Valentine Jokes

3 days ago
3 min read

Valentine’s Day is the perfect time for puns, playful one-liners,

and silly jokes that make everyone smile.

I warn you, these are worse than Christmas Cracker Jokes.

For Valene's Day I asked Cupid for a million dollars. Cupid said, “Get real.”
So, I responded with, “OK, I want a really nice boyfriend.”
To which Cupid replied, “Cash or check ?”
Classic Puns and One-Liners
- Why did the banana say to the strawberry? “We make a great smoothie couple.”
- What did one light bulb say to the other? “I love you a watt.”
- Why did the coffee ask the sugar out? “It needed someone to sweeten its life.”
- What do you call two birds in love? “Tweethearts.”
- Why did the skeleton break up before Valentine’s Day? “Her heart wasn’t in it.”
Kid-Friendly Jokes
- What did the volcano say to the other volcano? “I lava you!”
- What did the bee say to its Valentine? “Bee mine!”
- What did the toast say to the butter? “You’re my butter half.”
- Why do skunks love Valentine’s Day? “They’re very scent-imental.”
- What do you call a very small Valentine? “A valen-tiny.”
Jokes for Couples
- Why did the couple bring a ladder on Valentine’s Day? “They wanted to take their relationship to the next level.”
- I love you even when you say, “I’ll fix it later.”
- You’re my Valentine because you make life interesting… and loud.
- Why did she steal your fries on Valentine’s Day? “Because love means sharing… your food.”
- I love you enough to let you have the charger by the bed.
Jokes for Singles
- What do single people call Valentine’s Day? “Independence Day.”
- My Valentine is pizza. It never lets me down.
- Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m single and happy too.
- Being single means no sharing dessert.
- Switch to single to save money on Valentine’s Day.
Food and Object Puns
- What did the chocolate say to the candy heart? “You melt my heart.”
- What did the cucumber say to the pickle? “You mean a great dill to me.”
- What did the painter say to his Valentine? “I love you with all my art.”
- What did the plate say to the bowl? “Tonight, dinner’s on me.”
- You’ve stolen a pizza of my heart.
- What did one spice say to the other on Feb. 14? Will you be my Valen-thyme?
- What did the maple syrup say to the waffle? “I'm sweet on you.”
- What did the painter say to his wife on Valentine's Day? I love you with all my art.
- What's the one flower you should never give on Valentine's Day? Cauliflower.
- What's pink, oinks and shoots arrows on Valentine's Day? Cu-pig.
- What did one rabbit say to the other? “Somebunny loves you.”
- How do farmers celebrate Valentine's Day? With hogs and kisses.
- What did the stamp say to the envelope? “I'm stuck on you.”
- What did one chemist say to the other? “I've got my ion you.”
- Did you hear about the two tennis players that fell in love? It was a courtship.
- What candy never shows up on time? Choco-late.
- Can February march? No, but April may!
- What's the best kind of air to give on Valentine's Day? Million-aire.
- Why couldn't the computer go out to dinner on Valentine's Day? It had a virus.
- What did one ant give the other on Feb. 14? A Valen-tiny.
- Why do melons get married in church? Because they cantaloupe.
- Did you hear about the shoes that got engaged? They're sole-mates.
- Why did the skeleton call off the wedding? His heart wasn't in it.
- What did one drum say to the other? “My heart beats for you.”
- What's the best way to get arrested on Valentine's Day? Steal someone's heart.
- What did one cat say to the other on Valentine's Day? “You're purr-fect.”
- What flowers get the most kisses on Valentine's Day? Tulips.
- What happens after two spiders get engaged? They have a webbing.
- What did one pickle say to the other? “You mean a great dill to me.”
- Where's the best place to find dates? The grocery store.
Valentine's Day Dad Jokes
- Why do tennis players make the best spouses? They know everything about love.
- Why was the cook arrested on Valentine's Day? She was caught beating an egg.
- What do you call an army of baby Cupids? An infantry.
- Why are only girls born on Valentine's Day? Because there's no mail delivery on holidays.