Something to amuse at Christmas..

An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive European sports car. Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man. He yells,

"Look what you did to my car! You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"

"Oh my…" the old man said nervously. "I don't have that kind of money. Let me call my son.” he said with hope. “He trains dolphins and he will know what to do."

"Dolphins!" the other driver huffed, while rolling his eyes.

The old man pulled out his phone, dialed his son, and just as his son answered, the irate man snatched the phone away from the old man.

"So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh?” The irate man yelled, “Well, your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need TEN GRAND right now, or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp!"

"I'll be there in 10 minutes." says the voice calmly on the other end.

Exactly 10 minutes later, a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road. When he finished, he walked over to his father and said,

"For the last time dad, I train Seals… Navy Seals. NOT dolphins!”

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At age 19, he ended up in prison, accused of infiltrating the US Secret Service and stealing many of the country's secrets.

His father was an elderly man who lived alone. One day he wanted to plant potatoes in his garden, but he lacked the strength because of his old age.

So he sent a message to his imprisoned son, which read

'My dear son, I would like you to be with me right now to help me plow the garden and plant these potatoes. Now I have no one to help me.'

After some time, the father received a letter from his son saying:

'Dad, please don't dig in the garden because I've hidden something important, and when I get out of prison I'll tell you what it is.'

In an hour after the message, the secret service and the army surrounded the house.

They dug the earth meter by meter, removed everything, but found nothing and left the house.

A week later, the father received a new letter.

'Dad, I hope the land has been well plowed by the police, now you can plant potatoes, and if you need anything else, let me know. I can't be with you, but I will do my best to support you in any way I can.'

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If you want to check out some real dummies - you know - people with an IQ of just 1 -

CLICK ON THIS X PAGE & scroll down for a laugh.

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I suffer from severe depression. Have for over 20 years. Five years ago a single mother of 3 moved into the house next door to me. Right from the start, she was extremely nasty to me.

I rarely left the house if I wasn't working. Social anxiety made it hard for me to get out and do things. My hardly leaving the house left this new neighbor reason to speculate as to what was going on in my house.

Every time I came outside, I was hit with a barrage of insults from said neighbor. Nightly, she would sit outside with another neighbor drinking heavily and cackling about her crazy neighbor. (Me)

Her day off was always on Sunday as she was a postal carrier. She would stay up super late getting drunk on Saturday nights. Throw up drunk, to be exact.

Every sunday morning, I would get the lawn mower out at 7 am and fire it up. Her bedroom window was in the front and just feet from my property line. Needless to say, I spent a good amount of time mowing that strip of grass over and over again. Oh, did I mention that I removed the muffler from the mower?

She never got a sleepin day on sunday for 2 years until she finally moved. What a horrible neighbor she was.

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Two guys meet up in a bar. 🤣😂😅

The first one asks, “Did your hear the news – Mike is dead??!!!”

“Woah, what the hell happened to him?”

“Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn’t brake properly and boom – He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof – Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window.”

“What a horrible way to die!”

“No no, he survived that, that didn’t kill him at all. So, he’s landed in my upstairs bedroom and he’s all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He’s just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones.”

“What a way to go, that’s terrible!”

“No no, that didn’t kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him.”

“Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!”

“No no, that didn’t kill him, he even survived that. So he’s on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him.”

“Man, what a way to go!”

“No no, he survived that, he survived that! He’s lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn’t mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him.”

“Now that is one awful way to go!”

“No no, he survived that…”

“Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?”

“I shot him!”

“You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?”

“He was wrecking my house.”

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