funnies

2 days ago
5 min read

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...'

Little Johnny and neighborhood boysLittle Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

What happens if an American tourist is arrested in the UK and utters, "I claim the 5th"?

“I claim the 5th!”

“You claim the 5th what?”

“I claim the 5th amendment!”

“The 5th amendment to what?”

“To the constitution of the United States of America!”

“Oh that! American law doesn’t apply outside of America. Now sit down and shut up.”

April 10th - 12th - - NAKED CHILL OUT - with naked karaoke singers.

April 17th - 19th - TANTRIC SEX FOR MEN - fully interactive and naked training.

April 24th - 26th - BURN OUT WORKSHOP - a healing workshop for those suffering from burn out.

May 1st - 4th - NAKED CHILL OUT - BANK HOLIDAY - 3 night min. Free Sunday Roast .

May 8th - 10th - REBIRTHING - a self help and self healing weekend, for mind, body and soul .

May 15th - 17th - EUROVISION - enjoy the campest TV show with others.

May 22nd - 25th - NAKED CHILLOUT SPRING BANK HOLIDAY - Free Sunday Roast

An American man went to China and had fun with many of their ladies while not using protection the entire time he was there. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his manhood covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later, and the doctor says, "

I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here in the U.S. We know very little about it."

The man looks a little perplexed and says,

"Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc."

The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your wiener."

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!"

The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only option."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his thing and proclaims,

"Uh, yes. Mongolian VD. Very rare disease."

The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut it off."

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. "Stupid American doctors always want to amputate. Make more money that way. No need to amputate."

"Oh, thank God!" the man exclaims.

"Yes," says the Chinese doctor. "Wait two weeks. Fall off by itself."

The Order of True Friendship – Late 18th Century Germany- stunnig men half naked

WATCH HERE

June 1st - July 31st - NAKED CHILL OUT SUMMER MONTHS - even if it rains...

July 10th - 12th - WELL HUNG NAKED WEEKEND - for hung guys only

August 7th - 9th - VACUUM PUMPING WEEKEND - prizes for sizes

August 28th - 31st - NAKED CHILL OUT - BANK HOLIDAY - 3 night minimum. Free Sunday RoastSeptember 4th - 5th - COCK AND BALL WORKSHOP - X rated Weekend.

September 11th 13th - NAKED CHILL OUT

Septeber 25th - 27th - LONELY - a weekend for the over 65's.

She is 91 years old, standing incourt wearing hospital gown, her hands are chained.

She was arrested for armed robbery.

The judge couldn't believe his eyes.

Helen and her husband George 88 yr old, have been married for 65 years.

He suffers from severe heart failure and depends on his medication to survive.

They live on a small pension, counting every dollar. Last month, their supplemental insurance expired: they couldn't pay the premium.

When Helen went to buy her husband's medicines, the bill was no longer 50, as usual, but this time it was $940.She was unable to pay this much money .

So she returned empty-handed.

For three days, she watched her husband struggling for life as he could not breathe properly.

In despair, she returned to the pharmacy.

While the pharmacist had his back turned, she dropped the medication into her bag.

She didn't even reach house door.The police arrested her and charged her with theft.

During his arrest, his blood pressure skyrocketed.

She was urgently transferred to the hospital.

The following morning, still wearing her thin blouse, she was taken to court.

"I didn't know what to do anymore," she whispered.

"That's all I have left."

The judge gazed at her — frail, trembling, 91 years old.

He shook his head.

" Remove those chains from her," he ordered.

"She's not a criminal. It's our system that has failed."

The charges were immediately dropped.

The judge ordered that emergency assistance be provided to both of them.

Because sometimes, the crime isn't in the act itself, but in the indifference of a world that leaves the most vulnerable to choose between love and survival. Please share and upvote