Fun things to make you smile. .

gaymen2
1 day ago
8 min read

As she went to bed, the 81-year-old woman said to her 83-year-old husband:

'Listen I just looked out the window and I think the garage light is on. Can you get up and go turn it off?

With great difficulty, the old man got up, opened the door, and walked out. He saw five or six burglars pounding on the garage door. He immediately called the police.

Listen, write down my address. It's just my wife and I here, and five or six thieves are attacking my garage. Send a police team quickly.

The dispatcher replied: "We have written down your address. Do not worry. No team is available at the moment. I'll send someone as soon as I have a team.#

Frustrated, the old man watched the burglars fight with the locks in the garage. Two minutes later, he called the police back:

''Look, there's no need to send someone anymore. I shot the five burglars.'

At the police station, there was panic. In less than five minutes, a team of police arrived on the scene with a helicopter, paramedics, three doctors and two ambulances. They quickly subdued the criminals. Later, the team leader approached the old man and asked:

'You said you shot them, didn't you?'

'And you said you have no team availabe.'

( JB COMMENTS ) When we had a shooting years ago here, it took the police over 45 minutes to respond and every time I called asking as to where they were, they lied to me time and time again and while I stated clearly that they were lying to me, she would insist ' We've cordoned off the area and are making house to house enquiries' - when CLEARLY - they were not even here - not a single policeman, yet they kept lying and lying until they did arrive and considering someone had been shot - with what turned out to be an Air Rifle - the slow action and the lies lost a GREAT DEAL OF RESPECT for the police ... and sadly, all bar one interaction I have had with the police since being here - so 25 years now, has been negative where they were rude, obnoxious, demanding and worse, incompetant beyone belief, absolutely no idea what they were doing. There must be some good cops but it does seem hard to find one without an arrogant 'up themselves' attitude problem.

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In Aldi recently a women with two small children in front of me at the checkout looked stressed and upset. I quickly learned she did not have enough money to pay for her groceries and was embarrassed in front of all these people. My trolley was really close to her and I bent down and picked something ( actally nothing at all ) off the floor and said to the women - ' Excuse me, you dropped this when you opened your purse. I saw it fall.' and I handed her a £20 note. She stood there for what seemed like an age but was just a few seconds and she answered ' It can't be mine. I only has £25 on me when I came out and the shopping has come to a little more than that, I'm sure it is not mine.' - and I answered how I saw it fall from her purse and that it was indeed hers - and she welled up with tears and gently accepted the £20 quid and paid for the rest of her shopping. She turned to me and mouthed a huge THANK YOU - as she gathered up her shoping and her kids and took my hand in a firm but warm grip and again said ' Thank You.' I replied that 'It was hers and not mine, and there was nothing to be thankful for. ' - and I added ' Enjoy your sausages...; and she laughed and left with her children.

I could have just paid for the amount she was short which would have embarrassed her even more, but by pretending it was her money she had dropped, saved her and she knew what I had done and was very grateful. I didn't need the attention and the thanks and the ' what a nice guy' - I just wanted her to have her food stuff and be on her way happy and content another of today's jobs is done... shopping for dinner, wthout any drama.

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An old, tired dog was walking through a park. A man approached the dog and examined its collar. Judging by its belly, it was well-fed, and he sensed that the dog had a home.

Then the dog followed him to the house, went down the hallway, jumped on the sofa, settled down and fell asleep.

The man thought it was quite strange and let him sleep. After about an hour, the dog woke up, walked to the door, and the man let him out.

The dog wagged its tail and left.

The next day, the dog returned and scratched at the door.

The man opened the door, the dog came in, went down the hall, jumped onto the sofa, settled down and fell asleep once again.

The man let him sleep.

After about an hour, the dog woke up, walked to the door, and let him out.

The dog wagged its tail and left.

This continued for days...

The man was very curious. He placed a note on the dog's collar: "Your dog has been napping at my house every day."

The next day, the dog arrived with another note on his collar:

“He lives in a house with four children; he’s trying to get his sleep back. Can I go see him tomorrow?”

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California Governor Gavin Newsom is having the

last laugh and he’s doing it with memes.

After Democrats swept major victories across Virginia, New Jersey, New York City, Pennsylvania, Maine, and even parts of Georgia, Donald Trump reportedly lost his cool behind closed doors. But Newsom, never one to miss a comedic moment, decided to give the former president a “digital pacifier” a flood of hilarious memes roasting his meltdown.

The timing couldn’t have been worse for Trump. California voters had just passed Proposition 50, a redistricting reform stripping Republicans of control over congressional maps. The measure could deliver Democrats up to five new House seats a political earthquake that shook the GOP to its core.

Newsom celebrated in style, sharing a string of AI-generated memes showing Trump in full tantrum mode: crying in a stroller, sulking in front of the White House, and being spoon-fed spaghetti. One caption read, “Live look at Trump this morning, whining about California.”

But the California governor didn’t stop there. In true internet fashion, he posted a WWE-style clip of Barack Obama delivering a knockout punch to Trump, captioned: “Now that’s what we call a takedown.” When Trump tried to brush it off with a post saying “Make America Great Again,” Newsom shot back with a perfect reply: “We just did.”

The memes quickly went viral as Democrats nationwide turned Election Night into a celebration. Virginia flipped blue across the board, Pennsylvania secured its Supreme Court, and Georgia delivered surprise wins for Democrats.

In his victory remarks, Newsom summed up the mood: “Donald Trump poked the bear and the bear roared back.” He even threw in a cutting line: “Donald Trump is a historic president the most historically unpopular one in modern history.”

For once, Trump wasn’t leading the headlines he was the headline. And as Newsom’s viral memes spread across social media, America couldn’t help but laugh along as I think the whole world does, it laughs at Trump as the most hideous child that was ever hatched. . He's a looser - He's a dick head - period.

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Maybe not everyone knows this:

When an elephant has to be transported by airplane from one country to another — for example, from India to the United States — tiny chicks are placed in its crate.

Yes, you read that right: small baby chicks.

Why?

Because, despite its huge size, the elephant is afraid of hurting them. So during the whole flight, it remains perfectly still, trying not to step on or crush even one of them.

That is how the airplane’s balance is maintained. And it is also the first proof of the elephant’s noble nature.

Fascinated by this behavior, some scientists have studied the elephant’s brain. They discovered spindle cells, extremely rare neurons also found in humans, These are linked to self-awareness, empathy, and social understanding. In other words, the elephant is not only physically large — it is also emotionally great.

It feels, it understands, and it acts with quiet wisdom.

Leonardo da Vinci, deeply fascinated by nature, wrote about the elephant:

“The elephant represents uprightness, reason, and temperance.”

And he added:

'It enters the river and bathes with a kind of solemnity, as if it wants to purify itself from all evil.

If it meets a lost person, it gently guides them back to the right path.

It never walks alone: always in a group, always guided by a leader. It is modest. It mates only at night, away from the herd, and before returning to its peers, it washes itself. And if it meets a herd on its way, it gently moves them with its trunk, so as not to hurt anyone. But what is the most moving of all is this: When the elephant feels the end is near, it leaves the herd and goes to die alone, in a hidden place. Why does it do this? To spare the young ones the pain of seeing it die. Out of modesty. Out of compassion. Out of dignity. Three rare virtues. Even among humans.'

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A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster.

As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens.

The farmer is impressed.

At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens.

The farmer is not just impressed anymore, he is worried.

Next morning, not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys, ducks, and even the cows.

Later, the farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a rag, his eyes closed, dead and vultures circling overhead.

The farmer runs out, looks down at the young roosters limp body and says: "You deserved it, you horny bastard!"

And the young rooster opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says: “Shhhh! They are about to land!"

Me thinks I chose the wrong picture for a group of cocks, instead I got a group of cocks... not a group of cocks...

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A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an

unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman seated over there'

..... and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply

to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her

and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage,

a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'.

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded his note, handed it to the waiter and asked him to deliver it to the lady. It read:

'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be. I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8,

a Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages. I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami,

and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. And there is over twenty million dollars in my bank accounts and portfolio.

But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back.'😂

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The Pope complained about how the USA is dealing with migrants and I have one question for the Pope - 'How many migrants are currently living in the Vatican and looking to stay, live and maybe work - or claim benefis ? How many migrants has the church in Rome taken in to help house ?

We all know it is FUCK ALL. Mr. Pope. Charity begins at home.

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