are tempted to sin according to 1 Corinthians 10:13.
Jesus reaffirmed one man one woman marriage in Matthew 19:4-6 where he quotes from Genesis 1:27 and 2:24. In Old and New Testaments homosexual practice is clearly condemned (Leviticus 18:22; Romans 1:21-32; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11; 1 Timothy 1:9-10). There is no sinful practice God cannot forgive and overcome by his grace through faith in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).
JB Says: It just goes to show that many of the loudest, most vocal and most adamantly against many things in life, are often those who secretly adore the very thing they scream against and the story above is proof of this. This hypocrit, this so called ' man of the cloth' - it seems is not holy cloth but cloth that changes its colour as to the whim of the man wearing it - for this man changed direction in accordance to when his dick is hard or not, and damning gays while cruising the internet looking for men for sex shows a man whose opinions are unvalid and should not be allowed a voice, an opinion and certainly NOT a pulpit in a church - as this man preaches hate from one side of his face and damning gays - while betraying the very words spoken by sucking cock the other side of his face and this kind of hypocricy must always be exposed and revealed to the world,- and then maybe the masses will think twice before following anyone who damns another for whatever reason as - in this case, it seems the very thing he was screaming and ranting about was the very thing that he desired himself - SEX WITH MEN.
It also confirms exactly what I have always said - homophobics are usually always homosexual themselves but living in denial.
AND The church in its homophobic rants for centuries has always been - and always will be - full of faggots as it is gay men who are more in tune with their inner feelings and have more empathy for others - and yet women and gay men have been banished from the church and preaching by boring - out-of-touch straight men afraid to loose their job and so damn and destroy the very best people available for this caring role.That being women and gay men.
When injustice becomes law, defiance becomes duty.
AN EXCELLENT WEB SITE - CLICK THE SYMBOL ABOVE
The following BOURNEBATERS poll is now closed. Here are the
HAS AGE CHANGED YOUR SEXUAL REQUIREMENTS
CHOICES AND RESULTS
- YES, 19 votes, 41.30%
- NO, 14 votes, 30.43%
- DRAMATICALLY SO FOR THE BETTER, 11 votes, 23.91%
- DRAMATICALLY SO FOR THE WORSE, 1 votes, 2.17%
- INDIFFERENCE TO SEX, 1 votes, 2.17%
I found this old picture of Nikolai Alexandrovich Romanov - the last Tsar of Russia who was executed along with his whole family on July 17, 1918 aged just 50. Of all the pictures I have seen of this man - as I read Russian History a lot in my teens - I found this picture captivating in its look of today. The beard and style is very current and fashionable and - I found myself staring into his eyes wondering what was going through his mind - what he went through in his short life, the mistakes, the fears, the sumptious lifestyle compared to the vast majority of Russians at the time and the horrors surrounding his death.
I have to admit that if I met him in a bar or here at the hotel I would think - - ' CUTE ' and I do find his stare to be quite mesmerizing.
The next statement in true
The first statement is untrue
Gay priest takes
Church of England
to employment tribunal
Rev Pemberton refused a licence after marrying his male partner Legal case opens today at Nottingham Employment Tribunal
London, UK - 15 June 2015
Canon Jeremy Pemberton today begins his historic employment discrimination case against the Church of England over its withdrawal of his right to officiate as a priest and its refusal to give him a licence to take up a chaplaincy post with Sherwood NHS.
The case takes place at Nottingham Employment Tribunal.
“There are two human rights principles at stake in this case. Is the Church of England exempt from the laws prohibiting workplace discrimination and is it entitled to discriminate against gay clergy who have been lawfully married in a civil ceremony?,” noted Peter Tatchell, human rights campaigner and Director of the Peter Tatchell Foundation.
Mr. Tatchell is supporting Rev Pemberton and last October confronted the Archbishop of York, accusing him of “victimising, intimidating and bullying” Pemberton.
“This strikes me as a clear case of employment discrimination. The Church of England has no right to seek exemption from the anti-discrimination laws that apply to everyone else.
“The disciplinary action was taken by the acting Bishop of Southwell and Nottingham, Richard Inwood, after seeking advice from the Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, who is thereby clearly implicated in the church’s discrimination against Rev Pemberton.
“It is disgraceful homophobia to deprive a priest of his right to work because he married the man he loves. Discrimination is not a Christian value.
“Jeremy Pemberton married his partner Laurence last year in a civil ceremony.
“Jeremy sought appointment to a job in the NHS. It is not reasonable for the Church of England to dictate to the NHS who it can employ.
“Just because the Church of England treats lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) clergy as second class Christians this is no excuse for it to impose its anti-gay discrimination on non-church institutions.
“In June 2014, Jeremy was offered the role of Chaplaincy Manager at Sherwood Forest Hospitals NHS Trust in Nottinghamshire. The job offer was withdrawn because the church refused to give Jeremy the required licence - solely because of his marriage to Laurence,” said Mr Tatchell.
Shameful behaviour by the church. Absolutely shameful. In its fear and paranoia of anything ' out of the ordinary' - or should it be ' out of their control' the church sees fit to deny a sweet and loving man his career because of their own backward thinking and blatant lies about what biblical writings actually say. If you have doubts about what the Bible does say on homosexuality - just ask - or search this web site - as what people assume it says are untrue and distorted and lied from pulots up and down the country and aroiund th world and a mass of population have the wrong facts - as the Bible DOES NOT DAMN GAY MEN AT ALL.
Cinsidering all the puffs, queens, hancy boys and queers who have worked and contiue to work in the church as page boys, chopir boys and right up to senior positions like Vicars, Priests and Bishops, gay men are in all areas of the church while damning and destroying anyone who chooses to ' come out - and be proud.'
Shameful of the church. How UN CHRITIAN and how UNENLIGHTENED.
Restaurants & Cafes and then Hotels & B&B's top review chart
I notice it does not count Sex Workers & Escort Agencies
THE CON MAN
This is the e mail address of a thief. A cheat. A liar. This is someone who e mails hotels and makes an expensive booking and then tries to pay by Bankers Draft - which we do not accept - and wants to pay double what you ask and for you to send him the difference in cash and then weeks later it turns out that the whole thing was a con and you are left to repay the funds taken in the first place PLUS you have already sent him 50% as well, so you are now 150% out of pocket for some thief from an address he claims is in America, but all his details are fake.
This is a common one and most hoteliers are aware of this but you do initially have your time wasted with an enquiry - and in this instant, when he e mails in return accepting the room price and making the offer of paying double through bankers draft etc. I had already realised this was a con because this time he mentioned it was for him and his wife and as a men only venue, it was obviously just a mass e mail sent to thousands of venues without checking us out, and he only sent a personal reply once you had answered, and I dare say even that was a cut-and-paste reply, the same thing sent to whomever answered.
Then when you write back and tell them to fuck off - they then write a bad review on Trip Advisor when all along, they are the thief and the con man. They are the nasty man who is trying to destroy your business and all aimed at those who are simply trying to offer an honest venue and people like this cause trouble and negative vibes and has the potential to ruin a business.
I tell you, there are some horrible human beings out there and I do truly feel sorry for their victims, but also in a strange way, sorry for them as well, as what kind of awful life have they had that makes them so nasty, so vile, so uncaring of others and so hard. Did they even have parents to guide them or just the gang mentality. Did they grow up - literally - on the streets - roughing it - and did they suffer terribly growing up and have no knowledge of love - at all. Is that what makes them so hurtful and yet uncaring towards others ?
Are they, like David Icke states, reptilian, and have no knowledge of love and affection, being cold blooded and emotionless.
Are they suffering from mental health like Aspergers Syndrome, where emotions can be seen as unchartered territory for many and love is an anathema - a weakness to be despised and where some have no knowledge of what it actually is ?
Are they Capricorn - as many Capricorns can be emotionless and the passion of love passes them by completely and some seem unable to comprehend what love actually is ?
Whatever - be on the watch out for con artists, they come in many shapes and sizes and we get them here , through e mail and phone calls, trying it on all the time... Just as well I am not a fool and am street wise...
'A FREE WEEKEND FOR MOANERS'
I am putting together a weekend for those who like to constantly moan about absolutely everything.
It will be a free weekend for those who always find fault but who actually offer and do
NOTHING AT ALL TO HELP - EXCEPT TO MOAN.
Now we all know someone who should attend and it could well be you. You know the type ' No one is ever doing anything.' - and when they attend an event or a function they complain about the entry fee - the queue - the coat check - the queue at the bar or self serve cafe - the music is too loud - or 'I can't hear.' : - They complain about the lights being too bright / dim and even the car parking, which although free, really should have been planned better. The catering was useless and the tea / coffee like gnats piss. If a hotel, the bed was uncomfortable and the decor not to their taste. The breakfast service was slow and the toast too brown and as for the hard butter, ' Why you'd think they would get up earlier and take the butter out of the fridge so it wasn't too hard... well wouldn't you .' The cooked breakfast was bad with overcooked eggs and mushy beans and the marmalade was cheap. As for the cold plate - unforgivable.
These are the people with some good ideas to share of which not one single word out of their mouth is in the slightest bit constructive or supportive and is really no help what-so-ever and yet they will insist on sharing this with you. They will tell you how they can offer something similar at a fraction of the cost, without actually having the faintest clue what the costs are or even what is involved, legally, at putting on such an event, and when you state the legal requirements - all they do is wish it away with a wave of their hands and say it's all rubbish and unnessessary.
These are the people who - basically - haven't a clue what is involved;- How much hard work is involved,- how many hours a day is put in to offer such an event or how much staff costs are, let alone 25% tax added to electricity and gas bills by the state.
For these people are blind, deaf and dumb when it comes to the realities of running a small business as they - quite simply - have never done so. These are the people who have always worked for someone else;- where it is someone else who has constantly taken responsibility - and when it comes time to go home, they have their hat and coat on 15 minutes early and they have gone without a single thought of what is involved in closing up, locking up, maybe sorting the financial takings of the day - arranging the banking and all the security etc. and even the staff rotas etc.
These are the people who don't actually give a shit - for anything - but they want attention while having absolutely nothing - nada - zero to warrant having attention paid to them, for these are the people who often have nothing to say that is worth listening to - no valid opinion - nothing of interest - nothing amusing and certainly nothing with any logic set in reality;- but they want to be heard and this stops and deminishes those WHO DO have something interesting and worth listening to and it exasperates.
These are the people who spoil it for others and who cannot appreciate the beauty of the sunset without finding fault in the chill of the evening. These are the people who complain about the children on the beach and miss the beautiful summer day. These are the people who attend a wonderful loving wedding and bitch about everyones outfit and ' Doesn't she look fat in that dress.'
Now - to those who will now moan they cannot find any date or details about this FREE WEEKEND can moan all they like about how stupid, how incompetant, how irresponsible to put all this on here without actually putting a date and details about making a reservation for this spectacular weekend for moaners, and they will moan some more. The point is, IF I was to host such an event you would still moan, even if it was free and even if I had Harrods do the catering - Harvey Nicks the room decor and Buckingham Palace the staff. You see, some people are so unhappy in their lives that all they do is moan and complain and moan some more and believe me, I occasionally hear it here and am not afraid to read the riot act at them and / or speak to their partner about their manner and how moaney it is and how we - actually - ALL can do without it. Unhappiness manifests itself in many aspects of our daily lives and those who moan and complain all the time - are really very unhappy people and make those around them unhappy and then they have won... They have won because when you are also unhappy and start to moan - they will see it as how they are right.
So. If you fancy a free weekend and you know that what you have read here applies to you - then do by all means try and make a booking. You will have plenty of ammunition by the time you get off the phone with me and especially if you e mail and the answer will give plenty to moan about. Believe me, when I do get through with you - BOY - will you be moaning.
Now - How's that...??? Here I am offering a free opportunity to find something to moan about and ALL FOR FREE... Surely, you can't find anything to complain about in that - Can you ?
If you found this article offensive, then you are welcome to complain, as much as you like - if you think it will do you any good. If in your life it DOES do you some good to moan all the time, then I feel desperately sorry for those who are 'giving into you' and think they need to get a bigger pair of balls and tell you exactly where you can shove your moaning all the time as it REALLY does offer a 'half empty' and not 'half full' look on life and that - my moaning friend, is such a bummer.
Dear John: Is your Moaning piece an early April Fools joke, cos I did so enjoy your tongue in cheek ending to it. Very good. Gordon G. John: I did laugh when I read your piece about the weekend for moaners. I can think of a few people I want to show that to. Pip R. John. I must complain about your article on moaners. I found it hillarious and so clever and it really did make me laugh as I have experienced what you wrote and so much more from customers over the years and you are right, - dead right - and thank you for bringing a smile to my mush. Gerry M. London John. My partner insisted I sell our guest hours and choose another career where we could at least escape the moaners in the evenings. After just five years it did his head in and we did sell up and move. The moaners got to him while I appreciated it as a sign of very unhappy people and not those who think they are impressing, at all. Loved your article and it is so good to see someone with a mouth that is not afraid of using it to speak some truths. You are a brave man and I bet it gives ammo to those who love to bitch about you.
Richard ( Kissimmee Florida )
My Moan: In June a couple cancelled a weekend stay here on the very day they were suppose to arrive - and this was on one of our SPECIAL OFFERS which comes with strict conditions attached, and the customer thought he could carry his money paid over for another date - which he was informed was incorrect and that he had lost his money. He then some time later tried making a booking for another date and this time the full price was in effect and no special offer, and he assumed - incorrectly - that the previous monies would / could be carried forward and that the SPECIAL OFFER from before would also count in July - which is did not and why he assumed either of these incorrect things is not my concern, especially as my web site, my e mails and even my e mail in connection to his original cancellation made this very clear.
He then threw a tantrum and I have never heard from him again and I know that my venue and my name is now shit with him and he is bath mouthing me and my business to all; when the problem is not mine, it was his mistake and his alone, and it is grossly unfair when negative reports are left on web sites by those who are too immature to accept the responsibility of their own mistakes and simply grow through the experience and learn from it .
I do expect a certain amount of professional attention given when doing any kind of business with a business, as this IS a business and why some people are under the misunderstanding that they can mess me around and that as a business, we do not have a Terms and Conditions, is amazing.
I offer so much for free to those in need and this kind of bad attitude and abuse, because leaving a negative report on a web site because of something the venue is innocent about;- is abuse;- simply sucks and says a great deal about the author. It also hurts me as I work hard at running HH amd when people do this, it causes disharmony and that is unnaceptable in anyones reality.
I am not going to prostitute myself again so others who expect
a subsidised journey can enjoy it on the cheap at my expense
Marijuana frequently gets a bad rap. How much of it is deserved? After my earlier blog, “Should Marijuana Be Legalized?” I conducted research to find out the benefits and problems linked with marijuana use. While there are many, here are ten of the health benefits attributed to marijuana and, of course, some of the problems linked to its use:
Alzheimer’s—Marijuana may be able to slow the progression of Alzheimer’s disease, according to research by the Scripps Research Institute and published in Molecular Pharmaceutics.
Anxiety—Harvard Medical School found that marijuana may have anti-anxiety effects. Of course, keep in mind that high doses may increase anxiety and paranoia.
Arthritis—Marijuana can alleviate pain and inflammation linked to arthritis.
Cancer—Research in the journal Molecular Cancer Therapeutics found that cannabidiol found in marijuana, turns off a gene called “Id-1,” which cancer cells use to spread.
Epilepsy—Marijuana has been shown in studies by Virginia Commonwealth University, to stop seizures in the school’s animal studies.
Glaucoma—Researchers are working on developing new drugs based on cannabis to treat glaucoma pain after learning its effectiveness for treating the condition. Glaucoma is a condition that increases pressure inside the eyeball and can lead to vision loss.
Nausea—Marijuana contains a minimum of 60 chemicals known as cannabinoids, of which THC is the primary one associated with its mind-altering effects. THC has been used in the treatment of nausea, including drug- or chemotherapy-induced nausea.
Parkinson’s Disease—Research published in MedPage Today found that marijuana use eased tremors and improved fine motor skills in patients with Parkinson’s disease.
Blood Sugar Problems. Many suffer with ups and downs in energy levels caused by blood sugar problems and smoking or ingesting Marijuana helps dramatically in levelling this off and enabling a normal blood sugar level. This allows the smoker to have a care free day without having to cinatsntly worry about eating food all the time in order to maintain a level blood sugar. The effects are dramatic and almost instant.
Problems Linked with Marijuana Use:
Addiction—that’s a fairly obvious one. Also, it can cause uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms in people who discontinue use.
Comment from JB: Marijuana is non addictive - the tobacco you mix it with is the danger, not the dope. If you have an addictive personality then do not blame the drugs or even the booze as it is the person and any substance can become addictive - chocolate - meat - and anything you put in your mouth to excess can become addictive. How about sex and gambling... exercise - jogging - all can be addictive and eventually bad for you.
Anxiety and Paranoia—In high doses or in sensitive individuals, marijuana can cause anxiety and paranoia.
Comment from JB: In tests - it was found that under 5% of people who smoke marijuana suffer from pananoia and this is usually because the person already had signs on mental health and the dope was the key. It is NOT common amongst regular smokers who have smoked for years.Do you ban something because a very small amount of people have a negative effect from something, because if that was the case almost everything would be banned - how about peanuts - 1 in 100 has an allergy and on a flight, if one person announces they are nut intollerant then the entire plane full of people are denied their peanuts... so why not ban peanuts...
Memory Impairment—As anyone who’s ever talked to someone who is high knows, memory impairment is common.
Comment by JB: Sure , but this is short term and like getting drunk and not remembering much about the night before... what is the difference.
Mind-Altering Effects—This is particularly evident among people who haven’t used it before as well as many young people.
Comment from JB: Just like booze or stress or prescription drugs - sometimes you can get an extra strong marijuana which can be a bit trippy, just like some alcoholic substanbces which are quite legal.
Heart Attack—One study found an increase risk of heart attack within the first hour of smoking marijuana.
Comment by JB: This is a first to me and sounds very suspicious that within the first hour this could lead to a heart attack - sounds like absolute rubbish to me as utter and complete nonesense.
If you think severe sentencing laws are doing more harm than good,
I found this the most powerful piece I think I have ever heard and it moved me deeply.
I urge you to listen with your eyes shut - ignore the video for the first hearing, and just throw yourself into the message
Thanks to Chris who introduced me to this
Here are the words below :-
By Garret John LoPorto on September 22, 2010
ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits and troublemakers -
all you free spirits and pioneers - all you visionaries and non-conformists
Everything that the establishment has told you is wrong with you - is actually what's right with you.
You see things others don't. You are hardwired to change the world. Unlike 9 out of 10 people - your mind is irrepressible - and this threatens authority. You were born to be a revolutionary.
You can't stand rules because in your heart you know there's a better way.
You have strengths dangerous to the establishment - and it wants them eliminated, So your whole life you've been told your strengths were weaknesses - Now I'm telling you otherwise.
Your impulsivity is a gift - impulses are your key to the miraculous,
Your distractibility - is an artifact of your inspired creativity,
Your mood swings - reflect the natural pulse of life, they give you unstoppable energy when you're high and deep soulful insight when you're low,
Been diagnosed with a "disorder"? That's society's latest way to deny it's own illness by pointing the finger at you.
Your addictive personality is just a symptom of your vast underused capacity for heroic, creative expression and spiritual connection. your utter lack of repression, your wide eyed idealism, your unmitigated open mind - didn't anyone ever tell you?!
These are the traits shared by the greatest pioneers and visionaries and innovators, revolutionaries, procrastinators and drama queens, activists on the social scene, space cadets and mavericks, philosophers and derelicts, business suits flying fighter jets, football stars and sex addicts, celebrities with ADD, alcoholics who seek novelty, first responders - prophets and saints, mystics and change agents.
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all affected by the way -
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -
You know in your heart that there's a natural order to life,
something more sovereign than any man-made rules or laws could ever express
This natural order is called "the Way."
The Way is the eternal substrate of the cosmos. It guides the very current of time and space. The Way is known by some as the Will of God, Divine Providence, the Holy Spirit, the implicate order, the Tao, reverse-entropy, life-force, but for now we'll simply call it "the Way."
The Way is reflected in you as the source of your inspiration, the source of your passions, your wisdom, your enthusiasm, your intuition, your spiritual fire - love.
The Way takes the chaos out of the Universe and breathes life into it by reflecting divine order. The Way, when experienced by the mind, is genius, when perceived through the eyes is beauty, when felt with the senses is grace, when allowed into the heart ... is love.
Most people cannot sense the Way directly. ... But then there are the Wayseers. The keepers of the flame. Wayseers have an unexplainable knack for just knowing the Way.
They sense it in their very being. They can't tell you why or how they arrived at the right answer. They just know it in their core. They can't show their work. So don't ask. Their minds simply resonate with the Way. When the Way is present, so are they.
While others are blind to it, and society begs you to ignore it, "the Way" stirs you inside. Neurological repression blocks most people's awareness of the Way - censoring all thoughts and impulses from the unconscious is their prefrontal cortex - the gestapo of the brain - nothing which violates its socialized programming even gets through; but your mind is different. your mind has been cracked wide open to the Way - by some miraculous genetic trait, some psychotropic chemical or maybe even by the will of your very soul, your brain's reward pathways have been hijacked - dopamine employed to overthrow the fascist dictatorship of your prefrontal cortex - now your brain is free of repression, your mind free of censorship, your awareness exposed to the turbulent seas of the unconscious - through this open doorway divine light shines into your consciousness showing you the Way. This is what makes you a Wayseer.
90% of human civilization is populated with those who's brains are blocked to the Way. Their brains are hardwired to enforce the social programming indoctrinated since birth.
Unlike you they cannot break out of this programming, because they have not yet experienced the necessary revolution of mind. These programmed people take social institutions and rules very seriously. Society is full of games programmed to keep peoples' minds occupied so they will not revolt.
These games often cause sick fixations on peculiar protocols, power structures, taboos and domination - all subtle forms of human bondage - This distinct form of madness is not only tolerated by the masses but insisted upon. The programmed ones believe in rules so forcefully they become willing to destroy anyone who violates them.
Wayseers are the ones who call their bluff. Since Wayseer minds are free to reject social programming, Wayseers readily see social institutions for what they are - imaginary games.
Wayseers comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.
Helping those who are lost in these games and refuse to help themselves is a calling of many Wayseers.
Since Wayseers are the ones who keep contact with the original source of reality - they are able to disrupt societal conventions and even governments to realign humanity with the Way.
The Wayseers are an ancient lineage. A kind of priesthood - carriers of the flame - ones "in the know." There must always be Wayseers to reform the dizzying psychotic spinning gears of society - giant mindless hamster wheels obscuring the pure blue sky, keeping humanity shackled in a darkened cage - so Wayseers are called - to shed light on the madness of society - to continually resurrect the timeless transcendent Spirit of Truth -
Wayseers reveal this divine truth by devoting themselves to the birth of some creative or disruptive act expressed through art or philosophy, innovations to shake up industry, revolutions for democracy, coups that topple hypocrisy, movements of solidarity, changes that leave a legacy, rebellions against policy, spirit infused technology, moments of clarity, things that challenge barbarity, watersheds of sincerity, momentous drives for charity
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all affected by the way -
We are - all - the same - you know
'cuz we're all attracted to the flame -
This is your calling, Wayseer
You've found your tribe.
Died Sunday August 19th 2012 - aged, I think 43.
and you know what, I don't think I have a picture of him - after a computer crash a few years ago where thousands of photos were lost, and now all I have is my memory - that picture in my head.
I first met Andy when he joined a group I was runnning called 'The Gay Spiritual Group' in London, and this would be around 1996-97. He was instantly a keen member and quickly joined the committee to help with the running of the group. Once a month we hosted a Social and would get anything up to 65 members in my London home and a really good spiritual evening would be had, relaxed and informal, with people just talking and laughing, and at around 9pm I would introduce a speaker for 30 minutes or so, and one of these evenings, Andy wanted to give a talk about an experience he had recently had.
He was really nervous and with a little encouragement from me - he stood and introduced himself and gave a wonderful, lighthearted account of a recent trip to Egypt that had changed his life, and it was a really lovely thing to be a part of and to hear this London cockney lad - offering such a gentle story.
For Andy was a little Tough Ted... an east end lad you might not - at one time - have trusted with your wallet or car keys - as he had been a cheeky little rascall when he was a teenager and in private he would tell me some of the things he had got up to in the past which while illegal, did make you smile broadly and laugh out loud... and while you felt for the victim who had had their car stolen - or whatever - it was never meant to be malicious or evil, it was just lads messing about, and we would laugh. But all that was years behind him and he donated a great deal of his time to helping others, through voluntary charity work and in his private life as well, and he was a very thoughtful and kind, considerate and loving man.
When I moved to Hamilton Hall he would come down and help us paint and decorate - or more often - he would actually bring a friend with him who he paid to do the work for him as his disabilities through various illnesses brought about through his HIV made it difficult for him to do some things physically, and he was thrilled every time to be able to offer something and happy to be a part of Hamilton Hall, and I was very pleased to have him part of my life.
I remember one long hot summer, maybe around 2004 - he was down for a couple of weeks with his dog - a Doberman named Scooby ( naturally ) and we would sit in the garden until late at night with candles lit all over the place and just chill out and laugh and share stories from our past - as we actually had a lot in common - and these are happy memories. His cheecky chappy grin and laugh won him many friends here and one elderly friend fell madly in love with him;- in a really nice and sweet way - and every time I mentioned Andy to him he would smile broadly and laugh... I knew his health was up and down over the years and I would always be inviting him down for a free stay and more often than not, he would either come down or be too busy at home, and all of a sudden he has having problems with his bowels and had already had an operation giving him a temporary colostomy and when he visited he was so up, so cheerful and so positive, he was such an inspiration even though I think he was going through a great deal. During a trip to Egypt where the pain became so great he increased his pain medication, he decided upon return to just tell the doctors to take his bowel right out and give him a full colostomy as he could not live with the pain and it was obviously not getting any better, and this was done almost immediately. He laughed about not needing to douch any more and was so positive all through it. But it seems things went from bad to worst and although he was always up-beat when I phoned, he eventually moved into a hospice - he said for pain management - but within a couple of weeks his phone was switched off and he had died. A few days later his sister called and told me the news and as soon as she said she was Andy's sister, I knew - for I had had to go through my own sisters phone book years ago after her death - phoning people and telling them - and I just knew. Instantly my tummy did a flip, my heart missed a beat and a tear came to my eye. Poor Andy, I wish he'd let me know how ill he was, I would have visited him in the hospice, but I think he didn't want a fuss - didn't want people to see him in those last days and wanted us to remember him as he was, and he left this world peacefully and as he had lived it , on his own terms.
He also chose not to have a funeral service of any kind, and the family were to be told - after the fact - that he had been cremated by the funeral company after it was all over. Some would have a hard time with this - as saying your final farewell in front of a coffin is traditional and what we all expect, but not when it causes such grief for people. Andy hated fuss, and so chose to leave this life as quietly as he could and leave happy memories and not grief in his wake.
No flowers. No hymns.
No getting to the place on time and having to wear something black - which he would have hated and no eulogydescribing his life in nine minutes.
I was upstairs late last night with a friend and Andy and I had always shared a cigarette or two together and evenings just talking and laughing, so I did just that with Matt who works here and we shared a few smokes, talked about loads of things including Andy - and just had one of those evenings where we were giggling like school girls... and all the while aware of Andy and how he would have loved to be with us one last time, and bless him.
Getting older for me is fun, I see so much of other older people in myself as I come closer to my 60's - people who are older than I am and now I am catching them up, and the one sadness is remembering all the sweet people whose lives have come to an end so much younger and so much sooner, and it makes me sad. I know there are always new friends to meet, new faces to laugh with and new evenings to share a smoke and a giggle and I give thanks for the ever changing aspect of my daily life and the wonderous way it moves through the years, and there are times I remember back and see a face in my minds eye - of Andy - or someone else I held dear but probably never got the chance to really tell them how important they were to me, and I try harder with my 'today friends' to let them know how much I care and love them, and as fast and as busy as my days are, I always remember and keep their memory alive within my mind, my body and my soul and in this, they are still with me. Still alive and still making me smile. For I don't ever want to forget.
Bless you Andy.
This is a piece of music he enjoyed and is to be played in the chapel.CLICK HERE
Like a lot of you out there, I have a Mother who moved from her warden assisted flat to a nursing care home as her mental and physical health meant she was no longer able to look after herself any longer, and there were many times when it made my heart weep. I was talked out of looking after her in my home and while my heart desperately wanted to look after her, my head told me I would not manage and it was not a good idea.
A while ago she had a bladder infection and she was in bed and very distressed - staring out of unseeing eyes that did not seem to focus, grabbing with her hands at anything and everything close - ie: the bars at the side of the hospital bed had been put up to keep her in bed as she kept sliding out and staggering up the ward - and it was quite a distressing site for many to witness - and she was chattering away - with words that did not follow any cohesive sense and while she knew my name and - kind of - that I was her son - all sorts of other family members names came into it and I don't really think she knew me, Her confused state was sad to witness.
My Mother - a bright, intelligent fashion model who was one of London's top models in the 1940's and 1950's and walked the catwalk, also sang with many famous dance bands, for she had a superb voice - and who raised 3 children, was reduced to this.
A tall proud women with a voice and an opinion of her own and no fear of speaking her mind,- a woman who was married 3 times during her life and who put up with a lot,- A woman who had lived alone for over 20 years since her 3rd husband - my Step Father died and who lost her only daughter ( my sister ) and her baby ( my niece ) around 20 years ago when both died a few months apart ,- A women who has always been accepting of my gay lifestyle and who loved my friends and boyfriends totally, even if not being as accepting of my brothers wife - always being a dreadful mother-in-law and a women who all those 'mother-in-law jokes' must have been written about,- And a woman who was stubborn, difficult and sometimes a women who would make the angels cry because GOD she could NEVER admit fault and take responsibility and simply apologize, and a woman who has caused much family turmoil because of her refusal - point blank refusal - to ever accept that she was ever wrong about anything - And a woman who admitted to me some years ago that she had never been in love - never really knew what love was and that - despite being married 3 times and raising a family, had never really understood what that mysterious word 'love' - had meant - and while in her way she has loved and has been loved, she never really comprehended what it meant, and for that, I was always desperately sorry.
Sorry that she never understood how we - her children - felt about her and sorry that she always felt the need to - somehow - try and manipulate the situation to suit herself all the time. Sad that she never realised we would do whatever she wanted because we loved her and not because she was being manipulative. Sad that she always thought every situation was about her and sad that she felt such jealously and resentment towards anyone who 'stole her limelight' - even her own grandchildren. Sad that she resented her son being a sensational husband and father to his children and sad that she felt such resentment towards those who had something she felt she had lost out on, when the truth was - she hadn't - for she was loved - she was very cared for - and while she never understood this and while she felt alone and unloved, other people were hurt and betrayed by her time and time again because she simply didn't get it. She never really understood,- and that saddens me.
Poor Betty - my poor Mother, and as much as we have told her over the years and as much as we have openly shown our affection and considered her in our lives - she still never got it - never realised and never allowed herself to be part of the family - preferring to isolate herself and say that she wasn't wanted all the time when the exact opposite was the truth, and we just got fed up with it.
Towards the end, to see her bedridden and shouting for help all the time, was not good. I could have visited more often, and she understood in her way.
Whatever it was she lost - and whatever it was she lacked - and for all her mistakes and all her selfish ways, she was my Mother, I love her dearly, and no-one - NO -ONE - should be made to go through the kind of thing at the end of their lives, and the cruelty metered out by a government and health authority SO AGAINST EUTHANASIA beggars belief. My Mother would not have wanted this, and with a society where 80% of people asked agree that euthanasia is the best thing in some situations such as this, I know she didn't suffer at the end, which came quite quickly, and that she can now be with my sister, her family and Jesus - in peace - which is what she spoke of.
I would tell her that it was okay - she didn't have to keep fighting and being scared - that she could go to Heaven and see Jesus and the family any time she wanted, and that she, and they, would all be young again, that she would be singing once more and surrounded by those who loved her, and that her Father - who she never knew - would welcome her with open arms - along with Jesus. She felt reassured with this and while her body outlived her mind - I know she would not have wanted to live like this. Some people need permission to 'let go' and find peace, and my Mother hung on in there and died 21st September 2011 aged 89. She wasn't ill - she wasn't suffering anything more than being bed ridden and with dementia - her body was strong and she just seemed to 'give up' and slipped into unconsciousness and died within an hour, peacefully, and for that I thank God and the Universe.
So my Mother has now become a memory and one I shall treasure always. I shall tell stories, laugh and get angry, and always with love and affection, for while my Mother exasperated us dearly, she was a character - and strong willed individual and she died how she lived, in her own time and in her own way. I can hardly believe I will not see her next week or next month, when I visit and I comb her hair and paint her nails and we talk around in circles and --- but like so many people, life goes on and we will have her cremated and sprinkle her ashes over Evening Hill - a delightful park with a stunning view over Poole and the harbour and at sunset it is simply delightful, and I often visit with friends to enjoy a fish and chip supper from a local takeaway, and I shall remember her and be thankful that she was my Mother, who I loved dearly.