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Christmas Covid Cheer

1. What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas.

2. Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop? Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate!

3. Why didn’t Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were cancelled.

4. Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? They have herd immunity.

5. Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? Because the “Arrrr!” rate had risen.

6. Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto? Because eventually, it’s behind you.

7. Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the inn.

8. Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have.

9. What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? They put on a super spread.

10. Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time? Home Alone.

11. How do you play Dominic Cummings Monopoly? Ignore the rules, move anywhere on the board you like, and never Go To Jail.

12. Why won't Santa lose any presents this year? He's downloaded Sack and Trace.

13. How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas? It'll take ages to flatten the curve.

14. How is Prince Andrew coping with the stresses of Christmas this year? Fine. No sweat.

15. Why wasn't Rudolph allowed to take part in vaccine trials? Because they only wanted guinea pigs.

16. Which Government scheme supports Christmas dinner? Eat Sprout To Help Out.

17. How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year's staff Christmas party? Put him on mute.

18. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited? He keeps a logbook.

19. Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas? Marcus Rashford.

What do snowmen eat for lunch? Icebergers!

What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!

Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star? Beyon-sleigh!

What do you call buying a piano for the holidays? Christmas Chopin!

Who delivers presents to cats? Santa Paws!

What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh? Santa going through a revolving door!

Why don't you ever see Santa in hospital? Because he has private elf care!

What’s a child’s favourite king at Christmas? A stoc-king!

Why did the turkey cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off!

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!

What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you!

How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey? On the dark side!

Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer!

What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show!

What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky!

What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? Cross-mouse cards!

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!

What does Santa do with out of shape elves? Sends them to an elf farm.

How did Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed!

What is Santa’s favourite place to deliver presents? Idaho-ho-ho!

Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? Because he had nobody to go with!

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