What happened to make you give up on helping others ?
What happened to make you give up on helping others ?
When I ran a small family hotel years ago and some customers you go way out of your way to help and assist and then they lave without even so much as a tip and I consider that really rude. So now, I state in advance that this is NOT free service and there will be a cost involved if they do not at least consider the time taken and tip. Basic for my time is now £50 an hour, take it or leave it.
Like you. I ran a gay B&B many moons ago in London. This was back in the 70's and 80's. I always offered a professional approach to business and was shocked how amateurish and unprofessional staff at Gay Times were and the condescending patronising manner they offered us advertisers. I would go out of my way to be as helpful as I could and in return was met with down right lazy, ignorant and thieving staff who took my money and looked down on me like I was a piece of shit.
I stopped advertising in Gay Times, after winning a great deal of money and went into the offices and spoke to the editor of GT at the time, and could see exactly why the staff were that way, it came from the top as he couldn't give a shit about how his staff had acted and when I told them I had just won over a million £ and they could go fuck themselves with their rude - lack of - business acumen. I left and never used their services again. Gay people in business can be appalling and I will never own or run a gay venue ever again.
I have always been known as a soft touch and always offered help to gay men coming out onto a scene that can swallow them up and destroy as quickly as anything, - as many end up damaged goods because of the very community they think is actually there for them, when we all know it is not.
So when someone comes and asks for my help and guidance and then ignores and ends up loosing everything - his job, rented flat, car and everything, and when I hear back from people it is all my fault - which bemused as I was not the reason he lost his job, he was on the fiddle and go sacked, lost his flat as he had no rent and ended up homeless and in a hostel in Early Court - I once again reached out to help and he bit my hand off blaming me, and this was when I opened my gob and spelled out the truth that he was a thieving bastard who had screwed a small family firm causing it to go bust and he was a nasty piece of work and as far as I was concerned he could stay where he was as I was not willing to help - and the look of horror on his face when it became aware I was not going to be helping any more and he was on his own. That look delighted me, in a horrid kind of way, and I have never helped him since.
Thankyou was obviously too much.
After nursing a friend who had the flu and spent in all about 3 weeks in bed and then another couple of weeks in recovery, I felt it my duty as a friend to help someone who couldn't even get out of bed, let alone look after themselves. I spent my nights there as well, sleeping on the couch and there if they needed me. Zoom forwards a year and now I have Hep A and I am non contagious but exhaustion sent me to bed and for over 2 weeks I was washed out. My friend was nowhere to be seen even though he knew how ill I was an how I needed someone and he came round one evening, and I was thrilled, except all he did was drop his trousers to show off his new jock strap he was going to a gay sex club in and wanted my opinion. Not a single word as to how I was or anything.
I opened my gob and let him have it full force about how I looked after him and THIS IS WHAT I GET WHEN I AM ILL, and all he could say was that no one asked me to look after him and that he felt he owed me nothing, so I asked him to fuck off and leave me alone and never - EVER come round again.
My name was shit after that until people heard the truth and it came back and hit him hard when others ostracised him for his behaviour. I will never ever help him or anyone else again. It is just too painful when they abuse and do not even say thanks, from the heart.
Where Have I Seen That Before...
"I posted a futon on marketplace and the first person that hit me up gave me a sob story about needing something for their kid to slee "I was only asking $20 for it but they asked if they could get it for free." "My wife and I agreed to give it away, so I took it to our meeting spot at Home Depot."
"2 days later this guy had the futon posted in marketplace asking $50." "My wife and I Facebook stalked him and his wife and every time they posted it, we would hijack the listing letting everyone know the story of how they got the futon." "I don't give sh*t away anymore, no matter the story they give me."- archie
Circle Of Duplicity... "I stood by my best friend when she cried to me about her husband cheating." "And he definitely was cheating." "They stayed married and said they work through it." "Six months later she was f*cking my husband behind my back."- superwhovianlock
You Never Know Who You Can Trust...
"Was donating baby/toddler clothes to a mom in need through one of those Facebook donating pages." "She didn't have a car, I did so I drove 30 minutes away to deliver the stuff all for free." "Got in a bad accident less than 5 blocks from her house." "So I texted her to see if she could come get what she was able to because my car was totaled." "She wouldn't walk the 4 blocks then reported me to the group and got me kicked out for 'not following through'." "I ended up with a fractured sternum." "Yeah, f*ck that sh*t, never again."- LifeIsSweetSoAmI·
It Was Ok The First Time... "I'm a teacher." "A parent of a former student contacted me in an emergency situation, couldn't afford to pay bills, and needed help." "She was super helpful to me in my first year teaching, so I asked friends and family to help out and raised her about $2,000."
"Never again." "She has contacted me every few weeks since then, always with a new reason why she needs more money, and when I offer food and clothing resources, she refuses it." "It has placed me in such an awkward situation and I regret ever trying to help her out in the first place."- mynameissarah
I had the car A friend and I use to go out a lot to various gay clubs and drag shows and we were all over the place and it was fun. After a year he managed to get his own car under a mobility scheme to help with his HIV and as soon as he got his car, the whole thing changed and I didn't see him for month on month and discovered he was taking all sorts of people to the bars and shows and not even asking me, as he had a car now and didn't need me to take him and it soon came to pass I realised I was just a cab driver to him and now he had his own car, I was of no more use - and was dismissed.
Our friendship - such as it was, ended there and then and he stayed put, never changed, never moved on with his life and eventually ran out of people to impress with his car while I moved onto bigger and greater things and people moved alone with me - and I got the last laugh as he ended up a lonely miserable little man hibernating in his flat and never going out and complaining he was all alone, as others wised up to his selfishness and saw my kindness,. and it came and bit him in the arse.
No sympathy at all. Michael.
There Is Such A Thing As Moving Too Fast... "Met a guy who had hit a rough patch." "We had great chemistry and he made me laugh." "Ugh the bar was SO low." "He gave me a sob story of why he was getting kicked out of his communal house and I offered to let him stay with me because I live alone and have my own place." "HUGE MISTAKE! " "He hadn't hit a rough patch, he was the rough patch."
"Barely paid for anything and would get wasted while I was at work and be a total a** hole when I got home." "Got fired from his job, ate all the food I'd buy and make excuses as to why he hadn't found another job yet. "The absolute kicker was when I went home for my Nonna's funeral, he treated it like a mini vacation in my place." "Invited friends over, played music so loud the cops got called and when he was supposed to pick me up from the airport, he was wasted at someone's house at 8 am." "Never felt better than the day I kicked him out." "No more financial and emotional abuse."
"Finally felt like my place was mine again." "I've learned an expensive lesson." "Don't help people that won't help themselves." "When nothing is their fault, there's a serious issue." "Run fast and far."- vikinglizzie
I had a home in California. It had a pool. Neighbours asked nicely if their 2 kids could use the pool one weekend and I agreed. What I was not expecting was 20 rowdy out of control kids running riot all over my garden and when I asked them to leave, got a mouthful from the neighbours that I had given my permission - YES FOR 2 KIDS AND NOT THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD and I insisted they leave now or I was calling the cops. They left and I was the ogre.
They took advantage. They absolutely abuse my kind offer and while the kids keep asking if they can use the pool, I would rather drain the fucking thing and leave empty than be abused and taken for a fool like that again, so no, they have never used the pool and watch and listen to me and my family enjoying it and we make sure we let them know how much we are enjoying the pool and fuck them...
Unwelcome House Guests
"Had a friend years ago who was a bit self centered & prone to stretching the truth, but he was a nice enough guy with a rough backstory and my friend group liked him, so I cut him a lot of slack." "I like to host and I have friends staying over pretty regularly." "Back then, I usually had one or two people spending the night on any given day." "Anyhow, over the span of a couple of years this guy starts abusing that."
"Staying over for days or even weeks at a time, eating my food and drinking my liquor without contributing, that sort of thing." "While constantly talking about his grand plans and daydreams as if they'd already happened." "A little sad, but also pretty annoying after a while." "Anyhow, I sit him down one day and let him know he's gotta head home, and that he's free to come over and hang out but I'm not comfortable with him staying over for the time being." "He leaves, I think it went remarkably well, and head out to work."
"And it turns out that he broke in while I was away at work and stole a bunch of my sister's things because 'his birthday was coming up and neither of us even thought to get him a gift'." "It takes a special person to rationalize how burglarizing someone is really their fault." "Anyway, all slack and sympathy went out the window immediately." "Called the cops and he's dead to me."- bada**_panda
"In my freshman year of college, my friend of about two years got kicked out of his parents house. He said he needed somewhere to stay "for the night" till his parents cooled off." "I said you can stay a week if you want but more than that and you'll need to pay me rent (he made pretty good money, more than me even). I was kind of hoping to find someone to split the bills with anyway." "A week rolls by and he hasn't even looked for another place. His parents aren't letting him come back."
"I ask him if he's going to stay, he says "if it's alright with you" I say sure, just pay me half the cost of the apt every month. He said he can't (I know damn well he can). I say "well then you gotta go" "He asked if he could stay another week. I said no. He got pissed at me for that. I then got pissed at him for getting pissed at me. I gave you a place to stay and you are mad at me??? Totally ended the friendship." "Never let anyone into your place unless you have a signed contract." Reddit
"Had a newish neighbor ask if he could borrow our lawn mower....sure. Well more or less every week he would come and get it out of our garage, use it to cut his grass, put it away without cleaning it or adding gas. In the fall we "mentioned" it was a good time to get deals on a new mower. He never talked to us again." - FireandIceT·
Written Agreements "When my dad was in nursing school, he had a big group over for a finals studying session and one of his classmates couldn't get a sitter. Well, at the time he had four kids and I was 14 and he asked if I could wrangle her kid and my siblings to keep them out of the way of everyone studying. The plan for the siblings was cartoon movies, some popcorn, dinner later. The plans for my father's classmate's kids was... I can watch them for free, no problem." "She showed up with FIVE kids. I now had eight under eight year olds to wrangle and I got yelled at every time one of her kids got near the study group. They were screaming, yelling, messy, hitting each other, biting my siblings demons. After four hours, I was sick of it, the kids were hungry and the adults asked ME what was for dinner."
"After a while, it became obvious that dad and company weren't studying- they were talking, laughing, and I could hear them making fun of me. So I gathered up the classmate's kids, walked them over to the group, and said "well, since you're done, I'm done watching your kids" and just went into my room and shut the door." "As the oldest kid, I was ALWAYS volunteered by my parents to babysit kids I didn't even know the names of. It got old REAL fast." "Now if someone asks me to babysit because they heard that I have 18 brothers and sisters, I demand $50 up front and a written agreement that I get an extra $10 for every hour +$10 per kid. I haven't babysat in ages." heyomeatballs
Put Foot Down
"We have helped out my sister n law a few times with money/bills. Never a lot, $50 here, $100 there. Usually for some bill to avoid services being cut off. I’m usually the more heartfelt one in my marriage, but I ended up being the one to put my foot down." "Went over to her apartment once. She had two big flat screen TVs, new couch, new fridge, kids on PlayStation or whatever console she got them. It was all Rent-a-Center stuff, but that was the end for me."
"I didn’t have any of those things myself, not to mention the incredibly bad financial decision those things were with the high interest rate. Part of me felt like I was taking food out of her kids mouths, but realized that no, her poor decisions were doing that." "The situation, on both sides, is way more complicated than I can put into just a couple of paragraphs as you can imagine. I want to help others and still do, but it is hard to keep supporting those that refuse to make any attempts to help themselves. I mentioned below she has started to do things differently. We’ve since lent her money again and she has always paid us back when she said she would. She still has a long way to go and a lot of challenges ahead of her, but we love her and will support her effort.s as best we can." red_eye_rob
Generosity can't be forced.
An act of generosity is meaningless if someone is trying to get something out of it. At the same time, no one should expect generosity, but instead be appreciative and grateful when it's given
One can only hope that the people in these stories who took advantage of the generosity of others might stop and contemplate how their selfishness might have negatively affected those who genuinely need the help.
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