Some summer funnies:



Life is too short to me miserable. Even in lockdown there are many instances where we can laugh. If you choose to be a miserable old bastard you can be and see where it gets you.

If you choose - while getting on with life's ups and downs - to see the funny side and laugh and smile and laugh some more - you can easily find someone or something to laugh at, and life is so much better.

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Here are some quickies for you below.

Teacher:- How old is your Father ? Kid:- He is 6 years old. Teacher:- What ? How is that possible ?~

Kid:- He became a Father only when I was born.

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Teacher :- Maria, Go to the map and show us where North America is. Maria:- Here it is. Teacher:- Correct. Now class - Who discovered America ? Class:- Maria did.

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Teacher:- Glenn, how do you spell Crockodile ? Glenn :- K-R-O-K-O-D-I-L-E Teacher:- No Glenn, that's incorrect. Glenn:- Maybe it is wrong but you asked how I spell it.

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Teacher:- Donald, What is the chemical formula for water ? Donald:- H I J K L M N O

Teacher:- What are you talking about.

Donald:- Yesterday you said it was H to O

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Teacher:- Clyde, your composition on ' My Dog' is exactly the same as your brothers. Did you copy his ? Clyde:- No sir, it's the same dog.

------------------------------- Teacher:- Harold. What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested ? Harold:- A Teacher. ( ha ha - how about politicians - and probably your X lover... )

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Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?

Student: To be honest, not really.

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Teacher: Why have you got cotton in your ears? Do you have an infection?

Student: Well, you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other, so I am trying to keep them it all in!

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Student: Would you punish me for something I did not do?

Teacher: Of course I would not do that.

Student: Great, because I did not do my homework.

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Teacher: Didn’t I just tell you to stand at the end of the line?

Student: Well, I tried, but there was someone there already.

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What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?

Lots of blood tests.

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My English teacher used to quote lord of the rings to us

She used to say “you shall not pass”

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How is an English teacher like a judge?

They both give out sentences. And they both judge you standing there.

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Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.

Student: Life imprisonment!

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What do you call an English teacher with a social media addiction?

Instagrammar.

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LOCKDOWN JOKES

My husband got us a world map and gave me a dart.

“Throw this and wherever it lands – that’s where I’m taking you when this lockdown and pandemic ends.”

Turns out, we will be spending two weeks behind the fridge.

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Me before Covid-19: There is no way school can be any more boring…

Me during lockdown: Be careful what you wish for…

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In the beginning of this pandemic and lockdown, I always used sanitizer. By now, I am more leaning towards drinking the alcohol myself.

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I am trying to do some fruit smoothies, but they keep coming out as Margaritas.

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Great…I used all this lockdown time to learn 7 new languages, and by the time I would be able to travel to these countries, for sure I will forgotten all of it again.

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Lockdown can only go 4 ways. You will come out

  • a munk

  • a hunk

  • a chunk or

  • a drunk.

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My body has absorbed so much soap, sanitizer and disinfectant, that every time I pee, I basically clean the toilet.

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What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke?

Be patient !

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Sister: That stupid teacher does not know anything. No math, no history, no science. And I am sure, I smelled Vodka on her breath, cheap Vodak.

Brother: Stop it, Sis. Mom is trying her best.

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Big plans planned for tonight. I will probably hit the living room around 8ish.

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It is almost impressive how some friends can be even late for a zoom-call.

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Me in March 2020: Oh well, at least now I was part of a major historic event.

Me in March 2021: Okay, no more historic events please.

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