I've lost my erection...
- Apr 25
- 10 min read
Dear John:
SCROLL DOWN FOR JOHNS COMMENTS:
I am depressed. I am down. I am old and now I have lost my erection and now I feel REALLY old.
I was never that sexual, having been married and have 3 grown children and since my wfe and I divorced many moons ago, I have been - on the fence - gay wise... I enjoy sex with men but my emotions are still for women, sex is one thing, affection is another.
I have had several bouts of cancer in my prostate and have had it removed, but as I am not passive, this does not affect me much BUT - with the meds I am on, I have almost completely lost the ability to get an erection.
I wank and I can come, but with a limp dick in my hand and not the proud 7 inches I had, and besides not getting hard, my dick is shrinking. I use to be a proud 7 inches and am now just over 5.5 inches, and the thickness has gone down as well, and all in all, it does so depress me.
I live alone and am 70 years of age and while fit, I do have lots of cancer treatments and every day aches and pains expected for a man of my age, and compared to many the same age, I am doing wonderfully, It's just - when I go to a sauna, no one wants a limp dick. I go to Naked Mates events, and again, limp dick.
Do you have any suggestions John ? Derek.
John Bellamy answers:-
Derek;- You are not 16, or 30. You are 70 and need to give thanks that you are still alive and kicking while tens of thousands of people died in the 1980's and 90's in their prime and a whole portion of society died out with AIDS and here we are - survivors decades later.
NOW: How many others do you think - who are members of - for instance - Naked Mates - who generally are older and with fuller figures ( somewhat over weight - er okay - fat ) - are diabetic, have bowel problems, and prostate problems and maybe even cancer of the prostate or bowels. How many, who like me, have had a hospital stay due to a UTI ( Urinary Tract Infection ) How many have arthritis or gout or a pacemaker. Most have been in hospital in the last few years for something, or at least, are on reguar medication for something. Everyone has their ' bridge to cross' and everyone welcomes the onset of older age in different ways.
For me, if and when I do not shave my balls and trim my pubes, it grows long and white and makes my dick look like an old man - and I mean - AN OLD MAN - and yet when I shave and trim - HAY PRESTO - its looks young again... Like clothes, many ' settle' into what's comfortable and not what is fashionable and they end up looking old fashioned and - again - old . It's a choice.
Erectile Dysfuncion is nothing new and does affect older men, and just as the onset of my hair slowly turning white and a bald patch materialised ( or as Woody calls is - my Crop Circle ) I accept the changes to my body and my hair line and the fact that I also have problems getting a hard on, and often wank with a softie, and it does occasionally get hard but doesn't stay, so :- I made the decision that I am not fucking others any more, oral sex only, and while I get so many who want me to fuck them, I am NOT about to embarrass myself or made to feel inferior by someone who just lies there with their ass in the air doing NOTHING but complain when I don't get hard - and as far as I am concerned, my decision is right for me and if others dont like it, tough fucking shit. IT IS WHAT IT IS.
WELCOME TO OLDER AGE
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the consistent inability to achieve or maintain an erection for sexual activity, often caused by underlying vascular disease, diabetes, nerve damage, or psychological factors like stress. Symptoms include difficulty getting or keeping erections. Treatments include oral medication (Viagra, Cialis), lifestyle changes, and therapy.
Common Causes
Physical (Organic):
Cardiovascular diseases, atherosclerosis, diabetes, hormonal imbalances (low testosterone), nerve damage (Parkinson’s, multiple sclerosis), and pelvic surgeries or injuries.
Psychological: Stress, anxiety, depression, and relationship issues.
The more you worry about it, often the worst it gets.
Medications:
Certain antidepressants, antihistamines, and blood pressure medications. Lifestyle: Smoking, obesity, and chronic excessive alcohol consumption. Men of our age often have Prostates that swell and certain medications to stop this, kill your stiffy and desire...
Symptoms
Persistent inability to get an erection.
Inability to maintain an erection during sexual activity.
Reduced sexual desire - too tired and besides, the movie starts in 10 minutes...
Risk Factors
Age: Risk increases with age, particularly after 40, though it is not an inevitable part of aging.
Medical Conditions: Diabetes and heart disease are significant risk factors.
Lifestyle Factors: Smoking, obesity, and lack of physical exercise.
Shitty arses, this looses me a hard on straight away and there is no getting it hard again and while I know this is psychological, tell that to the arse that needed to douch first. but then, - it is the Hirshey Highway.....
Treatment Options
Medications: Oral phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE5) inhibitors, including Sildenafil (Viagra), Tadalafil (Cialis), Vardenafil, and Avanafil.
Psychological Counseling: Therapy for performance anxiety, stress, or relationship problems.
Lifestyle Changes: Regular exercise, smoking cessation, improved diet, and weight loss.
Other Treatments: Vacuum pumping devices, injections, or penile implants if medication is ineffective.
Viagra / Cialis and other drugs are easily available ' on line' without even a medical exam - BUT BE WARNED, never take too much, and do NOT do poppers with stimulants as it can kill you and if you have a weak heart, you need to consult your doctor befor taking any kind of stimulant.
Prevention
Adopt a healthy, plant-based or Mediterranean-style diet.
Engage in regular daily exercise.
Quit smoking and limit alcohol intake.
Manage existing health conditions, such as diabetes and hypertension.
Get out of your head that there is a problem as that just makes it worse.
Try Vacuum Pumping your dick. It helps if loosing its size and shrinking and it helps with sexual desire, even if only on your own and to enjoy a good wank.
I find using a sound helps me get an erection even if just for wanking.
To learn more - speak to John Bellamy - 01202-399227
Don't get pissed off at life because you have lost the ability to get an erection. There really is SO MUCH MORE TO LIFE than constantly looking for the next shag or the next blow - or - come to that - being seen as a sexy person, hot and fuckable... Sex is an important aspect in many of our lives - and it can become an obsession if we are not careful. Sure - I was a sex worker and have had tens of thousands of sexual experiences and have fucked tens of thousands and sure - I MISS FUCKING - but having had 3 bouts of an UTI, and hospitaliised over it, and this is because I bare backed and while safe from HIV, does have the possibility of poo getting into your bladder and HAY PRESTO - hospital time and I am so over it... and if someone gives me grief, then they really can go fuck themselves. ( well that'll save me a job... ha ha )
You are so much more than your dick and balls, You just need to realise that - especially as you get older - and move your constant crutch thoughts to something somewhere else.
We live many lives while in the same body.
One as a child and then a teenager. We are young, full of fun and full of cum...
Then we grow into young adults and start making important decisions for ourselves and those around us. We are young and full of life, excitement and plans for the future. Years pass, we get jobs, buy a house and a car, work hard, make relationships that either last or they don't. We may even make a family of our own and watching childen grow is the fastest way to see yourself growing old through their eyes and through their growth from baby to adult.
We may end up alone - or stuck with apartner we don't like but are ' comfortable' with. We settle. Don't rock the boat. We put up with and we make do. We complain but do fuck all about changing things because - we are afraid.
Old age can make us afraid - of so much.
We learn and grow as we mature.
Decades pass in an instant - aches and pains replace nights out. Hospital and doctors appointments fill the Diary and not parties, sex clubs and fun times planned - just medical. Hair thins. Tummy spreads. Eye sight and hearing not as good as once was and then - glasses and a hearing aid - maybe even a pacemaker - or even a hip replacement - and before you know it - you become aware of your SPECIAL POWER - you are invisible to most people. They don't even see you,. Just another old fart.
You are a pensioner - given up work - retired. That magical time when you thought you would start to travel and enjoy life after a lifetime of working hard and - bad health hits. Lack of funds keeps you home. You stop going out at night as night driving is harder and , it's so nice at home with the telly, the cat and the cuppa. SAFE.
No spoiling yourself with goodies as doctors say its bad for your cholesterol or your heart or your cancers or - something to spoil the fun. Tablets several times a day. Up at night peeing 3 or 4 times. You settle until one day you realise you have grown into a couch potato - and an old fart at thYou are a pensioner - given up work - retired. That magical time when you thought you would start to travel and enjoy life after a lifetime of working hard and - bad health hits. Lack of funds keeps you home. You stop going out at night as night driving is harder and , it's so nice at home with the telly, the cat and the cuppa. SAFE.
No spoiling yourself with goodies as doctors say its bad for your cholesterol or your heart or your cancers or - something to spoil the fun. Tablets several times a day. Up at night peeing 3 or 4 times. You settle until one day you realise you have grown into a couch potato - and an old fart at that. You allowed this to hapen. Your waist line is spreading faster than you ever thought possible and you have to be aware that - your are old now, so think back and enjoy the ride you created, remember fondly your past and do not be resentful at being old, you lived, you loved. you travelled, you worked, you LIVED YOUR LIFE and whether good or bad, it was all yours to make of it what you wanted, and the same goes for old age. You can be a bitter old cunt, or you can be the life and soul of the party. You can spend your life complaining and getting nowhere - or you can laugh and share and enjoy what and who you are andat. You allowed this to hapen. Your waist line is spreading faster than you ever thought possible and you have to be aware that - your are old now, so think back and enjoy the ride you created, remember fondly your past and do not be resentful at being old, you lived, you loved. you travelled, you worked, you LIVED YOUR LIFE and whether good or bad, it was all yours to make of it what you wanted, and the same goes for old age. You can be a bitter old cunt, or you can be the life and soul of the party. You can spend your life complaining and getting nowhere - or you can laugh and share and enjoy what and who you are and 'FUCK IT ,,, I'm old and can do what I fucking well want.....'
John Bellamy
( Story below from the internet )
Last spring I was in Portugal.
One morning I sat down at an outdoor café overlooking the ocean. When a pretty waitress came over, I was in the middle of a phone call. She smiled and said,
“Oh, we speak the same language.”
I smiled back. Nothing serious — just that light kind of flirtation that gives a small boost to a man’s self-esteem. While I was ordering, we kept talking. To my surprise, we turned out to be from the same city.
Then she asked which university I had gone to.
I was just about to answer when she interrupted herself and added, thoughtfully,
“Actually, no… I probably couldn’t have known you. You’re old enough to be my father.”
I spent the rest of breakfast in silence.
Because in my head, I was still the same person. The same attractive guy girls smiled at in school, then later at university. I still felt like that version of me.
But that evening I found myself stuck in front of the mirror, looking at the fine web of wrinkles around my eyes, the hair on my fingers that somehow keeps growing more confidently than the hair on my head.
Yes, it is painful to accept aging but it is foolish to deny it will happen to you because, unless you die young, just like everyone else, you will age, go wrinkly and grow old.
And it hurts not only because physical attractiveness fades.
It also hurts because, with it, one version of yourself begins to disappear.
At some point, I think the only real option is to admit it honestly: Yes, this is who I am now.
And then, instead of only grieving it, start looking for what remains. A new kind of self. A new kind of presence. Maybe even a new kind of charm.
Because, if I’m being completely honest, to the sixty-year-old woman selling fruit on the beach, I was still:
“Hey, handsome.”
------------------------
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