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Loneliness is a killer

I received a couple of e mails this week that were poles apart - and have permission to share them with you here. My answersd are below as well. John Bellamy Both are edited to get to the point.

Dear John. I read your piece on your web site about loneliness. I am lonely.

I lived for 35 years with my Geoff but he died 5 years ago aged 78. I have been alone since then. I am now 82. I go shopping just to meet people. I have friends but they all live busy lives and have very little time for me. My family are mostly in Australia and Canada. They text and phone but it does not help. I sit and watch television every evening and try and keep busy in the garden in the summer months during the day, otherwise in the winter months it is TV day times as well. I live in a warden assisted flat and the gardens are lovely but the people, mostly all old women, keep to themselves and are not that friendly. What few events they do offer I find patronising as I am not deaf, so no need to constantly shout at me, and I am not into puzzles.

I tried our local Age Concern but they switched off as soon as I mentioned how I was gay and you could feel the atmosphere of bigotry and it was immediate how they put everything in the way of actually helping me with anything. Excuse after excuse. Loneliness does - as you say - kill - and all I think about these days is how to die a pain free death - rather then be found dead from utter boredom. I lived such a busy life and never thought it would come down to this. Martin. ------------------

I offered for Martin to come and stay for a week as my guest but he says he is disabled and needs a carer twice a day and that he would not be good on such a long journey - which he says would be 7 hours as he is in Yorkshire, and was very sweet in his answer but will not take me up on the offer.


Dear John. After reading your web site for hours, I found your piece on loneliness and was moved. My old Mother was lonely and she would talk for hours if and when I visited but as I lived half way round the world away from her for most my adult life, and while we spoke on the phone every week, I could feel her isolation.

Dad had died a long time ago and she never remarried. After I retired (aged 55 ) I returning the the UK to spend more time with her but she died within 6 months and I did feel sorry.

My fear was to end up the same - but I have to confess I am always surrounded with people and have very little time to myself. I am 75 and own a large house and have 3 flat mates, all who work for the NHS ( nurses - male and gay ) and all who bring friends round for sex ( I hear them at it some times and it does make me smile ) and I cook a Sunday Roast for whoever is at home on a Sunday and often they will have a friend join us, so Sunday Lunch can be for between 4 - 8 people. I cook, they wash up, and we love to play Scrabble and share fun evenings when they are off, and I help with their laundry ( I don't iron ) and will even do minor shopping for them if their work rotas offer little time off. I have been very lucky in that we have become friends and I am not just ' the landlord' and they are not just tenants. In the evenings, whoever is home, we watch telly together and I often have to lock my bedroom door if I am going to have a wank in case one of them pops in to see if I am okay, or if I want a drink - and while I feel I have no privacy, I know how lucky I am. You see, I rarely have time alone.

I do feel for those who are living the opposite to myself, alone and isolated.



I wrote to Nicholas as I am much the same. I am a twin and was even in the womb with someone else and my whole life, I have had people around me and even here at Hammy Hall, I am never alone.

Every evening, except Monday and Tuesday - Woddy and I watch television together in the evening and often follow a series and discuss it afterwards - and on his nights / days off, he does his own thing and I am alone

and I actually like it, because it is unusual to be alone. There is also Philip and Gary living here and they do their own thing most of the time, but just to know they are around is company in itself. Then we have guests in most of the time, so I am pottering with them and chatting away merrily a lot of the time, and the weekly Blog keeps me very busy putting together - and with your emails and calls, I have no time to be lonely, BUT I completely appreciate what it is like and hence, my offer for lonely elderly men to have a free few days ' on me ' if and when they write and we chat.

I often stop and chat to elderly people walking their dogs in the park when I am walking Elle - and very often you just know they want to talk as all too often, they don't get to chat very often and love the conversation and as I ask them about themselves, they love reminiscing.

Some elderly people are cantankerous old cunts, but many are simply lonely and just a smile and a hello goes a long way.


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