Helping others at Christmas often comes with a massive kick in the teeth.
John: Wanted to share with you a little something from last Christmas. A friend at work who I call a friend but who really was just a work colleague complained he was alone at Christmas and after a while, I invited him to join me and my partner for the day. That was my mistake. He knew I was gay as I have never hidden my sexuality and at work it has never been a problem, and nor should it, I am the manager. Anyway, all he did all day long was throw little anti LGBT stuff into almost every conversation following it up with how he was not homophobic and loved the gay crowd and how straight he Was but his constant - and I mean constant - belittling of those on the LGBT scene and he was making us feel very uncomfortable in our own home, and this was before, during and after we had fed and wined him for the day and yet he would not let up. I did question him as to why he didn't have a girlfriend and that was when he hit the roof and started shouting and that was when my partner - who was a professional wrestler 20 years prior, lifted him out of his seat and carried him to the door and - literally - threw him out telling him he was sick of his bigoted views and to fuck off alone as it was no wonder he had no one at Christmas when he major pisses off the kind hearted souls who offered - and slammed the door in his face. I was shocked but pleased.
When the office re opened after the New Year he never came back to work and one wonders if he got the message or not, but one thing was certain, we will never take pity on someone again. Robert and George
JB Responds: Thanks guys, this reminds me of my experience - below ---
One New Year a decade or more ago now, here at Hamilton Hall, a local guy I had never met, spoken to or knew, called and played the ' poor me ' card and told me he was alone at New Years and could he come and join us for our evening of fun for free as he was unemployed and broke, and that he'd help out but that he had no money and could not afford to pay. His hard luck story was quite genuine sounding and so after some thought, I agreed. I have always said that as long as people behave, I am an open book and will offer any help I can, and sadly over the years the VAST MAJORITY of people I have helped - THE VAST MAJORITY - HAVE TAKEN ADVANTAGE AND ABUSED IN RETURN in one way or the other.
This occasion was to be no different. We had a hotel full of people and during the evening I noticed he was having ' words' with a couple of the guests here and as I didn't hear what was going on, I ignored it and let them get on - as New Year is a ton of work and responsibility for me and I was wearing many hats that evening - and as we played the various games and shared the fun, it became obvious that this man was trouble.
After another occasion when I noticed one of my guests shouting at him, and I mean shouting at him to fuck off, I had to take him to one side after the customer complained and - while doing so, a couple of others came and spoke against him, and I had to ask him to leave.
His behaviour was appalling. To come into a hotel full of people and to be as obnoxious as he was being says there was something wrong with him, but I WAS NOT ABOUT TO FIND OUT WHAT - and I took him to one side to chat and see if I could help in some way - and ensure the evening was not ruined by him.
Well - he didn't like that and tried to mouth off with me - his host - the person that had allowed him to come for free as a really kind and thoughtful gesture towards someone who claimed to be alone and lonely. He actually tried to have ago at me. Really aggressive. Really obnoxious and - laughingly - he actually thought I had no right to throw him out ... he actually said that - 'You cannot throw me out.' - and naturally, of course I can.
It absolutely beggars belief that he shouted at the host - the person who allowed him to come - at all - for free - and he is screaming at me that I don't understand and how dare I speak to him in such a manner and who the fuck did I think I was ( er - just the person paying for it all ) He really condescended to me - patronising arrogance coming from someone with nothing is always a little questionable and he mouthed off and tried telling me what should happen next - (WTF ? ) and how everyone needed to apologise to him.
I did point out he was a free guest here for the evening and everyone else was a paying guest here for the whole period and he actually argued with me that did them paying meant they were right and as he hadn't, that made him wrong, - which was the most fucked up reasoning - and he absolutely saw nothing - nothing at all - wrong with his actions and as it was all quite clearly all about him and how offended he was and how everyone must apologise, and I was astounded at his gall, his nerve, his mental health space that meant he was the victim while being the aggressor who caused the bad feelings in the first place and he refused point blank, to hear, listen or accept anything I said and kept screaming that I was wrong and how could we all treat him so badly.
Well :- Considering this fuck up of a man had been an asshole to everyone staying and then tried it on me, he was out that door within minutes and - I did have to physically push him out and throw all his stuff out behind him and I threatened that if he came back, and if he did anything, I would call the police on him so fast and press charges as I was NOT GOING TO TOLLERATE THIS ANY LONGER - and he went and I did feel bad as it was now 15 minutes to midnight and considering the amount of work I had still to do in preparation for the midnight hour ( drinks etc,. TV on for the fireworks - get everyone into the same room etc. etc. etc. ) and hours more work in the evening ahead, the last thing I needed was a problematic guest and when it is a local who is here FOR FREE and because he pleaded the sympathy card and I fell for it, to then come here and abuse all my guests on New Years Eve, it really makes one stop and say ' WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING AND WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ???' ' and in absolute disgust and exasperation that someone could act SO BADLY towards those who had offered him something beautiful and all for free, and then he bad mouthed me all over Bournemouth to anyone who would listen.
it brought me close to fucking tears at a time when I was busy with guests and this was New Years Eve. It was GROSSLY ABUSIVE.
Almost every single time I have offered something here for free - and almost every single time I have put myself out there to help someone in need - hundreds and hundreds of times - and to the tune of at least £150,000 in the last 20 years and remember, I work fucking hard to financially run this place, almost every single time I have trusted and befriended someone who is in need of some assistance whether it be financial, emotional, residential or any other way, they take me for a fool and a complete idiot and misbehave and take advantage and bad mouth me if and when I wake up and throw them out - or I read the riot act at them or simply reinforce rules / guidelines for being here - and like my dog who mostly ignores me - many have ignored me and done what they want and caused untold problems and when I bark and throw them out, guess who is the baddy - guess who is the asshole - guess who has no sympathy and no compassion and who gets bad mouthed for ever more ---
Oh you guessed it ... ME.
People ask me why I do it .
I was homeless decades ago.
No home or job,. A few days left in a cottage I was in and then - homeless - after my millionaire lover dumped me penniless. and if it wasn't for David Bagg and Terry Shepard who owned and ran a gay guest house in Bournemouth at the time and were old friends, I would have been on the streets. I could have gone to family, but really didn't want to at 30 years of age. Davis and Terry helped me enormously and I have been eternally thankful. Sadly - they are both dead now, many moons ago, yet I remember and I love with all my heart.
I DO IT BECAUSE ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
TO HELP OTHERS AND IF THEY ABUSE, THEN THEY ARE GROSSLY UNWORTHY AND JUST IN A MESS.
I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CARE WHAT YOUR STORY IS;- BUT WHEN SOMEONE HELPS YOU AND YOU ABUSE IN RETURN, WHICH SADLY IS SO VERY COMMON - THEN ONE DAY YOU WILL LEARN AND REALISE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE AND WHAT AN ABSOLUTE ASS YOU WERE AND HOPEFULLY, LEARN AND CHANGE but know this, in the mean time, you are an abuser and you deserve nothing from decent people who were just trying to help.
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Having read all the way down here, you will also be aware that at Hamilton Hall we have celebrated 22 Christmas's here now and we have had many MANY superb festive seasons and other than hard work, everyone attending has brought a little ray of sunshine with them, and we have always had a great time. It only takes one to spoil the fun and if and when this happens, we do not tolerate it. Others staying, I am glad to say, just ignore and enjoy what we offer.
John Bellamy
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100% agree.
