Support for men in abusive relationships
- gaymen2
- Apr 17
- 4 min read
If you’re a man experiencing domestic abuse in the UK, Refuge can help.
Need help now? Contact free, 24/7
National Domestic Abuse Helpline
Blue - is John Bellamy
Purple is from Refuge's own web site.
It does not matter if you are in a gay relationship - man to man / women to woman - or if you are a straight couple - man and wife, where the wife is abusive and where the man feels he has nowhere to run to and no one who will understand as you may feel scared to admit your wife is the abuser and you - the man of the house - is the one being abused.
It's a great deal more common than spoken about and is hardly ever reported to the authorities or organisations as men feel belittled and less manly admiting that the women of the house is abusing the man.
Same in gay relationships where one is the dominant one who is abusing the other.
Abuse can be physical, emotional, financial, and even morally.
Men experience domestic abuse, too.
We understand how difficult it can be if you are a man experiencing domestic abuse or other forms of violence. You might feel scared, isolated, and confused. You might feel ashamed or afraid to tell anyone about your situation. But you are not alone – there is support available.
Refuge primarily supports women and their children; but we believe no person should live in fear of abuse — including men. We may be able to help you through our one-stop shops or community support services.
You can also contact The Men’s Advice Line, a specialist provider for men experiencing domestic abuse.
Help for male victims of domestic abuse
We’re here to support men experiencing domestic abuse. If you want to talk to someone, you can speak to our friendly and professional advisors on the phone, by email or on webchat. No pressure, no judgement, just help.
It’s okay to talk
Asking for help can be hard. Society puts a lot of pressure on men to act strong and sort out problems on their own.
If you’re in a heterosexual relationship, it’s easy to feel embarrassed about telling someone you’re being abused. Many men worry nobody will believe them, often because they’ve already had people not believe them or even blame them for the abuse.
And if you’re in a same-sex relationship, you can face the extra challenge of having to come out to services and explain how a man can abuse another man.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. We should all be able to access help and support. Because however strong we are, we all need a bit of help sometimes.
How do you know if you’re being abused ?
Healthy relationships can have disagreements. But when one person is afraid of the other, the relationship is abusive – even if there’s no physical violence.
So if you’re feeling controlled, unable to make your own decisions, scared, intimidated, or threatened by your partner or a family member, you’re being abused.
It’s not your fault. Your abuser is responsible for the way they choose to behave.
If you’d like to talk, call us today. Your advisor will listen, understand and give you confidential support.
It’s your call
You can contact Men’s Advice Line by phone, email or webchat. It’s up to you how much you say, and we’ll talk to you with courtesy and respect, offering you the most appropriate help and support.
Our work with male victims
Domestic abuse affects men too
We lead pioneering work to support male victims of domestic abuse. From supporting them directly via the Men's Advice Line, to supporting professionals with our Male Victims Toolkit, we aim to destigmatise abuse and encourage men to speak out.
We also accredit services doing safe and effective work with male victims. Learn more about our Male Victims' Standard here.
John Bellamy Comments: I was recenty sent a link to help raise awareness - and money - of a refuge for abused women, and I returned their e mail asking what they were offering for men who are abused - for while not known to be as common, is absolutely RIFE - with wives / girlfriends abusing ther partners who are then ashamed and afraid to speak up and seek help, feeling that as the man he should not be in this position, and a great deal of abuse towards men goes unreported and un spoken of. Women, however, love playing the victim card all the time, love to scream how they were abused and whether - as in some cases, the women stirs the shit and then wonders why the man reacts and then screams how they were abused.
My own Mother was - at times - the biggest trouble maker and cause of more family turmoil because of her disjointed efforts to constantly- demand to be centre stage and I look back now and realise my Father and Step Father were absolute saints for not reacting - and if alive today I would offer them medals because she was a difficult women that sometims would cause so much trouble within the family and all for a reaction, as she was the biggest attention seeker I have ever met, When we spoke up she would turn all defensless and feeble and say ' it's all my fault I suppose' and when we would say well yes actually it IS YOUR FAULT by the way you misbehave' - oh the tears would follow and how everyone was ganging up against her and blaming her all the time - a complete lie and manipulation of the truth - and everyone would pander to her and she got exactly what she wanted - ATTENTION.
Many women are abused by men. Many men are abused by women.
Period.
Neither is acceptable but BOTH need as much attention and sympathy and not all one sided.
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