Family at Christmas
Sent to me recently and thanks for your in depth story.
On Christmas Day when I was 16 - my Mother ;- my oh so sweet as apple pie Mom who everyone thought was the perfect Mother ;- threw me out of the house as I announced - looking back naively - that I was gay and had a boyfriend who was in his 40's. I really thought she would be accepting and yet it was Mother who hit the roof and ranted an raved about Aids and child molesters and abusers all being homosexual and there was not talking to her at all and it was when she threw herself on the floor in a rage of ' Oh what I have to put up with' - that Father looked at her on the floor and at me, back to her and back to me, and said calmly,
'I think it best you stay with your friend for a while or until she calms down a bit,.'
So I left and never saw my Mother again. I stayed with my boyfriend and we are still together almost 25 years later - and Father was fine and we would meet several times a week without Mother knowing and for the next 10 years it was this way until Mother died and Father, bless him, told me he had admired my ' coming out' as he had always fantasised about sex with men since being in conscription with 50 other guys mustering together in one big billet, and it brought us closer together. He was always a gentle man and always under Mothers thumb and he shone once she died. He met my gay friends, became part of my ' inner circle' as everyone loved him, and eventually he delved into gay sex and never looked back.
He died aged 72 with a boyfriend at his side, many gay and straight friends at his funeral, and a mass of people who found his friendship late in life and as for my Mother - 5 went to her funeral - all family and not a single friend whereas Dad, was loved, admired and considered a friend by my whole friend base and he will be missed.
This is the time of year when, for many, they see family members and it does not always go down too well.
Family feuds and fights can occur. Past resentment and jealousies resurface. Condescending attitudes annoy and some families are just best off apart and never meeting up, even at the Festive time of the year.
My Mother would always - ALWAYS - at some time in the proceedings, cause a row with someone as she was feeling ignored and she wanted attention, even if it meant ruining it for everyone else with a mighty row in the middle of Christmas, but she got what she wanted, attention, and while the rest of us were thoroughly pissed off at her, she would sit back in all her glory as she was centre stage, even though we were telling her off, and she loved all the attention.
If her Grandkids were present, SHE HATED IT - as they stole her spotlight and attention and she resented and hated them for that.
Not your average caring and sharing Grandmother at all but a jealous resentful women needing, demanding, attention all the time.
We threatened her one year that because of her behaviour this year, she was not going to be invited next year, and when we stayed true to the promise and she was not just not invited, she was UN invited - told to stay away - and we got the usual excuse about being invited elsewhere and we all knew this to be fake and she was being left all alone, and we all pretended to be thrilled for her, but as she could not behave, and as the rest of us didn't want our Christmas spoiled by an old women who should know better, we left her to it.
Next year, oh she was different. She was invited but warned to behave and she actually did, reluctantly, and several times that day I glared at her and she behaved when I knew she was about to go off on one,. and she saw my look and kept it together. She actually behaved for once in her life and she was invited each year after that as she did learn and she did behave and while it may have all been fake, we congratulated her each year and made sure she was not ignored but NOT centre of attention - as I had told her - she was NOT the centre of attention - PERIOD.
I stopped seeing family at Christmas a long time ago now. No special reason,. just fed up with in fighting between my brothers and it was always the same every year - Mother complaining that Dad was not helping - dad sitting watching telly and doing nothing so she was actually right but we didn't want to be drawn into their bitching at each other, and it made it uncomfortable. I spoke to him one year and told him to get off his fat arse and help, and he said ' Mother threw me out of the kitchen and told me to leave her alone to cook, and then complains when I do as instructed.' -
which sounded just like Mother - wanting her cake and eat it as well, so I suggested he take her in a sherry - compliment her on what she was doing - tell her what a wonderful Christmas she makes - and that she was a wonderful women - and while he said that would be hard for him to actually say to her and that she would think ' WTF GOT INTO HIM ?' - IT WORKED and she was so sweet towards him after that and while he was still a lazy fart at Christmas, paying her compliments - ha ha - actually worked.
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