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'What’s the dumbest thing someone’s ever said to you with complete seriousness?'

'What’s the dumbest thing someone’s ever said to you with complete seriousness?'

Have you ever heard someone say something completely devoid of logic, but you almost admire their conviction?

Like the Jewish space laser or flat Earth people who spout ridiculous nonsense while being completely oblivious to how idiotic it sounds.

Or the Earth is 6,000 years old and dinosaurs lived with modern humans?

Well, Dam...

"I used to work at a CONCRETE dam."

"I've been asked 3 different times if it is a man-made dam by people who were looking at the dam."

"Maybe the beavers took a learning annex course?"

Then Who Was In The Old Testament?

"Visited a historic site with a friend when the guide told us it was Neolithic—older than Christ."

"My friend was shocked that people existed before Christ. She’s a nurse."

Feel The Burn

"A not-fit coworker said he didn't need to do cardio because he drank coffee and energy drinks. Because those things made his heart beat faster, and that's all that cardio is, so he doesn't need to exercise."


Have one spare bedroom so rent it out to tourists through Airbnb and had some women ask if we had a spa suite and did we offer room service.

She was told in no uncertain terms not to be so dumb.

Wrong drink Sent a friend downstairs to make a cup of tea telling him to repeat to himself all the way down, TEA, WHITE, TWO SUGARS - TEA, WHITE, TWO SUGARS. Twenty minutes later he brings me up - a BLACK COFFEE.

So Are They Vegetables Or Minerals?

"I'm sure I've heard something more dumb, but someone once said to me, 'Snakes aren't animals. They're lizards'."

When I told him that snakes and lizards are both reptiles and reptiles are animals he said, 'Clearly you haven't done your research'."

"I have a degree in biology."

We own it.

Why are we paying for our gas ( petrol ) when we own Iraq.

( Overheard some dumb American say this )

Salmonella Isn't On The Menu

"When I was still in the restaurant industry, someone ordered a turkey burger, medium rare. I explained that we have to serve the turkey burger fully cooked, due to it being poultry."

"'But it’s a burger'."

"'Yes, but it’s a patty made out of poultry'."

"'So why is it on the burger menu?'."

"'Well, it even says on the menu that our turkey burgers are cooked well done'."

"'But your burgers are cooked to order'."

"'Yes, our beef patties are cooked to order. Turkey burgers need to be fully cooked'."

"She begrudgingly relented. Then complained to my then-manager that I’m an idiot."

Miss America When asked - ONLY ONE of the contestants in the Miss America contest answered with

'Are you kidding me'

Every one else said ' Hell no, we have calculators'


'Do we need maths taught in schools.'

Dumb as a bucket of cow poo again.

ASKED BY AN AMERICAN TO AN ENGLISH MAN Do you have computers in the UK.

Yes we do, we invented them

Hell no it was the Japanese and American.


Dumb as a bucket of cow poo

OK, Mom

"Mom heard on the news that Mars was going to be close enough to Earth to see with the naked eye."

"A couple of evenings later she pointed up at the sky and said, 'Is that Mars?'."

"'That's the moon, Mom'."

"'Are you sure?'."

"'Very much so'."

"She's not suffering from dementia. She's just oblivious."


Ordered a glass of water in a restaurant in Los Angeles. Cmpletely threw the waiter who asked three times what I had said.


Eventually my partner said ' he wants WARDER' - the American pronunciation.

The waiter looked dumb as shit and said he was a law student at UCLA.

I barked that he had better get his act together as WATER - to WARDER was NOT a big leap and that it was not a Pint of Bitter, Cider, Bacardi Daiquiri, Long Island tea - WHAT ELSE DID IT DAMNED WELL SOUND LIKE.

The waiter was not amused and did not get a tip.

Don't The Cows Mind?

"My elderly mother told me that 90% of Wisconsin is covered by cement."

"True. The other 10% is covered by cheese."

English Measurements Are Tricky

"I asked someone how tall he was and he said, '5 foot 12 inches'."

"I chuckled, but he didn’t mean it as a joke."

"I've actually said that. I was going to say 5'11"."

"It was just an estimate and at the last second, while it was about to come out of my mouth, I decided the estimate was too low so I added another inch and my brain didn't carry the 1."

Vodka Tonic In first class on a BA flight. Steward asked two fat American ladies if they wanted a drink.

Vodka Tonic.

Would you like ice in that.

What ?


What are you saying ?

Ice madam - ice,. ICE ICE ICE.

What ?


She reported him for being rude and I stood beside him as witness that she was just dumber than a bucket of cow poo.

Robot Romance

"Mom once told teenage me that getting an internal ultrasound meant that a robot took my virginity."

"I think she cried over this."

"I mean I'm sorry you have to live with this person as your mother, but this is the funniest one so far."

"I hope she was at least relieved that you didn't get pregnant with cyborg babies from your robo-fling."

Warning Labels

"'How was I supposed to know the strawberry daçaí had strawberries in it?' after giving it to somebody allergic to strawberries."

"This is why jars of peanut butter have a warning label that says 'Contains peanuts'."


"An old ex, when I confronted him about his clashing outfit, told me he doesn’t know because he isn’t a fascist."

"I asked him what he meant, and he said 'you know, someone who is into fashion'."

"My dad couldn’t stand him and thought this was the funniest thing ever."

"My old boss, after he got fired, had 'I understand all fascists (should be facets) of technology' on his LinkedIn page."

"We all got a big laugh."

Has He Been Drinking The Water?

"'No need to worry about lead contamination in our drinking water—we boil it before we drink it', said by my boss at an office based in an old Victorian school building in the UK."

"I took it up with HR in the end, and my boss was FURIOUS with me about it."

"I even attempted to explain why you can't boil lead out of water, but got labelled a troublemaker for it."

"I left soon after."

Shrink Rays, Maybe?

"Someone told me that drones were an extreme security threat, which is a fine argument to make—as long as you have the evidence to back it up."

"But then he instantly followed up with the comment: 'But how do the spies fit inside the drones? These drones have to be pretty big to fit the people inside'."

"This had me dumbfounded."

"Plot twist: The government uses squirrels."

A Quarter Is Even Harder

"My cousin once asked 'where do astronauts land when it’s only half a moon?'."

We've probably all had momentary brain blips when we forget basic information. But some people make it a habit.


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