wives
- 2 days ago
- 7 min read
8 Reasons Wives Stop Looking Forward to Intimacy With Their Husbands
This was sent to me by a reader and it makes interesting, if one sided, reading.
I answer in green..
It didn't happen all at once. It never does. Desire in a marriage dies in increments — in the small disappointments that were never addressed and the unmet needs that were never voiced. Here's how it happens.
1. The anticipation disappeared.
She used to look forward to it. Feel it building during the day. Now it arrives unannounced, without buildup, without the sense that she has been wanted all day long. Intimacy without anticipation is physical at best and transactional at worst.
It takes two and when she constantly has a headache, it - kinda - puts the man off completely.
2. His energy stopped matching his presence.
He's there. But the version of him that makes her feel like the most desired woman alive — the energized, driven, fully present man — has been replaced by someone going through the motions. She can feel the difference in every moment of every experience.
Maybe he feels the same coming / or not coming - from her as well, it goes two ways. Maybe they both need to show a little more interest and give something back it might gell somewhere in the middle but as many women are somewhat selfish sexually, who can blame him for becoming bored.
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3. She learned not to expect satisfaction.
After enough experiences of being left somewhere between interested and unfulfilled, the mind protects itself by lowering expectations. She stopped expecting satisfaction not because she doesn't want it — but because wanting it and not getting it became too disappointing to sustain.
And of course she is completely unable to show him what to do, - teach him;- and then with encouragement he will learn a new trick and it is win win... But do not just expect him to know his way around your vagina when many women don't even know their way around ther own vaginas. MANY women do not masterbate but expect a man to be able to get them to cum while not having a clue themselves.
4. Intimacy stopped being about her.
At some point the experience became routine — more about completing an act than creating a connection. A wife who doesn't feel like the entire point of her husband's desire stops feeling desire herself.
So - she expects the man to satisfy her - and how about her satisfing the man. She is as much responsible for mutual satisfaction - give and take in equal amounts - and when did it start that it was all about the women - BOLLOCKS - it should always be MUTUAL SATISFACTION and NO ONE is in charge of your enjoyment - ONLY YOU ARE. And women who just lay there and assume that is enough to satisfy a man,, IT IS NOT , and when a man discovers MEN TO MAN SEX - Dear God the revelation of physical sexual fun and enjoyment previously never experienced, is astounding.
5. The physical and emotional stopped arriving together.
She doesn't just need physical presence. She needs emotional presence — the sense that he is completely here, completely focused on her, completely engaged. When one arrives without the other, the experience is incomplete in a way that's hard to articulate but impossible to ignore.
This also goes two ways. I love that the expectations and comments of complaint are all one sided and not offered it return. This is all too one sided.
6. She stopped feeling beautiful in his eyes.
He stopped saying it. Stopped showing it. Stopped looking at her the way a man looks at a woman he cannot believe is his. And a woman who no longer feels beautiful to her husband stops feeling beautiful to herself.
Maybe she gained 100lb. Maybe her flaps clap as she walks. Who knows.
7. Low drive made the experience feel like a compromise.
When a husband's physical vitality has dropped, even when intimacy occurs it carries the energy of effort rather than desire. She feels the difference. An experience born of effort feels like obligation — and no woman wants to be her husband's obligation.
Er - Isn't this often the other way round. He has the expectations while she des not and often only performs out of obligatuon and knowing it will keep him quiet for the next few weeks.
8. She stopped feeling safe being vulnerable.
True intimacy requires a woman to be completely open — emotionally and physically. That openness requires her to feel safe, desired, and met with equal energy. When those conditions stopped being reliable, she stopped showing up with full vulnerability. And without vulnerability, intimacy is just proximity. ( Bollocks ) Rebuild the conditions and she will rebuild the openness. She wants to. She has always wanted to. She just needs to believe it's safe to try again.
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So there you have it folks, for all those men out there who are married and complaining about no sex at home, it seems from this list above, it's all your fault, and it should all be about the women and my answer is - HOW FUCKING SELFISH CAN ANYONE BE.
Men are always told to be strong for the women and how about she being strong for her man as well as he has emotions and feelings as well and so many women patronise and belittle mens emotions and this says a great deal about women being afraid of mens emotions and so like to out them down and down grade their ability to feel.
Here are some of the reasons MAN claim is the reason for no sex at home any longer.
1) As soon as the wedding ring was on her finger she actually turned to me and said how she didn't need sex again as she now has the ring on her finger and she had all the power now.
2) As soon as the kids arrived, the flaps were closed forever and we never had sex again after our 3rd child was born. I now sleep next to a refrigerator - my wfe.
3) She wears a nightdress down to her ankles, wrists and right up to her neck and even her old Mother never hid herself like that and it is VERY CLEAR MESSAGE - hands off.
WOMEN DO NOT SUCK, THAT COULD BE HALF THE PROBLEM
4) In 12 years of marriage I never saw my wife naked once. Not once. Sex was when she would cringe and lay there gritting her teath and then run to the bathroom to wash me off her.
5) Went on the first date recently and she brought her X Boyfriend along and expecte me to like it, and pay for all meals and the ENTITLETMENT was staggering. I walked out.
UT
6) My wife is a Stay at Home mother of one child who is at school all day. I come home after a 12 hour shift, no food, no dinner, not even a sandwich and when I complain, she makes out she is the victim and cries and throws a ' poor me' routine that now - I am sick off.
7) She doesn't want me, She wants what being married can give her - but she definately does not want the commitments of a husband. She wants to have no Job and be able to stay at home all day;- Have dates with her girlfriends, shopping trips that last forever and she comes home empty handed - and when I comehome, nothing, Not even a " How was your day ?" What I get is cold indifference.
8) He stops feeling sexy when his own wife even turns away.
9) She complains the intimacy is not all about her any longer and how fucking selfish. How about the intimacy towards the man - women are so self centred.
10.) The man comes way down the list of jobs and things to concentrate on by the woman. Family, friends, fashion, the house, the pets, the In-Laws and somewhere near the bottom, the man who pays for it all is stuck - hen pecked and bossed and a shaddow of the man he once was and the reasons are clear.
John Bellamy
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