funny half hour

Vaccine

This happened yesterday and is important information for our age group.

A friend had his 2nd dose of the vaccine at the vaccination center after which he began to have blurred vision on the way home.

When he got home, he called the vaccination center for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor, or be hospitalized.

He was told NOT to go to a doctor or a hospital, but just return to the vaccination center immediately and pick up his glasses.

It could have been you or me!


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Click here for a youtube funny HERE


and HERE


AND This youtube link will refresh your faith in people. HERE


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A guy wins the lottery. So he decides to live his life like rich people. What does rich people do ? They play golf, so he goes to a country club to play golf.

He didn’t know anything about golf. Didn’t bring a caddie . After an hour of struggling/playing, he gets lost. Didn’t see anyone until finally he sees a girl and asks her.. “ Sorry, to bother you, but I don't know where I am, could you tell me ?”.... “Sure, you are in the 5th hole, I'm in the 6th, so you are one hole behind me”... “Thanks”..... One hour later, he has decided golf is not his thing, too boring, etc. Again he gets lost. Can’t find anyone. A few minutes later, he sees the same girl, and asks her “ Sorry to bother you again. I'm new here. I think I got lost, could you tell me where I am?”.... “ Sir, I told you before, you are one hole behind me. I'm on the 13th, you`re on the 12”.. “Thank you so much”...... A third time he gets lost, and he couldn’t believe his luck, when he sees the same girl, this time he was really embarrassed, but he didn’t have any option. He asks,, and she replies..” I'm on the 17th . You`re one hole behind me, on the 16th”.......

Finally he finishes his round and decides to go get a drink. In the clubhouse, he sees the girl, goes up to her, and asks to buy her a drink, for helping him out. She accepted. After a few drinks, he asks her

..” What do you do for a living?”.... “ I’d rather not tell. Its a little embarrassing. Every time I tell my line of work, people start laughing at me”.. “ Don’t worry, you can tell me, I'm very respectful. I promise I wont laugh”... After pleading for a while, he finally convinces her to tell, what does she do ..... “ I work selling tampons”... He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically. She said “ You idiot. You promised you wouldn’t laugh “.. “I'm sorry, I couldn’t help it. I work selling toilet paper, Im still one hole behind you”

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ALWAYS GET A SECOND OPINION

The doctor said, "The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition that causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

I was shocked and depressed. I wondered if I had anything to live for. I had no choice but to go under the knife.

When I left the hospital, I was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but I felt like I was missing an important part of myself. As I walked down the street, I realized that I felt like a different person.

I could make a new beginning and live a new life. I saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit..."

I entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit..'

The elderly tailor eyed me briefly and said, "Let's see... Size 44 long."

I laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.

I tried on the suit; it fit perfectly.

As I admired myself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"

I thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed me and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."

I was surprised. "That's right! How did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years."

I tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

I walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"

I thought for a moment and said, "Sure."

The salesman said, "Let's see...Size 36."

I laughed, "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

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A little guy is sitting at the bar when all of a sudden a thug smacks him in the face and says "that’s KUNG FU from Japan", a bit later the thug smacks him again and says "that’s KARATE from Korea", the little guy gets up and leaves the bar. A short time later he comes back and smacks the thug knocking him out cold and says to the barman, When that wanker wakes up tell him that was a "SHOVEL from B & Q ."

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A local farmer drives two miles into town to get his truck fixed. The mechanic says he doesn’t have that particular part in stock and asks the farmer if he could leave the truck overnight to which he agrees and decides to walk home.