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Graham Martin is in Hospital:

Who the hell is GRAHAM?

Well Graham is the geezer who got home late one night and Helen his wife, says. "Where the hell have you been?"

Graham replies. "I was getting a tattoo!"

"A tattoo?" She frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar note on my privates." He said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" She said, shaking her head in disgust. "Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a hundred dollar note tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.

Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.

Three, I like how money feels in my hand.

And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred dollars anytime you want."

Graham is now in The Critical Care Unit, Room 233. No visitors until further notice....


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Sydney man Abdel Ghadia pleaded guilty to two counts of dealing with the proceeds of crime after he splashed the cash that unexpectedly landed in his account in 2021.


The money had come from a young couple who had been attempting to transfer $750,000


AUD (US $511,499) as payment for the new house they were buying when they accidentally put in the wrong digits on the bank transfer.


Abdel was apprehended and questioned by police in October 2021, telling officers:

"The money just dropped into my account and I spent it"


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JB : If you found a huge amount of money in your account that was not yours, would YOU go out and spend it ?I think you might make enquiries first huh ?


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Ron Chestna 89 years of age was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night. Ron replied,

"I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."


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Husband:

My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and did not come home ...

Police Station Sergeant: what is her height

Husband: I'm not sure. More than five feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Do not know. Not thin, not really that heavy.

Sergeant: Eye color?

Husband: Like brown, I don't remember exactly.

Sergeant: Hair color?

Husband: It changes twice a year. Maybe dark brown now. I do not remember.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Can be pants, or can be a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant:

What kind of car did she get into?

Husband: She left in my jeep.

Sergeant: What kind of jeep is it?

Husband: 2010 Rubicon with Sprintex Supercharger with Intercooler, DiabloSport T-1000 Trinity Programmer, Teraflex Falcon 3.3 Shocks ,1350 RE Reel Drive Shafts, Method 105 Bead Locks, Toyo 37" X 13.5" Tires, Custom Olympic Off Road Front Bumper, Olympic Off Road Smuggler Rear Bumper with tire carrier, Seward Radius 4s LED Light, Seward 12" LED Light bar, 50" LED Light bar with, sPod LED switch pod with Boost gage,, Rigid LED Lights, 15# Power Tank, Rock Hard Cage, Rock Hard Under Armor, Posion Spyder Sliders, Posion Spyder Crusher Fenders, Posion Spyder Evap Armor, Posion Spyder Extreme Duty Trans-Mount Cross Member, Bushwacker rear armor, 5.13 Gears, Magnum 44 Front Axle, Off Road Evolution "C" Gussets, Cobra 75 CB Radio, Warn 10K on Front and 8K Winch on Rear, Bartact Seat Covers, Delta Quad Bar Xenon Headlamps, Tantrum LED Offroad Rock Lights, Teraflex HD Tie Rod, Teraflex Falcon Steering Stabilizer, Teraflex Alpine Long Control Arms Front & Rear, Teraflex 4" springs, Teraflex JK Performance Slotted Big Rotor Kit, TeraFlex Monster HD Forged Front Adjustable Trackbar, Teraflex Front & Rear Brake Line Kit, Teraflex Bump Stops Front & Rear, Surprise Straps, Hothead Headliner, Teraflex D-44 Diff Covers, Wild Boar Grille, Rigid Ridge Hood, Drake Hood Latch's & a Tuffy Security Drawer...


Sergeant: Don't worry my friend. Let us find your jeep.


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A young couple moved into a new house.

The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the washing outside.

"That laundry is not very clean; she doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better soap powder.

Her husband looked on, remaining silent.

Every time her neighbor hung her washing out to dry, the young woman made the same comments.

A month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband, "Look, she’s finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?"

The husband replied, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."

And so it is with life… What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look.

So don’t be too quick to judge others, especially if your perspective of life is clouded by anger, jealousy, negativity or unfulfilled desires.

"Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are."

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In June 2019, Bobby Carn discovered an abandoned and starving horse near his ranch. It was not clear to him how the horse could be living in such a condition. He had never seen anything like it (pictured below). Bob, by the way, is a great animal lover. He immediately took the horse to the local veterinarian. Veterinarian Ron took care of the horse and pfelted him day and night. After several months of recovery, Bob came to see the poor animal and couldn't believe it was the

same horse (picture ).

Bob decided to adopt a horse. The horse was named White Mane.





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During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.”

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:

“Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live? ”

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice,

“Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hissed:

“I thought we had a deal.”

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”


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An old man was eating in a truck stop when three rough-looking bikers walked in.

As they passed the old man, the first biker pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, then laughed and took a seat at the counter.

The second biker picked up the old man's milk and spit into it. The third biker turned over the old man's plate before joining the others at the counter.

Without saying a word to the laughing bikers, the old man put his money down, got up, and left the diner. One of the bikers said to the waitress,


"Not much of a man, was he?"

The waitress replied,

" Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his big rig over three motorcycles!"

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At 17, she made a brave choice and decided not to have an abortion. Now, 28 years later, her son has become a global superstar! You won't want to miss out on discovering who he is.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Justin Bieber


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“Yesterday I adopted the oldest, sickest and most injured dog from a shelter. I will never forget his eyes, when I entered the cages he didn't even bother to look at me, like he knew that I wouldn't even see him, curled up in a corner, accepted his fate. The volunteer told me several times... But are you sure about that? Are you sure about this? Yes!!! I want this dog, he opened the cage, I ran to him, suddenly he looked me as if I saw an angel... I took him in my arms and told him... Now you will be happy to New. He fell asleep in my arms... Probably the first peaceful sleep he'd had in a long time. Give it a life. Kiss an old man. They need us.







A pastor transformed himself into a homeless person and went to the church that he was to be introduced as the head pastor at that morning. He walked around his soon to be church for 30 minutes while it was filling with people for service. Only 3 people said hello to him, most looked the other way. He asked people for change to buy food because he was hungry. Not one gave him anything.

He went into the sanctuary to sit down in the front of the church and was told by the ushers that he would need to get up and go sit in the back of the church. He said hello to people as they walked in but was greeted with cold stares and dirty looks from people looking down on him and judging him.

He sat in the back of the church and listened to the church announcements for the week. He listened as new visitors were welcomed into the church that morning but no one acknowledged that he was new. He watched people around him continue to look his way with stares that said you are not welcome here.

Then the elders of the church went to the podium to make the announcement. They said they were excited to introduce the new pastor of the church to the congregation. "We would like to introduce you to our new Pastor." The congregation stood up and looked around clapping with joy and anticipation. The homeless man sitting in the back stood up and started walking down the aisle.

That's when all the clapping stopped and the church was silent. With all eyes on him, he walked up to the altar and reached for the microphone. He stood there for a moment and then recited so elegantly, a verse from the bible.

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’“

Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for the least of my brothers and sisters, you did for me.’

After he recited this, he introduced himself as their new pastor and told the congregation what he had experienced that morning. Many began to cry and bow their heads in shame.

"Today I see a gathering of people here but I do not see a church of Jesus. The world has enough people that look the other way. What the world needs is disciples of Jesus that can follow this teachings and live as he did. When will YOU decide to become disciples?”

He then dismissed service until the following Sunday as his sermon had been given.


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"I heard my mother ask the neighbors for salt. But we had salt at home. I asked her why she asked the neighbors for salt. And she replied: - 'Because our neighbors don't have much money and they often ask us for something.

From time to time I also ask them for something small and economical, so that they feel that we need them too.

That way, they will feel more comfortable and it will be easier to keep asking us for everything they need.'

And that's what I learned from my mother... let's build empathetic, humble, supportive children ​​."

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