some sweet thoughts

On a 10-hour flight from South Korea to the United States. A mother handed more than 200 passengers on the plane a bag containing candy, gum and earplugs as an apology in advance, in case her 4-month-old baby screamed during the flight.

The bag also contains a message that reads: "Hi, I'm Jun Woo. I'm 4 months old and today I'm traveling to the US with my mom and grandmother. I'm nervous and a little scared. This is my first trip. It's normal for me to cry or make some noise. I'll try to stay calm." But I can't promise. Please use earplugs if my voice is too loud. Enjoy your trip....

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I got pulled over on the HWY for going 7 mph over the speed limit.

As the officer started walking up to my truck, i rolled my windows down .....

My adorable and apparently INCREDIBLY smart 7 yr old Granddaughter, started screaming from the backseat:

“It’s coming out!!!!!”

“I can’t hold it any longer Paw Pawwww”

“It’s almost here!!!!!!!! Paw Pawwww!!!”

Now the trooper is HEARING her scream this....

and he stands up on my brush guard leans in the window and asks her “What’s going on here???”

She looks him 💀 DEAD IN THE FACE 💀

And says “I’ve got poop coming outta my butt!!”

He started laughing

I must have looked shocked and embarrassed

He asked how far I had to go, which was about 2 miles home. He told me to drive safe and get Miss Thang home to do her business. He could NOT stop laughing

As soon as we pulled away I asked “What the hell was that about???”

This kid, smirked and said “I saw it on YouTube but I didn’t think it would work”

I said “So...... You're not pooping 💩?”

She said nope and you're not in trouble either.

OMG This kid is my hero

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“ A great visit with my Mother today.

When I first got to her long term care home, she actually didn’t recognize me which tore at my heart strings a little (even though I didn’t let on it did). Then I realized maybe it was because I had grown a beard, so I told her who I was and her face lit up!

I felt so much better too! I know the day will come when she won’t recognize me, but that day is not today.

We went out for lunch at Burger King which she said she hasn’t been to in years (we were there not too long ago), and we worked on her colors by using a multi-ink pen, and her words with this large print Word Search. The “large print” wasn’t actually for her, it was intended for me lol! She still recognized her letters and words which is wonderful!

She still has her sense of humor. We had coffee and tea after lunch, and when I asked her how she wanted her tea, she replied “In a cup”

Dementia is hard on everyone but remember, those affected with the disease don’t realize they have it so be patient, be empathetic, and be strong. Love you Mother. We got this. “

Thanks to PJ who sent me this above piece.

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Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and

announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, and brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.

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A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.

An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles.

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A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.

He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

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A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snowplow to come by and follow it."

Sure enough, pretty soon a snowplow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally, the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snowstorm, to follow a plow..

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot. Do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"

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