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Hopes and Dreams

When I was a child I never had hopes and dreams of becoming a space man, a doctor or anything else.

John Bellamy

I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up other than I wanted to - initially - be a pig farmer ( long story) - then a vicar ( which kinda stuck with me ) and then I suppose when it was suggested we could leave school at 15 - my brother and I leaped at the opportunity and left - taking not one single exam. Parents. They know how to mess with a child's education if and when they decide to divorce right at the worst time for the children and their schooling, and when forced / suggested to leave school early because of this, it was down to the Careers Office for School Leavers ( in those days ) and what job / training / apprenticeship sounded good that was on offer at the time.

I wanted show business but settled on something else.

I was lucky in that I went into being a training chef at one of the large hotels in Bournemouth and within a year had met my first lover, when I was 16 and he was 42 - and we ' ran away together ' - metaphorically speaking - to Guernsey where he bought an hotel and for tax reasons, he moved to the Channel Islands and I went with him.

This was his dream - his journey and I went along for the ride - for over 8 years.

Many people never find their own journey and ' go along' with others - follow others and become part of someone else's journey and many never actually find their own. Maybe they end up pregnant and that halts any future dreams, or they get a girl pregnant and that does the same - and maybe family pressure means they have to get a job, any job, that brings in the money and helps the family but leaves no door open for exploration as to what YOU want to do.

Religion - Family - Society - all bear down on you with pressure to conform, to follow, not to rock the boat and to play safe and if you ever look to be going against and doing your own thing, then many will find fault and criticize - pull you apart and why - JEALOUSY.

Many who find themselves stuck would rather you stayed stuck with them as it helps them feel okay about being stuck and anyone becoming unstuck and moving on with their lives shows them exactly how stuck they are and how their lives have come to a standstill and their dreams, if they ever had any, have all long ago been seen as unrealistic, a fantasy, just a pipe dream - and as the years pass and age creeps ( rushes ) up on you, those dreams fade into the past like smoke from a candle after it is snuffed out - and if you have empty dreams how can you follow them.

And we make do.

We settle for what is comfortable.

What pays the bills and heats the home.

An easy life.

Go with the flow.

That is okay if the flow is going your way - or at least - in the direction the universe knows is good for you. If you surrender to it all, then do not complain when life ends and you look back and with wishful thinking, remember what opportunities you missed - what dreams might have been and what you could have done - but didn't - Your choice at the end of the day - as it always is - YOUR CHOICE.

I went with the flow and found my own journey many decades ago. It wasn't untiI I was 30 and started as a sex worker that I knew I was following my destiny after a vision led me into the sex industry and I knew, as I sit and breath here this chilly Sunday morning writing this, that being a sex worker was my journey in this life - and with absolutely no hesitation or doubts, I knew my guides were on course and this was now MY journey and that I would be a leader for many others to follow but as I have always said ;-

'You are welcome to ride along with me but as soon as I feel it is time for you to depart, to jump off and go your own way, then if you do not, I might push you off and you may then resent until with hindsight see the wisdoms at play. '

Regardless of What your hopes and dreams may be - and as long as they do not hurt others and are consensual - then if you don't go for it yourself, stop blaming everyone else for your lack of progress - and just go for it. Put your best foot forward. Take the chance. And do it.

And throw away that bin labeled HOPES AND DREAMS - and make them a reality, just as I did.

It's your life after all. Why not live it to the full and stop blaming others, expecting others, wanting others, assuming others and stop with the parent blaming - grow up - take responsibility as an adult, and create your own life journey and be happy with YOUR decisions, however they play out.

Too many people constantly blame someone else for their lack - and take no responsibility for their own lives and where I can, I help show people the way. It is then up to them if they choose to follow their own dream, or keep complaining at how their lives went the wrong way...

It has always been - YOUR CHOICE.




DIARY OF EVENTS =================

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