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Below is an e mail I received today - from someone I have never met and who has - as yet - not visited Hamilton Hall, and of all the emails that leave me agasp - open mouthed - astounded and stunned at someone in the middle of a global pandemic where so many things on his e mail request are just so wrong and where he seems completely unaware of what is going on, leaves me completely dumbfounded.

Dear John. First I want to congratulate you on 20 years anniversary, may you continue for many years to come.

I would like to come if possible for 1 or 2 nights either next week or following week. There is a question I would like to ask you - I’m not looking for a discount - but I’m having problems with my care package ( council direct payments ) they also won’t allow me to come to you for respite.

I had an idea ...... one of my carers hasn’t had a holiday in a year so I could in theory pay you for either £448 for a weeks “Carer” but would need your national insurance / dob/ bank details so in theory I could employ you. That should give me enough money for a few days to cover a real respite for me.

This could happen a few times a year.

It’s just an idea because I really need a break - a space of like minded people - I am back in closet ...... too complicated to explain .... can explain when we meet ....

I need to be hugged by a man , to be in company of other gay people, to literally be in “ respite “ from the council, etc etc.

I am poz, though due to heavy medication in the 90’s I have other medical problems - fatigue, not much physical strength and droopy eye lids.

I would appreciate if my medical stuff remains between us. I’m stressed at the council and really really need time out.

I can’t commit yet to a set date as I am awaiting final verdict on “ new “ care plan. I can’t come weekends as much as I would love to because of commitments- which I can tell you more when we meet.

One of my many past professions was a masseur , I would also like to ask you if it would be possible to book and have a tantric massage with Ross - I really need a man’s touch - do you ever have mid week tantric massage events ?? I also would have to rely on you on which room I need - as I’m coming by myself .

I will prob ask you for a jacket potato for dinner and bring some stuff from london as I have a “ kosher “ diet ..... it’s out the bag now ..... I’m an ex nun , ex drag , internally gay Jewish poz guy !!! Whose completely lost my obviously gorgeous good youthful looks .... ha ha Anyways ..... I look forward to hearing from you, I am totally in awe of your ideals and what you have done for people all these years !!! Could I ask that return email be discreet.


In the middle of a lockdown he wants to visit.

He complains about needing a break - just as billions of others would like the same but cannot.

He assumes wrongly that he can travel for pleasure.

He assumes the hotel is open when all hotels are closed unless for business travellers and not for holiday breaks.

He assumes he can have a massage when social distancing is the rule.

He thinks he is going to employ me as his carer.

He even asks my date of birth and national insurance number.

We may be closed but I am still working 10 hours a day. Scores of e mails every day - redecorating - maintenance - sorting this web site for next year and that alone is a massive job, not to mention the weekly Blog.

Under different circumstances he would be very welcome but not to have me as his carer - but in the middle of a global pandemic to act as if nothing is going on, astounds.


John: I read that e mail about the guy wanting to come stay - and what a foolish ma. Is he living on some deserted island with no media coverage that he doesn't get what is going on. You have my sympathy if that's what you have to cope with. Michael.

John. Fuck him. he's obviously not all there. Don't waste your time on him. Simon.

John. What an odd thing. I had to read it twice as I was dumbfounded at his various requests that are just so wrong at the moment was why I had to read it twice. I assume this was not a joke and that if he was serious, he must need some help his carer is not offering. Richare.

John; He really should have shown his e mail to his carer for help before sending as I am sure his carer would have looked at him with big eyes of absolute disbelief at his stupidity.


John. There are so many who need help. In so many ways. Malcolm.

I can’t believe that guy john, the one who wants respite care at HH. The attitude makes my blood boil.

In normal times I’d be right behind him in wanting a break, at an venue that can offer the “appropriate” support he clearly needs and that isn’t necessarily every venue out there.

He’s most likely an individual who would of fell into the “shielding category” in lockdown 1, probably has multiple carers making him a higher risk individual as a potential carrier. He should be looking out for himself by following the rules and keep himself AND others safe, not be so selfish.

As you know, in any other year I’m with you every couple of months (or more), this year I’ve had one visit. And you know what, I could easily have come more often, I could have told you I wasn’t living in a “high risk area” just lied to you, you wouldn’t have known, I could have not told you I’d got a cough and was self isolating & just turned up for a stay, again would you have know? I could have broken many rules in an attempt to have a much needed stay with you (much needed for both of us, I’m guessing income has fallen off a cliff this year, but not the same for the bills!). I didn’t though, because I respect Hamilton Hall. I respect you. I respect the other guests that may also be staying. I’d never forgive myself if I was the one that bough COVID into Hamilton Hall and made you, David or any other guests sick. I’d never have forgiven myself if I’d caught COVID from a visit to Hamilton Hall and took it back and infected my family, some of whom are in the vulnerable category.

As much as we don’t want to, as much as we’d rather forget, we have to do the proper decent thing for ourselves AND others.

What an utter fuckwit that guy is. I hope you’ve blocked him on email!

Name provided.

Ps. Take care john, and I’ll see you when it’s safe, legal and the right thing to do