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you have to laugh...

gaymen2
May 3
5 min read

God promised man he would make good women in every corner of the world. And then He created the world to be round.

Woman answers the door and there is a man standing there askin ' Do you have a vagina ?'

The women slammed the door in his face and told her husband that night. The next day the husband is home and tells his wife that he will hide behind the door and if the man asks the same thing, just say Yes..

The door bell goes and the same man is standing there again.

'Madam, do you have a vagia ?' he asks.

'Yes I do' - answers the women.

'Well then please tell your husband to use your vagina and to leave my wife's vagina alone.'

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.

He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus"

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.

"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."

"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."

"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."

The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.

Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!

Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.

Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar.

His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.

He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?”

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Here's a funny :- Who is this describing ?

You know, he's a guy with three failed attempts at running a casino, who has declared bankruptcy six times, for whom no US banks will loan money, who stole from his own charity, who has 34 felony convictions on his record and who has paid out tens of $millions in inappropriate behaviour lawsuits. The English have made it abundantly clear that they do not want him visiting their country ever again.

To say that he's not the sharpest tool in the shed is an understatement.

So who are we talking about ? If you don't know, SEE ME LATER AND YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR A WHOLE MONTH.

A rabbit, a fox, and a bear must enroll in the army. Neither of the 3 is very happy about it, and the only chance they have to avoid it is by being rejected during the medical exam.

As they wait in line at the doctor’s office, their desperation builds up until right before the rabbit’s turn.

The rabbit turns to the fox, “Fox, I might have a plan. Bite off my ear, trust me on this one!”

The fox does so, and the rabbit enters the office.

A few moments later, he gets out yelling, “I was rejected, guys!”

“Because of your ear?” they ask.

“Yes, because without it, I can’t detect the enemy as well,” says the rabbit.

“Good thinking,” they say.

And with that in mind, the fox turns to the bear, “Rip my tail off!”

The bear doesn’t even hesitate and does so.

Then, the fox takes his turn in the office.

After a while, he comes back yelling, “I am rejected too! Without my tail, I can’t be as sneaky and agile as I need to be.”

Now it was the bear’s turn to ask, “Quickly, guys, knock out all of my teeth, because a bear without teeth isn’t scary at all!”

The rabbit and the fox start beating the muzzle of the bear, completely br.ea.king his face until there is no tooth left in his mouth.

He then proceeds to go inside the doctor’s office.

Not long after he gets out, he shouts, “Rejecwew!”

“Nice,” they say. “Because of your teeth, right?”

“No, because they saw me get beaten up by a fox and a rabbit,” says the bear. "They are recalling both of you to go back in."

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied:

"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!