College Student Confronts ‘Pushy’ Female Roommate For Attempting To Convert Him To Veganism
College Student Confronts ‘Pushy’ Female Roommate For Attempting
To Convert Him To Veganism People’s dietary needs and restrictions can become a real problem in living situations.
Especially if it’s a roommate setup and not a couple’s thing.Couples will tend to show more leeway towards one another. But roommates, on the other hand, are a different story entirely. Case in point… Redditor OpeningOrchid4141 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
AITA - AM I THE ASSHOLE
NTA - NOT THE ASSHOLE.
He asked: “AITA for telling my vegan roommate no one cares about her documentaries?” The Original Poster (OP) explained: “I (18 M[ale]) am living in shared accommodations with (18 F[emakle]) and 3 other people for college.” “We all have our own rooms but share the kitchen and living area. I will call my vegan roommate Sarah for the purpose of this post. ’m totally fine with veganism and Sarah is nice enough. When we first moved in she asked if she could have the top fridge shelf and to keep it vegan, and to not use her cooking things without asking and to only use it to make things like vegetables to avoid cross-contamination. This isn’t an issue and I respect her choices.”
“However as the weeks have gone on it seems like she is subtly trying to convert the flat, for example by sending everyone various documentaries on WhatsApp and suggesting we watch them whenever we do movie night. At first it was fine but at this point, it’s honestly annoying, and more than just me feels this way. Also, she is rather judgemental and will leave any room someone is eating meat in.” Well, last night I confronted her and essentially told her I’m not going to become a vegan, that I don’t care about the documentaries, and that she’s coming across as pushy.” “She got upset and I’m wondering if I was too harsh.” was told to include that I did tell her I wasn’t interested over text first when she initially sent the documentaries.”
The OP was left to wonder: “So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
NTA – Not The A**hole
YTA – You’re The A**hole
NAH – No A**holes Here
ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole. “NTA – The reason so many despise vegans isn’t usually because they don’t eat meat. It’s because so many of them tend to be so damn preachy like your roommate.”
“Ignoring it won’t make the problem go away, so the way I see it is that you have two ways to shut this down…” “1) keep telling her to knock it off and that no one cares, or…” “2) watch a documentary with her, specifically one in which they show animals being slaughtered, and make sure to say at the end: Wow, I really need a cheeseburger right now.”
“Number 1 is the nice way. Number 2 would make you an AH, but it can be a lot more fun.” ~
“I used to work with a vegan in an Applebee’s. This idiot would go up to the cooks while they were flipping burgers and ask if they’d die for an animal’s rights. Dude, this is literally an Applebee’s, no one f**king cares. Also, you’re working here too, so clearly your convictions aren’t that serious.” ~ Murda981
“As a vegan, vegans can be annoying as s**t. I don’t care what you eat as long as you are fed and happy. It’s when people get pushy; it’s time to speak up (preaching veganism or pushing meat, just mind your damn business) OP is not the a**hole. I’d put a stop to it too.” “If you were interested in going vegan, I’m sure you’d ask questions or for recipes or whatever. But you aren’t. And that’s fine.” ~ a-rockett
“I had a vegan friend who I went to a Halloween party with. Someone asked him what he was, and he jumped into a very long speech about how he was a vegan and why he was a vegan and how great it was to be a vegan. You know, like a 10 (maybe longer) minute explanation that I tuned out because I’ve heard it a million times before… lol. Afterwards, there was a pause, and the person clarified, ‘No, you’re costume. What are you? He was a vampire, by the way, but unfortunately, he just looked like a girl, which is probably why she asked… LOL. Needless to say, he deflated a little… lol.”
“I’m glad that not all vegans like to preach about how bad meat is (both in health and environment) because, at the end of the day, people are still going to eat what they want to eat.” ~ Kiaider
“Vegans can be pushy, but man… So can some people who watch documentaries, haha. I’ve had so many friends, despite how many times I mention not being interested in docs, will still come at me with “‘you should really check out…' t’s kind of maddening haha. t got to the point where I would let them finish and flat out say, ‘Yeah, I’m not ever going to watch that.'”
“Those kinds of people are the reason people roll their eyes at me and go: ‘Ugh, one of those.' like lady, I am looking at the vegetarian burgers here to fill up my cart. I did not yell at you not to buy those sausages, so leave me alone as well. Asking in a restaurant if there are vegetarian dishes, as a vegetarian, doesn’t make someone a snob. It is just asking for their diet preferences.”
“A lot of people don’t know this, but a vegan or vegetarian can not just eat meat for once. They do not have the enzymes anymore, and breaking down animal fat and proteins goes badly. Making them sick.”
“I hate vegetarians and vegans giving us a bad name. Just freaking let people eat what they want. And let my dog also eat his salmon!” ~ Mundane_Morning9454
STOP BEING SO PUSHY.
“This!! Like I’m vegetarian. And somehow, some vegans hound me to become vegan. Like dude, not the way to make me become vegan. Let me eat my eggs in peace, and my cat eat her carnivore diet. No, I won’t force my cat to eat some veggies just to force her into your or my beliefs. She is a carnivore; I am not changing eons of evolutionary dietary preference just because.” “Reminds me of a vegan I met traveling through Myanmar complaining about the food and how terrible people were in general for not being more ‘vegan options.' In a country where monks eat vegan, and there are vegan options. But not the ones she wanted because why doesn’t a third-world country have VEGAN CHEESE or VEGAN ICE CREAM?”
“Let’s not forget that in most places, being able to be vegan is a privilege.” ~ Good-Groundbreaking “NTA. This behavior is obnoxious, and politely telling her to stop is justified.” “She would almost certainly object extremely strongly were the shoe on the other foot (e.g. you sending her videos of barbeque or something).” ~ SlippySloppyToad “She can leave the room if she wants to. Many people are vegan for moral and ethical reasons. I also understand wanting people around you to understand those reasons. However, of course, you can’t push people around you to understand, and it’s sucky when you are pushy.”
“I agree, NTA, but leaving the room isn’t over the top UNLESS she makes a scene when she does it. It would be over the top if she forced others not to eat meat in common areas when she is in them.” ~ “If she has such a strong aversion to being around meat, leaving the room seems like it’s not a totally bad option since it doesn’t affect anyone else. It doesn’t disrupt anything or cause a scene, and at least she’s not making someone else leave, or sitting there glaring at people while they eat, or lecturing them about why they should be vegan instead or something like that.”
“I agree that OP is NTA, but if the roommate wants to leave the room, I say go for it. Granted, she arguably should’ve thought about that before living with non-vegans, but here we are!”
“NTA. No one wants to live with an evangelist.”
“Doesn’t matter if they’re stumping for religion, veganism, a politician, or the benefits of using hemp over cotton. f she does it again, I would tell her you didn’t sign up to be preached to, and if she feels so passionately about it, she should move into an all-vegan household.” ~ CheckIntelligent782
“NTA – she comes off as lowkey passive-aggressive.”
“She needs to not try to convert people.”
JOHN BELLAMY ADDS:
Some years ago have had people at Hamilton Hall during a 18 day workshop where someone else had rented the venue and we are simply doing the catering, and 10 minutes before dinner was served on the first night 3 decided to tell me they were vegetarian, 3 more vegan and 2 more gluten free. This was not deliberately shared with me, it was only after I stated dinner was in ten minutes and where was everyone, as some had still not arrived, and they asked what was for dinner. How they thought I would know the wanted a special diet in advance and so cater for them is beyond me as I don't read minds and I was inwardly FURIOUS.
A spiritual group facilitating an 18 day workshop training - renting a spiritual venue to host, and the thoughtless act of not informing us in advance of special diets - and the contempt from the few vegans when I told them off, held no water for me and I was NOT HAVING THAT BAD ATTITUDE.
I told the all that that nights dinner - served in 10 minutes, was Lasagne and salad with garlic bread and if you cannot eat it - GO WITHOUT.
I was NOT about to start whipping up a gluten free vegan meal 'on the spot' as I was NOT about to do anything until I had the chance to go shopping and get all sorts of food stocks suitable to create vegan gluten free meals and that there would be a £20 a day surcharge for each of the vegan and gluten free people as it makes a mountain of extra work for me - the cook and the ingredience are twice the price.
I was polite but FIRM and asked ' WHY HAVEN'T YOU THOUGHT OR GIVEN ANY CONSIDERATION TO THE VENUE AND INFORM US IN ADVANCE OF ANY SPECIAL DIET - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE ??? HOW HAVE YOU THE TEMERITY TO BE SO ENTITLED AND ARROGANT AS TO EXPECT ME TO JUST KNOW AND ADHERE WHEN YOU HAVEN'T HAD THE COURTESY AND GOOD MANNERS - AND COMMON BLOODY SENSE, TO LET US KNOW IN ADVANCE.'
I went on and joked with them that I will bend over backwards for them but was not prepared to be dry butt fucked when I do.
They laughed and got my point. A couple apologised while a couple didn't and half way through the 18 days i caught the two gluten free eating a pudding / cake that was' off limits' so I barked and said - ' Right - no more gluten free for you then as you are not gluten free at all, you're just doing a funny on me and THAT is not appreciated.'
They were embarrassed to say the least.
I understand and completely get the animal cruelty thing and was vegetarian for a couple of years long ago, and I truly do despair at how some farms treat their animals and that needs to change. I despair at how some people are so cruel to animals. I also understand that bullying people to change gets you nowhere at all and with the UK's 2 largest plant based meat producers recently shutting up shop as the bubble for vegan food has burst, bullying and making demands just shuts your argument down and sorry Mr. Vegan - but you just lost your own argument by the very way you behave.
I will cook gluten and vegan meals if and when I have the time, and I am a very good and imaginative cook - and I expect advance notice and the extra cost paid for. I will not offer these alternatives at Christmas and New Year and tough if that leaves you out. I work 18 hours a day every day all over the festive season and any guest inclined to make more work for me is not going to be appreciated and their booking refused, I have enough to do cooking for a full house at Christmas and I am NOT prepared to cater to one or two especially - and where I simply do not have the kitchen / stove space to cook alternatives. I am also not just the cook here, after dinner I am also the host for any evenings games or sing song and I work long and late into the evening while you are all relaxing and then repeat the next day and the next and if people make extra work for me, it really is not appreciated.
There is a right and there is a wrong way to educate and anyone patronising and bullying non vegan into being vegan, is not going to work in my world and anyone who assumes me less than them because I eat meat and who patronise and belittle, - can absolutely and with great depth and fortitude, go fuck themselves.
They do themselves and their ' cause' no good at all - in fact - they deter people away - totally.
your comments are - as always - invited.
One man shared his own plant-based conflict recently, after his sister’s plans for a vegan menu at an event she was hosting sparked an argument.
Posting on Reddit, he explained that his relatives have a reunion each year, with each one hosted by a different person.
This time around, the man’s younger sister – who has been vegan for around three years and ‘is quite passionate about it’ – has been tasked with doing the honours.
Although the family provide ‘a good variety’ of options and ‘respect her choices’, many were shocked at her catering choices for the meet-up.
The man’s sister feels unsupported by him taking issue with her food choices
‘She said that the entire menu would be vegan to align with her beliefs and that it’s a chance for the family to try something different,’ read the post.
‘Some family members were excited, but others, including many of the older folks, were pretty upset and felt like they were being forced into her lifestyle, even if just for one meal.’
Following this announcement, the man took his sister aside and asked if she’d be open to including some non-vegan dishes, but she ‘got quite defensive, saying this was her chance to showcase veganism and that for one meal, everyone can give it a go.’
He claimed he felt ‘forcing an entire family to adopt her choices, even if just for one meal, isn’t fair,’ and clarified that the issue isn’t due to handling or preparing animal products as his sister works at a fast food restaurant and does so daily.
Yet his sibling is upset with him for ‘not being supportive’, so while the reunion may be meat-free, it’s anything but drama-free.
Is it fair to serve only vegan food at a family event?
Responses from Redditors were largely mixed.
On the ‘you’re in the wrong’ camp, one person commented: ‘It’s one meal! You say you respect her beliefs, but want her to go against them for you all in her own home.’
‘People act like vegan meals come from Martian farms via teleportation. It’s literally just everything you eat except for the meat, dairy, and eggs,’ said another.
‘It’s like someone says the word “vegan” and people forget they have been eating vegetables and fruits for years… If anyone is upset they can do whatever vegans have done for decades and bring a little something for themselves or eat before or after.’
A third person added: ‘If a friend whose religion forbids pork invites me to their place for breakfast, the fact there’s no bacon with my pancakes isn’t them forcing their beliefs onto me. But if I asked them to provide bacon because it’s my preference, I’d for sure be disrespecting their beliefs.’
On the opposite side, someone wrote: ‘She’s not being a great host in that you want your guests to be comfortable. All the rules that would apply to her being taken care of at others houses apply to her hosting as well.’
Another said: ‘The sister’s direct response to being asked to accommodate those who didn’t want to eat only vegan food is that she wanted to showcase her vegan food and that they could eat it for one meal.
‘This is her in no uncertain terms deliberately choosing to force vegan food on others even against their will, for her own reasons.’
Others offered compromises like guests bringing their own non-vegan dishes or suggesting crowd-pleasing plant-based dishes like dips and veggie burritos, but some merely argued the family should suck it up and try to enjoy the gathering.
There’s certainly stigma attached to the label, as a study found that calling plant-based food vegan made people less likely to try it.
Perhaps if this man’s sister hadn’t said the V-word to her family, they’d have happily enjoyed what she served up.
Think this woman's brother needs to GROW THE FUCK UP.
BLOG HOME PAGE
DIARY OF EVENTS =================
copyright © 2023
Hamilton Hall Productions.
All rights reserved.
TO BE DELETED FROM OUR SYSTEM
Return this e mail with
Our mailing address is
Hamilton Hall Hotel
1 Carysfort Road