You have to meet me half way - a tragic reality
We had problems with a customer this week who has been before and booked and paid and turned up 3 days late - we were advised - and he caused a scene as soon as he entered.
It was most unpleasant.
He squared up to Woody who works here and who was not afraid and stood his ground and politely read the riot act at him about his behaviour.
It became quite unpleasant.
John Bellamy shares his weekend with you and how he tries so hard to help those in need and it does, on occasions, tug at the heart strings, tear you apart as well as ruining your whole weekend and John only goes as far as he does, because he has a big heart and cannot turn away from those in need of help.
When someone drinks because they have problems, and when that person has been in rehab several times and recently relapsed and when that person is LOUD and constant and is unwilling to hear or take advise or be told - because of the booze, we went to throw him out and had his bags on the front step and everything, and when I told him to leave, go stay some place else and come back in the morning sober, he cried - and I felt his torment, his confusion, his absolute abandonment by everyone and family and how he feels alone and lost. I could feel his pain and understand where he was coming from and it is hard to talk to people when they are in that state as the negatives going on inside are screaming in his head while the positives being shared do not get through, and while he may agree and agree with you some more, a beer can is reached for even then.
Too much ' outdoor voice' does not help and putting my ' therapists' hat on - metaphorically - and speaking gently with my ' indoor voice' I simply told him his behaviour was abusive and threatening and unless he calms down and starts to behave HE WILL be thrown out and the police called if he could not restrain himself, or he could calm down, go to his room, sleep it off and start again in the morning.
He calmed down and eventually went to his room and we did not se him for the rest of the evening.
Sadly, at 4.30am when I was asked by my dog for a pee break ( yawn yawn ) I found the customer up in the lounge - drinking - and was drunk still.
Being raised, as many are from childhood, around heavy drinkers and alcoholics does not help the future of children faced with such things from an early age and chances are they will follow the same route and become drinkers as adults and will follow in the footsteps of what they have seen throughout their young lives. Parents have no idea the damage they do to their children who watch and learn everything from them.
Alcoholism is not about drinking daily - which some do - while other alcoholics are Binge Drinkers and can go weeks without a drink but it takes very little to ' set them off' and this can be so very hard for anyone in a relationship with them.
Lovely when sober. A cunt when drunk.
Some people REALLY get in their own way - are their own worst enemy - cause and create ALL the troubles in their lives through abusing people who then turn away - family give up - workmates complain and HR is no help and you loose your job and all these are excuses - EXCUSES - to blame the world for not understanding - blame the world for ganging up against you - blame family for never being there for you and blaming everyone and everything but NOT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHY ALL THIS FELL APART - when the whole and entire cause is the booze.
IT ABSOLUTELY INFURIATES ME - ANGERS ME DEEPLY - that booze is so easily acceptable and accessible in just about every store and supermarket and this is not good as it sends messages of complete acceptance for something that is FAR WORSE, KILLS MORE PEOPLE - DESTROYS FAR MORE LIVES THAN ALL THE ILLEGAL DRUGS PUT TOGETHER.
I can GUARENTEE if he came in stoned, after smoking tons of Cannabis, he would come in like a kitten, all sweet and gentle, loving and peaceful as THAT is what Cannabis does - it calms violent people, it soothes inner pain and conflict, it also helps ENORMLUSLY with physical pain and IT DOES NOT CREATE ANGER LIKE ALCOHIOL DOES. PERIOD - SO STOP DEFENDING ALCOHOL AND DAMNING CANNABIS.
It is desperately sad - desperately - when you have someone in front of you crying - a man in his 50's, because he is so lost and so confused and so alone and so desperate - and yet drinks to forget, drinks to get over, drinks to oblivion or more likely, become aggressive and argumentative - and then everyone turns away and this is then used as an excuse to have yet another drink because it's ' THEIR FAULT, THEY ABANDONED ME '- when it is YOUR FAULY - well actually it's the ALCOHOLS FAULT - that you have a hard time saying no to.
Today - Sunday - we only have a couple of guests in and looked forward to a nice roast pork dinner later - after a restful afternoon and a walk with the dog and calm calm calm, but that is NOT how it turned out with constant - and I mean constant ( 7 times in 20 minutes ) while I am trying to work at this computer and he keeps calling loudly - screaming abuse, shouting he is going to sue me ( ? ) and it takes me ages to calm him down, get him to take a few deep breaths, calm his thoughts, and try in whatever way I can to get through to him - but sadly he seems so lost and so down in that hole that he hardly takes any notice - when drunk like this - and the woes of the world are upon him.
Anyone that tries to help ends up getting abused.
Those people only take so much before walking away and abandoning him - which is understandable - when it starts to impact on your life - and when it starts to stress you out, and when you realize that this is actually quite abusive - and sad for me - I understand where he is coming from and I feel his pain and I so want to offer some help in whatever way I can, but anyone - ANYONE looking for helping any situation has to meet their helper at least half way - and if it seems the helper if doing all the work then there is something wrong here and is why he has ended up alone. I am willing to help, but cannot have my whole hotel disturbed because one man in a mess.
The whole of the last 24 hours and especially this afternoon has left me very emotional and close to tears - deeply upsetting - deeply reminding of my sister who died of alcoholism 30 years ago aged 38 and it completely throws what was going to be a pleasant calm weekend into a shouting, angrily threatening, ranting, crying, and each time I manage to calm him down, speak quietly to him and - unfortunately he accuses me of things that have never happened and then I am stuck defending myself when it never happened, and I am forced to walk off and try and get some work done, until 5 minutes later it all kicks off again.
More below, scroll down.
As a human being who feels his pain, I cannot throw him out and try try try and try again to help,
BUT HE HAS TO MEET ME HALF WAY.
If you are affected by alcoholism, help can be found HERE
A Helping Hand
Alcoholics Anonymous Great Britain and English Speaking Continental Europe
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It's been a very hard week(end) with this customer here. All my staff say throw him out. He is causing a disturbance. I however feel desperately sorry for him as friends and family have all turned away and as much as I try and tell him it's the booze that pushes people away, he just sits and cries and my heart truly goes out to him yet he just reaches for another can or another bottle and while I really can feel his inner turmoil and fear, I know I am a stronger person whereas he needs help badly and I am not his therapist or AA Support structure and I am already busy running my own business, but he appears to have no one.
No one who cares any more as even family have told him to fuck off. Booze, destroys and damages so many lives while people rant and rave about Cannabis which does nothing like this and it is booze that is the most destructive pleasure we have globally.
It is going to take some time to recover from this experience - having lost my sister to alcoholism and having had 3 past lovers all with drink problems while - I have never drunk.... and the inner pain and trauma, while healed many years ago, is still as ripe and clear as it was back then and to see someone killing themselves slowly but so very scared of what is happening to them but unwilling to do anything alone and needing help, is so desperately sad especially when most people do turn away and ignore and then they die and no one cares.
Are we all so wrapped up in our own ' stuff'
that we have no time for others who are suffering ?