Arguments are a natural part of every relationship, but sometimes you need to put the brakes on before things spiral out of control.

Arguments are a natural part of every relationship, but sometimes you need to put the brakes on before things spiral out of control.

There are no magic words that will make things better right off the bat. However, there are some things you can say to keep things from getting worse and preserve your relationship. If this person matters to you, the last thing you want to do is say things you don’t mean, right? Try one of these phrases instead.

“I need some time to think about this.”

Sometimes, the best way to end an argument is to pause it, and this gives you both a chance to cool off and reflect. You’re not avoiding the issue, you’re giving yourself a chance to approach it with a clearer head. Make sure you actually do think about it and come back to the discussion later, though. (And just FYI, this works best when you’re feeling overwhelmed or when emotions are running too high for a productive conversation.)

“I understand why you feel that way.”

This is a great way of showing empathy without necessarily agreeing. It acknowledges the other person’s emotions and perspective, which can often be the root of arguments. By showing you understand their feelings, you’re more likely to de-escalate the situation. When both people feel seen and heard, you’re more likely to come to a good resolution.

“I’m sorry for my part in this.”

Taking responsibility for your role in the argument can be a powerful way to end it. You don’t need to shoulder all the blame, especially if it truly wasn’t your fault, but it’s good to acknowledge that arguments usually involve mistakes on both sides. It shows maturity and can encourage the other person to reflect on their actions too. Use this when you genuinely recognise you’ve contributed to the problem in some way.

“What do you think is the best way forward?”

This shifts the conversation from blame to problem-solving. It shows you’re interested in finding a solution, not just winning the argument. By asking for their input, you’re also showing respect for their opinion. It really comes in handy when the argument is about a practical issue that needs sorting out.

“I value our relationship more than being right.”

This really puts the argument in perspective by reminding both of you what’s really important. It doesn’t mean you’re giving up your position, but that you’re prioritising the relationship over the current fight. If you really want to maintain your relationship with the other person, this is a great way to let them know that matters more to you than “winning” the argument.

“Can we start over?”

Sometimes arguments spiral out of control, and the best option is to hit the reset button, and this is a way of offering a fresh start. You’re not forgetting the problem, but you want to approach it from a more relaxed, even-keeled place. If you’ve both said things you regret or the argument has got way off the original point, this is an especially good option.

“I hear what you’re saying.”

You don’t have to agree with someone to hear them out — and all anyone really wants in life is to feel seen and heard. This shows you’re actually listening to them and you respect where they’re coming from, even if you’re not on the same page. As a result, you might notice that it de-escalates the argument, and you can have a more productive discussion.

“Let’s take a break and come back to this later.”

Similar to needing time to think, but more specific, since it sets a clear expectation that you’ll revisit the issue once you’ve both had a chance to cool off. Make sure you actually do come back to it later, or you’ll lose trust. This works well when emotions are running high and rational discussion seems impossible.

“What’s really bothering you?”

Often, arguments are about deeper issues than what’s on the surface. Asking this shows you’re interested in understanding the root cause, and it can help shift the conversation from symptoms to the real problem. Use this when you sense there’s more to the argument than what’s being said. It shows empathy and a desire to truly understand.

“I don’t want to fight with you.”

This is simple but important because it can remind both of you that you’re on the same side. You’re not dismissing the issue at hand, but you are saying that you want to find peace again. It’s about reframing the situation so that they know you’re not enemies, you’re meant to be friends or partners. If you use this, make sure you’re saying it genuinely and calmly, not as an accusation.

“Can we agree to disagree on this?”

Not every argument needs to end in complete agreement, and this phrase points out that you might have different views, and that’s okay. It’s about respecting each other’s right to a different opinion. Use this for issues that aren’t critical to resolve, where maintaining the relationship is more important than reaching consensus.

“What can I do to make this better?”

This shows you’re willing to take action to improve the situation, and it shifts the focus from blame to solution. By asking this, you’re taking some responsibility and showing a commitment to positive change. It’s particularly effective when you’ve recognised that your behaviour has definitely contributed to the problem.

“I appreciate you bringing this to my attention.”

Even if the delivery wasn’t perfect, often when someone argues, they’re highlighting something important to them. This is a great way to acknowledge their concern, without necessarily agreeing with how it was expressed. It can help shift the tone from confrontational to appreciative. Use this when you recognise that, despite the argument, the other person is trying to address a genuine issue.

A personal note from John Bellamy

Always be aware that all too often it is not what has immediately offended or annoyed that any argument may be about, but something much deeper within the person and often has nothing to do with the subject matter or you come to that, sometimes inner pains bubble to the surface and you just happen to be there to vent against.

Sometimes you need to be the therapist and look beyond, and all too often hold up a metaphoric mirror and bounce everything they say back at themselves as all too often, it is their own ' stuff' and they may not get that and by bouncing it right back, often gets results.

In the TV programme I was a part of - 3 IN A BED - the protagonist Andrew, who fought me at every turn, really needed that mirror holding up to him as everything he said about us - the other contestants and myself, was not correct or accurate for us, but was for himself.

ie: He kept telling us we needed to earn more money -over and over and over... and as I pointed out - The other contestants owned their delightful 5 star gold venue with a mortgage, I own Hamilton Hall outright while he LEASED HIS FROM THE NATIONAL TRUST - so the ONLY ONE WHO NEEDS EARN MORE MONEY - WAS HIM, and by reflecting that back to him, took the wind out of his sails completely.

In the 'discussions' we had between us, he assumed I was ' just the hooker' and had absolutely no idea who he was dealing with and he was blinded to the reality that no one is ever just anything - and with a background in psychology, counseling and bereavement therapy, I was the wrong one to try and ' take on' as he simply got it all wrong. He showed his own inner fears while throwing accusations at us, and it was easy to just reflect it all back on him and in reality, it stung, but I had warned him quite a few times during filming that he was digging himself into a hole, and yet he insisted on digging deeper.

Be aware, that is is often nothing to do with you.

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