I am putting together a weekend for those who like to constantly moan about absolutely everything.
It will be a free weekend for those who always find fault but who actually offer and do
NOTHING AT ALL TO HELP - EXCEPT TO MOAN.
Now we all know someone who should attend and it could well be you. You know the type ' No one is ever doing anything.' - and when they attend an event or a function they complain about the entry fee - the queue - the coat check - the queue at the bar or self serve cafe - the music is too loud - or ' I can't hear.' : -
They complain about the lights being too bright / dim and even the car parking, which although free, really should have been planned better. The catering was useless and the tea / coffee like gnats piss.
If a hotel, the bed was uncomfortable and the decor not to their taste. The breakfast service was slow and the toast too brown and as for the hard butter, ' Why you'd think they would get up earlier and take the butter out of the fridge so it wasn't too hard... well wouldn't you .' The cooked breakfast was bad with overcooked eggs and mushy beans and the marmalade was cheap. As for the cold plate - unforgivable.
These are the people with some good ideas to share of which not one single word out of their mouth is in the slightest bit constructive or supportive and is really no help what-so-ever and yet they will insist on sharing this with you. They will tell you how they can offer something similar at a fraction of the cost, without actually having the faintest clue what the costs are or even what is involved, legally, at putting on such an event, and when you state the legal requirements - all they do is wish it away with a wave of their hands and say it's all rubbish and unnessessary.
These are the people who - basically - haven't a clue what is involved;- How much hard work is involved,- how many hours a day is put in to offer such an event or how much staff costs are, let alone 20% tax added to electricity and gas bills by the state.
For these people are blind, deaf and dumb when it comes to the realities of running a small business as they - quite simply - have never done so. These are the people who have always worked for someone else;- where it is someone else who has constantly taken responsibility - and when it comes time to go home, they have their hat and coat on 15 minutes early and they have gone without a single thought of what is involved in closing up, locking up, maybe sorting the financial takings of the day - arranging the banking and all the security etc. and even the staff rotas etc.
These are the people who don't actually give a shit - for anything - but they want attention while having absolutely nothing - nada - zero to warrant having attention paid to them, for these are the people who often have nothing to say that is worth listening to - no valid opinion - nothing of interest - nothing amusing and certainly nothing with any logic set in reality;- but they want to be heard and this stops and deminishes those WHO DO have something interesting and worth listening to and it exasperates.
These are the people who spoil it for others and who cannot appreciate the beauty of the sunset without finding fault in the chill of the evening.
These are the people who complain about the children on the beach and miss the beautiful summer day.
These are the people who attend a wonderful loving wedding and bitch about everyones outfit and ' Doesn't she look fat in that dress.'
Now - to those who will now moan they cannot find any date or details about this FREE WEEKEND can moan all they like about how stupid, how incompetant, how irresponsible to put all this on here without actually putting a date and details about making a reservation for this spectacular weekend for moaners, and they will moan some more.
The point is, IF I was to host such an event you would still moan, even if it was free and even if I had Harrods do the catering - Harvey Nicks the room decor and Buckingham Palace the staff.
You see, some people are so unhappy in their lives that all they do is moan and complain and moan some more and believe me, I occasionally hear it here and am not afraid to read the riot act at them and / or speak to their partner about their manner and how moaney it is and how we - actually - ALL can do without it. Unhappiness manifests itself in many aspects of our daily lives and those who moan and complain all the time - are really very unhappy people and make those around them unhappy and then they have won... They have won because when you are also unhappy and start to moan - they will see it as how they are right although will complain about your negativity that was actually, brought about because of them, which naturally they deny.
So. If you fancy a free weekend and you know that what you have read here applies to you - then do by all means try and make a booking. You will have plenty of ammunition by the time you get off the phone with me and especially if you e mail and the answer will give plenty to moan about. Believe me, when I do get through with you - BOY - will you be moaning.
Now - How's that...??? Here I am offering a free opportunity to find something to moan about and ALL FOR FREE... Surely, you can't find anything to complain about in that - Can you ?
If you found this article offensive, then you are welcome to complain, as much as you like - if you think it will do you any good. If in your life it DOES do you some good to moan all the time, then I feel desperately sorry for those who are 'giving in to you' and think they need to get a bigger pair of balls and tell you exactly where you can shove your moaning all the time as it REALLY does offer a 'half empty' and not 'half full' look on life and that - my moaning friend, is such a bummer.
I hope by now you realise that this is not real....
Dear John: Is your Moaning piece an early April Fools joke, cos I did so enjoy your tongue in cheek ending to it. Very good. Gordon G.
John: I did laugh when I read your piece about the weekend for moaners. I can think of a few people I want to show that to. Pip R.
John. I must complain about your article on moaners. I found it hillarious and so clever and it really did make me laugh as I have experienced what you wrote and so much more from customers over the years and you are right, - dead right - and thank you for bringing a smile to my mush. Gerry M. London
Oh John, your piece on weekend for moaners,. what were you thinking - what planet - because whatever it was, I am there with you. My lover insisted I sell up our gay guest house here in Vermont as he was sick of what he called ' the fucking faggots' that just so irritated and who want the world and do nothing but moan. It made me smile and appreciate we are not alone. Well done John.
Torres and Michael ( Vermont - New England )
Great one John. Moaners weekend. What a sin of an idea. That should make a few people stop and think.
Manny ( Durban - South Africa )
Top marks for your Moaners Weekend. Most assume they know it all while actually knowing nothing about running their own business as they have always just gone to work and someone else has taken responsibility. Few have the first clue about the long hours, the worry, the stress and the concerns that we go through in running our gay camp ground here and few realise what goes into it yet they will moan at the very first thing that goes wrong or is not exactly to their liking - these people we do not tollerate and have thrown a few awful mouthy queens off the site before now as nothing we did was right and all they did was find fault with everything we did to make them happy and after a while, we really do think WTF - and throw them off . Not being a shy one, I do tell them exactly why and how obnoxious they are and while this is not received with joy, I make sure they know exactly how dreadful and obnoxious they have been and how we do not have to take their queeny fucked up attitude and how they are a shameful representative of the gay community. Most are married men, fat and with small dicks who throw their resentment at those of us who are out and prud, have a free lifestyle and not hiding from their wives and kids and their bitterness and resentment does get noticed and remarked on. Well done on your comical weekend. Top marks Jono. Peter and Gerrald ( New England )