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FUNNIES

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.

Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.


He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.


"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"


Some of the locals shifted restlessly.


The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked,


"Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"


The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."


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A father passing by his son's bedroom.


Noticed the room unusually clean and saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.


I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.


But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.


Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that mari*juana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it.

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Josh

P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home.


-------------------


"This kid dialed 911 telling the dispatcher he was running away from home after an argument with his mother.

This officer arrived talked to the kid and went into his bedroom which was empty outside of a deflated blowup bed. The young man essentially slept on the floor.


The officer encouraged the boy to stay home. The child’s mother facing a tough financial hardship.

The officer left and soon returning with a bed, a television and a game system.


The child was elated beyond words. Not all angels wear wings! Thank you officer!!!!” ❤️❤️❤️"



--------------------------

“Tonight, on my flight from Indianapolis to Baltimore I sat next to an unaccompanied minor who was traveling to Baltimore to see her Mother. With Southwest Airlines open seating anyone could have sat next to her, in fact many people avoided her and her boundless energy during boarding. But finally, the couple you see in the photo occupied the two seats to her right.


Within minutes the young girl began chatting and the couple likely realized this wouldn’t be a relaxing flight...and they just rolled with it.

As drinks were being served the couple didn’t even get a chance to voice their requests because they were cut off by the young girl stating, ‘I’ll take water with a straw and so will they so we can paint!’.

And they just rolled with it.

Within minutes the young girl had brought out her Hello Kitty paint sheets and the couple spent the next hour following her instructions- as you can see.

As I type this the man next to her is being covered with Marvel stickers. They are on his ears, in his beard, arms, everywhere. And he is just rolling with it.

Moral of the story: There is good in this world. In fact, there is more good than bad in this world if we just open our eyes to it. There isn’t a script or instruction manual for love. You just have to roll with it.”

-----------------


Michael Caine. ... I worked with him on a film about 14 years ago. He was one of the voices in an animated film and when he was in town, we needed him to come in and do some pickup lines. He arrived at the studio, introduced himself to EVERYONE involved in the session with


'Hello, I'm Michael Caine'


and chatted to us all for a few minutes. Because of his status, we had someone on standby to get him lunch from anywhere he might like.

When asked he said 'I'd love a turkey sandwich and a bottle of water if it's not too much trouble.' We did the recording session and when he left, he again made sure to come in and thank everyone.


He couldn't have been nicer or more down-to-earth."


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Emmit is in line waiting to board a flight. At a certain point a lady arrives (the blonde one you see in the photo) and touching him on her shoulder asks him to move, because that is priority boarding for first class.

Emmit very politely, replies that he is also in line to board first class, so she can calmly stand in line behind him and wait for her turn.


The annoyed lady replies that she certainly had that privilege because she was doing military service.

Emmit turns towards the lady again and with a smile she replies:

"Dear lady, I'm too old to be in the military. I'm actually just a nigger with a lot of money."

At that point all the people who were in line behind them applauded while the lady fell silent, lowering her head.


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