funnies
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
A drunk man, reeking of cheap wine, boards a bus and sits next to a priest.He pulls out a hip flask and takes a long swig, then starts reading an old newspaper he had in his pocket.
The priest ignores him, hiding his discomfort. After a while, the drunk asks him:-Excuse me, Father, can you tell me what causes arthritis?
The priest, annoyed, replies sarcastically:-Certainly, profane life, frequenting worldly women, excesses with tobacco and alcohol; those drunken binges that end in nights with whores… And many more of those trashy and filthy things.
-Well, what a load of crap!, replies the drunkard, going back to his reading.
A moment later, the priest, thinking about what he had said, decided to apologize and asked him in an understanding tone:-Forgive me, I didn't mean to be so rude, my son… Since when have you suffered from arthritis?
-Me? No way, Dad. Nothing's wrong with me. I was just reading a newspaper article that said the Pope has been suffering from arthritis for several years.
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A little boy moves from North Dakota to Florida and applies for a job at a large department store.
The manager asks him, “Do you have any sales experience?”
The boy replies, “Yes, I used to sell vacuum cleaners.”
The manager is a bit doubtful but gives him a chance.
“Start tomorrow. I’ll check in after closing.”
The first day goes by… it's a bit tough, but the boy manages.
After the store closes, the manager comes in and asks, “How many sales did you make today?”
The boy looks down and says, “Just one.”
The manager, angry, says, “One? People here make 20–30 sales daily! This isn’t North Dakota!”
Then he asks, “Okay… how much was that one sale?”
The boy calmly replies, “$101,237.65.”
The manager is in shock: “WHAT?! What did you sell?”
The boy says, “First, I sold him fishing hooks…”
“Then a fishing rod…”
“Then I told him that if he’s going fishing, he needs a boat… so I sold him a twin-engine Chris Craft boat…”
“Then he said his Honda Civic couldn’t tow it, so I sold him a Ford Expedition 4x4 as well.”
The manager is astonished: “A man came in just to buy fishing hooks, and you sold him a boat and a truck?!”
The boy quietly says, “No sir… that man actually came to buy tampons for his wife…”
“Then I told him, ‘Dude, your weekend is ruined, you should go fishing instead.’”
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This cow refused to accept her fate.
As she was being loaded onto a truck headed for the slaughterhouse in Poland, she suddenly made her move.
She smashed through a metal fence, broke free, injured a man trying to stop her, and sprinted straight to a nearby lake.
Then she swam to an island.
For days, no one could catch her. Whenever people got close, she'd dive into the water or swim to another island. Every rescue attempt failed.
Eventually, her owner stopped trying to force her back and instead left food so she could survive.
As her story spread, people across Poland began rooting for the runaway cow.
One of them was politician Paweł Kukiz, who offered to buy her and pay for her safe relocation on one condition:
She would never be sent to slaughter.
🗣️ "I'm not a vegetarian, but the fortitude and the will of this cow's fight for life is not to be ignored," he said.
In the end, the cow got what she had fought so hard for. Freedom.
Sometimes, the strongest survival stories come from the most unexpected places
You make, and take, from the news that which you wish to see and hear. You observe what you want and comment of things that affect you personally. If you don't like something, do not read it and move on but do not shy away from what IS going on in the world of which - you are a part. World news is so easy to find these days and differing opinions not hard to find. Having an opinion is vital and being a ' don't care' person helps no one. So open your mind - open your heart - open your awareness and ALWAYS be open to new ideas.
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