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I have little to live for.

Dear John: I am writing you because I read the Blog and think you can help. What do I have to stay alive for . I am a 50 year old man with no job, no home, no kids and no partner? I have failed in every aspect of my life. I am educated ( have a degree ) and supposedly intelligent, but have nothing to show for my life, no legacy. I live in council accommodation and the rent is paid through the unemployment people and I struggle on a limited income - being broke most of the time. I have hardly any sex life at all and am lonely up here on the 10th floor in my ' Ivory Castle'.

Lockdown has been hard stuck alone throughout and knowing very few people in this tower block is probably a good thing as it's quite rough out there and this part of East London is not very nice.

I do wonder what I have to live for as other than the telly, I have no fun in life these days at all and I do wonder what there is for me to live for. Any ideas John.

Alex ( name changed )

Lets check out some of the things you have pointed out here -

50 is not old.

I am 67 and having a ball, but make sure of one thing, it does not just happen and it is easy to find yourself indoors with no one knowing you are there - it really is up to you to get yourself out there and meeting people and not sit at home waiting for someone to invite you as you will have a damned long wait.

Just think Alex - Just a few decades ago young healthy gay men much younger than you were dying in their prime from Aids and there was little education to help and many - MANY - would have given their left nut to have survived and lived to see their 50th birthday and they would be celebrating being alive, celebrate laughter and fun, celebrate the tears and the down side as all being part of being ALIVE. Alex: However down life seems, there is always - ALWAYS - a different way of seeing things. Just imagine you were living in Ukraine and were now on the run from an invading force - Just imagine your apartment block was gutted by fire and you were left with nothing - and when we consider others in our ' poor me' story, we realise we have a great deal to be thankful for.

There are scores of voluntary positions available with various charities, and tons you can do to help local elderly people or even helping with their gardening in the summer.

Many people have begun and built a very successful and happy life in their older - more mature years - and do not use being broke as an excuse although I do appreciate that is a big minus.

Do not use being on your own as an excuse to do nothing as I moved cities and started from scratch at aged 45 and all on my own when I came to Bournemouth and bought Hamilton Hall - ALL a massive risk - as I gave up everything I knew and I took a chance, a BIG GAMBLE - and because of my hard work and personality - it worked very well and continues to do so BUT IT IS NEVER EASY ALEXC and nothing just happens unless I work by butt off and make it happen.

Millions of us are in the same boat, stuck at home all the time and in my case the hotel is empty for weeks and weeks and while I am busy every day doing something, I only see friends a couple of times a week and while I appreciate I am not alone here - it does get to you after a while - as we take everyday life for granted and when - because of Covid - things grind to a halt, we realize how reliant we are on a lifestyle than enables us to keep going and when that stops, we are at a loss, when all we have to do is set new parameter's for ourselves and new guidelines for the future.

Are you allowed a cat or a dog in your apartment, as they are great company and when you walk a dog, you'd be amazed how many people you get to talk to and make friends with ... Bit like women with a pram - they stop and compare babies and prams and with dog walkers, they always stop and chat and straight away, you have something to talk about - the dogs...

Looking for a fun weekend event - CHECK HERE

If you can get yourself to Bournemouth then you are welcome to come and stay as my guest and you can help out a bit while here - keeping busy on these still cold days or if we are busier, make some friends and who knows, we had a guest from Glasgow decades ago who met his boyfriend at Hamilton Hall and WHO JUST HAPPENED TO LIVE WITHIN 2 MILES FROM HIM IN GLASGOW - so absolutely perfect for them both.

This will give you something to look forward to, and something to think about and plan, something to dream about and fantasize over and give some meaning to the months ahead.

( I look forward every evening to watching 'Escape to the Chateau' at 6.55pm and have so fallen in love with the programme and I never had this before lockdown - and only discovered it BECAUSE of lockdown - so some good comes from the bad. )

You can stay as my guest for free with meals etc. and we can chat and see if we can get your spunk and vigor back ( excuse the old expression ) - see if we can find something to get your mojo back - your appetite for life - your get up and go - your excitement for what happens next...

Many of us are in the same boat - one way or another - after 2 long years of fear based lockdown and uncertainty, and many feel isolated and alone and now fear the company of others while missing them... and it takes guts to break that cycle, and here we are - offering what help we can.

Every Little Helps


Hi John,

I would like to offer £20 (towards our friend who is a little down in the dumps (From your blog)) to help with his travel expenses. Maybe this could be a 'thing'?

I've never been to Hamilton Hall, but I'm coming this year (Need to save some pennies first) but I'm looking forward to meeting new people, your good self included of course.

My aim is for the summer months as I'd like to sunbathe nude and enjoy the rest of the day nude.

If the gentleman is willing please pass on my email address, so I can become his friend and give him some encouragement of life is good and crap is temporary.

Also, from my location I could pick him up on route to HH!

Again, date to be confirmed!

Name withheld

John. read your piece about the man who considered his life worthless and I have to say, if he needs a lift down to Bournemouth I live in Stratford East London and can offer a lift some time. Jason.

Looking for a fun weekend event - CHECK HERE

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