funny truths
- gaymen2
- 2 days ago
- 6 min read
The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $10
The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $100 please use the ATM.”
The old lady wanted to know why ...
The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line of customers behind you.”
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”
The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, you have $300,000 in your account and the bank doesn't have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.
The teller told her any amount up to $3000
"Well, please let me have $3000 now", she The teller then handed it very friendly and respectfully to her
The old lady put $10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account.
the moral of this tale .......
Don't be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills.
A woman from Winchester was driving down the road when she passed over a bridge and saw a cop waiting with a radar gun on the other side. The cop pulled her over, walked up to her car with a smug look, and asked,
"What's the rush?"
She replied, "I'm late for work."
The cop said, "Oh yeah? What do you do?"
"I'm a Rectum Stretcher," she answered.
The cop was confused and asked, "A what?"
"A Rectum Stretcher!" she repeated.
"And what exactly does a Rectum Stretcher do?" the cop asked.
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then move to two, then three, then four. Once my whole hand is in, I move it around from side to side, until I can get both hands in. Then, I stretch it out until it’s about six feet."
The cop, shocked, asked, "And what do you do with a six-foot... um, thing?"
She grinned and said, "Give him a radar gun and put him behind a bridge!"
I’m honestly still in shock. This young guy, probably around 17 years old, has no idea I took his picture while sitting here in the laundromat.
I had just put my clothes in the washer and walked a couple of blocks to grab something to eat. When I got back and opened the bag, I realized there were no plastic forks or knives inside. I was so upset. I had even asked the girl at the restaurant if she put the plastic utensils in, and she told me yes. I checked again, and still—nothing. I started quietly cursing under my breath.
I guess this kid heard me, because next thing I know, he gets up, walks out, and disappears down the street. I didn’t even say anything to him. A few minutes later, he comes back into the laundromat and hands me a plastic fork. He had walked a block and a half just to get it for me.
I was honestly blown away. I hadn’t asked him for help, and we hadn’t even spoken. I offered to buy him lunch to say thank you, but he smiled and said he was okay and didn’t need anything.
He told me he’s studying to become a stockbroker. I told him I hope I see his name in the news one day as one of the top 10 richest and most successful men in America.
Not every story ends badly… 😊Wow. I’m still in awe of this kid!
As she went to bed, the 81-year-old woman said to her 83-year-old husband:
Listen I just looked out the window and I think the garage light is on. Can you get up and go turn it off?
With great difficulty, the old man got up, opened the door, and walked out. He saw five or six burglars
pounding on the garage door. He immediately called the police.
Listen, write down my address. It's just my wife and I here, and five or six thieves are attacking my garage. Send a police team quickly.
The dispatcher replied: "We have written down your address. Do not worry. No team is available at the moment. I'll send someone as soon as I have a team.
Frustrated, the old man watched the burglars fight with the locks in the garage. Two minutes later, he called the police back:
Look, there's no need to send someone anymore. I shot the five burglars.
At the police station, there was panic. In less than five minutes, a team of police arrived on the scene with a helicopter, paramedics, three doctors and two ambulances. They quickly subdued the criminals. Later, the team leader approached the old man and asked:
You said you shot them, didn't you?
And you didn't say that no team was available…
When the search drone passed over the remote Alaskan wilderness last Tuesday, the pilot almost didn't look twice at the dark shape in the snow.But something made him zoom in.
What he saw stopped his heart: a man's body, completely still, with two massive gray wolves curled against him like guard dogs.
"We thought we were documenting a tragedy," said rescue coordinator Sarah Mills. "In 20 years, I've never seen anything like it."
The man was Marcus Webb, a 52-year-old wilderness guide who'd gotten separated from his group during a sudden whiteout three days earlier. His radio was dead. His shelter, swept away. Temperatures had plunged to -15°F at night. But Marcus wasn't alone.
Days before he got lost, he'd stumbled upon an injured wolf caught in old fence wire. Most people would've kept walking—wolves are dangerous, unpredictable. Marcus spent two hours carefully freeing her, then left what little food he had.She never forgot.When hypothermia began shutting down Marcus's body on that second frozen night, the wolf returned—bringing her mate. They pressed against him from both sides, their thick fur creating a cocoon of warmth. For 60 brutal hours, they didn't leave.
They didn't hunt. They just stayed.The rescue team approached cautiously, but the wolves simply stood, watched Marcus get loaded onto the helicopter, then disappeared into the trees.Marcus spent four days in the hospital being treated for severe frostbite and exposure.
Doctors say he wouldn't have survived another night.When reporters asked him about his "miracle," he got quiet."I just saw an animal that needed help," he said, voice breaking. "Turns out, they saw the same thing in me."
Sometimes the wild remembers kindness.
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When a crow feels sick, it goes to an ant nest, not to eat them, but to disturb them. The crow shakes its body, sponges its feathers, spreads its wings and stays still while the ants walk all over its body. As they move between their feathers, ants release formic acid, a natural chemical that helps eliminate bacteria, mites and parasites that hide in the crow. The crow knows exactly what it is doing. This behavior, called “anting”, is your natural way of healing. Sometimes the crow even picks up ants with its beak and rubs them on its feathers as if they were medicine. No vet needed, no pills... just instinct
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