Many have heard some of my stories, as I am a great story teller about my life. Many have heard and laughed when I describe outragous things that happened to me when I was a sex worker and many have been in awe and amazement about my life in the USA living with a very rich lover, and it seems one of these stories has a tragic ending.
Just last year my X from America wanted me to fly to New York and come back to England with him on the Queen Mary, and I was somewhat reluctant, as I was never impressed with his wealth and never was - and although I would have dearly loved for him to visit - as it had been 20 years since I saw him last and contacted rarely on e mail - I do still love him dearly and I do not like wasting money like this and could think of all the people I could help with that kind of money needlesly spent.
He told me he had moved to Panama and was building a beach front home with 500 metres of beachfront and was spending $3million on the home. He never got that I did not care about that and was always more interested in how he was, - him as a person and not his wealth. He always tried to impress me and it never worked 30 years ago when we were together and it certainly didn't work more recently, and he simply seemed unable to grasp that about me.
I e mailed a couple of times recently and had e mails returned as his In Box apparantly was full,- so yesterday - 28th October 2015 - went to the web site for his business and it was closed, so although I very rarely Facbook - I found his account and discovered that friends had left message of sorrow, as he had died back in September, and after contacting one of those friends I remembered, I received an e mail this morning stating how he had died destitute and in a room of a good samaritan - not even a good friend, just a good samaritan, in Palm Springs.
It seems, a man who had a huge wealth - and I mean a HUGE wealth back then, was now destitute and no good friends around at the end.
The initial reading of his Facebok page was awful, I was numb and reading and re reading the messages and kept thinking I must be reading it wrong... especially as he had nowhere to live - no home of his own - and he was destitute ?
Dear God what happened ?
BLOG HOME PAGE
We split up in 1985 and that was when I became a sex worker as he had left me destitute ( do you get the karma here ) and I did very well and earned a fortune and have done well since - and to now learn he was destitute is a tragic ending for him.
If only he could have been truthful with me and stopped the bullshit, which I always picked him up on and which he disliked about me - he could have come and lived here at Hamilton Hall and I would have looked after him as a dear and loving friend, not just a good samaritan he barely knew. I cannot believe he kept the pretense of his wealth - or lack of - from me, when of all people, I would have completely understood and been sympathetic. Not judgemental at all, as I loved him as a person and not his wealth, it never - ever - impressed me. Sure it was great to vacation in Hawaii or Mexico for the winter or New York or San Francisco for the summer, but while I loved him dearly, his alcohol and cocaine abuse came between us and his abuse and violence - emotionally and physically, eventually drove us apart and we split.
I was destitute and he didn't help me at all. Homeless and penniless - good friends helped me and I moved to London - got a flat share, became an escort, and within a year had saved enought to buy my own flat and this was the start of a finacially secure future for me, and eventually to buying Hamilton Hall for cash - no mortgage. I did this for myself without his help and I forgave him years ago for dumping me, as my life was good and I have no complaints.
It was 16 years ago I moved to Bournemouth and I have always wished he would visit and we could sit and chat about old times and make peace - be the friends we always hoped we could have been all along and with no violence and temper tantrums and that we could find a place to accept what was, and what has been, and understand. Sadly that will now never happen.
It saddens me - and is somewhat typical I suppose, as it seems there were offers of accommodation by friends yet he chose to hide himself away in a room donated by a good samaritan and not even a good friend - and it appears he lost his wealth 8 years ago, and I do wonder WTF happened - what went wrong to loose so much - as it seems he and his brother were both broke at the end ( his brother died 3 years ago ) and he kept this totally from me. In those 8 years the offers of trips and cruises and so forth were regular and I never accepted any as I have Hamilton Hall to run and it takes a commitmentand working long hours and 52 weeks a year - and I am truly dedicated to what we do here, however I longed for him to visit me here and asked so many times yet he always claimed to be busy with work and an assortment of travells to Vietnam, India and so forth and I do wonder how long the pretence was going on for. All those lies - all that bullshit, when he was really skint.
Darryl Fiss was a kind and thoughtful man and there for many - somewhat fucked up and very good at 'putting on a show' and appearing fine to people while beating me up - I never felt I had anyone to talk to at the time and felt isolated and so hope drained away for me and I felt trapped and vulnerable. This gave me a lasting appreciation for those in abusive relationships who do not leave and who do put up with it - knowing it is wrong but thinking they have no one and nowhere to get help, and being afraid to ask as it showed weakness and might get back to the abuser, and that would / could be the worst thing imaginable. So I kept it inside and it eventually broke us up.
COMMUITY LIVING FOR MEN
But to die basically alone and destitute is so tragic after a life of such highs. I simply do not understand and feel desperately sorry for him. WTF was going on for him - How did he end up so broke ?
It appears he didn't even have enough to pay for his own funeral and his old family lawyer flew his ashes home to Nebraska and a ceremony and headstone are yet to be arranged and I have offered $1,000 towards the costs involved .
The irony - the rich man who dumped his lover penniless - and now the lover helps towards the cost of the rich mans funeral.
How tragic and is like something out of a Barbara Taylor Bradford novel.
I shall probably always be asking the same questions as to how a man with so much, can end up with absolutely nothing at all, not even a roof of his own over his head. Dear God, I do feel for him and just wish I had known sooner and before it was too late. I wish he could have been honest and open with me as of all people I would have understood and been the friend, the support, and never judged. He was a wonderful man, a kind hearted soul who would do anything for a friend - and I loved him 30 years ago as I love him now.
Hamilton Hall is precisely here for just that. If people are alone and desperate - broke and in need - ill and in need of some convalescence - or just needing a place to run away to for a while and recoup, PLEASE get in touch and we shall see what we can offer - from the heart - with respect and love. You never need be alone and while you may not know me, always be aware that I am not money orientated ( although we have to cover our costs ) and you matter more to me than money. The human consciousness, the person, the boy, the man, the old fart ( ha ha ) is what matters and if you ever find yourself in a desperate place and with no one to turn to, PLEASE - get in touch and be truthful with me, and lets see what we can do to help.
It saddens me that after 16 years of helping and offering what I can to so many - my own X lover died such a tragic and isolated end to his life and if I cannot help him, how can I help others.
All I can do is put it out there on this web site - to the universe, and hope those who need to hear my message do - and will get in touch if and when they need to.
Dear God, it saddens me that Darryl Fiss died such a tragically pathetic ending to his life and I pray for his soul. Dear Darryl. I loved you more than you can ever know and I so deeply mourn your passing. You have been and will always be in my thoughts, my conversation and my way of life. You helped make me who I am today and gave me more than anyone else could ever imagine. I have so many fuin and exciting stories - so many wonderful experiences and we shared a love that spread through time itself.
Rest In Peace dear Darryl. Till we meet again, and I know we will.