I came out at 16 and my first lover was 42 when we met - so a 26 year age difference, and it was everything I had hoped for.
Some will have an attitude concerning this and call him a pedophile, while I would say it was my decision, my want, my desire and my desperation for some kind of sexual contact with a man - for as far as I was concerned, this was what I had been waiting for since early childhood. I was a virgin - a complete naive and innocent youth who knew what he wanted and knew what I was, but I knew nothing about it - with no internet, books, or anything to educate myself with and other than crude jokes at school about the queers, I knew absolutely nothing except, this was me... and I was not afraid - I was desperate to find out and to experience what I dreamed of.
All through my school days - from infant school onwards, I had been fascinated with the other boys in the changing rooms after sports,- I adored sharing the showers,- watching the older boys with a desperate need to see a mans body naked - and these memories have stayed with me always.
When I was 12 I saw the 3 Head Prefects at my school naked in the showers after a schol hockey game, and I was in second heaven - for one of the boys, who could not have been more than 16, was tall, masculine, muscular and covered in hair - and went on to play hockey for Enbgland, and as an adult, he was a huge powerfully built man and to my 12 year old eyes, was a God. I was in love - I was in awe - I wouldn't / couldn't take my eyes off him and while straight, he knew other boys were watching and he knew I was glued to him with my eyes - and showing off is a very common thing for a lot of straight men do in front of gay men in gym changing rooms, as after a workout they love the adoration as long as it is not too ' in your face' - and they love the fact that they are admired.
It is only those who doubt their own security surrounding their own sexuality - be it gay - bi - straight etc. who will then be homophobic and abusive in return, and this was something I never experienced as - clearly - these boys liked being admired / lusted after by this skinny 12 year old with eyes like saucers.
My first job was as a trainie chef at a big hotel in Bournemoputh and working a split shift meant I had a 3 hour afternoon gap, and while filling in time one afternoon down by Bournemouth Pier, with absolutely no idea of anything gay like cruisng, cottaging or even what the word gay meant ( this was 1971 and the world was so much more naive ) I noticed this handsome older man watching me, and my stomach lurched with an excitement I had never had before and rarely had since.
He ' led me ' with his eyes down the prom, and eventually into a gaming arcade where I followed but kept it discrete - and while playing one of the machines - he came over and said -
'You'll loose it all you know' - meaning my money into the gaming machines, and later on we laughed about how I lost a lot more than that.
We chatted as I used my what pennies I had in the machine and he asked if I wanted to walk with him for a while.
Stating I had to be back at work in 45 minutes, he led me into a toilet along the prom and for the frst time found myself in a lockup with him fumbling to get my dick out - while he also got his out, and I was FASCINATED to see my first grown mans penis, hard and erect., and what a nice dick he had as well. Exactly the same as mine but smaller - considerably smaller - which made him laugh... and made mine as hard as a board....
He basicaly wanked me off and then wanked himself off - and when he left he gave me his number and told me to phone some time.
I rushed back to work and was convinced the other chefs and the waiting staff could all tell, could all see or smell something that would give me away - that as a 16 year old boy had just had his first wank with a man who would go onto being a lover I lived with for over 8 years.
I knew I was gay, I just didn't know what that word meant or anything about being gay at all.
These days kids as young as 5 know all about the LGBTQ world as it is hard to avopid - but back then, with it only being legal over the age of 21 - and that was only law for a couple of years prior, it was early days for the gay world and early days for newly forming groups like Campaigh for Homosexual Equality ( CHE ) and others.
A whole new world was opening up for me, and opening up for tens of thousands of others as well, and it was a whole new world.
To those who say I was too young and that he was a pedophole, I would say BOLLOCKS.
I knew EXACTLY what I wanted and always had - right through my childhood and I knew I fancied the boys and not the girls all through my school days although always had girlfriends and was always the talk of the school for always having the prettiest girlfriend, and I knew I was gay from very early on. Stating I was converted, perverted, altered by this older man is such rubbish and I do wish people would keep their opinions and ideas about other peoples sex lives TO THEMSELVES AND MIND THEIR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS... I was gay and I was out and I was proud since WAY before I was legally allowed to express myself freely and I KNEW EXACTLY what I was about , -- so keep your negative attitude until you learn the truths and some accurate information as otherwise, you are dengerous.
For a good read about young men with older lovers _
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