Mother In Law causes trouble in our family.

By David & Robert


John: We chatted on the phone and you invited me to offer this piece as we spoke about how hard it was to get a few days away and leave the children with my Mother In Law and how appalling her behaviour is.

My partner and myself married 5 years ago and have two adopted children between us.

My Mother In Law was not too keen on her son marrying another man, but she was outvoted within the family and attended the wedding under duress.

Snide remarks were made all day until several other guests told her to shut the fuck up or leave, and she shut up but was like a storm cloud throughout the day and towards the end of the evening function ( 40 guests ) - my 'husband' - her son - had words with her and an almighty row blew up between them - ON OUR WEDDING DAY EVENING - and he told her then that unless she learned to behave we would have absolutely nothing to do with her at all and this day - our wedding day - which she had gone out of her way to ruin for us , wanting to make it all about her -- could be the last time she ever saw him - and she reluctantly surrendered only after she was shouted at so harshly - so loudly and with such venim from her son, my husband, that it shocked me and everyone who heard but, in his defense, her behaviour had been appalling and she only surrendered because everyone was staring at her and she was embarrassed.

Naturally she has brought this up a lot and made herself out to be the victim and I think she seriously thinks of herself as the victim in all of this even though we have repeatedly reminded her she tried to ruin our wedding day - and how the whole family was disgusted at her actions, she just shrugs it off saying ' If only they knew the truth .' - but what truth is beyond us.

Skip forward 5 years - and after a strained relationship, this week she announced she wants me to throw two separate birthday parties for my 1 year old daughter so that one party will be just her side of the family.

I immediately said absolutely not, not on your life - and she has taken to being a bitch towards me and my / our children and to such a degree I had to ban her from seeing the children as she kept bad mouthing me to them and I WILL NOT allow her to undermine my authority with my own children.

My partner was unbelieving of this for a while and made all sorts of excuses for her being alone, having lost his Father

10 years prior, and with very little life of her own, bounced onto us for company and attention, even though she has nothing nice to say about me - and something she has caused friction in our relationship but is, after all, my partners Mother and while I make excuses for her, she doesn't give an inch so I have now given up trying any more.

However, this caused a fight between MIL and her own son as he was also not amused at how she was trying to manipulate one side of the family - mine - aganist what she considers to be her side of the family - that of my partners - and that segregation, that seperation - that denying one side and making it appear to the children that the two sides are different and not to be celebrated together but apart, sends a loud message to our impressionable youngsters and I simply will not have it.

She still phones her son and while he is fed up with her by now and sees her as just a pain - he still hasn't had the guts to tell her where to stick her interfering nose and how to keep it out of our relationship and family, and as long as he doesn't, there will be stormy waters between us.

I appreciate it is his Mom, but we have a relationship and 2 young adopted children to look after and if MIL cannot cope with her own life and leave us alone, there will be problems in the future for us all.

David and Robert

John Bellamy answers: