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holding something back

I have been aware that for many months I have been holding something back, something at bay, hidden even from myself, and every time it crops up, I distract myself with something else and some

how, it goes in abayance.. But... it does not go far.

I am an emotional person and all through these lockdowns since March I have wanted, felt like but denied myself, a fucking good cry.

Un macho - who gives a fuck.

Being manly means you are in touch with your emotions and not afraid to admit them - to others and to yourself. This week while researching for this Blog, I can across the video below and it truly filled me up and the tears fell and - for once, I allowed myself to cry and feel the emotions, the pain, the angst;- not for the content of the video - although that was the catalyst that got me going, but for everything and everyone who is suffering through all this. I have it easy. Huge hotel to ramble around in. Tons of work keeping me busy even though closed.

Plenty of food stocks that could last 9 months.

This Blog which I enjoy putting together and the hundreds of e mails I get in response.

But I still feel the aura of others and I have kept it hidden, - being strong - and this video took me to the edge and I flew with it and cried.

It did me good.

It cleared my soul.

It brought releif as sometimes only a good cry can.

No use botteling it all up inside as that causes breakdowns and ill health of mind, body and spirit. Denying your feelings is unhealthy.

So watch this video and - it has a very happy ending - and it will make you cry and smile at the same time.

It just shows, it is the simple things that can bring you into awareness of self feelings and - I in

vite you to click and watch.

This is my dog Honey. She is spoiled rotten and I do remind her how lucky she is to have such a fabulous owner - ha ha - and when you see the cruelty dished out to animals, it breaks my heart.

Honey has had a few tellings off and smacks as she does try and push her luck and she knows the rules, but BOY does she like to try it on and get everything her own way - as she clearly keeps trying to be the alpha, and as I remind her, she can be the boss, the alpha, any time she wants, as long as she can open the kitchen door, reach on top of the fridge and get her own food out of the tray. If and when she takes herself for a walk - cleans up after herself - you know the usual stuff.. ha ha ... and until that day, guess who Dad is ? Guess who the alpha is ?

We enjoy such cuddles each morning before I get up and she does sleep on my bed and keeps me warm on those dark cold nights. She also makes sure I wake up on time to get her breakfast as well... as - er - I am not sure who has who well trained after all, so maybe, just maybe, she is the alpha... and I am the bitch.


John Bellamy

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