FUNNY & SERIOUS AT THE SAME TIME

gaymen2
1 day ago
5 min read

INLIFE,

AS WITH EVERYTHING,

YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO LAUGH

AT YOURSELF.

AND OTHERS

AND THE CHURCH

AND POLITICIANS

ANY CORPORATE POWER

AND THE INCOMPETANCE OF LOCAL COUNCILS

AND CENTRAL GOVERNMENT

AND BRITISH TELECOM

AND AS HARD AS IT IS,

THE BEST COMEDY ACT

HAS TO BE

TRUMP

DANGEOUS

BUT COMICAL AT THE SAME TIME

LEARN HOW TO LAUGH IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY

AND YOU HAVE THE POWER TO OVERCOME.

Guy wakes up to find a gorilla is on his roof, so he looks in the phone book and finds an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he’ll be there in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, handcuffs, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a dog.

"What are you going to do?", the homeowner asks.

The gorilla removal expert says, “I'm going to put up this ladder against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with the bat. When the gorilla falls off, the dog is trained to bite and hold the gorilla by the balls until I get down and slap on the handcuffs.” Then he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

Homeowner asks, "What's the shotgun for?"

"If the gorilla knocks ME off the roof, shoot the dog."

One evening my mother made dinner after a hard day's work.

She put a plate of eggs and burnt toast in front of my father.

I immediately noticed, the burnt toast .... And, I was waiting to see if he was going to complain about it, but my father started to eat them, smiling and asked me how I spent my day at school.My mom apologized to my dad for the burnt toast. I will never forget his response to her: "Honey, I love burnt toast!"Later when I went to bed and my dad came over to kiss me goodnight, I asked him if he really liked the burnt toast?He hugged me and said, "Your mother has had a difficult day and she is really tired. She went out of her way to prepare this meal for us, why blame her and hurt her. Burnt toast never hurt anyone; but words can be very painful!”We have to know how to appreciate what others do for us, even if it's not perfect, because it's the intention to do well that counts, and no one is perfect.

'WHY US OLDIES DO NOT LIKE SELF SERVICE TILLS'

“I spent an hour in the bank with my dad, as he had to transfer some money. I couldn't resist myself and asked... ''Dad, why don't we activate your internet banking?''

''Why would I do that?'' He asked...

''Well, then you wont have to spend an hour here for things like transfer.

You can even do your shopping online. Everything will be so easy!''

I was so excited about initiating him into the world of Net banking.

He asked ''If I do that, I wont have to step out of the house?

''Yes, yes''! I said. I told him how even grocery can be delivered at door now and how amazon delivers everything! His answer left me tongue-tied.

He said ''Since I entered this bank today, I have met four of my friends, I have chatted a while with the staff who know me very well by now.

You know I am alone...this is the company that I need. I like to get ready and come to the bank. I have enough time, it is the physical touch that I crave.

Two years back I got sick, The store owner from whom I buy fruits, came to see me and sat by my bedside and cried.

When your Mom fell down few days back while on her morning walk. Our local grocer saw her and immediately got his car to rush her home as he knows where I live.

Would I have that 'human' touch if everything became online?

Why would I want everything delivered to me and force me to interact with just my computer?

I like to know the person that I'm dealing with and not just the 'seller'. It creates bonds of Relationships.

Does Amazon deliver all this as well?'''

Technology isn't life..

Spend time with people .. Not with devices."

What should I absolutely not do when visiting the USA?

Advice from an old American white guy who no longer feels any allegiance to the United States whatsoever:

My sincere advice is ths—do not travel to the United States under any circumstances, not even for transit between planes. Even a routine business trip could result in interactions with government agents who may harass you, particularly if you happen to be melanin enhanced. .Do not assume your passport will be respected as valid identification. Many “Americans,” including law enforcement, are unfamiliar with passports and may not recognize them as legitimate.

In short: do not come here at all. I would even go so far as to urge you not to attend a family funeral on U.S. soil. Boycott U.S. airlines. Do not conduct business here. Avoid this country entirely.

THE PAST ALWAYS SEEMS ROSIER AND CLEANER AND A NICER PLACE TO LIVE COMPARED TO MODERN TIMES, BUT- DYPTHERIA AND OTHER ILLNESSES KILLED TENS OF THOUSANDS EVERY YEAR - TO SAY NOTHING OF CANCERS LEFT UNTREATED AS WE DIDN'T HAVE CHEMO YET. IT ALL SEEMS NICER, BUT IT WAS NO DIFFERENT TO TODAYS. NOT REALY. JUST SLOWER. ANDA LOT MORE INNOCENT.

We didn't have central heating and had frost on the inside of windows making homes FREEZING COLD. Bath night just once a week, no washing machines or tumble dryers, no microwave ovens and deep freezers. Supermarkets were a new thing and shopping meant going from store to store. Most women didn't drive ( some good mercies then.. ) and being LGBT was illegal and a jailable offense and ' Querer Bashing' was common. So when you assume the past was better, no it wasn't, it was just different.

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Jack took the money.