Doing someone a favour is always tricky.
Helping others out should not come with a price tag attached, but sadly, there are only GIVERS and TAKERS and sadly, too many takers are badly behaved and abuse the givers and then wonder why they are dumped as friends and why no one trusts them. Here Josh shares his experience recently.
AN E MAIL FROM A GUEST:
Thought I would share this with you John:-
I moved house just before the lockdown last March ( 2020 ) and found I have a neighbour who creeped me out when I first met her, despite her very smiley and fun attitude.
She immediately helped me with some stuff I didn’t really need help with, but I accepted as I thought it would make for good relations between neighbours.
Not long after she started making requests for me to help her with her dog, a very sweet Dalmation. Since I love dogs, I was fine with it at first but it kept escalating and she expected more from me, and it seemed I was a free dog sitter while she went to work and often evenings so she could go out and see friends. It helped being a single gay man with no family commitments and more spare time on my hands - or so she thought and took advantage of.
One evening she blew up on me as she thought I would come over and take her dog earler than I had - as she claimed she was going out, which I had absolutely no idea about - and I was astounded she would rant at me like this and I just handed her the dog and told her I was through if this was how she was going to be with someone doing her a favour.
She went beserk - ‘But I am seeing friends this evening, we have it all planned .'
She expected me to continue dog sitting that evening, after ranting at me about my time keeping...
I did not look after her dog that evening and she - as far as I know, did not go see her friends and presumably used me as an excuse because the SOB next door would not dog sit.
She later admitted I didn’t do anything wrong, and tried to make amends.
I was just like ‘Cool apology, but I’m still done.'
Then she tried to do favours for me that I didn’t want her to do. And after a couple of weeks of her having to make other plans to look after her dog, she started talking about how her dog missed me.
I was not about to go there again and told her straight out - NO.
My point being is that some people will ‘help out’ new people, just so they have something in the favour bank.
Eventually, they’ll try to cash it in. I hate that type of person, and I don’t bow down to it.”
I have never looked after her dog since and as we are in lockdown, I could use a dog as company when we exercise outdoors as I am furloed from my job and at home a lot, while she works in a grocery store, so in theory I could dog sit and would enjoy doing so BUT NOT when this banshee from hell is going to expect, to demand - and then moan when someone says no to doing her a favour.
It's not as if she even says thankyou, says anything sweet and thoughtful or anything else, she is just all about her dog and her job and what she has to go through and - I don't need it and have told her straight out.
What I have done, which was deliberate and cheeky, was find what food store she worked at and went food shopping and found her on the cash register and the look on her face when she saw me waiting - mask on - at another isle to be served, deliberately done not to be at her till. and I acted all surprised when I saw her and smiled and nodded and - that was it.
Josh ( Mahchester )
JOHN BELLAMY RESPONDS: I hear you Josh - BOY do I hear you. Over the years I have met scores of gay men exactly like this and as I have always said there are only GIVERS OR TAKERS in life and the takers can - after a lifetime of giving where I have spent tens of thousands of £ helping to get ' Fuck off you cunt' when they leave - and not even a thankyou - and it makes the givers stop giving and then the takers quickly move onto the next sucker.
Christian James who worked here at Hamilton Hall over a decade ago did just that
After a phone call from some random stranger asking if he could come and do some naked cleaning or me;- 2 years later the same person phoned and asked if I could put him up ( 10 daye before Christmas ) and that his lover had thrown him out and he was homeless for the Festive Season and that he would help out around HH to help with the costs.
I gave it some thought, NOT TRUSTING A WORD HE HAD SAID - but could not see someone put out at Christmas, and said yes.
I was fully aware that there was another side to this ' thrown out' story and never trusted a word he said.
However :- He was a brilliant worker and took over from my staff member who left after the Fastive Season as he had a bad back and and I have to say - Christian James was one of the best workers I have had here. He was kind and thoughtful, an ideal friend as well as staff member.
For 2 years he was here and for 2 years he stole from me to buy things for the hotel - der - and as I knew what he was about and how he pretended to be buying these things himself, and as these were things we needed anyway, I ignored it but never trusted and always kept an eye.
I mean - Hun - I am an x sex worker - street wise and no ones fool.
Everyone else bought the ticket and believed every word, and it was only myself and one other friend who always saw through it, but had nothing else to go by...
He appeared in the TV programme Hamilton Hall did - '3 IN A BED' which had an enormous audiance on Channel 4 ( 3.5 million that first showing ) and as soon as it was originally broadcast - the phone calls started . It was the police making enquiries as to his whereabouts as there was a warrant out for his arrest that was 2 years old for Identity Theft, Fraud, Bank theft and more... and he vanished.
His trick was to offer strange gay men to come and do some naked cleaning, and then later on, maybe a year or two later if and when he needed to get the fuck out of town because the police were on his heels, he would phone up one of these unsuspecting people and remind them of how he had cleaned for them naked, and they would then let him come and stay for free and - well - he helped out around the home and was brilliant.. I have to give him that, but it was all with a hidden purpose of using you to hide out in.
He has, as far as I am aware, still not been aprehendedd and is still on the run, still working hand to mouth, still hiding from the police and many on the gay scene who know him.
Foolish man.
I made him an offer of him going to jail and serving his tme. Coming out - I would hold a job and a home for him ( a very good thing for someone coming out of prison and for an X Con - lucky anyone would trust him at all ) and stated that I wanted him to tell me the truth or I would tell everyone what he had done - and sadly for him, he could not stop the lie - the truth completely evaded him and he just could not spit those truthful words out - he was such a convincing liar that I think even he beleived his own bullshit - and I did warn him that I would warn everyone about him but - he just could not tell the truth.
So I made sure everyone knew the police were after him with a mass e mail post out to all my guests in case he had lined himself up with one and would now steal from them as well.
Sadly Christian James is still out there excet now he is not such a young cute guy but a middle aged mad in his 50's, so not so cute and not so easy to bend people around his little finger.
That was 10 years ago and he was not the last to fiddle, con and steal from me as friends over the years have done and these 'friends' clear;ly - are no more.
Do anyone a favour and it seems many have hidden agendas and you have to learn to say NO - FUCK OFF.
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