I need a good cry.

March 20, 2020

I have felt like crying  a lot just lately.

But this would not help the situation.

Research has found that in addition to being self-soothing, shedding emotional tears releases oxytocin and endorphins. These chemicals make people feel good and may also ease both physical and emotional pain. In this way, crying can help reduce pain and promote a sense of well-being.


I remember many years ago when I found my sister squatting in a puddle of water on her kitchen floor and finding the bottle of pills she had taken.


Instantly I wanted to ball my eyes out and - in another instant - knew this would not help the situation and got straight on the phone to 999 and then a friend and got things rolling to save her life.

It was only later when she was okay and in recovery back at my flat after having her stomach pumped and - basically - been thrown out by the NHS with complete disinterest ( I always thought a suicide attempt was not just a cry for help but an emotional psychological problem that an NHS professional should have been evaluating - but in this instance, they just wanted her out of the hospital as quickly as possible and didn't even help me get her to the car - appallingly bad ) -


but the point is,  there are times for grief and tears and there are times for action.

This is a time for action.


Putting in place restrictions on household members to make sure we are all on 'the same page' as to keeping safe and healthy.


Making sure children and the elderly understand the severity of what is going on.  It is not a game.


Ensuring you have enough food to last without anyone food binging in the middle of the night leaving less for others.


At Hamilton Hall, one of our residents likes to go to the gym every day and the Chaplins Bar ( just up the road ) at least 4 nights a week,  and these items are now off the agenda for a few months.

He also wanted to have his room redorated and  a new shower etc.- installed during this closed period, which would have been absolutely ideal,  but on explaining that having 2 strange men in and out - would not normally be a problem and I am sure we would all stand around eyeing up the talent - but these days we canot take the risk and cannot have these guys in and out - and have asked him to put it on hold.


He was very understanding and appreciative of this - just bad timing.


We have enough food stocks for a while and are in good shape - warm house, company, Netflix, games,  most of all plenty of space here so we do not feel like we are in a shoe box - and there is still odd jobs around the place we are getting done and keeping busy ish.


Yet I still feel inside I want - I need - a good old cry.


All the hard work. Two decades working as a NOT FOR PROFIT VENUE putting tons back into the community, and now this could - in effect - finnish us off.


And I want to cry some more at the waste.


But then - nothing is a waste.  I have been receiving so many e mails the last few days - from those who have such happy and pleasant memories from Hamilton Hall and these stories really do help put it all into perspective and worth, and does help.


I am aware I am not alone. 

Tens of thousands of other small business owners are in the same boat.

They are financially fucked.


The world - like their business and income - has ground to a halt.


Over kill - perhaps - considering more people die from suicide each year.


Over kill - perhaps - considering more people die from ' the flu' each year .


Is there some conspiracy theory we should know about.

Why this mass evacuation of people off the streets ?

Is this for real or somethinwe are not being told about.

A conspiracy.


The unknown territory none of us have a clue about.


Clearly things will not get back to ‘normal’ again as the human psyche has been damaged.

Intimacy and close contact will be frowned upon.


The ‘community feel’ may return.


But at the moment I still feel tearful for the loss, for the hunger, for the loneliness – for the not knowing and the fear,  for the job losses and the business’ closed never to re open – for the prayers – for those helping and for all that we fear the most coming to the front right now.


Random acts of kindness makes me fill up.    People helping their elderly neighbours, family members and even complete strangers.  Someone saying something kind and soothing to someone in fear - someone just being there as a shoulder to cry on - someone to help with a confused souls medication and making sure they have eaten today.

Making sure someone has enough tinned food - milk and bread to see them through the next few days.


I would hate to think of some eldely person going without while I have food stocks to help.

I have signs out on the fence about offering help to those over 70 - and for no other reason that - one day - I might need help and I hope there is someone there for me.


I am aware that I am feeling sorry for myself. 


There are bigger fish to fry.

Interesting how we have all completely forgotten about BREXIT.

Pales into the background now huh ?


One of these evenings I dare say something will trigger and I shall have a ball - a good old sob - and real men do cry - and should cry - and need to get it out sometimes - not to bottle it up and cause / create emotional blockages which cause more problems.  A good old cry does you the world of good, to get it out and to vent the negative emotion.

I shall feel better as I am in a good position compared to some.

So I shall continue to offer help and what I can for the elderly in need and shall keep supporting those here in the house.  Sometimes that ' stiff upper lip' is what is needed to get the work done and - later at your leisure, take the time to cry for the loss.


John Bellamy


Are you in isolation?

How long have you been there ?
How are you coping with food stuff and boredome ?


Write to us here and share your stories and let's see if we can help keep our spirits up and not get too down at this appalling time in our history.


There is always a funny side to everything. :-





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