One of my regrets
- 5 hours ago
- 6 min read
I start with an email from a reader:-
Dear John:-
Your life is so much more exciting than mine.
I am 56 and have been in the same job in the Civil Service for just over 27 years.
I get up at 6.30am and am on the tube/underground by 7.30am and at work for 8am.
I am there for the whole day with an hour for lunch which I cook in the microwave in the staff area, and do the return journey at 5pm and home by 6pm.
It has been the same, Monday to Friday for 27 years. No changes. Same department just different jobs within the civil service. My take home pay is average and enough to live in north London with a small one bed flat and a mortgage. Nothing changes.
I go out occasionally to the bars and always - always - end up alone and lonely. I am 5.6", tubby, average penis and ginger. Not everyone's cup of tea.
I come home at the end of a few drinks, and have a few more at home, alone, and sleep in on a Saturday until midday as - I have nothing else to do. Sundays I read your Newsletter and thankyou for that, I have read all about you on your web site and I am so envious.
Tom H. ( Bounds Green - London )
DECADES AGO: A TRUE STORY OF REGRET FROM JOHN BELLAMY
Never envy someone else. Their journey may seem better than yours, but believe me, we all have our problems and regrets - so make your own life - YOUR WAY and to suit yourself and no one else.
Picture the scene:
Big House in Hammersmith. West London.
Tons of money coming in.
Amazing social life and an amazing sex life, besides being a sex worker, I also enjoyed a very busy and good private sex life.
One day I met ( cannot remember how ) this guy who came round to get fisted - not in business but privately.
Remember, I had a full sex room / sex dungeon VERY well equipped with lighting, mirrors, and tons of suspension harnesses, toys, canes, mirrors, and so forth - and he was completely blown away by the room, and we played for a few hours and we chatted and I felt his energy.
It wasn't for me.
Nothing wrong with him, just there was something that didn't quite click with me, and remember, I am no snob as to what you look like - for as a sex worker, all shapes and sizes were equally as well treated by me, so looks and body type were less important, but this guy, just wasn't clicking with me. And he was not a client, this was private sex.
I could tell though, that he was completely wide eyes and blown away with me and my facilities, and with how I spoke and shared and fisted and - well - he wanted more - ( and who wouldn't...?)
I had eveything he desired. Not speaking here from ego, just being truthful as - hun - I aint a fool. I have always known my worth, and not through ego either as I hate those with attitude problems of superiority...
Over the next few weeks he kept ringing to come again but - I was not interested, and I did feel his pain.
you see... I had / offered - everything he fantasized about. Great sex. Handsome sexy hung guy. Great play room and so forth - and he wanted to be a part of that, and yet, I was not interested and gently a few weeks later, said we were not going to play again as I was just too busy ( lame excuse ) and I felt his dissappiintment.
He had found something he wanted to be a part of , and I turned him away - and out of all the tens of thousands of sexual experiences with clients or privately, all these years later - I remember him.
I felt bad.
I felt mean.
And I have never forgotten it.
To want to be a part of something and yet not.
To find someone that has everything you desire and yet be refused.
To want and yet not to get.
Now I know it is up to him to make and create his own reality and piece of heaven, but I could, in all honesty, have been more willing to play again and to include him or even introduce him to others, but I didn't and I have always felt bad about that.
Admittedly I started from nothing but had some advantages, the ability to earn a great deal of money and over the years buy a big house, and being who I am, my personality drew people towards me as friends, My life was hectic and busy and I made my life - my way - and other than friends with advise - no one helped me along the way except mabye the Universe had a plan for me and I just followed along.
That is why - at Hamilton Hall - everyone is welcome and if you cannot afford, then chat with me and let's see if we can make some kind of financial deal that suits us both, and everyone is welcome.
Even for free.
I have been phenomenally lucky and successful.
I have felt guided by some power beyond.
I have always felt that there was a meaning to my life besides just the day to day stuff we all go through - and being kind and thoughtful towards others less fortunate, has been part of my journey.
I have knelt on the arms of a wheel chair so the disabled man could suck my cock.
I have struggled FOR HOURS with another seriously disabled man trying to help him ' cum' but the motor accident had left him incapable, and I stayed and cheered him up regardless.
I have spent hundreds and hundreds of hours - of my time - listening to peoples hard luck stories and where I can, I have offered guidance and support. Not something you expect from a hooker, but then, I was no ordinary hooker.
People have souls and they are all worthy.
So - Do YOU take the time to listen to a strangers hard-luck story and offer some help ?
Do you put yourself out there for others. Or are you too busy with your own ' stuff' and turn away ?
Every one of us - at some point in our lives - needs that moment of help and guidance, that supporting gesture, as we are not all self sufficient and self contained,. we are all part of that global family and your global family starts with you and how you treat others.
That one experience taught me a lot and has stayed with me for over 30 years.
Life - is complicated, and too good to keep all to yourself, so share with those around you and remember, life makes all sorts of turns and changes and you never know if and when - one day - it could be you looking for help and support and as long as I am able - Hamilton Hall will be here for you.
John Bellamy
You make, and take, from the news that which you wish to see and hear. You observe what you want and comment of things that affect you personally. If you don't like something, do not read it and move on but do not shy away from what IS going on in the world of which - you are a part. World news is so easy to find these days and differing opinions not hard to find. Having an opinion is vital and being a ' don't care' person helps no one. So open your mind - open your heart - open your awareness and ALWAYS be open to new ideas.
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