Death is a fact of life
- gaymen2
- Jun 6
- 4 min read
This week, one of our residents at Hamilton Hall died.
By John Bellamy
03/06/25
Alan had been with us for only 3 or 4 months and I admit we thought he was ill from the start as he was very quiet and kept to himself and other than Philip, who is a long term resident here - part of the family - and was Alan's boyfriend and where they shared a room together;- he never joined in a conversation or event and kept largely to himself.
Being as I respect peoples space, I never pushed - I never forced - I let him be and if and when he wanted to share - we were always here.
After some time speaking about how he was not feeling well - he eventually went to A&E and they admitted him and withn a few days was diagnosed with Lung Cancer which had spread to four other vital organs and he died within a couple of days, in hospital. Whether he had prior notice before he even moved in here - and chose to keep it private, we will never know, but to die within 3 days of being admitted to hospital says his cancers were extremy advanced for him not to have known.
But that was / may have been - his wish, and I truly value and respect that.
It was a shock to us all, an absolute shock, althouth Woody and I had discussed how we felt all along how he had come here to die, and it seems, we were right.
Sometimes you just know.
Sometimes you can read through the message given to the truth that often lays hidden beneath, and as much as people hide the truth, sometimes it speaks for itself and people do read the vibe.
So how do people get over a loss of this kind - or a loss of any kind, as when someone dies around us, it brings our own mortality into question and we remember others long gone, and we remember our own life span and what we should be doing - need to do - want to do - before we make that final journey but the truth is - no one is ever really ready for that final walk through the Pearly Gates and most of us want to live - and while there are those who ARE ready, whether through ill health, old age or they've just given up - we are all guaranteed to make that final journey as we have all made that journey before, many times.
The commonly understood five stages of grief, as described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages are not necessarily experienced in a linear sequence, and some individuals may not experience all stages or may go through them multiple times. The stages are a framework to help understand the grieving process, but it's important to remember that grief is a unique and personal experience.
Here's a more detailed look at each stage:
Denial:
This stage involves initially refusing to believe that the loss has occurred, often feeling shocked or numb.
Anger:
As the reality of the loss sets in, anger may be directed at oneself, others, or even the situation itself.
Bargaining:
This stage may involve trying to make a deal with a higher power or with oneself to undo the loss or change the outcome.
Depression:
This is a period of deep sadness, withdrawal, and feeling overwhelmed by the loss.
Acceptance:
This stage does not mean that the loss is "okay" or that the grieving process is over, but rather a sense of coming to terms with the reality of the loss and finding a way to move forward.
Understanding the five stages of grief.
The five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are often talked about as if they happen in order, moving from one to another but this is not the case. Some people jossle between these and go backwards and forwards and some struggle with acceptance, while others swan through to recovery quickly, as we are all different, all see death differently, all have differet religious - or non religious beliefs and all have to deal with it in our own way. Living a life based on the fear of ' death' serves no one and stunts a life when rigidly based in something we have no control over, so need to just accept.
Death - is a fact of life.
Alan will be missed as although only here a few months, is another milestone in my relationship here with Hamilton Hall, as over the years he is not the first and will probably not be the last and Hamilton Hall has been a part of many peoples lives over the 136 year lifespan of being here and welcoming guests, and while it has a wonderful energy - atmosphere or calm and serenity, naturally, Hamilton Hall has witnessed Christmas's and Birthdays, Ill health and dying, as well as two world wars, blackouts, rationing, horses before cars and even originally no electric power - just gas lighting. What I do know, is that Hamilton Hall couldn't be happier with who she is sharing her life with and adores what we do here with a wonderful energy people feel as soon as the enter.
No idea as yet when the funeral will be as it is early days and we wish his family and friends - whoever and wherever they may be, our prayers of comfort.
Athough we only knew him briefly, Alan will always be remembered and missed.
John Bellamy
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