Woman Livid When Trans Brother Leaves Pool Party Early After She Demands He Leave His Shirt On

People wear what makes them feel comfortable, feel good.

Everyone wants to be comfortable when surrounded by loved ones.

And everyone deserves that.

That is why things can get out of hand when another person tries to impede the comfort.


Case in point…

Redditor shirt problems wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for getting mad at my sister for not wanting me shirtless at her pool?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My sister and her husband invited me over to their pool today for a little BBQ.”

“I assumed it would just be me, my sister, her husband, my nephews, and my parents.”

“But turns out they also invited her husband’s side of the family.”

“When it was time to get in the pool, I changed into my swim trunks and removed my shirt.”


“But my sister stopped me before I came out their house and asked to keep my shirt on because of my scars.”

“She was referring to the scars from when I had my top (chest) surgery.”

“I’m a trans guy.”

“Had started transitioning 8 yrs ago and my surgery was 4 years ago.”

“My scars have already faded and they’re pretty well hidden under my pecs.”

“You’d have to look really close to even notice.”


“I’ve been to their pool many times and she’s never said anything before so I was surprised.”

“Every other guy including my dad were all shirtless in the pool.”

“When I asked what the problem was with my scars she said she was uncomfortable with her in-laws knowing I’m trans.”

“My feelings were hurt but I was mainly pissed.”

“She said she didn’t want her in-laws to look at her differently if they found out about me.”

“She told me not to make a big deal and to go with it.”


“When she left, I went back inside to change because I wasn’t gonna go in the pool with a shirt on.”

“I only had the one I came wearing because I didn’t expect her to ask me this.”

“My mood was soured after that and I didn’t wanna be around her so I decided to leave.”

“When I said bye to everyone they were all confused since I was only there less than an hour.”


“My dad pulled me aside and asked why I was leaving early.”

“I told him to ask my sister and left.”


“An hour later my sister called me upset because she and my dad got into a fight.”

“My parents were furious about what she told me and they ended up leaving early too.”

“Now she’s angry at me for ruining the BBQ and said I didn’t have to cause all this drama if I only did what she asked.”

“What she said hurt me and I was no longer in a mood to be around her or anyone else.”

“But I didn’t mean for all that to happen.”

“Am I the a**hole for getting mad at her and basically ruining their day?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole

  • YTA – You’re The A**hole

  • NAH – No A**holes Here

  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.


“Honestly your dad probably would have asked you why you had your shirt on in the pool, and then if you answered honestly the same exact thing would have happened.”


“So no, you’re NTA, but your sister is.” ~ realspitty_

“Honestly, even if I were to see scars on someone, I wouldn’t automatically assume it’s from a sex change surgery.”

“In fact, it wouldn’t even pop in my mind to ask about the scars in the first place.”

“Who cares?”


“Your sister is a giant AH for making it all about her.”

“She should just accept you for who you are and if her extended family wouldn’t accept you.”

“And I still think it wouldn’t even have come up anyways, then that’s their problem, not yours.” ~ BrainNSFW

“I feel like it’s not polite to stare at or ask about someone’s scars either?”


“My dad has extensive scarring on his torso from multiple surgeries and only one person has ever asked about it, some old guy by the pool on holiday who was curious to know if my dad had been a soldier.”

“Otherwise everyone else just politely ignores it.”



“Sister was TA for trying to make a big deal out of it.” ~ myawn

“NTA, no way.”

“Showing your scars and explaining why you have them on the spot would have been much easier for everyone.”

“Your sister ruined her own BBQ.”

“I bet her in-laws have many questions in their minds now too.” ~Yarragh


OP responded…


“I mean unless they stared right at my chest at a real close proximity, like standing at least a few inches in front of me, they’d barely be able to notice.”

“So it’s not like I would’ve had to do a whole coming out speech in front of everyone.”

“I don’t know why to her it seemed like it would be obvious.”


Reddit continued…

“This one highlights how much of an a-hole she is, if it wasn’t already obvious.”

“OP didn’t lay out his side of the story to their dad, and the sister had every chance to not look like that through her retelling.”


“Good on their parents for seeing her BS for what it is. NTA.” ~ bonkerred

“You’re perspective on this only furthers that you are NTA!”

“Your sister only cared about what they would think about her for having a Trans sibling.”

“Not how they would treat you.”

“If your sister knew/knows that they are transphobic she should have said it differently.”

“Also, she and her husband should have talked about it, and been prepared to talk to and possibly kick out offenders.”


“Not ask you to wear a shirt.”

“What would be great is if her in-laws find out why everyone left early and angry and are also upset at her, for how she treated you, and for assuming that they are transphobic.” ~ MaxTheGinger

“NTA. You don’t need to be around people who don’t accept you regardless of whether you share DNA.”

“If she invited you into an unsafe situation, she shouldn’t be trusted.”

“We all deserve to be with people who accept us, protect us, and stand up for us.”

“Today she has done none of these things.”


“Just because she’s a blood relative doesn’t mean she has the right to treat you poorly.”

“She is absolutely in the wrong and needs to apologize sincerely.”

“And if she is so weak that she can’t stand up for her own brother, you really don’t need to invest in your relationship with her.”

“If she behaves that way towards you, just imagine what she does when you are not around. Terrible.” ~ gruenetage

“Holy s**t NTA.”

“I’m so sorry, that must have been heartbreaking.”


“She shouldn’t give any f**ks what her in-laws think of her own brother.”

“And her husband shouldn’t either.”

“She rejected and hurt you so that she wouldn’t feel rejected by her in-laws.”

“Why would she want anything to do with them if they would judge you or her for that?! F**k that.”

“And for what?!”

“If anyone asked her about your scars (unlikely) the correct answer is ‘I don’t think that’s anyone’s business.'”

Comments posted on Percolately this month Comment

“I can’t believe she thought that would be okay.”

“F**k her, it sounds like she’s the one uncomfortable.” ~ Ivegotthatboomboom

“Even if she’s not transphobic, she is engaging in enabling transphobic behaviors.”

“She could have approached you, explained that she didn’t know how her in-laws would react, and given you the heads up for your comfort; to allow you to decide how to handle the situation because it’s your body.”

“But she wasn’t worried about how her in-laws might treat you, she was worried about how they might treat HER.”

“That’s not cool. You’re totally NTA.” ~ pumpkinjooce


“NTA- OP you did nothing wrong, your sister brought the whole mess upon herself and trying to blame you.”

“Your parents did what any good parents would’ve done & that was supporting you by also leaving.”

“Your sister has some growing up to do, literary asking you to keep the shirt on she’s basically hiding you from her in-laws in what she sees as ‘her perfect family.'”

“She’s ok with you shirtless when it’s just you guys but embarrassed when others around makes her a hypocrite.”

“You have every reason to be upset and also to leave when you did.”


“NTA and she owes you and your parents a huge apology.” ~ 20MLSE20

“NTA. You were right to call out that transphobic behavior.”

“‘Didn’t want her in-laws to look at her differently’ makes it sound like she was saying she was ashamed to have a trans brother.”

“I’m glad your parents stood up for you though!”

“That was awesome of them.” ~ Verity_Fox

“NTA. I have several Female To Male friends and former students.”


“Getting to go shirtless at a pool or the beach is like a rite of passage.”

“It means you feel comfortable that you are ‘passing.'”

“I guess you could call it a ‘rite of passing’ then.”

“I can imagine how deeply it hurt you, both that your sister wasn’t supportive (and, frankly, overjoyed) that you feel good about going shirtless, and that she is obviously ashamed of who you are.”

“You were right to leave, and I almost cheered out loud when I read that your parents left too, in solidarity with you.” ~


It’s sad you had to go through through this situation.

Glad you have support from your parents.

Good luck going forward.

Perhaps you could throw your own pool party.


--------------------------------------------------------


John Bellamy Comments: I have always wondered why people cannot accept others for their differences.

As I have always said


BE GAY - BE STRAIGHT

BE BLACK - BE WHITE

BE WOMAN - BE MAN

BE OLD - BE YOUNG

BE WHATEVER MAKES YOUR HEART SING

AND RESPECT THE SONGS OF OTHERS.


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