As I slowly awaken from my slumber, all warm and toastie in bed,

As I slowly awaken from my slumber, all warm and toastie in bed, without even opening my eyes I can hear the rain beating against the window and on the roof and I am in Heaven. Oh this is the life. Safe. Warm. Cosy. Dog asleep beside me. Rain outside. No guests in to rush out of bed for. It's Bank Holiday New Year - and I am happy and content.


While I lay here in my half asleep slumber, my mind takes me to all sorts of beautiful places and I meet all sorts of beautiful people and whatever is going on in my minds eye, I am - kind of - in control as my cognitive abilities control my thoughts in this slumberish waking mode I am in. All safe and cosy. Then the alarm goes off and although I am already half awake - I open my eyes as I reach for the clock and for the first time am faced with reality - not the fantasy that is within my head. The reality that I am at home in bed and not in my dream. Reality speedily returns to my conscious thoughts and I am then lost in how we are still in a pandemic and I am - basically - housebound. No guests. No friends visiting, No family here. Just me, the dog, and Gary and Philip who live / work here.


I remember how today we start taking down the decorations that took 5 days to put up and will take the same to take down, vacuum and dust and put everything away in the attic.

I am reminded of the work that lays ahead and how we feel at a loss - a bereavement - for all the time wasted and the opportunities forfeited forever and how life has taken on a whole new meaning - survival - which was never a real concern in my every day life - Oh I looked left and right when I crossed the road and I drove sensibly and safely but one never really considered death on a daily basis - and yet now - quite simply with B-B-B-Boris waffling on every night, it is centre stage for many of us - centre of our thoughts - DEATH & SURVIVAL - and this is a real bummer.


I close my eyes again and l know the alarm clock will repeat in another five minutes so cuddle up to my dog as she lays under the covers beside me and we have a special five minutes together, all warm and cosy, all loving and tender, and then when the alarm goes off once again just seconds - it seems - from the time before, my dog stirs and decides it is time for her breakfast so any more thought of a lazy lay in has just evaporated.


As she stands and jumps off the bed she often taken half the covers with her and I am left naked ( now control yourselves ) and so might as well get up as well. The fantasy and the reality are very different and when the reality gives you one of those - down feelings' on awakening, know that it is time to make some changes to your waking life - time to take control. BUT: In this time of Covid - that is near impossible to do BUT there are things we can do to make changes without having to put ourselves and others at risk. There are things we can do that involve others without putting anyone in harms way.


I started this Blog / Newsletter and it takes a great deal of my time each week - and it keeps me busy, my mind occupied, researching and finding new things to share with you - and while it costs considerably to send out and is a huge amount of work, I love it - my readers seem to love it judging from the amount of input received, and it helps keep Hammy Hall in the public eye and helps keep those at home alone in touch with something gay - and not just for the naked pictures but for the assortment of news from Trump to something gay - from B-B-B-Boris to something of interest - and in whatever way I can besides the Blog, I am here for others at any time to chat, e mail, cry on my shoulder or even say Hi.


You can do the same.

We can all do something - however small and however seemingly unseen and unknown, but just by helping your elderly neighbours or even family member - by volunteering somewhere help feed the homeless or anything., we can all do our little bit to help our world heal not just after - BUT DURING - as you WILL be judged on how you acted - how you preformed - how generous and thoughtful or how self centred and selfish you were - and we will all be judged one way or the other and many - like B-B-B-Boris doesn't stand a chance when this is over and his days are numbered.


Most people with Covid in hospitals today are the un-vaxed. PERIOD.


Is it time to start charging these people for wasting NHS time and precious resources ? They have Covid as bad as they do because they made a choice, and out of respect for them saying no to the vaccination, their choice was to remain unprotected so if and when they get it, should they pay for their own medical requirements as we have all seen the papers full of those dying who were un vaccinated stating how much they regret it now, but death came knocking and with tears of regret, they pass into another reality sooner than need be and all because they played Russian Roulette with their lives. And I don't want to hear all about it . They made a choice., The choice backfired, They died. End of subject.


Do not martyr them. Do not stand them up as an example of anything. They died of Covid when a vaccination was available but fear it may make them impotent ( WTF ? ) or how Bill Gates wants to read their minds ( while many haven't even passed their GCE's so there is not much to gain from that ) and others think aliens want us all dead so they can takeover the planet - WHATEVER - they died and that was their choice - BUT - when I read a Mother and a Father have both passed away to Covid LEAVING THREE SMALL CHILDREN BEHIND, WTF were these people thinking ? This is abuse. They have abandoned their children - by being stupid and dumb and assuming they will survive in a pandemic where thousands are dying - and now their children are in Foster Care in the hands of the state and in all probability will be split up and fostered by different people.


So maybe I will just re set the alarm clock for another half hour, turn over and cuddle up to Honey - my dog - as she lays there beside me all warm and cosy and close my eyes and let my mind listen to the rain beating on the roof, and treat myself to another half hour of warmth and safety in a world beyond our world - my imagination - my subconscious and the wonderous places I can travel to and enjoy without even leaving my bed.


Sleep well everyone and happy dreams.


John Bellamy


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