my girlfriend hit me and I hit her back.

John. We met a couple of years ago and I liked where your head is at. I follow your weekly Newsletter and have watched your Youtube page.

Can I ask your opinion please ?

I am bisexual. I like men equally to women and am a bit confused as to where my emotions lay, with a man or a women.

I confessed this to my girlfriend a few weeks ago, been together for 2 years and no kids, and she walloped me so hard I saw stars. She just hit me - back handed, right across the face. I was stunned and within seconds realized she was sprawled out on the floor - semi conscious - as I had hit her back and down she had gone.

I hardly remember hitting her but if anyone hits me, they had better be aware that I will hit back.

I come from an abusive family where violence was rife from both parents towards each other, towards us five kinds and even the poor dog. We took it for as long as we could and it was only when my older brother had my Mother against the fridge one afternoon by the throat, threatening her with the same as she had just dished out to one of us smaller kids, and where all us kids were astounded that we could, that we should, protect ourselves from attack when an innocent child is beaten for no reason by an abusive parent.

Mother never hit any of us again after that. It took one time, one threat, one response and she changed.

Cannot say the same for our Father though and his beatings were merciless and regular, usually a weekend when he got drunk.

Back to the girlfriend laying on the floor.

She went ballistic - screaming, sobbing, shaking all over - a real drama queen reaction that was SO FUCKING OVER THE TOP I JUST LAUGHED as she screamed at how I hit her - forgetting she had struck me first and I had a split lip and a chipped tooth where she had walloped me and she refused - absolutely refused, to accept that if she hits me I can hit her back.

When women abuse and then scream when hit back, the double standards at play disgust.

I have every right to hit her back as I am not her punch bag, I am not here for her to abuse and I don't care what was said / shared or assumed - you do not hit - period - as I have had enough of that throughout my childhood and I most certainly do not expect it from someone who supposedly loves me and who chooses to live with me, and if that's where our relationship is headed, it's over between us.

She forgets she lives in my flat. She drives my car. She even works in the same place I work and - and as I am actually also her manager, I would fire her if this happened at work and do not indent standing for it in my personal life.

She left after she got off the floor and I took back the car keys so she had to take the bus. She claimed to be going to her mothers and by now, I really don't care, as I called her mother as she was not there at all.

I was opening up my heart to her about my sexuality and she sloshed me, so I hit her back and I am pleased I hit her back as no one is ever going to lay a hand on me ever again and if she thinks because she is a women this gives her the right to hit me but that I cannot hit her back because she is a woman, then THINK AGAIN.

I know there is much violence in the LGBT world between those of the LGBT world - I assume it's because many come from dysfunctional homes like mine.

I have since kicked her out. I want nothing to do with an abusive partner. She actually tried to attack me with her nails when I threw her out ( giving her plenty of time to find a place and collect her stuff...) and she scratched my face and once again, I shoved her hard and she fell and I just screamed to 'GET YOUR FUCKING STUFF AND GET OUT - NOW - AND NEVER COME BACK.'

I was furious, took all sorts of pictures in case we ended up on Judge Judy or the UK equivalent - Judge Rinder - and in case she went to the police as guess whose side of the story they would believe, Yes - how a man hit a women.

Unfair by a long way, and guys, if you are ever hit by a women, do hit her back, please.

Keith ST.

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John Bellamy Responds:

Men hitting women.

And why the hell not.

If they hit first, be prepared for A HIT BACK.

If anyone hits me, then be prepared for a hit back. PERIOD.

WE HAVE ALL been in abusive relationships and sometimes we were the ones being abused.

You can hit and hurt with your words and deeds not just with your fist and women are very good at this and then wonder why things go shit up.

Women are brilliant at destroying with words - with put downs, condescension, and just bitchiness and when dealing with men - deliberately hit below the belt - metaphorically speaking - and then wonder why they get slapped down - many do not realise just how destructive words can be and if slapped in reply, no sympathy at all. Think before you speak - trouble is - many DO think before they speak and DELIBERATELY want to put men down as they think they are superior and how they do not need men - see last weeks newsletter - and some assume they can act in whatever way they like and that men HAVE TO TAKE IT, and when slapped down, they cry like babies

' He hit me, he can't hit a women... boo hoo '

and if she started it, if she as many women do, load the bullets and then wonder when someone reacts, then I have no sympathy at all.

No one should feel the desire to be abusive physically, emotionally, mentally and morally and if you are, then you are the fuck up and not the person who may react to how you have behaved.

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Your comments are invited

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John. I divorced my wife of 5 years as she was always attacking me. I was scared to death of her. It is not always men abusing women as she was abusive and I got a divorce after she broke my arm ( long story ) in an attack that even left the police scratching their heads. I am much happier now. Geoff.

Mr. Bellamy. You asked about men abusing women when the bigger hidden story is how many women abuse men and that goes unreported as men do not like to admit to being abused where as women LOVE TO ANNOUNCE THEY ARE BEING ABUSED, AS IT IS ALL ATTENTION SEEKING. My Mother was always screaming how she was abused by my Father and when we were old enough to see what was going on, it was the exact reverse and it was my poor Dad who was usually bruised and bleeding and not her at all. He left one day and took us with him and we never saw her again after that. I was just 13 at the time.

Robert.

When I moved in to live with a lover after some months of courting and after giving up my flat, job and everything to move to the USA to live with him, he turned abusive almost straight away - booze - and I was stunned. I had just given up everything to live with this guy and on the 2nd of 3rd night I am beaten up ???

In the morning, not a word - he refused to talk about it and this is how we were for 2 years until one day I reacted after he had hit me yet again and I had him up against the wall with a fist in his face SCREAMING AT HIM that if he EVER ATTACKED ME AGAIN I WOULD REACT - I WOULD FIGHT BACK - AS I WAS NOT ABOUT TO TOLLERATE THIS ANY MORE - and I was FURIOUS - and he KNEW he had gone too far, and he would attack his Mother, brother and anyone everyone else handy - if and when in one of his drunken moods, but he left me alone after that, and we split a while later as this drunk - this heavy boozer - and coke addict had been brought up with violence and thought it okay to continue into adult life in this manner and no one - NOT A SOUL - had screamed at him this was NOT ACCEPTABLE.

We'd been apart more than 30 years when I heard he had died of Crystal Meths and with absolutely no money and few friends had helped as too many had been abused.

You get your justice - your karma payback, one way or the other.

John Bellamy

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John:

Read your piece about hitting women. I agree. If anyone hits me, I hit back, regardless of who it is. My Mother hit my father once, a real hard hit, and he knocked her out cold with one hit back. Within days he packed his stuff up and took us kids and we left while she laid in bed being sorry for herself as he had hit her a few days prior. Crying and carrying on which got her nowhere. Never went back. Never saw her again. He divorced her and kept us children. He was not into abuse and one hit was all it took to destroy their relationship.

Sye.

John. When I was a kid I was raised in care. My mother was on drugs and attacked my father and he returned the favour and she fell and hit her head and died and he served 7 years in jail. There were 4 of us kids and eventually we were separated into different adoption agencies and I have never seen by brothers and one sister since. Abuse serves no one.

Martin.

John. My whole childhood was filled with violence. My parents would fight all the time and the mother was the worst for hitting and scratching and she put him in hospital a couple of times before the authorities got involved - the neighbour called CSA - and we children were put into care.

Even there the abuse continued and now it was sexual abuse from the brothers. ( monks )

My young days are filled with violence and today - I am a gardener for a large estate where I work alone and do not have to see or mix with that type again.

Martyn.

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