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Abused for being HIV+

Below in an e mail received recently from Walter.


We spoke some time ago and I think you thought things were different to how they really are.

You have a very experienced and accepting mind - BUT - I really wish more on the LGBT scene were as open as you are as so many are bigoted and hate filled towards their own. I have been HIV + for more than 25 years.

I am undetectable.

I also do not tell people and keep that to myself.

I always have safe sex and always wear a condom when fucking.

I recently took out a second account on grindr - and was shocked by the answers. .

My original profile does not state my HIV status and I have met scores of guys, I have quite a hareem of regular fuck buddies and have a good and decent sex life. Always safe sex.

My second and new profile states I am HIV Positive and undetectable - and that's when the hate started.

I have received messages - as follows :

'I wish you were dead.'

'Die you Aids fucker.'

'You deserve to be dead for spreading your sick plague everywhere.' ''You Aids ridled whore. Die. '

'You destroyed the gay scene with your sicko friends'

'You get the rest of us decent people a bad name'

'The gay scene is better off when you die'

'No loss when you die you sick fucka.'




I sincerely hope John that you are as shocked as I am at how these gay men can be so evil towards someone else, for ANY reason at all. Several times I have been chatting - all friendly and sexily with guys who have not noticed my HIV status and as soon as they catch on, they turn off, ignore me, block me and all sorts. The rudeness, the abuse thrown at me - by members of a gay group who really need to educate themselves and after 40 years of education on HIV - I am stunned, truly stunned, at the general level of ignorance and abuse from many who have not had an HIV test and may very well be the ones spreading HIV around AND NOT ME - and yet I am the one facing the abuse. And all from gay / bi men.

John, you recently used an expression I liked and is really true in this instance...


They destroy - they do not suport.

They damn instead of offering understanding.

They remain dummies and do not want to listen to truthful facts as they have their mind make up. Period.

Ignorance is bliss and there are a lot of blissed out people on the gay scene.

I am strong enough to tell these people where to shove it, as I know you are as well, and I admire that about you John. It has not always been that way and I have learned to toughen up and not show any care when these arseholes attack, as they do, from behind their computer screens. Cowards the lot of them.

John. How have you managed all these years with all the bitchy comments, the back stabbing and the hatred so strongly thrown at you - me - us - and I recently deleted my profile on grindr that declared I was HIV as it seems like ' open season' for the attackers to attack and I never realised the gay scene was such an evil horrible place filled with evil horrible gay men.

Walter ( Age 53 - Brighton and London based. )


John Bellamy Comments - as usual:-

I have to admit to being ignorant to this. I had no idea gay men turned on other gay men who were HIV Positive,. This seems wrong to me and where is the compassion and understanding, where is the empathy that this could happen to any one of us at any time ( more so a decade ago before the medications of today but still people are getting HIV and still people are dying. Just not in the numbers they were.)

If gay men are turning on those who are HIV then this is absolutely disgraceful behaviour and one hopes that one day they might get ill and then may understand and appreciate what it is like.

My brother last year was completely uncaring while I went through 8 months of severe bad health and I was shocked and disgusted at how he completely didn't listen or care and then - he got ill - and with slipped discs in his back that set him up for some weeks / months, he actually apologised and accepted how he had got in so wrong with me as now he was the one who was ill, he realsied how debilitating it was and how lonely if you have no one to look after you and you need help - and how depressing it was. He realised what I had gone through and was now feeling really sorry for his actions.

Thank goodness for Gary and Woody otherwise I would have been lost. My brother has a wife and grown kids to help him and STILL he got down and realised what I had gone through.

It completely changed him - for the better - and he actually apologised and said how much he loved me as a brother and how sorry he was. I was touched and of course had forgivven - but not forgotten,

So if you are one of those people who are pig shit ignorant about HIV and how you get it, the meds and what it means to be undetectable, FOR FUCK SAKE EDUCATE YOURSELVES - it is not hard and with the internet and a little interest, you can change your abusive fear based emotions into care giving thoughtful input instead, and then you will feel better about yourself as well.


If you are offended by anything in this newsletter - please be aware - I DON'T CARE.

I offer a mixture of input from all sorts of places, some from you - the reader - some from various sites around the internet, some are sent to me and some I write and / or research myself.

If you disagree but do not e mail and share with me - GET OVER IT.

If we talk and you are still offended - YOU CAN OWN IT - as I am REALLY not interested.

If you think you can do beter, then please do.

If you think you know more, then bully for you.

If all you want to do is bitch at those who are - while you are not - then that speaks volumes about you on many levels.

Who even knows who you are.

Be nice. Be undersatanding. Be compassionate and always remember your humanity.




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